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Author Topic: Finally found the local Filipinas  (Read 2347 times)

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Offline Fosgate5

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Finally found the local Filipinas
« on: March 02, 2019, 09:52:33 PM »
Just back in from a short birthday gathering. My cousin called me up yesterday saying He ran into an old friend Married to a Filipina and they were getting together for dinner at their place tonight. We go pickup my cousin and his wife and drave accross town expecting it would be just us three couples. Nope, there were easily 15 other filipinas there and few other American guys, couple Filipino men and a few children. Up on the island bar was a buffet that would put any chinese buffet to shame. Host cracks out the beer and we chit chat a bit getting a tour of the house and my wife is just flocking with the filipinas like old friends and photos and contact info getting swapped. Every time I turn around there are more people showing up and plastic baggies coming out as those leaving load up on food to go. New dishes and deserts are constantly flowing out and people flowing to the basement as Keroke starts. My cousin is just in awe at the activity. I wasn't in shock as I witnessed so much of what I learned over the years from this site. It was a little unexpected as when we left there was all new in the kitchen when we left. Apparently it was the hosts birthday party and while there we got invited to another one tomorrow. I could get used to this pretty quick.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Finally found the local Filipinas
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2019, 08:11:13 PM »
Just back in from a short birthday gathering. My cousin called me up yesterday saying He ran into an old friend Married to a Filipina and they were getting together for dinner at their place tonight. We go pickup my cousin and his wife and drave accross town expecting it would be just us three couples. Nope, there were easily 15 other filipinas there and few other American guys, couple Filipino men and a few children. Up on the island bar was a buffet that would put any chinese buffet to shame. Host cracks out the beer and we chit chat a bit getting a tour of the house and my wife is just flocking with the filipinas like old friends and photos and contact info getting swapped. Every time I turn around there are more people showing up and plastic baggies coming out as those leaving load up on food to go. New dishes and deserts are constantly flowing out and people flowing to the basement as Keroke starts. My cousin is just in awe at the activity. I wasn't in shock as I witnessed so much of what I learned over the years from this site. It was a little unexpected as when we left there was all new in the kitchen when we left. Apparently it was the hosts birthday party and while there we got invited to another one tomorrow. I could get used to this pretty quick.

We've long discussed the socializing, the get togethers with our wives and friends from their countries here. 

I think this post applies to Asian and Latin Forum sides equally.

Fos, you guys seem to have a good grip overall, but due diligence is always advisable. We've been to many events as described for over 13 years now, as well as weddings, baptisms,  prayer meetings, graduations etc.

It's a little off putting for me when we go to a party at someone's house and each time see a crowd of new faces, or as the day or evening goes by, waves of bunches of new people coming and going. Later on, we sometimes say "Who were they, where'd them come out of?"

But the food is great and as custom, we also bring home a plate or two. But we always try and bring something, even if store bought, although maybe not if it's our first time as a guest. Even then, maybe a bottle of wine, a pizza, bucket of chicken....

But after 13 years, (really it was after the 1st year or two), we are pretty picky about which events we go to. It's almost strategic, in that my wife will decide, not wanting to insult someone or become excluded from future events.

We rarely go to the annual Xmas and Easter events. Maybe every few years. No 'social cicuit'.

But out of literally 100s, if not a 1000+ Fil-Am couples we've met, you can count on one hand how many Filipinas my wife, or she, myself and another couple, will go out to dinner or on double date with.

She's cautious w social networking too. Also, the gossip game can become a nasty contest at some of these events. And it will get spun ALL around.

And there are, as in pretty much all social get togethers, sometimes people looking to fool around on their spouse, or to just throw out the bait to boost their egos. I've had babes come on to me. If I bit, they'd surely brag on it later, especially because my wife's usually one of the prettiest, most tastefully dressed there, and I'm not exactly "roadkill, wearing a rolex"

Then there are people, divorced a number of times, who are more than happy to share their "methodologies"...

