My Ex

[Heat]

... in response to Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Patrick on Jul 20, 2005

He's not an idiot.  He's a really decent man.

That why it hurts some of us who know him to hear this stuff.  His X wife is garbage.

The first part to finding someone to love you is learning who is using you.

Maybe this is tough love I'm giving him here.

But he needs to get angry about being used as a doormat by so many Colombians.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Patrick on Jul 20, 2005

I agree, bitching and moaning, holding a big grudge etc. is a major waste of energy.  I think it's best just to move on and let go.  Pete seems to be doing fine.  I do think he has an extremely rosey view of his ex but he's entitled to I suppose.

[Heat]

... in response to My  Ex, posted by Cali James on Jul 20, 2005

Agreed, however why waste time with someone who wants to screw you every time they can.  Explain that to me please.

If you say it's his choice...wel OK then.

But that does not make it right.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: My  Ex, posted by Heat on Jul 20, 2005

[This message has been edited by Cali James]

I tend to agree with you Heat.  I think Pete would be much better off not having anything to do with his ex.

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Patrick on Jul 20, 2005

I'm trying to get to the place where he is at. Doing better but occasionally STILL get hit with bouts of depression, anger, bitterness & resentment & generally the "WTF just happened here?" syndrome. Many slagged me here but it WAS a good release. Not to mention many on the EE board knew my saga from THE START. I figure if I can prevent ONE person from repeating what I went through it was worth it. At least he's at the stage where he can sit & talk with her & NOT be resentful. I can't honestly say I'm there YET.

[jediknight]

... in response to My  Ex, posted by Pete E on Jul 20, 2005

many times we don't realize that people enter and leave our lives for a reason, to remind us of who we are, who we should aspire to be or even show us how not to be and sometimes its because they need our help in some way or we need theirs. i've always tried to look at my bad experiences with women in a positive light, made an effort to learn about what i didn't want in a woman before knowing what i did want. forgiving someone for the wrong they did you is also a step in the right direction, you don't need to carry all of that hate and venom, it will only consume you and make you an uglier person.
JK

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: My  Ex, posted by jediknight on Jul 20, 2005

I agree.Everybody we let in our life is part of our story and we are part of theirs.For me everybody I ever loved is still important to me in a way.It does seem there was a purpose with my ex.At least some interesting outcomes.Amazing how it all fits together to form our current lives.I think of the house that wouldn't go away so I just had to buy it.The 69 year old woman from Mexico that was my neighbor and is now one of my wifes best friends.She has been a great help to Rocio but Rocio has for her too.Helping her through breast cancer.I was afraid Rocio would have to watch her die,but she survived just fine.I think Rocio has some more contributions in the future in this one.
I also think of her friend from Cali that Sylvia that used to be with us helped find a husband.They just had their second child and seem very happy.
I used to be very angry and wanted to make my wife wrong for what she did.It was not clear cut scamming.She married a guy who she did not love.But that guy,me,made her an offer too good to refuse very early on when there was no real love relationship.I presumed that would happen.I think she tried.
James has a different view from seeing her in the late stages of our relationship when she was making me wrong,but the real reason  was she was unhappy with compromising herself.Our wives talked alot.There are lots of details I do not know about or want to that I am sure he knows.Really James that is a negative look at her that is not the total person.She is a good person ALSO,regardless of not always acting like one.
So this very green gringo jumps in and marries a cute calena without knowing her well.My mistake.She marries a guy she does not love,but tries to make it work.I immagine that was very hard for her.To be put in the position that you SHOULD love someone you do not.That kills love instead of making it happen.Pressure does not make love grow.I might have handled it differdently,but I added to that pressure with a you owe me attitude and alot of anger because I felt cheated.
So,I choose to forgive this person and give her a warm place in my heart.Stupid?Yeah maybe in a way,but I would much rather feel that way.I wish her well also because my step son and even my dog depend on her doing well.And she is doing amazingly well.She is a survivor. That same likable quality that drew me to her still works well for her.She can turn on the charm,but its not phony,its a real part of the person she is.
This has come up again at this time because I am in the states and wanted to see her.Just taking sanother look at her as well as the US where I used to live.I like them both but choose to live in Cali and where I have 2 women that love me for me.Yup 2.One for sure,the other
in a more casual part time way but I feel loved by her also.AND,that ain't all bad!! I can not complain at all.

