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Offline z_k_g

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My Journey
« on: November 03, 2018, 04:02:23 AM »
Was reading Fosgates "My Journey" post a few days ago and was really captivated by his narrative.


So many men go on a journey seeking the right woman, its not easy, its not always fun and its never predictable in any fashion.  But if you find the right woman, the right pinay, its well worth the price of the ticket!


His post gave me an itching to provide the newbies and anyone else with a thirst for insight into the real experiences of men who seek a mate outside of their own country.


I won't be as detailed as Fosgate (maybe do a longer post in sections) but for this short post I will provide some insight into some of what happened on my journey, well.... up to this point anyways...the "journey" is seldom ever completely over even when you are married with children right?


There is never really an appropriate place to start, so I will start with the first filipina and end with my present pinay.  Honestly, as I write this, it's not really a pleasant task because it involves a bit of self deprecation, but the truth is never quite so pleasant and at the end of the day my story may help and guide other men who seek a woman in the Philippines.  We learn from our mistakes and hopefully our bad decisions will not be repeated.


My first pinay #1 was 19 when I met her, together 3 years. Student, nice girl, smart, loving and very beautiful.  We got along well and I was extremely happy with her, I loved her, She love me (at least she told me so).  Visited her numerous times in the Philippines and we planned to marry after she graduated school.  When she graduated, she dumped me.  Just that simple.  She was cheating on me with another pinoy her own age.  I only found out about this a few months after we broke up and she defriended me on FB and start posting new pics with her new BF!  This story does not quite end here, so keep reading my friends.


My second #2 pinay was 28, together almost 4 years.  Met her while working in Hong Kong. OFW, Very pretty girl, mature, loving and ready to settle down.  We lived together and she also was able to travel with me because her employer in HK was super loaded and her only job was to care for a dog!  She could take off whenever she liked and she even had her own apartment, paid for by the employer.  She was really really wanting to get married, me not in such a hurry.  She wanted to move to Canada, which I opposed because I worked in HK and live in USA, the deep south.  I never would see her in Canada.  The Canadian government offered huge incentives to move there for filipinas, including a quick pathway to citizenship, high pay and you can bring your family!  We broke up she moved to Canada, end of story. 


Around the same time I was breaking up with #2, my first gf #1 was seeking me out.  She wanted to get back together.  So, I had no problem letting #2 go to Canada, I still wanted to marry #1, so I let #2 go. 


I got back together with #1, went to her parents house for Christmas later that year asked for permission to marry and proposed to her in front of her parents. Four months later, she called me and dumped me again!  Wouldn't tell me why, just that she wanted to break up.  At this point she is almost 26 years old!  Go figure this woman out?  WTF!  Welcome to the Philippines!


I needed some time off so I was single for a bit, just enjoyed the many many pinays in HK.


About 5 months after I was dumped by #1 for the 2nd time, I meet #3, 26 yrs old, my present fiancee.  We weren't serious at first only chatting and I didn't immediately meet her in person because she was living in Davao and I was in HK. 


After about 6 months of chatting, she went ghost!  One day we are chatting, next day no profile on FB, no FB chat.  Nothing, not even answering her cell phone.  WTF!  No clue to why she just ended all communication. 


In hindsight, we were not really that serious, only chatting, but I wanted it to get serious, I really liked her, but apparently she did not share my feelings, it was obviously not mutual and she simply didn't want to explain herself so she just ghosted.


I went back to the most enjoyable single life in HK, its pretty damn nice so I didn't fret over a woman #3, I have never actually met in person. 


About a year and six months later I am on Date In Asia and I get a random message, its #3!!!  She asks if I am single.  I say yep.  She says I want to start over.  I am like WTF, please explain your ghosting sister!  Long story short, she met an old crush from HS, they got together and since I was just a chat buddy, she didn't think it was a big deal to just end it. 


Makes sense to me but I really thought we had more that just a chatting relationship (stupid foreigner).  This is typical when you chat with pinays, your perception and the truth, the reality, are sometimes not the same!!  I'm pretty well grounded so I felt her ghosting me was a bit harsh, but whatever, I get it!


