Age And Relationships

[mdante99]

There are many people in this Board who like myself are married to younger women. I would venture to say that it is the case invariably in AM/RW relationships. Some of us have very happy relationships; from what marriage counselors tell us, the initial period is very telling; if the initial year is a harmonius one, the chances of a happy marriage increase very greatly and the reverse is true as well.
I believe that all women and specially RW are looking for a happy relationship as well security and stability. They also want someone who will understand their culture; and that I find is very important for them.
In my opinion, an AM who understands RW well, and is willing to support her in every way will have a very good chance of finding and more importantly developing a relationship with a young and beautiful RW; something he is unlikely to accomplish with a similar woman in America.
The chances are very good, if you are willing to spend the time and effort.

Mark

[thesearch]

... in response to Age And Relationships, posted by mdante99 on Dec 4, 2001

sdf

[Jimmy]

... in response to Age And Relationships, posted by mdante99 on Dec 4, 2001

Mark,

Below I posted some perspectives of mine that I have learned living here.

I have to believe somehow that many of us unknownly are taking part in a competetive endeavor.  RW are selecting us over someone else for marriage that should last a lifetime.  Now to win the hand of the RW you desire isn't too difficult.  In fact it's relatively easy.  She shows interest, writes you love letters, invities you to visit her in the FSU.  When you get here she showers you with attention and affection in a very short time.  Quite overwhelming isn't it?  You look around Kiev and see many beautiful young girls that would do the same thing.  Like a kid in a candy store.  We are now young and virle again.  Top of the world!  Then comes the tendency to lose our rational thinking.

I remember an old saying that still is very appropriate.  "Know your competition".  While I have lived here I have gotten to know my competition because it stares me in the face everyday.  Yes, many Russian men are very good at romancing a woman.  Better than we are.  Many are very good looking.  Much better than me.  More mature than us in many ways.  Much better at knowing what a RW wants than I do.  Knows the culture and traditional aspects of this society.

AM are different.  Kind of like the "bad boy on the block".  Rough around the edges, without a care in the world, and a confident attitude.  Why not?  We have it all.  This tends to eliminate my competition.  Why?  Because of the very thing we represent.  The US.  We are the greatest nation to ever stand and we are what the entire world looks to for just about everything.  Your competiton pales in comparison to what you are and what you represent.

First and foremost on the minds of RW is survival.  Nothing more.  She can't even imagine a beautiful suburban home in our lovely cities.  A mere $1000 a month is beyond her realm of thinking.  A closet full of clothes is heaven.  To eat meat everyday is unheard of.

Under these circumstances I don't think age is much a factor.  But what happens when she comes to the US and sees in a short time she can have it all without you?  What kind of values does she have?  Can she be corrupted by our AW or AM?  Will she stay with you because she loves you from her heart?  I don't know the answer to that.  But only time will tell.  How much risk do you want to take?  How much emotional pain are you willing to accept?  How much money are you willing to lose?  And for what?  Two years with a beautiful young girl?  I ask myself these questions everyday and still don't have the right answer.

I think we all should ask ourselves these questions and honestly look in the mirror and answer them.  Sometimes my answers sway back and forth.

Just some thoughts.

Best Regards,

Jimmy
Ukraine

[Oatmeal]

... in response to Re: Age And Relationships, posted by Jimmy on Dec 5, 2001

One afternoon when chatting with my fiancee on ICQ I posed this question to my fiancee.

I said that I wonder how she would feel about me when she arrived here in America and found that there were many more handsome and rich men than me.  I wondered how this might impact her feelings about me.  Although I feel I am somewhat handsome and in great shape and am at least okay financially,  there are always those out there who are better looking, in better shape, and have much more money, etc........(man do I hate those guys)

Anyway, her response to me was something like this.
"What, do you think that there aren't any good looking or rich Ukrainian men here.  I am in love with your heart(soul) and besides you are HANDSOME."

