Adaptation to another country...

[Tootsie]

This post is actually answer to the post of JohnNic about moving of RW to another country.

I do have some experience in this because I was married to a German man and lived in Germany as well as I spent 2 months with my boyfriend in America.

First I have to admit that it’s not a “fairy tale” to leave relatives, friends, interesting hi-paid job etc. and move to a strange country. But my German husband was very smart and “opened the cage” (I’ve already mentioned in my earlier posts this effect of “open cage” when something is much more desirable when you cannot get it). When we got married he said to me: “My dear, I love you and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you. I will do my best to make you happy. If you fail to adapt to life in Germany we’ll move to Russia. Together. I’ll learn Russian and try to adapt to life there. Let’s just start with Germany.”

It was very important for me to realize that I had “freedom” and could move to Russia any time without making hard choice between beloved husband and native country. It also made my husband realize that if he wanted us to stay in his country he had to apply much efforts to make my life there comfortable. First he told his relatives that we would move to Russia if I didn’t like it there and they also apply much efforts to make my life easier (treated me like a princess, drived me to work and back if my husband couldn’t do this etc.). We installed Russian TV and I could watch 5 programms. I wasn’t even told about the fact that I had to clean floors outside our appartment in turn with other neighbours, it was done by my mother-in-law or my husband when I was out. It was me who handled the money of the family and I was told I could buy anything I want without asking my husband about it. I had a female friend in Germany but she lived in about 4 hours driving from the place where we lived and my husband drived me to her as often as he could. Our bills for my telephone conversations were very high, especially for the first months of my stay in Germany but I was never told to try to make them lower.

But I still missed the lifestyle I had in Moscow. As KenC mentioned it is quite different. People from a house where I lived (and live now) are like big family and you can always go to any neighbour to borrow sugar, salt, bread or just to chat and to drink a cup of coffee of tea. I had many friends in Russia and I missed them. But I realized very well that if I took the decision to move to Russia we would “change places” with my husband. It would be me who would have to decide all the problems from little ones like taking him to the doctor in case of illness to finding a job for him, teaching him Russian and taking care of him as he took care of me in Germany. I was not ready to take this load of problems on my fragile shoulders, so I did my best to adapt to a life there.

As for my second experience with US (well, I didn’t “move” there, just “travelled”) it was a little different. As KenC mentioned  and I confirm this first weeks were the most difficult – I stayed alone in the appartment while my boyfriend worked it was rather boring. But we both wanted to make our relationship work, so we found the solution of this isolation problem. I found “i-channel” and was able to watch Russian TV at least an hour per day. My boyfriend drived me to the library, so I had books to read. We found computer games for me. As for Russian shop and Russian restaurant our experience here was not very successful and I would hardly go there again.

Just my experience.

Regards,

Tootsie

[jj]

... in response to Adaptation to another country..., posted by Tootsie on Nov 25, 2001

Hi I saw a great band the other day "Tootsie and the toe tappers" - Melbourne Australia.

[thesearch]

... in response to Adaptation to another country..., posted by Tootsie on Nov 25, 2001

whether at this time in my life I really have the  time it takes to handle all of this. I even slowly dropped writing to several women over the issue of time!

Tootsie, good luck in replacing your German husband. His shoes will not be easy to fill.

[Stan B]

... in response to Adaptation to another country..., posted by Tootsie on Nov 25, 2001

What happened w/ your German husband? It sounds like him and his family tried very hard to make you comfortable and happy...

[Stan B]

... in response to another question..., posted by Stan B on Nov 25, 2001

nt

[KenC]

... in response to Adaptation to another country..., posted by Tootsie on Nov 25, 2001

Tootsie,
What happened at the market and resaurant?
KenC

[Tootsie]

... in response to questions, posted by KenC on Nov 25, 2001

I will start with the restaurant…

Russian restaurant in San Diego is very big and they have a dancing programm with alive music on Saturdays… One Saturday we went to a local bar but on our way back I got an idea to go to the Russian restaurant for a couple of drinks. It was almost midnight when we got there but as in normal Russian restaurant it was just “culmination” of entertainment. Music played, drunken people danced but there was no one empty table for us. I talked to the owner of the restaurant, he suggested that we sat outside and we agreed. Unfortunately we couldn’t enjoy listening to the music from there but it was o’kay. Ken ordered a beer and ordered a shot of vodka. While waiting for the drinks we entered the restaurant and danced one dance. Then they brought Ken a little bottle of Ukranian beer and a vodka for me. It was late, we were rather tired and asked for the bill. Guess how much they charged? Over $40! They included “entertainment” into the bill and when I tried to explain that we sat OUTSIDE they said that we danced. I wanted to continue the discussion but Ken prefered to pay and to leave. As you understand we decided we would never come again. I bet if your Lena was there the amount paid would be different .