So, She #3 finds out that her crush is MARRIED with children after a year of dating him (a pinoy) and they break up.  She is back on the dating scene again and joined DIA and saw my photo.


So we resume our chatting after 18 months with no communication! Go figure that.  Things are going well so I am like, look we need to meet.  We meet up and things are cool, we have lots in common and we get long really well.  She comes to HK and stays with me and things get even better.


Fast forward to today and we are engaged, we are thinking of a church wedding next year, 18 months after we resume our relationship.  Time will tell....


As I stated at the beginning of my post, this is just a brief summary of My Journey. 


I really didn't provide any meaningful details just wanted to put my experience out there.  My experience was not very romantic or even particularly interesting just one man's experience.  I don't give a lot of details so my post may not be so helpful in gaining deep insights into the possible reasons for my failures and successes.


At any rate, posts are always opportunities for discussion and comments, I don't mind a robust discussion to help those men who are interested in a similar journey as mine and hopefully finding the woman of your dreams in the Philippines!


ZKG



« Last Edit: November 03, 2018, 04:04:50 AM by z_k_g »
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2018, 10:31:28 AM »
Wow. Thanks for sharing.  Sorry to be so blunt but you seem to consistently get used by these women. But remarkably,  you seem to handle that very well, without any self pity. Yet you keep going back for more with the same women.  #1 should have never had another chance. #2 was a user. #3 sounds like a user too....again thanks for sharing but gotta call it like I see it...

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2018, 11:55:46 AM »
Wow. Thanks for sharing.  Sorry to be so blunt but you seem to consistently get used by these women.
I am not sure how you got that impression in anything that I wrote, so let me be clear.


I spent many months weeding out the scammers, users, hookers, prostitutes, prepangos, part time freelancers, etc. 


These women were none of that, they were just regular pinays, good women from poor but decent families, looking for a good man, I can attest to that.  They did nothing wrong to me per se.  I wasn't taken advantage of in any way and I hope the breivity of my post did not give that impression.   Cheating happens with any woman, western or Asain or its not unique to filipinas and I would never say that.


I don't send money, I don't take anyone shopping, and I have never or will never support anyone that I'm not married, and even then they will need to work a job.  I never got a "sick caribou story" from any of my ex gf's, ever.


Bu I will add for clarity....



#1 I gave her money for her books in school and on a few occasions gave he money for tuition.  Wasn't a lot, but I did assist her.  She never asked or needed my money for anything, her 2 older sisters paid her way through school, as her bf I insisted that I help her, she never asked or expected as far as I remember. I was not her sponsor.


#2 Never gave her a dime.  She always split the tab for dinner or anything fun we did.  I invited her to travel with me on business, but she never asked me to go, I wanted her to accompany me so paid for her tickets, so I can't say she was taking advantage of me in any way.


#3 Never asked for money to this day.  I invited her to join me in HK and paid her way, she never asked to come visit me and was content with me coming to Davao to visit her.


Quote
But remarkably,  you seem to handle that very well, without any self pity. Yet you keep going back for more with the same women.  #1 should have never had another chance.


#1 She was young and horny and hot and she was surrounded by many horny pinoy that knew she had a foreign bf.  I made a bad decision, and you are 100% right should never have given her another chance.  I was "in love" go figure that


Quote
#2 was a user.


not really....just two people headed in different directions in life bro


Quote
#3 sounds like a user too....again thanks for sharing but gotta call it like I see it...


Most guys don't get that any woman you meet online will always have more than one option (the same as you!)...that's the reality and that's the lesson here, learned first hand by me.  Also hope most guys will learn that long distance relationships in the Philippines is not gonna work. If you are not there taking care of her a pinoy will step in your shoes quickly.  Its not common for a filipina to have a foreign husband and a pinoy bf!