I think this really sums it up.  Of course the true test is not in the words, it is in the actual doing of things so we will see when she gets here but I really feel that she is absolutely genuine about this.  

I found myself a truly genuine and wonderful lady and I am going to make a go of it.  Of course there are questions on my mind about how we will relate to each other when she arrives here and we begin living together but I have never been one to let my fear or hesitant thought to stand in my way.  If I did I would not have done half the things I have done in my life and I don't really have any regrets at this point.  I sure don't want to go through life wondering what could have been.  I want to be the guy who says "I am glad I made that decision".

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: I posed this question to my fiancee., posted by Oatmeal on Dec 5, 2001

I don't think you will have to remind your fiancee that you made big sacrifices for her.  That is something I think would have to weigh on a woman's mind.  This man selected me with 10s of thousands of other women to chose from.  I was his favorite.  She could have another man in the US show her lots of attention, but would he have ever done what you did and put up with all that you have?  I doubt it.  I think they would stick with a decent man unless they were brave or stupid.

[Jimmy]

... in response to Re: Re: I posed this question to my fian..., posted by BubbaGump on Dec 5, 2001

I think many here fail to understand the type of life that these ladies find themselves.  This is NOT America.

Your are taking a woman from one completely different type of environment and placing her in another one so foreign that she can't even imagine it.

She has no opportunity here, her beauty is not recognized nor sought after.  She has no money, no one flirting with her, no men hitting on her.  She is just a another fixture here.  She has no future, no independent life, no way to make a real go by herself.  Her whole life revolves around her man because she HAS to.  It is survival.

Now take that same woman that is motivated only by survival and place her in an environment that soon she will learn that everything is possible.  Will her love for you stand the test of time when some young stud with lots of money, new car, beautiful home hits on her daily?  I know American men and many are very aggressive towards beautiful women.  Hitting on them at work and flirting is the name of the game.  I venture to say that she will be overwhelmed at the prospect of so much attention.  Here Russian men don't really do much of that.

And what do you expect a woman to say to you when you pose the question if she will leave you for another man?  My God!  It would be like shooting herself in the head to tell you otherwise.  It's like me handing you a million dollars and asking you to give it back because there are others that may give it to you later.  Right!

Use rational thinking in your pursuit and take your time in your selection.  Make it stand the test of time.  You have too much to lose.

Best Regards,

Jimmy
Ukraine

[juio99]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: I posed this question to my ..., posted by Jimmy on Dec 6, 2001

Great analysis.  Thanks.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Age And Relationships, posted by Jimmy on Dec 5, 2001

Jimmy,
Very good post.  I think the one most important factor on this topic is the woman's character not her age.  A good looking woman ALWAYS has opportunities to "cash in" her looks for material gain.  This opportunity is NOT limited to America.  There are more than enough well to do Russian (Ukrainian) men that are willing to "set up" a pretty mistress in style.  Maybe this "style" is not equal to what can be offered here in America, but a much better living than the norm nonetheless.  That is why I say "character" is more important than age.

How do you determine if your woman has good character?  First you have to know them!  As simplistic as that sounds, I don't know how well some of the guys here "know" their RW.  A quick visit to Russia is not going to do it.  Does your RW easily accept gifts?  Or does she "really" protest?  Is she more interested about your "lifestyle" in America or you?  Is she "chomping at the bit" to get out of Russia or does she show pride in her homeland?

There are many unsuccessful marriages every where.  This process is no exception to the rule.  Are there RW that are willing to trade their bodies for a better life?  Of course, but that type of a woman would trade it anywhere, not just in America.  It is a matter of character.  
KenC
p.s. My wife of 2 1/2 years would gladly trade in her "American comforts" if I would agree to move to her motherland

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: Age And Relationships, posted by Jimmy on Dec 5, 2001

