My Fiancee is Coming for a Visit

[James B]

I am a U.S. Navy serviceman serving in Iceland and received some great news today that my Fiancee' has been approved to visit me for 45 days and wonderful nights.  It's a great benefit of living in a country that has little restrictions to visits from those from former CIS countries.  My fiancee' is from Ukraine and we have met on three prior occasions for two weeks each visit.  All prior visits were for two weeks each and in her home, getting to know her family and friends. I would highly recommend learning about her surroundings on the first visit or you will have unanswered questions about her character and lifestyle to take back home with you when you leave. You can find out so much from spending time with your RW/UW's family and friends, and seeing her operate in her home than you would if in a remote locale in a party/vacation environment.

Military personnel stationed overseas don't have the luxury of spending 90 days with our prospective spouses on a K-1 like many others because we are not granted married housing unless actually married.  This is the best I can do to give us a longer test period for compatibility.  Yes, there is definately a passionate love between us, but it's mixed with understanding, kindness and freedom to be ourselves.  It's great to be with someone who embraces your differences and peculiarities as special and with no desire to change each other.

I knew my woman was special when we met 17 months ago and she never asked me for anything other than to love her, need her and give my understanding to her.  Yes, I agree with other posters that women from these countries are more emotional and most dislike men who are indifferent and coy.  She has never asked my for a dime, although I found that she suffered financially from corresponding with me after a period of time and I now help her to do this without financial burden.  I visited her about five months ago and proposed to her for marriage and then told her that I would like to look for a ring to give her.  She to my surprise was so economical that we had to shop all day long to save six dollars.  I found that her hot water kettle was no good and rusted at the bottom and when we were out in town, I bought an electric hot water kettle and then noticed she was a little discouraged about this.  I only spent 25 dollars on it, but came to learn that her needs of food and shelter were suffering and she couldn't fathom purchasing such an item when she was two months behind paying for the apartment.  Now, she is negotiating airline tickets and told me that she would take a train to Warsaw(a 26 hours trip) so that she could save 200 dollars on her trip.  Of course I couldn't let her do it and told her to do things the easy way, because the I am not so worried about the additional cost.  This is all quite a change for me after being married to an AW who had to spend and spend even beyond what was rational.  I am not marrying my fiancee' solely because she is economical, but it's her capacity to give all of herself to me and the care of her household, whether romantically, economically, with understanding and as a friend who is always willing to discuss any subject in our daily lives. Yes, love is not only a feeling(although it's important), but it's an act of the will.  We have an incredible desire to give ourselves completely each other without worrying about what we will receive, and the wonderful thing is that by giving ourselves to each other, we receive so much more in our relationship.  Well, I'm another excited man who has found a good woman and can't wait to be together with you.  James.

[thesearch]

... in response to My Fiancee is Coming for a Visit, posted by James B on Dec 5, 2001

You are one lucky man. She sounds wonderful - absolutely wonderful. I am so happy for you. Wonderful post

If I might ask, what is her age compared to yours? Is the one and only lady that you approached, any failures prior etc?

[James B]

... in response to Re: My Fiancee is Coming for a Visit, posted by thesearch on Dec 6, 2001

I am 42 and she is 35 years old.  I wrote seven women for a couple months each and simultaneously, but it seemed like she was ready to put her heart and soul into the relationship.  Some of the women were "matter of fact" the other's wrote a letter here or there, but she put all of herself into our relationship almost from the beginning and even as criticized by friends and the agency owner that she might consider writing other men who had contacted her.  She and I felt a strong connection from the beginning and our first moments we pure magic.  Yes, we have had misunderstandings both in the letters and when together, but we have written everyday for over a year, even when she had to walk through the heavy snow and rain to do it.  She has almost learned the English language completely in the 18 months of conversation and when I look back and think about the first call where we could only speak for a couple minutes, it's amazing.  I guess the biggest adjustment for me was to learn that she feels very deep, is extremely able and intelligent and requires and accepts any care and kindness I give her with extreme gratefulness.  I agree that men should look at more than one and meeting more than one is a good idea, but there is always a chance that a person can find their happiness through the process I took.

[keith]

... in response to My Fiancee is Coming for a Visit, posted by James B on Dec 5, 2001

It is great news James.  I hope her visit will be a good one for both of you. My fiancee is with me now ( for the past month. There has been times of great joy and also some difficut times to be honest. My advice is to hang in there during any tough times you may have and relish the good times.  ... by the way Iceland has always interested me... sounds like a very interesting place to be and the hot springs and beautful and rugged landscape must be something to see.  Of course I am not sure I could take the cold but that is just me- Im a tropical kind of guy born and raised in south florida.. take care  ... all the best,
Keith

[SteveM]

... in response to Re: My Fiancee is Coming for a Visit, posted by keith on Dec 6, 2001

Keith,

One month after my wife came last September, we had a week long fight.  My son was being nasty; her son was failing school.  My cat bit me while trying to fight my other cat, and it developed into an abcess...