So either move to philippines, or move her to where you are.  Most pinays, even the young ones, hear so many promises that are broken or have so much pressure to marry or have children, they are not gonna wait on you.  Hypergamy rules and plus her pinoy had a higher SMV than me, I get that, under the same circumstances I would have done exactly that same thing, and so would you bro. 



I am red pill aware, I understand womens nature so hypergamy reigns....I get that, no emotions attached...the same way I don't get angry at gravity!


There is no relationship with a woman that will be "free" and cost nothing, you will pay something, We want the women, they want our resources.  This is not a "bad" thing, if you understand woman's nature and accept it. 


I was NEVER used by any of my ex gf's and my present gf is not using me.


Bottom line, Shet happens......Briffault's law always applies!


Thanks for the feedback! 



Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2018, 11:55:46 AM »

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2018, 12:53:39 PM »
I give you credit and I guess since you didn't feel used you weren't.  But money aside, what about the time and energy you invested in these women? That's what would bug most men...i I would prefer to be with a woman who shows me she values me...resources aside, if  a woman digs you, she wants to have your babies. I believed that before I started looking overseas and I still do after 6 and a half years of marriage....I applaud your resilience, but the women you're choosing  I definitely wouldn't be giving second chances to...

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2018, 01:49:09 PM »
But money aside, what about the time and energy you invested in these women? That's what would bug most men...i I would prefer to be with a woman who shows me she values me...resources aside, if  a woman digs you, she wants to have your babies.


Of course I agree 100%....but bro how do you know that with any woman until you took the chance on a relationship? 
All relationships are risks, you never know how they will turn out, you just have to do proper vetting and once you make your selection move forward and try your best to make it work.  But there are no guarantees in life and no one can predict the future.


Why do we post here, why do we bother? I do it to help others who have similar life trajectories navigate through this difficult process of finding a wife overseas, in this case the Philippines.


Planet-Love is that place where men can help other men.  We can tell our stories, however painful and embarrassing, in order to help other men avoid "wasting their time" and focus their efforts on finding the right filipina. 


Without this forum and all the brave men who told their stories, gave their advice and provided moral support, I never could have chosen good filipinas to call my gf.  My blind adventure was guided by the men on this forum and I am forever grateful.  I chose wrong, my mistake, I had to go back out there and find another.  That's life bro


But at the end of the day, only 2 people make a marriage.  This forum can help you find the right one, identify the red flags, but its up to you and her to make it work.  Its not easy finding that perfect match and completely different cultures don't make that search any easier.  Some guys get it right on the first try (sounds like you), some on the second (the majority of men), and some it takes double digits (everyone else).  Maybe I got it right this time... with #3, who knows, I'm gonna do all I can to make it successful, give it my best shot and have no regrets.


With so much at stake, marrying anyone nowadays should be taken as seriously as a corporate merger.  The femnazis of the west have destroyed our country's solid foundation and the marriage contract between men and women. 
Its not even a contract anymore, its just a sharp knife at your throat given to your wife and she can cut you at a whim, whenever she feels likes it, if she is "unhappy" she can divorce rape you at a whim take the children, get alimony, child support, restraining order, your house and half your cash and retirement.


I came to the Philippines to find a woman who is not so self centered and predatory and close minded as the American femnazis.  So far, my relationships have failed because of my bad decisions or my poor choices.  This is honest, straight no chaser.  Of course the filipina was the other 50% of the failure, but it had nothing to do with her nationality, it just wasn't a good match plain and simple, pretty much equal fault on both sides.  Of course here I'm not telling her side of the story, all I can do is tell mine.


My post is about My Journey. My goal is for men to learn from my experience and not waste their time!  There are some really great filipinas out there, hopefully our efforts, our posts will make it easier for men to find them.


ZKG



Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2018, 05:33:00 PM »
Definitely love the fact you shared here. Very few are willing to share failures...And yes failed marriage for most of us leads to financial catastrophe...I do think you are probably too self deprecating in relation to these women.  The way they dropped you from one day to the next sounded pretty callous, but maybe some others will view it differently...