And then, if you stay totally out of the gossip crap, they may look at you like you're acting like your sh!t doesn't stink. My wife might say something like, "I hope her (not mentioning young, unmarried) daughter's baby is OK", or "I hope he/she can find a (not saying "yet another ") job soon", not putting out anything new, no 'juicy gossip tidbits' but not sitting there like Mother Teresa, praying quietly.

As time went by, we realized how different (part of it is we don't have kids and they ALWAYS ask "when?") we are from most of them in a number of ways.

I don't drink, she rarely does, if so, a tiny bit of wine, or won't finish a whole beer . We don't gamble, whereas some of that's usually going on at some of the bigger parties, so we're a bit different at some occasions that way too.

One unexpected way in which I gauge how my wife is viewed in our community is by people asking her about help getting better jobs and the overwhelming number of Filipinas around us who've asked her to be the Godmother to their child.

I've come to resent to an extent all the Xmas and B day presents she sends out, the 1st communions and confirmation events, etc. My wife never forgets their or my family's dates. Even for people who've moved to other states.

But get to know the community, friends and their friends but just proceed with caution. There tend to be 'sides', 'cliques' and dramas that often aren't immediately apparent and we PURPOSEFULLY choose not to fit into any single one of them.

Otherwise, we'd have long ago have gotten sucked into 'all that' and would have had to choose certain friends over others, as alliances shifted amongst them. And they have.

Many times, my wife has remarked: "You're my best friend, it really is just US"  and I think that's great.

Like me, she's got a million 'friendly acquaintances' and a few close friends.

And with them, even with her own family, when she and I hit that inevitable 'rough patch', and there are ongoing things I do or don't do that irk her, she NEVER shares "our" business with ANY of them.

That's kind of hard on her, but I'm thankful.  Because once your 'business' gets out there, it's like the genie's been let out of the bottle and things get retold, warped and ultimately cause worse problems.

It's nice, especially starting out, to see there IS life out there somewhat similar to yours, but proceed carefully!
« Last Edit: March 03, 2019, 08:31:52 PM by robert angel »
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Offline z_k_g

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Re: Finally found the local Filipinas
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2019, 05:23:52 AM »
After many many years working and living in Asia my experience is similar to Roberts.

I have learned that the filipina gossip network is vicious and unforgiving.  While Flipinos are really nice and welcoming people, the dark underside is how they gossip and constantly look for faults and "issues" to add to the gossip mill.

You can never hide anything if you are a foreigner and eventually if you are in the Philippines or in any of the Pinoy communities around the world, the word will get around.  The gossip is very very strong.

I have learned the hard way to not even joke around some of the cousins or friends and sarcasm is a no no, they just won't get your jokes and things will get blown out of proportion as it traverses the filipino gossip network.

My operation is very simple, I say nothing and basically smile and agree with whatever anyone says.  If I am with my wife around her family I stick by her side and avoid any contact with other pinays because any friendly gesture or conversation is seen as "flirting" and your "behavior" get reported to everyone in the filipino gossip network.

My advice to any man that is considering a serious relationship with a filipina is to never engage anyone in her immediate or surrounding family.  Keep to yourself and be friendly but distant.  Ask  you wife/gf about everyone you meet, she will give you the lowdown on who is a friend or enemy.

Next, never talk about your relationship, finances, plans etc to anyone.  All of this info will immediately go to the filipino gossip network and will get twisted turned and become unrecognizable and negative when it gets retold.

Finally, I would suggest no friendships with pinoys not in the family or directly related.  I know this may ruffles some PC feathers, but in my experience any pinoy outside of the family unit sole purpose in friendship is to bang your wife/gf while you are away.  This is not always true but its just something I've noticed, so buyer beware.  Pinoys see you as an ATM in general.  If you are not always with her then befriending you will disarm the situation and allow the pinoy to "comfort" your wife/gf when you are away.  This type of arrangement is very common in the Philippines so I'm not pulling this out of my rear.  Of course your wife/gf is the sole decision maker in this matter but at least you don't have some dude whispering in her ear while you are not around.