Now, we are doing a great and are really happy that we found each other...

Good luck,

Steve M.

[keith]

... in response to Hang in there, Keith, posted by SteveM on Dec 6, 2001

thanks

[DR]

... in response to My Fiancee is Coming for a Visit, posted by James B on Dec 5, 2001

n/t

[James B]

... in response to If you're new, 'welcome!'  If not, thank..., posted by DR on Dec 5, 2001

Thanks DR.  I have posted here about four or five times in the ten months I have been reading the posts.  There was a period of time that seemed to contain less comraderie than what I now see on the boards.  I see alot more help and better dynamics from the posts these days and it's a great time to come on in.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to My Fiancee is Coming for a Visit, posted by James B on Dec 5, 2001

I couldn't take a girl that frugal.  I don't spend excessively for my income level but she would drive me nuts if she worries about $6.  I guess that's better that the opposite.  If you're in the military you need a girl like that.  She's no gold digger.

[Charles]

... in response to I couldn't take that, posted by BubbaGump on Dec 5, 2001

Although I fully understand the sentiment, I must disagree with Bubba based on my experience.  My wife is very much like James B's lady.  I think James B has found himself a very nice lady - his story is similar to my wife --- she never asked for a dime, would get upset if I tried to give her any, secretly spent her last penny on our correspondence, and insisted on taking a 2 day train trip from the Crimea to Warsaw for the K-1 interview.  When she arrived in the U.S. she always ordered the least expensive thing on the menu and begged me not to buy her a ring, a wish I did not accede to but you have never seen a happier face when I surprised her with it. Over the past 2 yrs she has come to appreciate more of the finer things in life but is still appreciative of the value of money.  Her frugality sometimes annoyed me at first - I wondered how someone who had lived in Ukraine would not want everything everyone else has in America - but I have long gotten over that.  Unless you're incredibly wealthy, be thankful if you find a woman like James' - she will love you to death for everything you get her, not matter how small it is.

[BubbaGump]

... in response to Re: I couldn't take that at first, but I..., posted by Charles on Dec 5, 2001

Yeah, I think James has found a nice lady.  She'll adjust fine.  

One of the Russian girls helping on a tour said she wouldn't want to live in a big house.  Big American houses were just too much for her.  People in foreign countries are automatically conditioned to expect less than what we have.  Foreigners people ask me why Americans need such big cars that waste gas.  I don't know what to say except gas is much cheaper here.  I don't want to say because we can afford it.  We are a very wealthy country compared to 8 of the 9 countries I've visited.  We're even wealthy compared to Canada and Germany.

[James B]

... in response to Adjusting, posted by BubbaGump on Dec 6, 2001

BubbaGump,

I believe you are right that she will adjust well.  I think that the most important thing to the adjustments in a marriage are the expectations both have of each other and what they are looking for in life.  All people have different measurements of happiness.  In her case, she finds her happiness in simple things and has said many times that it's not important what a man has in terms of finances and "things."  Of course I am not struggling financially as I have been in the Navy for 20 years and don't have a pile of debt.  I told her early in our marriage that we would be purchasing almost all new household furniture when we marry, but she said that she wanted only me and these things were not the basis of her happiness, although of course they are necessary for comfort.  She feels it's naturally her role as a wife to be economical for the sake of her family.  I believe it's often the attitude of women who are a little older to have these kinds of mature views of happiness and the fact that they have learned a particular lifestyle and ingrained it in their mode of living.  I can give her all of myself and that is all she desires...this is what most men are looking for in their search for a woman.  Of course most of these women are looking for a better life and to raise their children in a world where opportunity exists, but the best ones combine this with a need to find their existing soulmate.  She has an insatiable desire to be the best wife and please me in every way possible.  I think this is taught to many of the women living in these areas and they gain their happiness by feeling needed as a friend, lover and by mutual understanding and care of the husband.  When men marry a woman to make them their "doll," and the woman's motive is only to make a better life for herself, then when difficulties arise, they become disillusioned. Realization that adjustment and difficulties by both parties. Accepting and embracing the differences in your partner and learning to love each other's uniquenesses is very important and we both desire each other just the way we are.  Well, I have beat this one to death, but hope anything I give as input will help other's to find happiness and the one that is their match.  James

[Reagan]

... in response to I couldn't take that, posted by BubbaGump on Dec 5, 2001

Being in the military does not mean you are broke. Just because this girl is frugal, does not mean she is obsessive-compulsive with her frugality. After she sees that it is not necessary to be overly frugal, she will probably moderate her frugality.

By the way, welcome to the board James.

Cheers

Kevin