A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata fool

[Canadaman]

I am a new poster from Canada and a widower( 9 months) with 2 kids under 9.

Well the day started with me breaking my toe
in the morning. Then all Hell broke loose ,
the clouds opened up and rain poured down on
me , I got hit by lighting 27 times , kicked the
balls about 20 times. Then it got very bad…

What a total disaster my mariachi idea was.

I got the dear John letter around noon today when
my friend got wind of my idea. She was totally
outraged and mad.

“ PLEASE DONT WRITE ME ANYMORE, DONT
SEND ME EMAILS, DONT SEND ME SUPRISES
TO MY HOUSE, DONT CALL ME, PLEASE...

I DONT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU,  IM
GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

I DONT WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU, I KNOW
YOU MUST FEEL BAD WITH THAT, BUT I NEED
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

BYE,”

So I am having a very bad day and my toe is killing me.
Five days of sweating and trying hard to make a surprise
and I get kicked in the head.

So at this point Life sucks and I have tears rolling down
my face. I am shocked and heart broken. I can hardly
breathe and I am stunned.

So after I read the above plus a couple of other messages
I think I have lost a wonderful friend and someone I am
very interested in romantically.

Well luckily I had arranged the mariachi band through
Jamie at International introductions. I called Jamie and
he had already heard from my very mad friend. She said
this was not appropriate and her mother was upset about
it.

Jamie was scratching his head also by this strong negative
response I am getting back. The maid had let the cat out of
the bag and my friend had found out what was planned.

I had made a mistake that made her real mad when she
found out I had sent a picture of her and her mother to
Jamie so that he knew who he was talking too when
In the morning he went to go and try to talk to her
Mother.

She got that out of the secratary. So what do I do !!
I call Jamie back and he offers to call my friend
for me. What do I have to lose so I say go ahead.

Well 30 minutes later I get a email from Jamie to
call him right away. He had a long talk with her
and explained it was a friendship gift that I
was trying to arrange.

He told her my intentions were good and in North
America we are very direct sometimes. Jamie did
a fantastic job explaining my point of view.
This is where I got confused, Jamie asked her if
he could ask her a direct question.

She said yes you can. He said I understand your
relationship is a very good friendship only at
this point.He said, Do you see this friendship
developing into a possible romantic relationship ?

She said yes she did see that. Okay hit me over
the head with a hammer. 2.5 hours earlier it
was get out of my life and I have no interest
in you and now this ?

Folks I have dated or tried to win a woman heart
in over 11 years. Yes , I am clueless sometimes
when it comes to women. I have a good heart and
I am honest.

So after I get off the phone with Jamie she is
waiting for me on Messenger. We chat for 45
minutes where I apologise profusely. She has a
big headache and I have a migraine.

Did I mention my toe is still killing me. So she
tells me she will send my daughter a special
e-card tomorrow and she really really likes
my daughter.

She has been emailing my daughter on a nearly
daily basis for a month. She has sent me over
a 100 emails in a period of 2 months and 1 week.
Numerous messenger chats.

She has told me and told Jamie that she likes
to take things very slow.One great point I
like is she is not I love you after a few days
or a week.

Where the hell am I now ? She is furious at
me then she is interested in a possible
romantic relationship.

In pain , confused , still kicking and I think
she really likes me a lot ?

I must again thank Jamie for his great help and
going beyond his duty to help me.

Any misunderstanding regarding anything is my
total responsibilty and fault.

Also she does not want me to come down for a
visit till we get to know each other better she
has previously mentioned.

The thing is I really like her..... Am I a fool ?
Dish it out ladies and gents , I can take it...

I need a drink !!!!!!!!

Where do those Monks live again ?

Scratch the Monk idea , I have 2 young kids and
I am a hot blooded man....

Thanks Jamie at International Introductions.

http://www.latin-wife.com/Default.asp

[CaliBound]

... in response to A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata..., posted by Canadaman on Mar 29, 2005

That's what we used to said on the basketball court under the Cross Bronx Expressway in New York City while waiting for the next game.

It applies here as well.

-Frank Soto-

[Hoda]

... in response to NEXT!!...., posted by CaliBound on Mar 31, 2005

Where along the CBX did you used to live & play ball "Jerome ave, Webster ave, The Major-D?" Too bad you had to call "next".....if we started the games, we never had to call "next" :-)

[CaliBound]

... in response to Yo CB...., posted by Hoda on Mar 31, 2005

I would say "next" only once. There was no need to said it again until the next day!

Were you the one that cried next all day long? That guy used to give me a headache (he-he). I close my eyes these days and could still hear him said "I got next! I got next!". I think his name was Howard.

