Do you know many that are successful?

[unsure]

I'm considering this whole foreign correspondence/marriage thing in a vacuum.  I have never known anyone who has tried this.  In fact, I haven't even told any of my friends or family I am considering this.  I don't consider it any of their business  (I feel I am a rather private person).  I do believe my family would be supportive of anyone I wished to marry as long as she was pleasant and we appeared in love.
Anyway, on to the point:  The only source of information I've had is agency propaganda and what I've learned from this forum.  Do ya'll know many couples who have been successful/unsuccessful in this endeavor?  I know there are a few posters here that are successfully married.  And a few that are quite vocal about their failures, as well.  I haven't made any attempt to count either of them.  And I know this is somewhat subjective - after all, at what point do you consider a marriage successful?  It would be futile to try to establish a chance of success ratio, but it would be nice to know that having a successful marriage with a FSUW isn't a rarity.

John

[KenC]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

Unsure,
You hit the nail on the head, at what point do you declare your marriage a success?  I have known my wife, Lena, for 3 1/2 years and we are closing in on our 3rd anniversary.  We are both very happy with the choices we have made.  Our relationship continues to evolve in a very good way and the future is bright.  

I like your idea of keeping your search to yourself.  Any talk of agencies or, God forbid, MOB will certainly taint any woman that you may bring over.  Why stack the deck against her?  Just let any inquiring minds know that you met via the Internet when and if the time comes.
KenC
p.s. (Oldbutspry @ 33?)

[oldbutspry]

... in response to Re: Do you know many that are successful..., posted by KenC on Feb 21, 2002

N/T

[omar]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

You can count all the five year marriages successful because after that people either divorce for someone else or find it's not a compatiable future.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

I have met 3 guys that have successful marriages to women overseas with this approach.  One guy married a Japanese woman, one a Korean and 1 to a Philippino.  

My friend knows a guy that is happily married to a Russian girl.  The guy that married the Russian girl is young, nice looking and has a good job.  He just said he looked at the web pages out of curiosity and saw a girl he found very attractive.  He went and met her in Europe and fell in love and they got married.  Since he's a young guy I think a lot of people would not consider him desperate like us older guys.

[oldbutspry]

... in response to Yes I do, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 20, 2002

What do you mean by young?  Do you have any idea how old he was?

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Yes I do, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 20, 2002

I have not met anyone or heard of anyone with a failed marriage yet but only one of those is Russian.  

You can expect at least a few trips to Russia before you succeed.

[thesearch]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

John,

Welcome to the board. I am afraid it is unlikely that you will find any statistics of value. And, even if you did - they may not be mean what you think. According to the media, that we have a different type of male that seeks a woman from the FSU. The media has reported that there are a lot of men who have serious problems who see their solution to finding a wife as going to the FSU.

These women arrive in the USA for example to discover what kind of man they have agreed to marry. The Immigration and Naturalization Service has posted some statistics that suggest up to 2,500 cases per year of claimed abuse against American men occur of which they accept about 56% as being valid. This is all foreign women not just FSU women. Are these cases of abuse always correct even when accepted by the INS? No one knows - however, there are men who report that they are innocent when this has happened to them and the INS is accepting the ladies claims.

So, if all of this is true, certainly there are going to be more failures in this arena then is realistic to accept statistically if you are a desirable man in every sense of the word. So even if stats are available you do not know if you are comparing apples to oranges or what.

The biggest problem that I see is men tend to push the limits relative to age and beauty as compared to themselves in picking a wife. I have been guilty and even though I have narrowed the gap considerably there are those that would say not enough. By doing this, it is pretty much a consensus of opinion here that this increases the risk of failure. Thus - you do have some say as to the risk factor that you are willing to accept. The reason men do this relative to age and beauty discrepancies is because the women let you - especially the scammer or lady with a green card agenda - sincere women included - it is just that the percentages of undesirable women increase when you push the limits.

Good luck to you - it is an adventure

[Bob S.]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

"...at what point do you consider a marriage successful?"

In this business, it can be subjective.  But IMHO generally speaking, your quest was successful if:
1.  You are still married a year after she gets her Permanent Residency (green card);
2.  Are still sleeping in the same room and same bed;
3.  Are still physically intimate.

You are spectacularly successful if:
1.  You conceive a child together;
2.  You are still married when the child is ready to start school.

[micha1]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

It is my guess that most of the successful relationship
do not come here, they do have other things to do.

In the same way, in many of relationships that have fail,
the participants will not come here and talk about it, for
many differents reasons.

Also many of the people coming here to cry about their fail
relationships, always put the blames of their vis-à-vis,
while the last time I have heard it,  it said that "it does
take two to tango."

[Oatmeal]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

I have friends on both sides of that border.  Some have terrible stories but most have good stories to tell.

All in all, I would have to say that I know of many more couples who are happily married than those who end in divorce or even a "hum drum" marriage.

The one thing I have to say is that you should use all of your intelligence and wits to try and land a good one.  Try to see into the girls heart and soul and not just how sexy or exciting she may appear to be.  I feel that many men get carried away by ladies who seem to be more risky and there in lies the danger.  My experience has told me that many times the ones that are such are the ones that will bring the most heartache.  

You should definitely seek and marry someone who you are attracted to but who also comes from a decent family and has a good heart too.

Good luck,  Jim

[Ramblin]

... in response to Re: I know of both senarios., posted by Oatmeal on Feb 20, 2002

n/t.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

Like any process expect failures before success.

[Mike]

... in response to Do you know many that are successful?, posted by unsure on Feb 20, 2002

John,
I went to Moscow just to have fun and check out the ladies and basically try to figure out if this would be something I would consider. Having traveled to many countries before I took on this endevor with only the aid of my computer. I met many girls there and had a heck of a good time! I was there for 3 weeks and after 2 weeks of this wildness I met the sweetest girl I've ever met at a McDonalds there, 10 months later we got married. Like any marriage it has its ups and downs, but most of the time it's all good.

We have friends that met through agencies and they are what I consider healthy marriages. So in my mind it boils down to the girl you meet, and where and how you meet her is up to you. Every country has good and bad women and even an agency has no real way to know these things. They basically take care of all your needs and introduce you to ladies and let you decide if she is what you're looking for ( the good agencies that is, some are simply out to rob you blind )

In conclusion, if you could meet a lady like my wife or like some of the FSU ladies we are now friends with I would say to everyone DO IT! ( but be very wise )
Mike

[Tim Collins 333]

... in response to Re: Do you know many that are successful..., posted by Mike on Feb 20, 2002

Lately, I keep hearing of 50% failure rate of American marriages after 5 years and 80% success of Russian/American marriages after 5 years. Would anyone care to elaborate or confirm these statisics?    I know the YO board has MANY happy marriages of which I have been on for 2 and1/2 years. In fact.....not one couple have been divorced that have been married since I came on. BUT there have been some whom after they arrived on the K-1,BEFORE they married......split.    tim