Offline Wildstubby

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #6 on: November 03, 2018, 06:09:25 PM »
I tend to echo MC's sentiments. However, I am all for someone if they are willing to post their missteps so that others don't fall into the same traps. I played the 'come-back kid' once and after the relationship was over (again), I felt embarrassed and used! But I picked my bohunkous up and jumped back in with both feet. I think this time around I have a winner. I sincerely hope you do also!

Offline JWR

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #7 on: November 03, 2018, 09:56:44 PM »
Hey welcome back ZKG......
I remember reading your posts years ago.
I don't know maybe I've gotten too jaded.  I consider a chat friendship a real friendship even if you've never met the girl.  You're spending lots of time connecting with them and often chatting even daily.
#3 should have just sent you a quick message telling you that she's signing off before she ghosted.  A simple goodbye.  Sometimes I see character flaws in people when they do crap like that.  That is just too cold and inconsiderate.  People don't change much, and you may see that behaviour once again in the future.
You have alot of experience by now, and you just have to trust your gut after a while.

Offline Fosgate5

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2018, 06:47:50 AM »
Thanks for sharing ZKG. I don't think you can easily describe a long term relationship in a paragraph to accuratly give a description and it's easy to jump to conclusions when we try to summarize like that. I gotta agree in the token you don't always see whats coming, make a bad decision and you don't see the tell tale signs that would have prevented it until after the fact. Fact of most of us is that we don't go running at the first sign.


Gotta remember Filipinos often have a side chick from their wives, girlfriends etc. You could could be chatting with that side chick that wants to get the hell away from that guy just as women do the same here as well. Ana was always keeping me in the loop with some of her girl friends. Once coworker who she still speaks to this day left her company to work in Abu Dahbi. She had a boyfriend that was in the Philippines, sailor and had a C U Next Tuesday of a mother living with him. They would often take off for a weekend and go bang each others brains out in a hotel before she left. They planned to marry but within a month or two of her being away she found another Filipino in Abu Dhabi, banging an african man and finally broke up with her Fiance in the Philippines. She's broken away from the African but not sure if she is seeing anyone at the moment. She's a nice girl don't get me wrong but she is a woman that wants and needs attention and that is what many of them want and also they are going to look at their future and direct their path. Now I don't know if here sailer fiance cheated on her as well or maybe even triggered the whole escapade but I would not be surprised.


I myself made a final date with an American for a couple weeks. Blonde, good looking and a bag o bich crazy. I saw that coming a mile away. Photogragher, former journalist, claimed she didn't drink on POF but everytime we me we drank a little. Then one night she got drunk, became real beligerant quickly and passed out. It was my cue to go to bed and shut the door behind me. I woke up the next morning and none of my stuff was destroyed or missing but she was gone and never heard from her again so I assume she got the point. That was my final check for myself on my decision to move forward with Ana and make the financial commitment to put up with the travel, the paperwork and expenses to bring her here. I would not have been suprised in a way if she ever made that final test decision if she was going to leave the philippines potentially forever or not as well.


They are also aware of some of the games foreghners play. I chatted with one Filipina on CB in the public that was absolutly crushed after she became invovled with an American who they both committed to each other exclusively and after 3 years he broke it off with her stating he had chosen another filipina. 3 years??!! She took herself off the market during her prime for that guy and he was working the angles with several different women. She had the fear that she lost her option to ever marry because of that guy. I saw then that many other filipinas chimed in with similar stories and others sharing advice how to avoid. Seems while we watch out for the scammers and filipinas asking for money. They look to avoid the players who show up and try to make the rounds with several different women or are chatting with several different women. Ana thought I was one of those players at first. Part of how I overcame that was by skyping or chatting EVERY night or morning to some extent. Their thought is to put it bluntly is you need to make up your mind pretty quick and stick with them or move on. They think in the terms that a good masculine man knows what he wants and a bad pick of a man plays the market as they don't know how to make a decision like a good masculine man does.


