Here's a shocker.....

[Mark H]

I might be changing my mind.  

Some posts have got me thinking and got me worried. Perhaps I am going about this all wrong AGAIN. Maybe I should meet more than one girl on my trip. Hmmmm.

Mark H.

[Mark H]

... in response to Here's a shocker....., posted by Mark H on Aug 11, 2002

tired just reading your post! Interesting analysis, partially true and partially untrue.

As for speed dating and whirling around with mulitple women....just not my style. I hate to say it but your description takes all the fun out of it for me. I've been 5 times and have had a ball all five times. I'm in no hurry to rush out and screen 4000 women to try to find Ms. Right. I like to take vacations and have fun, period. The nice thing about FSU areas is that you can combine the beautiful women with the travel. If I find the right girl, great. If not, great. I still write to several people who I have met along the way.

Also, my situation is not typical. Don't hate me because I can travel multiple times, not feeling the stresses of economics controlling my trips. When I was a struggling anesthesia student, I made 5 trips. It's not hard. You can be frugal and make the trips on less than what you would spend going to Vegas. I spent less than a grand on a couple of my trips. Airfare, apartments, etc... included. Just because I am making money now doesn't mean I have to throw my frugal personality out the window. I still shop for the best tickets, still search endlessly for the best apartments, etc...

I see alot of guys posting about the huge expense incurred with one of these trips....doesn't have to be.

Here is my approach. Write a few girls. Find a few that interest you. Narrow that field down to one primary who you want to visit. I've done that. I have one girl who I want to visit now. The list was down to two, one in Kazahkstan (awesome little beauty) and one who is in Kharkov. I've made my choice, I'll make my choice public in a little while. I'm working something as we speak.

Next, set up a connection with an agency in that city. I am going to rent my flat from this agency and have them as a backup. If I don't click with my #1 choice, I'll contact the agency and go from there. Simple, yes?

Mark H.

[BarryM]

... in response to Dang Barry, I'm ......, posted by Mark H on Aug 12, 2002

Nasty ole' warthog Claire keeps posting abusive comments about you on the RWA forum. She does it almost every time you give any details about your plans.

-blm

[Mark H]

... in response to P.S....., posted by BarryM on Aug 13, 2002

Barry,
That's because Claire hates me. I refused to have sex with her and now she is mad. She tried hard, very hard to seduce me. Over and over and over again, she threw herself at me, begging me to spank her and call her mommy. I refused, told her to get a life, and rejected her. Now she's pissed. I've never even seen this other board you speak of, I don't think I have. Have fun with her, tell her I said she's a dipshiiiiit.

Mark H.

[Jack]

... in response to Re: P.S....., posted by Mark H on Aug 13, 2002

Same here, she wanted me to milk those milk duds of her's, I refused. Nothing like a cow scorned.

[BarryM]

... in response to Dang Barry, I'm ......, posted by Mark H on Aug 12, 2002

Gee Mark, my plan is not much of a speed dating thing. If you think about it, 20 girls over 6 weeks is not that many. You screen out most of them during the first 10 days. That's not so fun, but the rest of the time is all gravy. You'll actually run out of things to do by the 4th week. The idea is to give you enough time to find the right girl and for romance to develop.

Sure, you can accomplish the same thing by going over every 2 months or so, but you'll need to focus on one city for a while, rather than going all over the map. Any destination in Central Asia is going to cost you more than double compared with Kiev or Moscow. You may be able to get a cheap Aeroflop connecting flight in a rickety old Tupolev to a city such as Almaty but I would keep the motion sickness pills handy. I don't hate you for being able to make the trip over so often... I'm glad that you're able to. I actually have the cash to go over but my revenues are uncertain and I don't have enough backup cash in case of trouble. When my situation is stabilized I'll be making the trip over.

It seems to me that your approach is like playing darts while bleary-eyed drunk. You throw the dart in the general direction of the board but you often miss it. You eventually get lucky and hit the center target but how many tries is it going to take? If you're having fun in the process and you're not in that big a hurry, then keep doing what you're doing. Finding a good woman is never as simple as it may seem. Some people just get lucky sooner.

