Reasons for mail-order marriage

[Nick]

Hi guys,

Look I'm sorry to post on your board with a question like this, but I would really appreciate your opinions.

I'm just interested in the reasons why you have to look abroad in order to find love, specifically through a mail-order system. I mean, we all know that the girls offering themselves up through this system are not looking for love, they see it as a means to escape a life of poverty (and who could blame them?).

I spent a few months travelling in Peru last spring and got to know a local girl quite well (purely as friends!). She told me of how she had joined an agency, and how she was willing to sacrifice her dignity in search of a better economic future. Apparantly a lot of girls she knew had done it. It’s possible to argue that some girls simply prefer American men but let’s face it, mail-order brides don’t come from Western Europe, Canada, Australia etc - most of them come from the worlds poorest countries, and are usually the poorest people within them.

My point is, are you really looking for love yourselves, or are you mearly looking for a domestic figure in your life? I was kind of disgusted by one of the posts on the Latin board, where some guy was rating the girls on a Brazilian site in terms of how skimpily-dressed they were. These are human beings! Marriage should be a beautiful, lifelong coming together of two souls who are in love, not (*in my opinion*) an agreement based on necessity. Of course, it is convenient for you both but by failing to look for love with your own eyes, I feel you could be missing out on something very special.

What do you think?

Nick

[WilliamF]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

.

[Zink]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

Actually I know of 2 women from Canada who became mail order brides(if you want to use that term). They met guys over the internet and moved to Australia. I also know of one guy who married an English woman that he met over the net. And there is another Candian woman-German man couple that friends of mine know. They spend half their time in Germany and half in Canada. Some Canadian women do use agencies and meet men over the net just the same as the Russian ladies.

My only advice to you is don't judge everyone involved in this by a few bad comments you read somewhere. Everybody has their own reasons for doing this. Some want quick sex, some want love, some want money, some don't know what they want. Not everyone's motives for doing this are noble. But not all are destitute and desperate either.

[RickM]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

These type of marraiges require a lot of energy,time and effort on behalf of the both parties involved.

Language and custom barriers make it essential to have to work a little harder and I can speak for my self but I'm certain that most of the other AM posting here that have gotten involved with their European counterparts have learned much about life and happiness as opossed to living and marrying in the USA.

Any relationship that puts work into itself will reap the benefits.Seems many USA people have decided to put all their energy into wanting "more" and missing all the good that exist already in their lives.Maybe that is why so many are so miserable and so blind.(Or better yet...LAZY...)

[hardyharhar]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

why do people go to church? why do people eat chocolate? why do 100,000 american women post on dating forums daily-looking for marriage? why is it so important for you to understand something that you really have no interest in? If I have a question, I do a little reasearch, then come across with maybe an ounce of intellectual integrity. I love this one, "I mean, we all know that the girls offering themselves up through this system are not looking for love, they see it as a means to escape a life of poverty (and who could blame them?)." I do not know this-so your statement is thus flawed-at best. Go do your home work and come back. Good luck
Spanky

[BarryM]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

What we really need is a MOB vending machine. Put in your coins and your wife pops out the chute...

-blm

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

Is this a sincere question or are you another student trying to do one of her papers?

Maybe we should jus ask you to read through all the archives if you don't know the answer.

[Hoda]

... in response to Oh come on Nick!, posted by BubbaGump on Feb 10, 2002

n/t

[ChipShot]

... in response to Reasons for mail-order marriage, posted by Nick on Feb 10, 2002

I have always felt that the name "mail order bride" is a misnomer, and a perjorative name. I suppose at one time, women were actually secured via the mail, without any real ineraction, thus the name.

The use of the internet, however, in my view, is not analogous to mail order at all. In many ways, I find that the use of the internet, which is really a superior comunication tool, is better than a meeting with a woman in a bar or restaurant. I can discern so much about someone, just by the way they phrase their thoughts, and the weight that they place on priorities. A site that has good photos, even glamour shots, gives insight into the general appearance, as well. This is not mail order.

I wonder why many credible matchmaking sites still use the moniker "mail order." To me, it cats a negative light on an otherwise positive vehicle for finding a partner.

I belive sincerely that any decent woman from the FSU would not leave her country simply to improve her standard of living. Many of the women who have successfully married into this culture have said they did it for love, recognizing that if you don't love the person you're living with, life is pretty miserable. Why leave family, friends, and a culture you love, just to live in a bigger home, with McDonalds and automatic car wash? No respectable woman would do this. I see the posts from Natalya, Oksana, Tatiana, RW, and I see and hear genuinely intelligent, happy women with wonderful self esteem.

This world is a very small place. Why limit one's options to the city you live in? The divorce rate among AM/AW "conventional" marriages is over 55 percent...something must not be working...so, why not open up some possibilities?