Filipinos are really family oriented but other filipinos outside the family neighbors, friends, batchmates, etc tend to be very jealous when the "rich" foreigner shows up.

If you and your wife/gf keep to yourself and a bit distant your experience will stay positive and your life will have very little drama.

ZKG
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Re: Finally found the local Filipinas
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2019, 05:23:52 AM »

Offline Wildstubby

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Re: Finally found the local Filipinas
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2019, 05:20:07 PM »
ZKG said:
Quote
After many many years working and living in Asia my experience is similar to Roberts.

I have learned that the filipina gossip network is vicious and unforgiving.  While Flipinos are really nice and welcoming people, the dark underside is how they gossip and constantly look for faults and "issues" to add to the gossip mill.

You can never hide anything if you are a foreigner and eventually if you are in the Philippines or in any of the Pinoy communities around the world, the word will get around.  The gossip is very very strong.

I have learned the hard way to not even joke around some of the cousins or friends and sarcasm is a no no, they just won't get your jokes and things will get blown out of proportion as it traverses the filipino gossip network.

My operation is very simple, I say nothing and basically smile and agree with whatever anyone says.  If I am with my wife around her family I stick by her side and avoid any contact with other pinays because any friendly gesture or conversation is seen as "flirting" and your "behavior" get reported to everyone in the filipino gossip network.

My advice to any man that is considering a serious relationship with a filipina is to never engage anyone in her immediate or surrounding family.  Keep to yourself and be friendly but distant.  Ask  you wife/gf about everyone you meet, she will give you the lowdown on who is a friend or enemy.

Next, never talk about your relationship, finances, plans etc to anyone.  All of this info will immediately go to the filipino gossip network and will get twisted turned and become unrecognizable and negative when it gets retold.

Finally, I would suggest no friendships with pinoys not in the family or directly related.  I know this may ruffles some PC feathers, but in my experience any pinoy outside of the family unit sole purpose in friendship is to bang your wife/gf while you are away.  This is not always true but its just something I've noticed, so buyer beware.  Pinoys see you as an ATM in general.  If you are not always with her then befriending you will disarm the situation and allow the pinoy to "comfort" your wife/gf when you are away.  This type of arrangement is very common in the Philippines so I'm not pulling this out of my rear.  Of course your wife/gf is the sole decision maker in this matter but at least you don't have some dude whispering in her ear while you are not around.

Filipinos are really family oriented but other filipinos outside the family neighbors, friends, batchmates, etc tend to be very jealous when the "rich" foreigner shows up.

If you and your wife/gf keep to yourself and a bit distant your experience will stay positive and your life will have very little drama.

ZKG
Nice report! However I am most certain that this also applies to any ethnic denomination. Get the species of hens together and they will 'cluck' all day! With a bastard rooster to see to their needs! One thing I learned was that never get in the middle. Case in point: My novia was going in for a hysterectomy. Its a pretty involved procedure and she was scared and told me she would like to talk to her sister. Me being the loving BF, contact the sister. Long story short, the surgery got cancelled. Last week I told my novia I had prompted her sister to call. I received the 3rd degree for even thinking about it!

Offline robert angel

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Re: Finally found the local Filipinas
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2019, 07:49:31 PM »
ZKG said:Nice report! However I am most certain that this also applies to any ethnic denomination. Get the species of hens together and they will 'cluck' all day! With a bastard rooster to see to their needs! One thing I learned was that never get in the middle. Case in point: My novia was going in for a hysterectomy. Its a pretty involved procedure and she was scared and told me she would like to talk to her sister. Me being the loving BF, contact the sister. Long story short, the surgery got cancelled. Last week I told my novia I had prompted her sister to call. I received the 3rd degree for even thinking about it!

Amen to what ZKG is saying. And the behavior of Filipinos pinoys (males) and pinays (females) again, Filipinos, both here and abroad, IS different than other cultures/nation's.

