... in response to sm 92bust-65waist-93butt. please transla..., posted by deatchef on Jan 18, 2002You Know When You're A Redneck...2002 Edition
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the
same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour
with a fly swatter.
3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling
center.
4. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
5. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did
off the high dive.
7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a
call from the governor to spare a loved one.
9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your
back and they don't want it.
10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
11. You come back from the dump with more than you
took.
12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
13. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
14. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
15. You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the
monkeys.
16. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
17. You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
18. You've been involved in a custody fight over a
hunting dog.
19. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
20. You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing
fixture.
21. You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
22. You go to the stock car races and don't need a
program.
23. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
24. You have a rag for a gas cap.
25. Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick
during Christmas dinner.
26. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck
does.
27. You wonder how service stations keep their
restrooms so clean.
28. You can spit without opening your mouth.
29. You consider your license plate personalized
because your father made it.
30. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
31. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to
fill your deer quota.
32. You have a complete set of salad bowls and
they all say Cool Whip on them.
33. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
34. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working
TV.
35. You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
36. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
37. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of
K-Mart.
38. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a
cop always brings you home.
39. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $10,000
worth of improvement.
40. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
41. You missed 5th grade graduation because you
had jury duty.
42. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.
43. Somebody tells you that you've got something in
your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.
