100th girl has no more value then the 1st

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Sounds like conflict avoidance to me..., posted by Jack on Aug 21, 2002

Was it honest to see this woman, and pretend to be interested in her, when you weren't?

Don't get me wrong, Jack... I think that what you had was a tough situation. I'm not sure there IS a RIGHT answer here... but its not black and white, surely...

If you weren't interested in this woman, and she came to see you, and you spent time with her (she travelled by train for a day, and you only had dinner with her? That can't be right... you MUST have spent more time with her than that...) were you truly being "honest?"

And what about Natalia?

Who is it more important to be "honest" with, and keep your word to... Natalia -- your soon to be wife, or some woman you know that you will never see again?

Let me repeat... I think that what you had was a very tough situation.

However, it should be noted that this is the downside of seeing a lot of women when you go on a trip.

The problem with the WOVO method has been well documented... If you only see one, your downside is that you may have "wasted" some money and some time (both of which are very valuable.)

But the downside of the WMVM method ("Go and date a dozen ladies") Especially when you are not completely upfront about it... is that you run a very good chance of hurting someone.

It's not easy, any way you look at it...

[Jack]

... in response to Honesty, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 21, 2002

Mark, a lot of things I did were on the fly. I swear one day I am going to write a book.

I had set guidelines to a lot of things I did. I had a lot of ladies who would come to see me from other cities and regions. If a lady lived with-in 6 hours of where we met, I would always guarantee one full day with this lady, sometimes more of course, but a minimum of one day. If a lady came from a great distance, I would commit no less than two days with her. In the case of Oksana from Chernvosty, a beautiful young lady, I had set aside my last three days in Odessa with her before flying to Kiev.

Of course my mind was on Natalia while seeing Oksana. I had a two bedroom flat rented in Odessa so Oksana and I had our own bedrooms and we never slept with each other. I was not there to sleep with women but to find a bride. Like with all ladies that I had committed time to that I knew there was no future with, I tried to enjoy and learn as much about the cities, as well as educating myself as to the ways of Russian women, that I could. With Oksana we went and saw the catacombs, the underground caves where the organized resistance fighters from Odessa hid from the nazi's during the Patriotic War. As well we took a boat ride around the harbor so I stayed busy with just seeing and learning new things. As we would stroll down Derabascka street and I would see something catch her attention, I would buy a few gifts for her. She was really a very sweet and sincere lady and if I had not of met Natalia a few days earlier, I would have had a lot more interest in Oksana. During these few days with Oksana when I had the opportunity (as Oksana would take some really long showers) I would call Natalia. I asked Natalia if she would like to fly to Kiev with me on Thursday and she said yes. The morning I leave Odessa Oksana see's me off at the airport and as I wave good-bye to her as she departs to the road on the right, with-in a half a minute I am waving hello to Natalia as she is coming up on the road on the left.

I was able to politely excuse myself from seeing a few of the local ladies who lived in Kiev and Natalia stayed with me until a few hours before Olyseia from Kazakhstan was to arrive.

As with Oksana, what do you do, tell Olyseia you are sorry you made a 16 hour flight, spent 2 days in getting to me only to tell her that you met your dreambride a few days earlier?  Maybe you, or some other guys, would have done so, I elected to show her the city, the first time she had ever been to Kiev, try to spend a few good happy days with her, as opposed to telling her I had already met my dreambride, and again, spending time with really beautiful, sincere Russian women only reinforced my feelings towards Natalia.

Mark, it is only the downside to meeting a lot of ladies ONCE you have found your dreambride. It is a downside we all should look forward to and cherish one time! And, in my opinion, it is not so much of a downside. After writing one woman, visiting one woman, after visiting two women per trip, I felt the best approach for me going forward was meeting several ladies in a short period of time and then concentrating on the one or two ladies whom I have chemistry with. On average if I met 7 ladies in any one city, I 'might' have potential chemistry with one lady, yet three days earlier, as I was leaving the states, in my mind I had chemistry with all severn ladies! Like you and many other guys, it was no problem in marrying one of many beautiful Russian women. I realized very earlier on that if a man wanted to find a certain type woman, and he was patient, he could do so. I am glad I did not settle for lady number 1, or lady number 27, or lady number whatever. I found a woman in which our love grows more each day! Jesus, I am one lucky man, or am I? Some guys say they find a lady like this after meeting his first Russian woman, maybe I was not so lucky in that it took me several years and x number of ladies. But I tell you what, I would not have changed the experience that I learned for anything. Even through the early scamming days, the lonelyness between visits, the letdown of meeting a lady you had corresponded with for several months and realizing after 5 minutes she wasn't it. The experince and things I learned during this most wonderful pursuit certainly made me a better man and afforded me the luxury of finding the very best Russian woman (for me) in all of the FSU.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Honesty, posted by Jack on Aug 21, 2002

I agree that it is a problem that everyone hopes they end up having...

I just wanted to point out a possible downside that had really not been discussed before.

Like I said, I don't think you were a bad guy for doing things the way you did it. It is a judgement call, and everyone would have to be in the situation to really know how they would choose...

[snowwego]

... in response to Re: Honesty, posted by Jack on Aug 21, 2002

I personally could not have done that (to make appointments with many girls) To feel at ease I decided to see one girl and make the trip short and if it was good between us I would come back to her or I was going to look for another girl when I got home. we decided it was good to think about it and write letters back and forth. Upon that first meeting we developed a beautiful romance. she said her dream was to see me on her birthday.  A week before her birthday I called her with the surprise. I told her that she had to meet me in odessa the day before her birthday. She was thrilled that I took the time for her birthday. She said that meant so much to her and she let me sleep in her apartment and to have a chance to live as she does. I could have not seen other girls after seeing her for the first time.  I was glad that I was not obligated to seeing others on that first trip. You did the right thing jack but, I think as a woman I would probably been upset if someone said they had fun with you but, had to meet other women. If I were the other women that was waiting for you to think that was all for naught would kill me and I would not want to go meet another guy again. My advice if you are going to meet other girls just tell them you have three days and then you have to go. Tghis way nobody gets hurt and gives you a chance to think about the different girls.  rick

[Jack]

... in response to Re: Re: Honesty, posted by snowwego on Aug 21, 2002

Rick this is actually what many guys do, to tell certain ladies they only have two or three days and then they must go. I have a client in Moscow this very day. He will be in Moscow for 10 days and he is seeing three ladies, one from Perm, one from Sochi and one from Minsk. Each lady, three days. He will be staying in three different flats, a different flat for each lady, as the first lady he see's, the one from Perm, has a sister in Moscow and will go to see her after her visit with him, so ofcourse he cannot take the chance of seeing another lady in the same flat.

There are many variations on what guys can do. Even if a guy is convienced he is in love with this one woman and is going to see this one woman, a good variation is to get to this city two or three days in advance of when she thinks you are arriving, visit two or three other ladies you have developed interest in, change flats and meet your number 1 lady as planned. Now you have had the opportunity to have met a few other ladies, maybe one of those three other ladies swept you off your feet, maybe none did anything for you, but at least it will help you as you were able to make a comparson between your number 1 and a few other ladies. If everyone's number 1 lady turned out as they had dreamed and invisioned, there would be no sense in meeting multi-ladies, but the truth is a small percentage of meetings with number 1 ladies actually work out they way the guy had hoped for.

[Griffin]

... in response to Honesty, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 21, 2002

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Sounds like conflict avoidance to me., posted by Griffin on Aug 21, 2002


Thanks for making a "hypothetical" situation real...

I agree with you completely.

You did the most honorable thing, IMHO