I have been writing to this RW for the past month now. We have written many letters and yes I know what letter writing and not meeting can do to a relationship. However; I just want to share with you this past letter exchange that really hit home as it relates to why would I an American man what to go to Russian to find a woman to be my wife? I am sure people have asks you this questions before, some of you can answer the question with little problem others don’t really have words but know in their heart that something is just right about it. So now I will attempt to answer this question in my own way.
Some background, I was raised by two full-blooded American women. My mother and father divorced when I was 9 years old. While my father was around more than some of my friend’s fathers that were in a similar situation he never slept under the same roof. This left way for my mother and older sister to bring me up, well for the most part anyway. I said my mother and sister were full-blooded American women what I mean by this is that my mother was beautiful the homecoming queen in the 50’s and my sister was the queen in the 80’s. My sister was also cheerleader for the lions pro football teams as well as a model for the North American Auto show that opens right here in Detroit. So I think you can see figure the rest out. If you can’t then try and find my posts about my first trip to Ukraine back in about June of last year and it will come clearer.
My Russian friend presented me with questions and I write her words. “That you appreciate in the man? " And " That you appreciate in the woman? ". If you will allow, I and you to backs these questions. It is curious to me to learn, that you will answer me. You see how many people, are so much and opinions. I cannot tell, that I obtained identical or similar answers.
My reply to her was as follows: For me a woman must let the man know that he is doing a good job. Even when things are hard she must stand by the man and make sure he understands that he is doing a good job in all aspects. The man must ensure to make the woman feel that she is needed. A woman must feel that she is needed in all aspects of life together. I love a woman to be kind and care about people and friends she must not judge people or be cruel and uncaring. As is the man to make it in life and work he must also not be judgmental or uncaring. Now let me continue. Love is the result of a number of things that happen. It is not always at the beginning but when the ingredients are right, then the love will come.
These ingredients are: Does the man and woman share a common life purpose? During this the man and woman must grow together and not apart.
Does the man and woman feel safe expressing feeling and thoughts with each other? Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust.
Is the woman and man someone who is a refined and a sensitive person. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis, like your psychology and personal growth books you said you read. Are they serious about improving themselves? Always striving to be good and do the right thing?
Finally is there anything that the other person feels they want to improve about the other person after they are married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As I understand you can probably expect someone to change after marriage but not like you always dream. If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are today, then the man and woman are not ready for marriage.
Her reply to me was as follows:
As it is pleasant to obtain your letters, moreover with such comprehensive answers to my questions:-). I shall start with the answer to an own question that I appreciate in the man and in the woman. So, the man... First of all, I estimate his capacity to be responsible for the words and acts. Frequently it happens so, that people speak one, and do quite different. It is always unpleasant to me. Still the man should be the defender for the woman that near to him could be in a security and calm. The cowardice and fear should not be present at character of the man. The man should be courageous, courageous and strong. The woman - a gentle and fragile essence to which at times should protect itself only in a word. Though, you know, in a word it is possible and to kill. But it is better to not lead up the woman before:-). And, as I already spoke earlier, the man should be capable to provide the family. The woman should be soft and gentle; she should be able to create comfortable conditions for the man that he did not feel like lonely. The woman should find compromises in disputed situations and be able to settle complicated questions. As speak in my country: " the Man - a head, and the woman a neck ". That is the man should be the first, and the woman to help him to be the first. Equality - not a bad thing, but very much frequently it creates many problems and disputed situations. The nature has divided people into men and women, strong and slight, what for to go against natural laws, breaking itself life? In home life the most important - understanding. If the man and the woman reasonably are clever to understand each other - they can be happy.
To leave in marriage it is possible at any age, only nobody will guarantee, that all will develop easily and simply. The person does not happen only good or only bad, all of us different people, at everyone are the merits and demerits. It is important to see and estimate advantages and to manage to not pay attention to lacks. It happens very difficultly but if there is a desire all should turn out:-).
I think we had similar feelings about this subject the one thing that just stuck out in my mind was the statement. “As speak in my country: " the Man - a head, and the woman a neck ". That is the man should be the first, and the woman to help him to be the first. Equality - not a bad thing, but very much frequently it creates many problems and disputed situations. The nature has divided people into men and women, strong and slight, what for to go against natural laws, breaking itself life?” From my experience I do not think that it is possible to ever try and make an American woman understand a statement such as this.
With this I will state: I will never stop looking for my Russian friend and wife. Even if I go over to this country 100 times and lose all of my worth I will never quit my search. If you go and meet one or 30 woman I will continue to learn and keep trying until I find her.
