Poem by A. Ahmatova

[BarryM]

Ìîëþñü îêîííîìó ëó÷ó –
Îí áëåäåí, òîíîê, ïðÿì.
Ñåãîäíÿ ÿ ñ óòðà ìîë÷ó,
À ñåðäöå – ïîïîëàì.
Íà ðóêîìîéíèêå ìîåì
Ïîçåëåíåëà ìåäü.
Íî òàê èãðàåò ëó÷ íà íåì,
×òî âåñåëî ãëÿäåòü.
Òàêîé íåâèííûé è ïðîñòîé
 âå÷åðíåé òèøèíå,
Íî â çòîé õðàìèíå ïóñòîé
Îí ñëîâíî ïðàçäíèê  çîëîòîé
È óòåøåíüå ìíå.

Àííà Àõìàòîâà
1909

(I) Pray to the window ray –
It’s pale, thin, and straight.
Today I, from morning, silent,
And heart-broken.
On the washstand of mine
Has become green copper.
But so playful the ray on it,
What a joyful sight.
Such innocence and simplicity,
In the evening silence.
But in this empty temple,
It is like a golden celebration
And a comfort to me.

Anna Ahmatova
1909

My translation.

-blm

[BarryM]

... in response to Poem by  A. Ahmatova, posted by BarryM on Jan 15, 2002

The phrase:
Has become green copper

is probably better translated as:

Has become greenish copper

or

Has become green tinted copper

It's a tough translation, but not bad for 30 minutes work.

-blm

[Mike]

... in response to Re: One minor correction, posted by BarryM on Jan 15, 2002

My wife pointed out to me how Russian poems usually rime ( like most english poems)and don't have the impact once translated. Try listening to Jack and Jill went up the hill in Russian.
Mike

[BarryM]

... in response to Russian poems lose their punch translate..., posted by Mike on Jan 16, 2002

It does rhyme but the impact is more visual and emotional. Anna Ahmatova is very complex conceptual poetry, as was told to me by my Russian teacher. The translation is some of my homework. It is difficult to translate, true.

To give you an idea of the tasks I had to perform for this poem, here are the steps I had to take:
1) Recite the poem with proper pronunciation.
2) Determine the translated English version of each word.
3) My teacher gave me the close English words for the more difficult Russian words.
4) After discussion of the different meanings of the words I constructed English prose as close to the Russian meaning as possible.
5) You see the results.

-blm