Pete

[adventuro]

... in response to Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Pete E on Jul 20, 2005

what I have learned for me, although it is often very hard to remember in the moment, and maybe even harder do actually DO at times of great hurt and grief, is the power of forgiveness.  FOR ME,I have learned that my forgiveness, for whatever transgression, is a gift that I THINK that I am graciously GIVING to the OTHER person...................BUT always, always, always........when that gift is opened.........I find that it is FOR ME. It is the only way I know how to truly move on in my life with a heart that can be  full of peace and love.......for myself and all the other wonderful people who are always continually entering my life in so many forms.........

(a over simplistic example would be if your best friend "steals" your wife and they fly off to another part of the world,never to heard from again.  you spend the rest of your life full of anger and resentment, revisting, and reliving this truly most horrible transgression of a long time best friend and your wife. You allow this hurt, anger and bitterness to affect the rest of your life, your well being and your health,  and affect to all those around you,including all those who you hold near and dear...............everyone is affected by your never ending septic anger and resentment, spoken or unspoken.........and then, many years later, maybe at your deathbed, you learn that both your ex best friend and your exwife died in some horrible manner a week after they left. What good, what good did all that hate and resentment SERVE YOU and all those around you FOR SOOOO MANY YEARS........... the gift of forgiveness that we THINK we give to another, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, is really a gift to OURSELVES, a most precious gift, a truly most precious gift TO US. Dont we deserve such a gift??  I say we do. MOST DESERVEDLY DO!!!!!!

I am only speaking from the truth of my own experience and not saying such a way of thinking or living is the right choice for others. A I am sad to say I have some gifts that STILL need giving..........maybe I am just waiting for the next 50% off sale..........that being a time when it will be easier to do........but of course, that is a time that will never come, because giving the give of forgivenss is never EASY nor painless.............. but the rewards are priceless to me and the greatest gift I can give TO MY HEART.

[Dan Las Vegas]

... in response to Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Pete E on Jul 20, 2005

Hey pete

to err is human, to forgive is divine!  While your ex may have treated your poorly, what is most important is letting go of the anger and sadness and moving on and you seem to be doing a great job of that.  I wish you the best in your trip to the states and one day if I ever get to Cali, I'd love to buy you a beer... thanks for all the info you have provided over the past couple of years.

[Avispa]

... in response to Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Pete E on Jul 20, 2005

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

Like 6:37

[WS244]

... in response to Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Pete E on Jul 20, 2005

Well i trust you will not to take this on a personal level, but more as constructive criticism.  If your current girfriend in Cali knows you are visiting your "ex" up here, i would say your Cali girlfriend likes you less than "you for you" but rather more for the "things you have".

My Bogota girlfriend would cut my throat (normal thinking in the normal latin girl's culture, and you gringo's who want a loving latin wife beware, for though they are very affectionate, they also have a very jealous inborn nature) catching me looking at other women, dealing with ex wives, girlfriends, etc.

While she was up here last month at my older sons wedding, she commented on my ex gringa wifes looks, (though in the back of my mind i knew what she was really thinking "don't look or say anything Gringo si no tu eres muerto en dias minutos".  

In any case i accept this jealousy on her part, she is a good girl, and could care less if she lived in the states which says a lot for her.    While i do not gage a woman on the jealousy scale, if a latin girl shows no jealous traits, it should be a caution flag then to see if they are in to one for other issues. (pardon my spanish 101 to you spanish language PHD's)      

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by WS244 on Jul 20, 2005

My current girlfriend Beatriz knows I was going to see my ex.I told her don't worry.She has been with me 9 months and I never talk much about my ex,it just came up with me here.She even talked by phone with my step son,we got together a few days before.He said she sounds like a nice lady.
Harder on her is my other girlfriend in Cali who I knew before I met her and who I have been unwilling to give up.She knows about it,doesn't like it but tolerates it,hoping that will go away.I think I shouldn't be doing that but then I see my Angela and don't want to give her up.There is less than complete commitment with Beatriz for me.We will see where it goes.I think she does trully love me,is obsessed with me,but can't really play the jealousy angle because I told her about it going in.

Pete

[WS244]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Pete E on Jul 20, 2005

Where are you going to be friday night in Seattle?  i should be up there, and if i have time might be able to stop by and say hello if you are not be too far from seatac airport.
ws

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by WS244 on Jul 20, 2005

Shoot me a mail at peiguren@aol.com with a phone number if you can.I plan to stay in a hotel near the waterfront.I will be back with E mail,doesn't work here by Thursday night Friday morning. Might be 4-5 guys now??There are 3 for sure with me,you are the second maybe.

Pete

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: My  Ex, posted by Pete E on Jul 20, 2005

I don't know what Colombianas are like but if you had two girlfriends in Brazil they would also be seeing other guys.