Red Flag or just my imagination?

[DJRandy]

Hi guys, I need your advice. I have encountered a situation with my fiancee, and am wondering what to do. Your opinions are welcome.

I proposed to her in November, and everything was going well. About a month later, she said she would like to get a medical exam in her town, to prepare for the one later in Moscow. Her idea was to make sure everything was okay. She told me she would need about $300 for this exam. I told her not to worry, I am sure that the exam in Moscow would turn out fine, she was just worrying needlessly. In my mind I was thinking "$300 for a medical exam? What the hell?!?!?!"

Fast-forward to present day. Her interview is set for July 3rd, and I am preparing things. I asked her how much money I should send her, she replied that $1,000 should be enough for the whole trip. As near as I can figure, the costs should only be $500 at the most. She's flying in from Samara (cab from Togliatti to Samara and back) so total travel should be about $200-250. Medical $100-150. Okay, maybe a little more than $500 with food and hotel, but a thousand bucks?

Either she is (a) trying to milk me for money, or (b) simply mistaken as to the costs involved. Or I suppose there's a third possibility, (c) I am the one who is mistaken about this stuff.

I'm getting a bad feeling about this, but then again maybe lurking around here for 18 months has made me paranoid.....

:-)

Thoughts?

Randy

[Charles]

... in response to Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by DJRandy on May 22, 2002

I think you should be concerned, since a flight from Samara to Moscow is only about $150 rt.  That, plus the $300 for the medical exam raises some questions.  I would ask her how she came up with these numbers and see what happens from there.  Don't send her money at this time.

[thesearch]

... in response to Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by DJRandy on May 22, 2002

So, she is asking double of what you think that she needs. Is this a red flag? Could be but maybe not. You need to confront her about your calculation come to much less - how did she come up with that amount. When I went to meet a lady so called red flags popped up that did not materialize. We were meeting at neutral third destination.

She came to me saying as things were getting close that she needed a couple hundred dollars as to make sure she could get out of Kiev for her flight that she needed to arrive early and stay in a hotel for one or two nights. I say ok - then she comes to later and says I also have to have $500 on my person to prove that she can pay for her stay once she arrives at our meeting destination. Well this one really raised my eyelids. It turned out it was all true. She handed me the five hundred dollars what she did not need from the $200 for her stay in Kiev within an hour of us meeting.

Now, what is the case with you? Ask her how she came up with the $300 for medical care. I thought that most care was free or inexpensive. Is it a private clinic not a part of the health care system? Why so much for the trip to Moscow? I think that if you do not get shy about posing these questions and not let her slide you on by without adequate explanation, she will reveal who she is. Simply take charge of the situation. Some times guys do not push as they do not want to ruffle things up so they trust instead of pushing for the truth. Now is the time to take charge of things. I would send her what is really needed as you can always use Western Union to send more funds to her if needed. Or you can send to her a credit card with a set limit that she can use.

Women who are worth having as wives will tend to be careful about your money and their demeanor and attitudes will be consistent concerning this. On the other hand, if you have given her a wrong impression about your financial status, she may think that this amount of money is nothing to you and she simply wants to feel secure with having more than enough on her person. By your interactions with her, she will reveal who she is if you ask the right questions.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by DJRandy on May 22, 2002

You never said what her response was when you nixed the idea of getting a physical in her home town? I agree that $300 is pretty outrageous.

Have you offered to make all travel arrangements for her, to see what her reaction was?

When dealing with money, I have found, that the woman's reaction is more important than anything.

Currencies can change... she may have not done the math in translating rubles ot dollars, for instance... But her reaction to your suggestions tells everything...

[DJRandy]

... in response to Question, posted by MarkInTx on May 22, 2002

She reluctantly went along with me when I said the physical was not necessary.

No, I have not offered to make the travel arrangements, that would be strange. She is much better suited to make those arrangements there.

And no, it's not a error in converting the different currencies.

I haven't got much of a reaction from her, she seems willing to go along with what I say. I am more concerned as to WHY she is asking for more money. I find it hard to trust her with this happening again.