...sometimes one can "think something to death",  but it is probably wise and prudent to know the landscape one is entertaining of entering.  Your views are valuable and well balanced and experienced,  since you are living there and see life on an ongoing day to day basis.  I have met some (maybe only 100) married Russian couples who have come to the US and I find no hard and fast "age rule " applies there.  I find the average age differance to be about 12 years or so.  I have met young couples with only 1-3-5 years difference.  As well as couples with 20 and 20+ differences and everything inbetween.  They all seem to get along very well.  A harmony.  And are very happy to be here.  I must admit that at times I am just a little jealous as I seldom see this warm harmony in American couples.  Of course,  one should fully realize that these are the men with some skills and some money and were able to bring their familys here to America...and their personal dynamic seems to be warm and loving.  And friendly.  And some are very quick to tell me they are Americans and not Russians.  I guess it is easy for one to be "corrupted" in America,  but one can also have a good life.  And,  all the "homesickness stuff",  which one may initially feel here---I have yet to meet a Russian, male or female,  single or married who tells me they want to go back to Russia to live.  Maybe a short visit.  They have more than enough reasons to want to stay here.  Divorce???  Can one marry an RW and have things not work out---sure.  In perspective though,  you can marry a girl from anywhere on Earth and have marriage...not work out.  Personally,  I think a guy who is a good provider will always have the edge with an RW....but he will also have the edge with AW...almost all women everywhere have an drive for the "nesting instinct".   Tim

[mdante99]

... in response to Re: Age And Relationships, posted by Jimmy on Dec 5, 2001

Jimmy:

I will try to answer your very thought provoking questions from my own experiences.
First of all about the competition; most people in FSU get married by their mid twenties at the latest. A woman in her late twenties has few suitors. These are women who chose to go to University and missed the boat on finding a husband.
They tend to be well educated, some know English well, and have comparatively better paying jobs in their country. Their priority is finding a good husband first and then the economic benefits of moving to USA.
A woman in that situation also finds young RM relatively immature.
The reason my wife came to this country is because I promised to be a very loving and attentive husband, and I have kept that promise. I don't think she has given much thought to what else she can find in America. I am the one who brought her here and I had to convince her to move her here; she had a good job in her country, which she did not want to leave. It is also our understanding that if things did not work out, I will help her move back to her native country, with financial help in going back.
This having said, as has been said before, the RW want a lot of time and attention; I don't see how a young AM can offer that. I was married before to a AW; I did not give her half as much attention as to my RW. So in my opinion it is a possibility that she could find a younger man; but that is NOT a probablity; more probable could be that I would not pay her that much attention and love as she desires and our relationship can breakdown; I am very cognizant of that.
There are other issues, I am very respectful of her culture; and know it well that forcing American culture on her is counter productive.

Also worth noting is that as most sociologists agree if your first year in marriage is good, the chances are that your marriage will be good with the reverse being true as well.
The key is that you should develop a strong bond and interdependancy that will last a lifetime.
Mark

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: Age And Relationships, posted by Jimmy on Dec 5, 2001

Jimmy,

I, for one, find honest soul-searching refreshing...

I think your questions go beyond "Age". Into the whole "Can I keep my RW/UW Happy?"

That is a very good question. And, you are right, it doesn't have an easy answer.

Two thoughts:

A) Part of it is attitude. I had a friend who was not much to look at, but dated a bevy of beauties that you wouldn't believe. He had a great sense of humor, and women loved being around him.

B) I am hoping that some of the stereo-type of RW/UW is true... at least this far: They have traditional ideas about the family.

In America, everyone is taught to always compare. But it was not always so. Once upon a time, when a committment was made to a family -- that was honored. It was never: "Is he better looking than my husband" or "Is she sexier than my wife". These were simply not accepted thoughts.

Part of the reason I want to return to the FSU for a woman is that I am looking for a woman who will not compare me to the young stud down the street, but rather compare me to what she felt like before we came together. The question, I hope, is "AM I happy?" Not "Could I be happier with someone else..."

I don't have the answer to that, either. But that -- more than "young, and beautiful" is what I am seeking.

FWIW