Any ideas on this?

[Ramblin]

A while back, I asked this question before, but I still don’t get it.  When I returned from my Kiev trip September 10, out of all of the ladies that I had met, there were 4 with a lot of potential that I wanted to correspond with.  One didn’t answer my e-mails and so I wrote her a snail mail with a photo of the two of us together.  She replied to that, which I received three months after my e-mail and she said that she hadn’t replied for all that time because she was in Poland and in the hospital.  And she also said, I want to be with you.  I want a serious relationship now.  That word “now” lead me to believe that she had a fling or two during that three months and after he/they dumped her, now she wants a serious relationship.  The other three ladies continued to write less and less and now none of them writes more than once a month.  I am so disappointed with these ladies that I wrote letters to 49 new ladies and am going to mail them off as soon as I get my photos ready and get the envelopes addressed.  Then I am going to pick out some more ladies and write to them too.  And the ones that show the most interest by writing often are the ones that I intend to visit in May.  But I hope someone will please advise me, what should I do to keep the good ones from losing interest after I return from my trip?  One lady is writing me regularly but she is one that I haven’t met yet.  Maybe those four ladies just aren’t into e-mail and letter writing, maybe they need me to pay the cost of their internet use, maybe they just view me as out of site and out of mind, I don’t know.  Or maybe it’s just like a relationship where the newness has worn off but I don’t hear about anyone else having this problem, so I hope someone will clue me in.  I mean if someone traveled half way around the world to meet me, and we had a great time and were affectionate towards each other, got along great and enjoyed each other’s companionship, and thought we might have a future together as we get to know each other better, I certainly would write to them no less than every two weeks and probably every four days or so.  I just don’t get it.

[RW]

... in response to Any ideas on this?, posted by Ramblin on Feb 28, 2002

Ramblin,

It is hard to give advice on a little facts you give, but the impression I get is that you did not get serious feeling about any of these ladies. And most likely they sensed it as well and feel like not wanting to waste theirs and yours time.

I guess at this point you just have to decide that it just didnot work out and move on. May be you should reconsider your methods and approaches? May be you should decide if you targeted wrong age/type of women?

If you did not feel that ONE of these women was worth writing, calling, coming again to see her, why do you think ALL FOUR of these women would do it?

Russian Wife

[thesearch]

... in response to Any ideas on this?, posted by Ramblin on Feb 28, 2002

Ramblin,

Just some missing data about all this making it hard to really answer your question.

I tend to go with Natalya on this relative to a women keeping in touch if she is genuinely interested given my lack of knowledge of all the facts.

However, there are other sides of this. For example have you called on the phone the ladies that you are interested in at all,--- much? Calling is now not expensive with these various calling plans that are now available to us. If you have not called after meeting them, they might not think that you are serious. I mean you did the written correspondence prior - if there is something there - you move up to something more - like phone calls or at some level you may be giving the impression that there really is not more for you regarding her. Have you discussed your intentions for you next visit? If you have not done these things, you may be viewed as not serious.

Even though these ladies are secretive, you can be direct with them. You can simply tell them that you are getting the impression that they are not really interested in you and that you do not want to waste your time and that you are going to stop corresponding because of such. Tell them that if you have misunderstood things to let you know such.  This will bring out the truth. If the lady is interested she is going to come back and tell you such. If she lets you go, well most likely you will know what that means.

Ramblin, were these ladies quite a bit younger? Were they more attractive than you normally would date - if so how much more attractive were they. In other words, were you pushing for the sky here versus being reasonable?

Do not let this get you down. All you need is one - the right one. You do not want to push for the wrong one. You and her will both know when you both have found it. The worst thing that you could do would be to let this affect your confidence.

If you have any close friends who you feel you can trust - ask them if they were coaching you - what they would recommend to improve your image to a woman. It is better to ask a woman versus just a man.

Years ago, I did this and was surprised at the answer I got. That was back when I was more defensive but, I ultimately saw the point and realized that there were things that I could do to improve my desirability. Now, I am not suggesting that you are undesirable, but there is always room for improvement. It may have nothing to do with anything other than lack of chemistry which does not always know any logic.

I mean also look at what you did, you reject 60% of those that decided to meet you. How many more did you reject to get to those 10? The same is going to happen to you. Of the ladies that you rejected, did you get the impression with any of them that they were really interested in you even though you decided against them?

Now, you said that there were four that you felt that there was good potential with. Did you feel any real chemistry with any of these? Was there one that stuck out above the rest? If not, you may not have really found the right one and these ladies simply knew that or sensed it. I am not saying that thunder bolts have to happen when you meet the correct one - of course it will vary greatly from person to person or situation to situation.

However, I think you are correct about casting another net.

Good luck.

[keith]

... in response to Any ideas on this?, posted by Ramblin on Feb 28, 2002

My advice unlike some of the other people who have good intentions but believe they "have the answer" is that every relationship is different and frankly I believe you need to do what you are doing-- and that is cast a large net and out of the 49 or more letters you write you may come up with 2 or 3 potential mates and then again you might strike out... a little luck never hurts in this pursuit... I believe it is possible to just go over there and take your chances to find a wife- I think the odds are stacked against you but one of our former posters did it and it worked for him... others take the agency route and pay lots of money for a tour... this seems to me not a good way but some have found wifes this way too... for me I put a free ad in Ukraine and Russian paper almost 2 years ago and luckily my wife saw it... I say luckily because she tells me she usually doesnt look at this paper... when I put the ad in the paper about 50 girls responded... most lost interest after I told them I was poor as a church mouse and that I wanted to write a long time and make sure we had something in common before taking a trip to  the former Soviet Union... ahhh I can hear the experts knashing their teeth LOL... but this method worked for me... it eliminated the scammers and I found a two good women... (by the way I wrote for a year before buying the ticket!!) one that I am now married to... do I recomend this approach to everyone as the one true "answer"?.. no but it fit me sooo  ramblin go with your gut ... listen to others and take advice but go with what is right for you and I wish you all the luck in the world... and
all the best,
Keith