My family,  especially my extended family (1st cousins, etc) covers many races, religions, some 'fresh off the boat' (recently Iran, Thailand & Philippines) other nations, cultures, races, religions further back.

Similarities between Filioinos and say, Mexico, C. & S. America? Like in the Philippines, in parts of the Americas below the lower 48 USA, most people assume if you're a gringo, you're rich. If you loan money, it's a actually best you consider it a 'gift'-- after all, if you could loan it, you really didn't need it. To ask, never mind get pushy by asking twice to be repaid, may well that'd paint you as a selfish, mean spirited unchristian person. And they'd tell others just how cheap, greedy and un 'Christian' you are. That's your 'repayment-gratitude'!

Another similarity, is language. My wife's gotten pretty good, but occasionally I've realized that terms I used, including some'words', that they have gone not understood, and this is for years. Still happens occasionally. The words, the to her 'odd expression' didn't seem, 'sound' consequential enough, given the context, to warrant my wife asking for interpretation. But yet, there's 1000s of words she has asked me to clarify--usually words from a book she's reading. They were important to her grasping meaning that meant something to her.

My talk? She always 'got the gist' of it,  enough to keep us both happy and as a working , understanding 98% of each of the other's conversation team.

She's a paradox of mushy, sentimental and very practical.

Slang? Fuggetaboutit....And many Filipinos will take slang at face value, interpreting things completely wrong and then passing your so called 'words' and statements even how they 'view' your behavior, along the 'bamboo pipeline' as the gospel truth. Then the next Filipino will add their 'twist' to their own interpretation. It's like a morphing topic.

My wife's family is a lot better with these dynamics than most Filipino's families, but like I said, our problems, small or the rare largish ones, are NEVER communicated to them, never mind to our few, closest friends. And while her few select friends are relatively good about privacy, THEY dish dirt to her about their husbands, sh!t that'd burn your ears.

She doesn't talk about our salary or $$$ figures, not even to family.   It gets converted into their currency, their expenses, on and on. They're doing fine over there, but the concept that our phone bill is more than most mid level rent costs, about the same with other bills, ie insurances and more, just isn't accurately grasped.

If you make $23,000 here and tell them, that's a MILLION pesos and to most of Filipinos, it's like a USA citizen's concept of being a USA $$$ millionaire.

Their 'scaling's' wayyyy off. Totally, like so much language, 'lost in translation'..

Crab mentality....my sister in law has been very successful as a nurse in Dubai, adding certifications, moving up to higher paying, more prestigious clinics in just over two years there.

She lives with 5 people, an Auntie once removed, her 2 daughters (one also a nurse, but not nearly as successful, so tension there) another sister and a pinay friend of the family. All squeezed in together.

After 2 years, you think she's 'paid her dues' and now that she can afford her own place,  could just 'move out'?

Not so easy. She won't tell them exactly how much she makes, (smart) but since they gave her a place, a base to stay, set up in Dubai, she can't move yet. Tradition.

That's just part of my wife's family in Dubai dynamics, but it's infinitely WORSE in the general Filipino population.

They have CRAB MENTALITY. That means if you have got something good over time, be it a husband, or maybe you got a degree and a good paying job from that degree, a nice car, designer brand stuff, etc., it's NOT FAIR. Others, like crabs, feel THEY should have it too.

I know it makes little sense, but it boils down to jealousy, resentment and hidden greed.  They'll say, seeming sooo sincere, how happy they are for you, but they'll expect better gifts from you. Always  more. And all the while, resenting and talking you down.

Either way, many will talk behind your back, try and undermine you, or figuratively, like crabs, climb on and over your back, 'throwing you under the bus' to get ahead like you. Taking bites, pieces of you along the way.

Seduce and screw your spouse to get some of 'that' too, if you're not careful.

Why should he be just YOUR pride? Surely she's (your so called friend) 'good enough' (in her mind) to see exactly how good a lover and provider you are. This is not the norm, not really common, but if you're not careful, it can happen!