-blm

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: Dang Barry, I'm ......, posted by BarryM on Aug 13, 2002

if you consider a guy is looking for a wife or soulmate.  Actually,  depending on the criteria...the #20 is miniscule.  For instance here.  If I go out with friends to a club for say 2 hours---I can easily in 2 hours meet maybe 7 different girls and have a little chat and do a little dance.  In that 10 minutes of time I know whether a) we have any chemistry, b) whether I like her personality c)if I or we should pursue this any further.

  So 20???  Not a big # in my mind.  Especially if you are looking for your mate.  Everybody has a different way of doing things and different tastes and needs and it does sort of defy probablity thinking that one could blow the time and money to go there and meet that one girl you have corresponded with and everything clicks....but it can happen.  There is a certain beauty to that,  but not something most will acheive.

[Oscar]

... in response to 20 is not a big #, posted by tim360z on Aug 13, 2002

especially if you meet them all in the first few days..

Oscar

[Jack]

... in response to 20 is not a big #, posted by tim360z on Aug 13, 2002

In my opinion you are correct in that 20 is really a very small number to see. I guess those who met only one, fell in love with the only one and married the only one Russian woman they ever met would tend to disagree.

Tim it is my goal for each client I work with for him to have from 6 to 8 sincere ladies to see in each city. These are ladies that he has chosen. Maybe he had to write 20 or 22 ladies to find 7 ladies to see in and around Odessa (as an example). It probably took anywhere from 3 to 4 months of work and effort to come up with these 7 sincere ladies.

I tell each of these guys that if in your heart and mind you could marry any of these 7 ladies, you have done your homework and should have an enjoyable trip. In this guys mind, he is excited about each of these ladies, he could marry any of these seven ladies. Now the first full day in Odessa he has a 11:00am and 2:00pm light lunch and a 5:00pm and 8:00pm light dinner. The next day he has a 12 noon lunch and a 3:00pm and 6:00pm light dinner. After his first full two days he has meet the 7 ladies, each meeting being two hours long, each meeting three hours apart. Now, after two days he has meet all 7 ladies, and he has not spent two days with each lady, but two hours!

On AVERAGE, after meeting 7 ladies, a guy might have potential chemistry with one lady and he will be d@mned lucky if he has potential chemistry with two ladies, BUT only three days earlier he felt he had chemistry with all 7 ladies! This is reality and the sooner guys realize this the better off they will be. This is why you don't plan to spend 2, or 5 or 7 days with a woman you never met, you spend two hours with her, then if you discover you have potential chemistry with a woman, you spend the remaining 4 or 5 days with her, before you go to city number 2 and repeat the process.

It is a numbers game, you must meet a lot of SINCERE ladies in a short period of time looking for that lady who has that potential chemistry that you are looking for. This is why you spend 2 hours, not two days, with each lady. And of course the exception to this rule is when you have a lady come to visit you from another region, in which case you almost always have to commit two days to this lady.

And I will repeat for the 1,114 time, all men are different, what works for some guys, will not work for others. Some men cannot see more than one woman, some men cannot write more than one woman at a time, so each guy must do what he thinks is best for him.

[Zink]

... in response to 20 is not a big #, posted by Jack on Aug 13, 2002

I'm not finding fault with your methods but I want to explain why I can't do it that way. First off I write long letters and don't believe in the carbon copy method ie. everyone gets the same letter with just the name changed. Every letter I write is original. I also write in Russian with the help of a translation program. It takes some time. The ladies who write to me tend to write long letters usually only in Russian. When I'm not busy I can handle a couple of letters a day. Quite often the ladies I write to write me several times a week. 20 women, 2-4 letters each a week, leads to a massive overload of information.