Jerome and Webster Avenue where my favorite courts. I also played at 170th and Third Ave.

Back in the 60's and 70's, I lived on Bathgate Ave (174th St.)

I have used the word "next" in Cali plenty of times. I had to tell some of the girls ... "Please get on line behind that little red flag until you can come up with a better story". "NEXT!"

My regards to your Beautiful Morena. You motivated me to go to Cali.

-Frank Soto-

[Hoda]

... in response to Re: Yo Hoda....Were you the one ... I ho..., posted by CaliBound on Mar 31, 2005

Yeah...I can tell, you know what time it is...lol. The new jacks playing now are all dribble & dunk...can't shoot or pass for shit!

Nice to see "real old school" around!

[CaliBound]

... in response to Aiiight...If you don't know....you bette..., posted by Hoda on Mar 31, 2005

"Hello John. Do you remember the name of the guy that used to scream all day ... 'I got next! I got next! ... when we played ball under the CBX?"

"By any chance, was his first name Howard?"

"You don't remember the first name? What about the last?"

"Did you say Davis? Ok, Thank you John."

Howard, the last name of the guy that gave us the 'I got next' headaches is Davis.

he-he

[Hoda]

... in response to Hold On  Hoda ... Let Me Make A Call ..., posted by CaliBound on Mar 31, 2005

[This message has been edited by Hoda]

Only had to say it once...Y'all used to come uptown to the "Valley" thinking you were gonna take our money! By the end of the day, y'all needed to hop the train in order to get home! CBX boys, all mouth & dribble...Uptown, nuthin but "buckets" baby, nuthin but "buckets".....

Remember these words..."y'all too little & all day"

p.s. Never ever, did they call me "Howard". Remember the "Goat, Helicopter, Pee-Wee, Joe Hammond, Showtime & June-Bug?". Man, we used to have some games in the "jects"...Yeah, I gave "headaches"...dropping mad treys before they became legal :-) I remember you, nice handle, but no "J"

[Hoda]

... in response to A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata..., posted by Canadaman on Mar 29, 2005


her volatile reaction to your gesture, leaves a whole dayyum lot to be desired. Just my opinion, but if she goes bananas over this.....I'd be VERY concerned over something REALLY serious! In the words of another poster....

PROXIMA....quick, fast & in a hurry!

[doombug]

... in response to A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata..., posted by Canadaman on Mar 29, 2005

My first reaction upon reading that little anecdote was how abnormal everyone's emotions seem to be.  It feels like this friend of yours is EXAGERRATING her frustration at your decision to take your relationship to a higher level.  She probably scripted this reaction long ago, anticipating such a day of "revelation."  Of your mariachi surprise.  Of her feigned anger.  Of drawing in even MORE your emotional commitment to her.

She is pulling the strings.

[Seeker]

... in response to A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata..., posted by Canadaman on Mar 29, 2005

Canadaman,
You've gotten excellent advice thus far. I appreciate your willingness to share this "mariachi disaster" with us and be vulnerable to criticism, etc. However, I'm not one to laugh at a guy for making a sincere effort in expressing his affection to a woman. Unfortunately, we have very little control over other's reactions to our actions. I always like to return to the intention of the action when things don't work out. Obviously, you thought a mariachi would bring joy to this woman, as opposed to anger and resentment. Listen, you probably do have a good heart and are honest; therefore, be careful who you choose to love.

Like others on this forum, I would suggest you write many women at the same time and spread your energy among many. This way you'll find that a negative experience like today's, won't be so devastating. Of course, the ultimate cure for you would be a trip down South. You'll meet so many beautiful and charming woman, that you won't even be able to keep their names straight.

As I see it, your situation is more complicated. You are not only looking for a extraordinary wife, but for a loving mother for your children. Therefore, proceed with extra caution. I think it is great that you be upfront with the women and tell them you have two children and are a widower. As I see it, you'll need to find a woman who will love you and your children equally. It may take a very special woman to fit into your unique situation, so be picky and don't settle for less than you deserve. The good news is that you will certainly find her in Colombia.

Personally, I think this woman's reaction is a red flag. I agree with the person who told you to run from her and may I add, don't look back. Sending a mariachi, regardless, should never produce such a negative reaction. Would your ideal partner have reacted like this? Than, maybe she is not even close to your ideal partner. Have a drink or two, but better yet, live and learn. As soon as you can, travel South and experience Colombia, the superpower of irresistible women on Earth.