A lot of Filipinas , again not the majority,  but enough, are horny and love their husbands, but can't seem to be able to resist the allure of 'affairs', affairs that destroy otherwise great marriages, AND families, kid's lives.

There are more pluses than minuses to Filipinos and Fil Am marriage dynamics. I've written too long already, but I have barely scratched the surface.

Over 25 years married to two Filipinas, two sons raised semi involved in the Fil Am community (thank God they got into good schools, are successful like their Mom, Stepmom and me, or we'd be secretly scorned) ---for all those years and I'm still learning, peeling new layers off the onion.

Interpersonal dynamics, religion and not so scientific/religious beliefs--I'll NEVER get it all. It's impossible.

Many won't talk about superstitions, alternative medicines they might even label as 'quack' and that includes educated, materially well off Filipinos.

Better to 'roll with it' enjoy the good, (and compared to most USA style dynamics, it's very good) and just occasionally roll my eyes and not get hung up on stuff I really don't and never will have a full grip on.

I'm just damn glad my wife isn't all caught up in 'socializing', going to events, or compelled to try and impress on social media. Others make a dish, get a new outfit, go on vacation, they HAVE to post/brag, often praising God for specially blessing them. Like their spouse or BF/s, lovers--"see how good he IS to ME--he treats me like a QUEEN!"

But how a lot of Filipinos view God, the blessings, the unfortunate events and interpersonal behavior, is a lot more complex than here.
That said, as a whole, they're still usually much more God fearing than most in the USA. It's just that for some, the 'guidelines' are blurred.

Sad, but true example. Last week, a Filipina we know, who has 4 young kids and a native USA BF---a nice, decent looking guy who bought her a new car, pays rent on a 5 bedroom home in a gated community for them put braces on one, pay college for another, this bitch, a disgrace to even 90% of Filipinas, well, you probably get the idea already. 

This woman is at Catholic mass, 8AM every Sunday, with her 4 kids, has prayer meetings at her home.

She is having an affair at work with a married white guy, just a little higher up the 'food chain'. Enough to boost her aging ego.

This c_nt bought a ring she says is her 'engagement ring' from lover, BF#1 and (you can't make sh!t like this up) bought online flowers for HERSELF,  telling all at work that they were sent by a 'secret admirer'.

The guy she's fooling around with,  will dump her, but she'll lose both guys, and the best guy, 'Dad figure' and meal ticket her kids ever met. Horrible, but true.

You could count on 1 hand and have fingers left over, for the number of pinays my wife will go out to lunch or go out on a day trip with.

Other invites, she gives the very acceptable excuse: "Rob and I already had plans, but thank you".

And going out with her 'real' friends? Only AFTER asking my 'permission', which is a wonderful, but unnecessary 'formality'. Then she explains to me: "Honey, I'd rather US do something, but it's Beverly's birthday...Why should I say "no"?

By rarely having to say NO, it means when I DO, it's got MEGApower when I do. She actually LIKES it, even if I do get a brief pout once in a while.

And birthdays are HUGE events to them, so if it's someone close, I'll say "Of course honey, she's a good person and friend--have fun, get a nice gift for her too"

A lot of Filipinas here buy a new car, (and it HAS to be NEW) then they have the Priest give it a special blessing, the 'Holy Water' mini wash--get the picture?

Again, it's amazing, so complex how Filipino's relationship with 'God' unfolds, but the way many will profusely "Thank God" is more often thinly misconstruing their true message: "I am sooo good, see how God takes care of me?"

My wife got a beautiful pearly white sports edition Toyota Camry sports edition. She'd been holding onto a 1997, (yes 97 Camry) for too long. Honestly, I was the one feeling embarrassed. But she refused to let me buy her a new one, as the old one was running fine, so I surprised her. Had to, otherwise it'd be another "Next year, sweetie, I'm fine, and it's paid for"

Yea, but I bought and paid for it in full, back in 2005!!

She refused to post anything about it.

