ending my engagement cont..

[Deckard]

... in response to ending my engagement cont.., posted by SteveD on Jan 26, 2002


Steve,

I can't really give any advice, except remind you to listen to your heart. When something is bothering you about your relationship, you must talk about it with her.

You seem to be the sensitive type, as I am. When something bothers you, you have to share it with her. She should know that it's much better that you're bringing it out into the open rather than just keeping it to yourself.

If she just prefers not to talk about anything negative, ever, then it will all be up to you to decide what to do.

Because you know if you do that, it's just going to surface later on, and you'll be upset inside in the meantime. And that's no good for either of you.

Only you know what you can take and cannot take. Not even she knows this about you. You have to tell her.

As Zink said, why did you want her to be wife? And why did she want to be your wife?

Before you just end it with her, have a heart to heart talk with her and communicate all your desires, fears, and concerns to her. As others here have said, her response to you should tell you what you need to do. Don't give up on her prematurely.

In the end, the final decision will be yours.

I wish you all the best of luck, Steve...

-Deckard

[greg2]

... in response to ending my engagement cont.., posted by SteveD on Jan 26, 2002

Steve,

I really feel for what you are going through. You would not have invested so much effort with her if you did not want it to work. That in itself becomes a motivating factor to keep the relationship going because at some level we do not want accept that all of that effort was misdirected. We thus try to salvage.

Fact, there are millions of women out there. She is only ONE of them. You can not go wrong by reading your gut and ending it - because believe me there will ALWAYS be someone to take her place.

However, you can manifest tremendous destruction in your life by not listening to your gut - such devastation that you would be delayed years in finding the right woman for you. In this you have escaped more serious damage and prevented a tremendous loss of future time that could be with the right woman.

With your decision, you can not go wrong. This lady is going to respect you in your exit. From what I get from your posts she does not respect you right now. Be careful, once you get her respect - she may not want to loose you and her attempt to get you back is either real or just another illusion from the wrong woman for you.

Good luck to you Steve

thesearch=greg123=greg=greg2= (a long time being here)

[BarryM]

... in response to ending my engagement cont.., posted by SteveD on Jan 26, 2002

Steve, if you have never had a woman try to dominate and control you, you won't know the signs and tricks she plays in that process. I've had a couple of girlfriends try that on me and so I know somewhat how they work. From what you wrote, your fiancee was in the process of doing just that. Of course she could also be setting you up to scam you out of a visa also, but it seems she has a mean streak inside of her and she displays it by her emotional manipulations of you and by making you feel guilty. I've seen it many times with friends girlfriends/wives. Hang tough.

Don't let her talk you out of your decision to leave. There are many better women you can find, especially more gracious ones who would appreciate you more.

-blm

[Stan B]

... in response to ending my engagement cont.., posted by SteveD on Jan 26, 2002

its always worked for me. And from what little we know, your relationship doesn't sound that great, so you've probably made the right decision...aloha

[micha1]

... in response to ending my engagement cont.., posted by SteveD on Jan 26, 2002

What is the material that makes a wife, Steve.
You guys are thousands of kilometers apart,  both suffering very probably.
Friction, two people need sometime in a relation.
Another thing,  that makes women act and think funny, is a wedding, you do say that she is at one or going to
to one.
My advice, from my old age and the few experiences that I have had in life.
Is for you to go back,  it will be more rational and thoughtful, when she is in front of you.

[micha1]

... in response to Re: ending my engagement cont.., posted by micha1 on Jan 26, 2002

And do please remember this, no matter what anyone here say or think.  No matter how well their relationship is going.
A woman in her mind is never wrong,  you are always the quilty party, because you are the man.
It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, it means that at times she may be mad at you.  You do not understand
because you think that you are right,  but you are not right.  Because you blew your top over a phone call that
went wrong somewhere
In love its always start with the rhetorics,  please leave that stage and become a philosopher, quick.