[thundernco]

... in response to A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata..., posted by Canadaman on Mar 29, 2005

If you MUST proceed, then proceed very cautiously while beginning other friendships.  To the point, I don't see anything positive about a lady not wanting to meet the peron who has held her interest for two months, even more so if the lady has been corresponding with you as much as you say she has.  For me, no mixed signals there.  Taking it slow is one thing, hooking up with a lady that is impossible to please is another.  I agree with Papi, jump on a plane anywhere and meet some ladies.  Almost anywhere in CO will you meet good and bad women, the trick is to date more than one or two for a better frame of reference.  Take an attitude of I care, but not that much, at least until you find your one media naranja.  Lastly, look at some of the road less travelled areas such as Lima.  I have a good friend that kept picking/getting burned by Calenas, he went down to Lima and found himself a keeper.  Just goes to show there are many routes to the same final destination.  Good luck -TNC

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh..., posted by thundernco on Mar 30, 2005

I agree, TNC, you raise many good points and offer some good advice.

[papi]

... in response to A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata..., posted by Canadaman on Mar 29, 2005

Canada, If I read your post correctly you have not yet met this woman and she is still not ready to meet you after 2 months.  That troubles me.  My suggestion, continue writing her but broaden your horizons and forget the email thing.  Get on a plane and go. There are lots of good options not only in BAQ but Cali, Bogota, Medellin, etc. and other countries as well.  Go! You will find lots of women ready to get to know you now!  By the way, being Canadian you can go to Cuba which is a place that got me hooked on Latin women 5-6 years ago. If you need some other agency contacts or hotels, let me know what cities

[jediknight]

... in response to A total mariachi disaster-Come laugh ata..., posted by Canadaman on Mar 29, 2005

canada, i read your post on the poorbuthappy page and noticed that you've only been in contact with your friend for only 2 months, this is not enough time for you to be thinking of sending her a mariachi, that's way too fast and you don't know each other well enough. even if you have spoken to her every day, you jumped the gun and in the process have scared her off. all of us here can appreciate your enthusiasm, i'm sure she's great and that in itself is intoxicating but it sounds like she wants to slow things down.

a mariachi is given only on special ocasions, a birthday, an anniversary, declaration of love or marriage proposal just to name a few and even though you wanted to do something nice for her, you went overboard. you mentioned that she isn't someone who will tell you that she loves you in a week, that my friend is very good. the ones that declare undying love after a few days are the ones you should run away from, they are too desperate in my opinion. look, there is a term that is used in colombia to describe you, that is "intenso" (intense)and women don't like that, a guy that comes on too strong too quickly, take it from a jedi, you must learn to be patient, take things slowly and don't appear to be desperate.

seduction and wooing is an art form and it takes time and that is what she wants, time for the both of you to get to know each other, for you to win her over, to show her that you are not looking for an adventure, a fling. in my case i sent the mariachi to my girlfriend on her birthday because we're already a couple but lets say that we weren't a couple, i would have sent it anyway only because we've known each other for 11 months, i've met her and her entire family plus i would have done it in conjuction to asking her to be my girlfriend, so you see that a mariachi is given to someone special from someone special, not a friend that you've just started to talk to without even meeting face to face.

the way i see it is if you think she is a great woman then you will apologize once, then move on with the realtionship without mentioning it again, saying you're sorry more than once is a sign of weakness and women don't like that, give her some time to recover from this and take things sloooow. don't overwhelm her, don't smother her with gifts, call her maybe once a week for a couple of months, write to her once a week, IM her once a week and then build it up if you see that things are going well, after a few months you can start calling her twice a week, send her friendly e-cards,not romantic ones, those you should leave for much later. by the way, it sounds like jaime may have saved your butt and she maybe willing to give you a second oportunity, don't blow it if you think she is worth the effort, if not, learn from this and move onto the next one but i think everyone deserves a second chance and if she's giving it to you, take it. nice job jaime.
JK

[jediknight]

... in response to you scared her.... but its not a total l..., posted by jediknight on Mar 29, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

one other thing, you seem to have alot of energy and desire, spread it out, don't place all of your hopes, time and effort into one person, get to know others, write to other women and see that there are many other choices. maybe what you really need is someone who has the same amount of energy and drive to move things along. if going slow is not the way you do things or part of your personality then you may become frustrated with your current friend and her desire to move slowly. from one of your posts on the poor website, she had previously told you that she wanted to move slowly, to get to know each other, i think it would be a mistake to cut her loose, for now keep her close but introduce yourself to other women. last year while i was first communicating with my girlfriend i was also writing to 4 other girls until after a few months i got to know everyone, met and compared them all and then decided to stick to one.
good luck
JK