[Natalya]

... in response to advice from my experience....., posted by keith on Feb 28, 2002

Keith, you are one lucky guy and you did take your chances...I'm glad your way of finding RW worked for you but I'm not sure at all it will work for somebody else. Couple things you did right:1) made sure you have something in common before go and meet RW 2) didn't try to attract woman but the lifestyle you can offer to her and money you make.Other than that you just lucky you found RW who were able to wait for "poor" guy like you for so long.I can say for sure that not too many RW would wait for so long unless AM she writes to is the only one ( I mean no other AM).And it is mistake to make yourself look like a church mouse, especially for woman with child.Think about it.She's moving to new country with child, without great knowledge of language and not be able to support herself atleast for a year or so.Of course she's looking for financially secure man who'll take care of her and her child for awhile at least.No "poor as church mouse" man should look for RW.There are too much expenses accociated with bring her in USA and he doesn't really understand the amount of responsibility.Another thing is waiting for whole year to come visit RW. Who garauntee that after waiting for whole year the AM will come and decided that you are the one for him.Nobody can garauntee. I can see that RW can wait for so long while she correspond with other AM as well, which increasing her chances.With the same success some guy like you can write that his RW was waiting for him 3 years.Well sure it just happens that in these 3 years she didn't meet man who'd offer her to get married sooner than you.I'm not trying to make RW desperate for marrying any AM who'll propose her, but the same time time is matter for RW and not many of them would wait for the guy years when he decide to visit her.

[Ryan]

... in response to Re: advice from my experience....., posted by Natalya on Feb 28, 2002

Hello I would agree with what your are saying.  My thinking is that maybe he did this 10 or so years ago when things might have been different.  I think today it is much harder that back then...  Just my thinking.
Ryan

[Ryan]

... in response to advice from my experience....., posted by keith on Feb 28, 2002

Wow I actually made it using this method...  I am doing much the same as you, I have places the add in the news paper.  I have gotten tons of letters, I tell them in my first letter that "I lead a simple life" and that, "I am not rich."  I state that, "money does not grow on a tree in my back yard."  But I just can't see writing for a year before going to see them...  Anyway my question to you is how long ago did you do all of this?
Thanks,
Ryan

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: advice from my experience....., posted by Ryan on Feb 28, 2002

who won't send you pictures of her in bathing suit so you won't fall in love with her outer beauty rather inside.This is smart move for RW to find the right man not for only how she looks but her personality and herself.As well as smart move for AM who intentionally make his income smaller and therefore lifestyle simpler then in reality. That's way chances RW will look for you not for your money.And please,Ryan, don't wait for too long to visit your RW. You'll may loose her because of it.

[Ryan]

... in response to Ryan, there are smart RW, posted by Natalya on Feb 28, 2002

I have been educating myself best I could for this trip over.  My first try was a sad joke.  This time I write for only three months. I have 5 women that I have picked out as of today.  Two in Kiev and three in Luganks.  I am keeping it simple, go to see them have a bunch of fun like one big vacation.  I am looking for the chemistry and the gut feelings and that is it.  If I don't get it I come home and try again.  When I find the one I go back and see them again within 3 months.  My plan is that if I feel she is the one I propose on 3rd trip over to see her which is in a 9 month time frame.  I spend the next year getting her over here and that is that.  The rest is history...

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Ryan, there are smart RW, posted by Ryan on Feb 28, 2002

Ryan,
It sounds like a very good plan.  Best of luck to you.
KenC

[Natalya]

... in response to Re: Ryan, there are smart RW, posted by Ryan on Feb 28, 2002

It seems you're pretty serious about finding RW and looks like you're on the right track.Good luck again.

[Ryan]

... in response to Any ideas on this?, posted by Ramblin on Feb 28, 2002

I have an unrealated question (For the most part I agree with Nataly) when you visited these women did you also meet their families?  Did she take you home to her mom/father etc?  I was also wondering why didn't you just call them and see what was up?  Just trying to learn a few things.. Thanks
Ryan

[Ramblin]

... in response to Sort of off subject...., posted by Ryan on Feb 28, 2002

No, I did not meet any families.

[Ramblin]

... in response to Sort of off subject...., posted by Ryan on Feb 28, 2002

Good point Ryan.  The one that didn't answer my two e-mails and then replied to my snail mail actually left a message on my machine for me to call her and she said she was sorry.  The thing is that a "sorry" doesn't excuse 3 months of no correspondence.  I wanted her to write a letter with more detailed explanations but she wants to discuss it over the phone.  I suspect that she will just repeat her same excuses about Poland etc..  I was going to call her, but her English is limited and the interpreter is only available on Sunday morning and I kind of just said to myself "forget it," because I don't trust her and I was too sleepy to get up that early.  Another one has a mobile phone that was out of minutes when I tried to call her from there but maybe it would work if I tried again.  Another one, I did call and should call some more but she has not answered my last letter.  And the fourth one, I should call too.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to calling them, posted by Ramblin on Feb 28, 2002

Sheesh Ramblin... you kinda left out some details...

You mean that these ladies don't speak english? I'm assuming that they don't write it either?

Do they usually write you in Russian, and then you have it translated here?

Or do they pay to have it translated and then send it to you?

That kind of makes a difference. (For one thing it changes cost... and maybe opportunity...)

I can understand why a lady would rather discuss something through an interpreter than wirting a letter, paying to have it interpreted, and then hoping that you understand...

Do none of these ladies speak English...?