I used to play the market hard and I was a runner at the first sign. I never really put a woman before myself I think in part because of the feminist mindset that is such the social norm in our culture these days. Like ZKG said, society has armed them with a knife they can put to our throat at any time. In the same sense, I met Ana when I had nearly nothing at a low point in my life. She has been there to support me emotionally and now she has given up everything she had and knows to come here and be with me. God forbid if something were to happen between us to drive us apart. I'm not leaving her with essentially the clothes she came here with. I hear some guys wanting them to sign prenups etc. Really? I've always looked at prenups as the first nail in the coffin of a relationship that should be a sign that either there are signs that the little voice in side your head is trying to warn you about her or you really don't trust anyone. In either case you really should not be getting married period.


I place Ana before me as the most important thing in my life and I am the the first priority for her. Friends ask me sometimes if we have kids will they become the most important thing in our lives. (they usually have kids.) "Absolutly not" I say. This usually leaves a shocked expression on their face. They are a priority but Ana will always top them. There are enough articles written about the topic and simply put I have seen and been in a relationship where the spouse was not the number one priority to each. But among groups so many people put their priorities elsewhere. I think all filipinas I have met share in this idea that they will make you their top priority if you make them your top priority. That is why I would highly encourage anyone when you strike up a chat you may have a few choices but you need to quickly make up your mind within a couple months if not sooner which one you are decided on and stick with her and dedicate to her and make plans to go see her soon to confirm your own ideals if she is going to be the one you ask to marry her.


The idea of lining up several women to visit in one trip is suicide and lazy IMHO. I feel that is like throwing out 250 resumes online rather than focus on the 4 or 5 you really want to begin with, do reasearch and narrow that list down quickly has always been more successful at finding that job you really want, why not do that in our relationship goals? I Don't think I told Ana I was chatting with 3 other Filippinas at the time but everyday I was looking taking a new assessment of the vetting of them to rank them and eliminate them until I made the choice to pursue the number one choice. I think when I did that I asked Ana if she what I was doing and I had been chatting with several others but I would like to pursue her exclusively and asked if she would do the same. She even says today that flattered her that i was honest and forthcoming of my intent and said yes then. I informed the others of my decision as well and while there were tears among some of them (Because they are all saying "I love you" by now.) They all really appreciated the honesty that I did not want to waste their time or string them along. Couple of them knew before hand that I was chatting with other women because if they asked I simply told them the truth so they weren't so broke up about it but still appreciated the honesty.

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #9 on: November 04, 2018, 08:15:28 AM »
Thanks for sharing ZKG. I don't think you can easily describe a long term relationship in a paragraph to accuratly give a description and it's easy to jump to conclusions when we try to summarize like that.


Fos that is the beauty of having a forum like PL, we can start with a general paragraph and then if newbies or vets have some specific questions we can drill down and assist them.  This is not some type of group pity party as far as I am concerned, I'm not here seeking therapy.  My goal here is to assist good men, no sex tourists, to find a filipina wife.
Lets put our experiences, good bad or otherwise, out there and have a group discussion, ask questions, criticize, comment, like or beat down.  At the end we all will walk away better men and with a higher probability of success in such a risky endeavor.





Quote
I gotta agree in the token you don't always see whats coming, make a bad decision and you don't see the tell tale signs that would have prevented it until after the fact. Fact of most of us is that we don't go running at the first sign.


If you are sincere and honestly looking for a wife you will give your gf a lot of slack and even allow significant red flags, ones we on PL have warned you about, get past you.  This does not mean you are stupid or a cuck, just shows your commitment to making the relationship work, no matter her shortcomings.  Typically, this will get you burned, ignoring the red flags, but sometimes you find out the red flags were not so bad.  Relationships are a risk, you just never know.

