think first newbies about this...

[keithandkatya]

Something you probaly know but perhaps have filed somewhere in the windmills of your mind... Know this... these ladies are for the most part sincere and they are taking a big chance on you... they are traveling a great distance away from country , friends, language, and most important family to be with you. Yes, you are taking a chance too but think about how you would feel to move to a foreign land a long long long way from home, leaving your mother, father, brother, sister, with the distinct possibility that you will not see them for a long time...  this is not a game for players... if you are serious and have a good heart... go for it... if you are not serious... think of what you sow...  just a few thoughts from a married man who is feeling and thinking about how much his wife loves her native ukraine and her parents and family and friends but choose to come to be with me.. yes .. there are lots of financial and institional advantages to be in the USA but there are lots of real sacrifices too...
Keith

[DJD]

... in response to think first newbies about this..., posted by keithandkatya on May 21, 2002

Thanks Keith for speaking up on this topic, you are exactly right.  When I think about the family and friends my wife left behind, for a life with me, I am humbled.  Not even to mention the cultural shock, language difficulties, and finding that years of education and professional experience that are worth very little here.  It is easy to get caught up in the "material" advantages of modern American life, and maybe lose sight of what is really important.  Perhaps a question a newbie should ask himself is "for this woman, would I leave my home, family, friends,and career to make a new life with her in her country?"
If the answer is no, then I don't think it is love.  I am a romantic, I know!

Dan

[Griffin]

... in response to Well said.........., posted by DJD on May 22, 2002

n/t

[DJD]

... in response to So if she gets so homesick she has to go..., posted by Griffin on May 22, 2002

Yes, I would.

Dan

[Griffin]

... in response to Re: So if she gets so homesick she has t..., posted by DJD on May 22, 2002

n/t

[wsbill]

... in response to think first newbies about this..., posted by keithandkatya on May 21, 2002

Has alot to do with it.  The faster you get that K1 going and bring them over, the less time they have to think about talking you for a ride.

When you go over take those forms with you.  Get all the stuff signed and the police reports, photos etc....

It just seems the guy that got on with the show and others (like myself who had a few loose ends to finish back home) and waited, everything came undone.

I blame myself, but I am not listening to Uncle Jack about meeting as many women as possible.

Oh, well.

[Oatmeal]

... in response to Re: I sometime think the timeline of mee..., posted by wsbill on May 21, 2002

Bill,

Slow down a little and relax.  While I agree that a man should not postpone the K-1 visa and drag it out, I would also agree that both people should have some time to reflect a little and still feel good about the decision (not to mention the natural uncertainty about packing up and moving half-way around the world)

I am not saying to take years to bring her over but why not take two weeks to reflect and see if she still feels the same desire to be with you when you were there.  If anything I would think that both your desire to be together would be stronger after you left.  I do agree that if you let it sit too long things could cool down considerably so it is a fine line to walk sometimes.

[Richard]

... in response to Re: I sometime think the timeline of mee..., posted by wsbill on May 21, 2002

I really believe that if I had proceed to try and file the K1 visa immediately after I returned from my second visit, what happened to me last week would have happened a lot sooner. I also wish I had gone back in two months instead of 6 months.

I know that the result would have been the same. However, hindsight is 20/20.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: I sometime think the timeline of mee..., posted by wsbill on May 21, 2002

Bill,
Are you on crack?  Rush them through the process before they have time to think about what they are doing?  Boy, your gonna have a great relationship once she "wakes up".  You have a self esteem problem, Dude.
KenC

[DR]

... in response to why not just knock em out and drag them ..., posted by KenC on May 21, 2002

Refresh my memory.  From where'd you receive your psych degree?  If you don't have anything nice to say...  

[KenC]

... in response to Tsk-tsk, posted by DR on May 22, 2002

Dr,
Sometimes I get tired of Bill's incoherent drivel.
KenC

[wsbill]

... in response to why not just knock em out and drag them ..., posted by KenC on May 21, 2002

I'm not saying meet one and bring her over.

But meet MANY.... and then  go back 2 months later(to see if those feeling are still in place... NOT 6 or 8 months later.

I'll bet if, if we polled the guys, from the day they met the girl to the day she agreed and signed on the dotted line for the marriage application, we are talking about a 3 month time frame.

HOW LONG DID IT EVERYONE TO SAY - SHE'S THE ONE.

[John K]

... in response to Re: GUYS YOUR VOTE IS NEED., posted by wsbill on May 21, 2002

We did it in negative numbers, in a manner of speaking.  Marina and I were confident enough in each other we decided to make the commitment before I ever came over!  The first few days of my first trip over were spent getting immigration pictures taken, getting an official photo portrait taken (helps with the paperwork), and having the translator tell her where to sign and print her information on the K1 application.

Of course, we ended up waiting a year before I came back to Ukraine to bring her home, so it gave us a lot of time to write to each other and make sure we were doing the right thing.  It also got a lot of things out in the open before she arrived here, so there weren't that many surprises.

All in all, we really haven't had any major problems, aside from the normal spats couples occasionally have while settling in together.  Marina and I are creeping up on our 2nd year anniversary in September and we are now better than ever.

One thing that really brought it home was our neighbors next door.  They are usually a nice enough couple, but a couple of times the wife has been p*ssed off at her husband and was literally screaming at him.  Granted, we each have our days when we drive the other crazy, but we have never gotten so bent out of shape that we make a spectacle out of ourselves.  We have more of a problem getting caught grabbing each others' posteriors in public.

Would I recommend the "blind faith" route?  Not a chance.  The risk involved is too high.  I was extremely lucky to match up so well with my wife and the odds were highly against it then.  Now that the scammer percentage seems to be much higher, basing your decisions simply on emails is tantamount to signing your divorce papers before you ever walk down the aisle.

[Jack]

... in response to Re: GUYS YOUR VOTE IS NEED., posted by wsbill on May 21, 2002

Took five years, eight trips, met x number of ladies, when I met her my heart and mind told me she was probably the one. Spent a lot of my remaining time with her, came back to the states and intentionally waited about two weeks to see how feelings were on both sides and then asked if she would like to come visit me on a K-1 fiancee visa. 4 months one week later, she was here. Wanted to wait the entire 90 days, or really about 80 days into the K-1 to marry and then found out about the month of May. Being that May is un-lucky month for marriage to many of these women, married last week of April, 73 days after her arrival.

[SteveM]

... in response to Re: GUYS YOUR VOTE IS NEED., posted by wsbill on May 21, 2002

Met her on a Saturday, asked her first about the possibility of getting married the next Thursday.  We actually didn't consider it seriously until we were apart for a week though, so I guess the correct answer would be two weeks.

Of course, in our case, neither of us were looking for a spouse when we met, let alone a foreign one, so we may not be representative...