If I wrote or met that many women at once I wouldn't even be able to remember who's who. It would be hard to even keep the names stright let alone remember any individual details. I'd most likely go after which ever one I found was most physically attractive and that isn't neccessarily the best woman for me. The way I think is that any of these girls could be what I'm looking for. Therefore they all deserve at least a little of my time and concentration. For me this is about finding the best match not a race to get married.

Many of the qualities that I think are most important don't show up in a short interview. Oh, I could discard women quickly for little differences from my ideal. But the thing is my ideal is a fantasy, I'm looking for a real woman and I won't  hurt a good lady because she's not perfection. Maybe a girl who doesn't match all my criteria will be the right one. Won't know that until I've spent some time with her. There are very few things that make me dump a lady out of hand.

And for the guys who say they can't afford more than one trip to the FSU... If you can't afford a trip you won't be able to afford a family. Save everyone a little pain and trouble and don't start making aquaintances until you think you can afford a future. These girls deserve that much.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to My reasons for going small., posted by Zink on Aug 13, 2002


Dude... if I "went small" I don't think I'd be broadcasting it on a BBS...

Besides, I always thought that it was cold water that made a guy go small... At least that's what the Seinfield episode on Shrinkage said...

[Zink]

... in response to What an unfortunate expression!, posted by MarkInTx on Aug 14, 2002

I thought 300 pound AWs was what made guys do that.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: What an unfortunate expression!, posted by Zink on Aug 14, 2002

asd

[greg2]

... in response to Here's a shocker....., posted by Mark H on Aug 11, 2002

Mark,

I think you are wise to re think this. Mark, what post(s) or thoughts got you to look at this again and rethink it all? Verbalizing this might help someone else who is or arriving at your situation.

Here is why I felt better going over to see one woman.

1) I am the romantic type - herding a bunch of women in front of you and then choosing is not romantic.

2) I am the loyal type - so, once I initiate letter writing and if it evolves over time, I find myself feeling that I need to be loyal.

But, if it was here in the USA, I would rather go to a gathering where there are a lot of women and check them out.

Once I saw one that got my attention, I would want to talk to her and get a feel for who she was. Things would either click or they would not. If they did, well that would be hurdle two accomplished.

Then, dating would be the next step and seeing where it took us.

So, this would be my normal comfortable way of going about this.  

Now, we get the FSU thing in here and it throws me all off.

So,  how can I do it my way and not feel like I have to go over and meet just one woman?

A) Do not get involved in any long letter writing campaign that tends to promote loyalty that is really unfounded as I have not met her
B) Therefore, the first thing is to decide which approach is to be used.
1) Is it to go with an Agency like Jack's - not a bad choice in  my way of thinking. An excellent introduction for a first trip and could be  the one that gets the results.
2) Go, with the big socials - not for me- I have no confidence in such.  
3) Just scan all the photo's and bio's and find a lady that you are really interested in and then make contacts with her and many women from her area. Make the contacts fairly close to when you have decided you will go so that there are no attachments. Let the attachments be a result of real time life and not fantasy thoughts from letters and photographs.
4) Pick a city that you think you would like to visit for a vacation or where you think the ladies are at and send out intro's to a ton of ladies before you go and/.or run ads.

By taking these approaches, I get to do things the way I want and do not find myself in a corner that I have created. In other words do not do activities before your trip that would get you attached - plain and simple.

Just my thoughts.

So, what does that mean for me. I am not writing now to anyone until I commit to going over. Right now, I am dating a wonderful AW and may not have the need to go over anyway. Time will tell.

Why am I still here? Because I have not dropped the idea totally. My life is too busy right now and I want to see how things turn out for others I have gotten to know here. Also, in the early days, there were many who gave me a great deal of help. If I can return any of that to anyone who was in my situation when I first came here - I want to do that.

.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to , posted by greg2 on Aug 12, 2002


2 Questions if I may, Greg...

When Mark H was dating an AW, you predicted that he would be "back"... and you were right...

Why did you think that?

And, if someone were to place a wager on your AW relationship and whether you would "be back"... where do you think the smart money would lie...?