RM

[micha1]

... in response to Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by DJRandy on May 22, 2002

Who knows about red flag or imagination.
Lets talk about sophistication.
A short story:   A horse trainer in Kentucky, a long time ago, wire one of his owner in California, saying that he
needed 35 g's in a hurry and was wondering if he would lend him the money.  Well the next day, he did get a
wire with 50 g's and a word that said:  "Anyone who do need 35 g's can use 50."
That gesture is call sophistication.
Funny things happen to girl on the way to meet their boyfriend (future husband),  like having their hair done,
buying new shoes or clothing to look their best.  Perhaps (from your post) never having travel to the city, she
does feel unsecure - the extra cash will calm her.  You did propose to her, didn't you, you must have some kind
of idea about her, moraly, intellectually...etc........  why worry, it is only money,  hoiw much are her warm and
lovely embraces worth, the two of you are not going to Moscow to visit the churches.
Remember, you will easily forget, nights of distress, but will never forget a morning of tenderness.

[DJRandy]

... in response to Re: Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by micha1 on May 22, 2002

nt

[Oscar]

... in response to Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by DJRandy on May 22, 2002

Yep, I would also say you do have reason to be concerned...  I have been to the FSU 3x and this last trip lucked out and found her.  I sent her $200 two months ago to start on paperwork and translations and interpreters for letters etc..  She STILL has money left from this! LOL!
Every time we speak on the phone I ask her if she needs more money yet and she just keeps saying "no, I still have some left, nyet problema"..  

She was also concerned about my high phone bills from calling her..  It's a nice feeling..

Hope things work out for you..

Later,
Oscar

[juio99]

... in response to Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by DJRandy on May 22, 2002

Yes, I would be worried.  The best ladies in any country will try to minimize on the money they want you to spend for any purpose.  They will try hard to find the least cost alternatives and will try to scrape together money from relatives, friends, etc., to cover these expenses.

I spent a month in Turkey recently and had three Russian ladies fly down for one week each.  Two of them bought their own plane tickets and I bought plane ticket for the third one.  I offered to buy ticket for first two, but they said they wanted to buy it.  The third one was actually my favorite (of the three) and she earned less money, so I had no qualms about buying her ticket.  I paid for all lodging, food, entertainment, etc., for all three ladies.

But there was one other lady who I had on my list, and actually she was my first choice.  However, as the plans were progressing for the trip, she kept coming up with more reasons why she needed more money.  She quoted a higher price for the plane ticket, then she quoted a higher price than I knew was true for the train ticket to Moscow, then she said she wouldn't get paid for her vacation time and needed money to give her teenage children for food money while she was gone, etc.

It could very well be that all of her numbers were valid as they were told to her, however, the other ladies told me that they would work extra hours to get the money, would borrow from family, etc., to be able to afford the trip which they viewed as a lifetime opportunity.

By the way, I was clear to all the ladies that I was not looking for a wife, at least not right away.  They each suspected that other ladies would be with me on the Turkey visit, but neither they or I talked about it.

Sorry to ramble on about my situation, but perhaps it helps you some.

JR

[thesearch]

... in response to Re: Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by juio99 on May 22, 2002

Tell us more about your trip to Turkey, when that transpired and how things went and present outcome.

[juio99]

... in response to Hey JR, posted by thesearch on May 22, 2002

I am working on the trip report.  However, I may concentrate on just the trip part and leave out the women parts.  In reading other trip reports and from general comments here, it appears that my experiences with these ladies is like night and day different from that of others.  So I can't really relate to what others are doing and most won't relate to my experiences.

e.g. I don't find these ladies as mysterious as most do, I don't have all the anxieties, I would never dream of the WOVO approach, I have never encountered scammers, I have never spent 10 days just holding hands with one of the ladies (or maybe not even getting to that stage), I am not planning to get married (soon), etc.

JR

[Jack]

... in response to Red Flag or just my imagination?, posted by DJRandy on May 22, 2002

Randy, I think you have some REAL reasons to be concerned.  Want to call me?