As for the market (it is called “Natasha-Deli”, the owner is the same as the owner of the restaurant) there was only food that was sold here 20 years ago. Maybe for some people who moved to the US last century it’s “Russian food” but I got used to another one. Also, service there was what we call “Russian stervis”…

Regards,

Tootsie

[KenC]

... in response to Re: questions, posted by Tootsie on Nov 25, 2001

Tootsie,
I think we have been to the places you describe.  Was it in Lake Murray?  Lena hated that store too!  Very unfriendly service and a bit dirty too.  We also had a dinner there with some Ukrainian friends of ours.  Besides being rather expensive, the portions were also small.  I enjoyed the quality of the food but before we finished our dinners, the table callapsed!  Lena and our Ukrainian friends were "all over" the manager about it.  The manager gave us a few free deserts to compinsate our loss.  Even with the events, I enjoyed it, but Lena refuses to go back again.  She seemed to be imbarrassed by the drunkeness of the Russians there.
KenC

[No more RW]

... in response to Re: Re: questions, posted by KenC on Nov 25, 2001

"Was it in Lake Murray?"

All I know is this, that's where our wonderful friendly Ukranian neighbors work, isn't that nice?

They say expect to pay 100 dollars for an average night for two?

I dare speculate that if a RW/AM were to go there they would experience a certain level of racism/predjudice. From their perspective that is a place where the people in the "Russian Community" can go, not really welcome to outsiders. We have our places to go, they don't, and they don't like "mixed" couples there either.

Sorry, but it's the truth, in my opinion of course.

[Tootsie]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: questions, posted by No more RW on Nov 25, 2001

Actually we visited this restaurant twice, so probably I can judge.

Owner of the restaurant is not Russian. Perhaps Armenian, Azerbajanian, Georgian but not Russian.

Most visitors are also not Russians - Armenians, Azerbajanians, some Americans (at least they spoke English).

Russian quisine is very limited ("blini" with caviar, pelmeni), the rest is again "Caucasian" - shachlik etc.

Music is French, Spanish, Italian, English and yes, Russian, too.

As for the whole atmosphere (music, dancing, clothing of clients) it's Russian... of 10 years ago. Now most restaurant are much more "European".

But the service is absolutely "Russian" - desire to make as much money as possible doesn't matter how.  

Tootsie

[KenC]

... in response to Sorry but I disagree..., posted by Tootsie on Nov 25, 2001

Tootsie,
Lena said she thought most of the crowd there was Armenian too.  There was a singer from Moscow the night we were there though.  I had the sachlik and someone ordered the blini you mentioned.
KenC

[No more RW]

... in response to Re: Sorry but I disagree..., posted by KenC on Nov 25, 2001

But the reason you disagree is because you are the kind of person who looks away from trouble, when trouble comes you ignore it. You put your blinders on and see only what you wish to see,.......nice safe world that way isn't it?

No need to answer.

Besides, you have nothing to disagree with, my last post was based entirely on fact, not opinion.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: questions, posted by No more RW on Nov 25, 2001

I never felt out of place there and no one made me feel uncomfortable

[No more RW]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: questions, posted by KenC on Nov 25, 2001

"I never felt out of place there and no one made me feel uncomfortable"

Thats good, then they can dislike you in privet, no need for you to know, right?

Remember, we live next to some major people who are apart of the Russian Community, there are dozens of people coming over all the time, they are all Russian/Ukranian, and they tell my wife what they think of Americans. They are always bashing Americans, almost as if it were some sort of pastime. They do this even when they know that my wife is married to an American. Of course they say, "oh I don't mean your husband, but just Americans".

Yeah right, whatever.

You know, before all of this I just expected that Russians would come here and try to intrigate into our society, instead they choose to live in America, right next to Americans, and then have the nerve to speak badly about them. If they don't like Americans so much, why not go home? Now of course these people are all friendly enough, but I know how they think about Americans via my wife. Since she is Russian, they tell her everything, of course they always say, "oh don't tell your husband these things".

What a joke, I live right next to a whole bunch of people of the "Russian Community" who don't like Americans, which means they don't like me, and the reason they tell my wife so much about there beliefs is because they want her to see how dumb Americans are too, so that she can wake up and leave her dumb American marriage and join the Russian Community.

So,......as you can see, I am the one who speaks from experience.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: questions, posted by No more RW on Nov 25, 2001

Nomo,
There are some Russians in SD, but there is no huge community as you seem to imply.  There is no Russian area, just a few markets and resaurants.  Please read the posts titled "Russian Pride" as for the critisims of America.  You sound a little paranoid to me.  America (and Americans) are not perfect.  There are many things better in Russia than here.  To understand this you have to have an open mind and sometimes a thick skin.  After time, my wife has come to understand that there are also many advantages to living in the US.  As for your "experience", give it a bit more time, you are only into this for six months now.
KenC