I mentioned it might take months, because we go to few events, and it's been cold, we don't go out much unless it's dates, movies, trips, just her and I, but that eventually, they'd see it and 'talk about it'.

I'm sure they did and still do. They probably are saying she went from a 5 year payment plan to a 7 year one and we are broke!

Or that I have more money than I need, that I was cheap all those years--awful me, with  sexy, fit, much younger wife, and me just saving, denying her.

There's not much in the middle terms of  material things and Filipinos in the USA

Besides, if she told them how we saved, then paid it off with one check, they'd probably come up with some story that I HAD to buy it to make up for something awful I did. ' Hush' money, to avoid fighting, divorce, essentially a bribe.

Even if that WERE the case, I'd rather burn the money than pay, like some man worm...

I told her "Honey, they'll find out about your car eventually anyhow, and hopefully your quiet modesty will be a good example"

So many Filipinos hate other Filipinos having more of anything than they do, including the more intrinsic things, like health, happiness and spouses who value each other.

Yea, it's OK to be friendly with people, but as a wise old GF once told me:

Never count as REAL friends, any number of people that's more than the number of fingers you have on one hand.

Otherwise,  especially in the Filipino community, gossip may turn into conspiracies and you'll find friendships failing and factions forming around you both, potentially dividing you.



« Last Edit: March 04, 2019, 08:51:09 PM by robert angel »
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Offline z_k_g

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Re: Finally found the local Filipinas
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2019, 08:23:17 PM »
I know it makes little sense, but it boils down to jealousy, resentment and hidden greed.  They'll say, seeming sooo sincere, how happy they are for you, but they'll expect better gifts. More. While talking you down. Either way, they'll talk behind your back, try and undermine you, or figuratively climb on and over your back, 'throwing you under the bus' to get ahead like you did.
Welcome to the Philippines! 
Its really difficult to avoid any of this.  You have to really have good communication with your wife/gf because don't forget she is FILIPINO!!  No matter how good her english and how much she "hates" the gossips, she is pinay! 
This is where your authority as the 'husband' has to kick in.  Unlike the USA where the husband is relegated to "partner" status by the Feminists and SJW's, your pinay will respect your leadership and authority as the HUSBAND, but only if you exert this authority.
You have to make it very clear on your first date that you will not tolerate any disrespectful behavior and that includes spreading all of your personal business all over FB, instagram and youtube.  Your wife/gf must be  absolutely 100% on board with your program or you will have significant issues.  She is part of the gossip culture, you must wean her out of this the behavior.  Once she understands you will not tolerate this she will respect you and follow suite.  I'm not saying its that simple but it can and must be done.
Seduce and screw your spouse to get some of 'that' too, if you're not careful.
Haha, so true!
All foreigners BEWARE!  PINOYS HAVE ZERO RESPECT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE!!!!
I cannot emphasize this enough.  They will be trying every minute of every day to smash your wife/gf.  There are no exceptions.  Ex-Bf's, classmates of hers (batchmates), the security guard, the WU teller who knows she is getting payments, the next door neighbors, her brothers friends, the list doesn't end!
Pinoys see you as an ATM via your wife/gf.  They consider her "single" if you are not there.
The real key stopping this type of behavior is with the woman you choose as a wife/gf.  Is she is super horny and gotta have it, you are in for a long a difficult ride and the local jeepney driver will spend more time between your wife's legs than you do.


A lot of Filipinas are horny and love their husbands, but can't seem to be able to resist the allure of 'affairs', affairs that destroy otherwise great marriages, AND families, kid's lives.
Haha, wow brutally honest!!!!
Korean Soap Operas have basically corrupted every young pinay into this type of behavior.  They have normalized affiars and love triangles.  Unfortunately most pinays really believe that a relationship should be filled with drama and "third parties". 
Pinoys on the other hand are well known for smashing any available horny pinay who happens to be in the vancinty.  So both contribute to the problem and results is multiple mistresses, affairs, love triangles etc.
Welcome to the Philipppines!
ZKG
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

 

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