Quote
Gotta remember Filipinos often have a side chick from their wives, girlfriends etc. You could could be chatting with that side chick that wants to get the hell away from that guy just as women do the same here as well. Ana was always keeping me in the loop with some of her girl friends. Once coworker who she still speaks to this day left her company to work in Abu Dahbi. She had a boyfriend that was in the Philippines, sailor and had a C U Next Tuesday of a mother living with him. They would often take off for a weekend and go bang each others brains out in a hotel before she left. They planned to marry but within a month or two of her being away she found another Filipino in Abu Dhabi, banging an african man and finally broke up with her Fiance in the Philippines. She's broken away from the African but not sure if she is seeing anyone at the moment. She's a nice girl don't get me wrong but she is a woman that wants and needs attention and that is what many of them want and also they are going to look at their future and direct their path. Now I don't know if here sailer fiance cheated on her as well or maybe even triggered the whole escapade but I would not be surprised.

Fos you just summed up the most intriguing aspect of Asian culture.  Specifically in the Philippines, in my experience, everyone, not just the men, keep their options open at all times.   In my 20 years in Asia 95% of every man I have met whether Chinese, Viet, Hong Kong and Filipino have had a side chick.  And the women know and accept it.  In southern china in fact some women typically stop having sex with their husbands at 35 and expect their husbands to get a mistress or hooker to satisfy their urges because sex at 35 is considered unladylike!  In the philippines is just rampant cheating and 3rd party relationships and the pinoys are notorious playboys.  Its not PC in the west, but older married (and sometimes rich) pinoys will routinely start early with the hottest single pinays, as young as 15 or 16.  They give them money and gifts, like cell phones, and are having sex with the young girls in secret (and sometimes not so secret). 
If you are seeking out a pinay and she is super attractive she will not be totally innocent even at 18, trust me.  Its not easy to find a virgin in the Philippines anymore even in the provinces.  She may give a good story but you must dig deeper and ask her the hard and difficult questions when you are discussing her past.  Pinays will lie to cover herself and avoid you "judging" her.  You must push her for no secrets and full disclosure.  You don't want to find yourself with a nice filipina who has been the mistress of several rich barangay captains and worked at a men's club in Manila!


Quote
I myself made a final date with an American for a couple weeks. Blonde, good looking and a bag o bich crazy. I saw that coming a mile away. Photogragher, former journalist, claimed she didn't drink on POF but everytime we me we drank a little. Then one night she got drunk, became real beligerant quickly and passed out. It was my cue to go to bed and shut the door behind me. I woke up the next morning and none of my stuff was destroyed or missing but she was gone and never heard from her again so I assume she got the point. That was my final check for myself on my decision to move forward with Ana and make the financial commitment to put up with the travel, the paperwork and expenses to bring her here. I would not have been suprised in a way if she ever made that final test decision if she was going to leave the philippines potentially forever or not as well.
Fos you are lucky she lodged no false rape allegations against you.  With the #metoo hysteria in full idiot mode in the USA, I am in fear of being alone with an American woman.

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They are also aware of some of the games foreghners play. I chatted with one Filipina on CB in the public that was absolutly crushed after she became invovled with an American who they both committed to each other exclusively and after 3 years he broke it off with her stating he had chosen another filipina. 3 years??!! She took herself off the market during her prime for that guy and he was working the angles with several different women. She had the fear that she lost her option to ever marry because of that guy. I saw then that many other filipinas chimed in with similar stories and others sharing advice how to avoid. Seems while we watch out for the scammers and filipinas asking for money. They look to avoid the players who show up and try to make the rounds with several different women or are chatting with several different women. Ana thought I was one of those players at first. Part of how I overcame that was by skyping or chatting EVERY night or morning to some extent. Their thought is to put it bluntly is you need to make up your mind pretty quick and stick with them or move on. They think in the terms that a good masculine man knows what he wants and a bad pick of a man plays the market as they don't know how to make a decision like a good masculine man does.
In the Philippines the pinays expect you to commit quickly.  If you don't they move on quickly and they will leave you for the best option with no regrets on their part.  When I was love bombed by #1 a week into our relationship it took me a bit off guard.  This was my first serious filipina and I had no idea how seductive and comforting it was to have a beautiful young woman hit you with "I love you" would feel.  10 years later in hindsight I understand now the deal.  Young filipinas grow up listing to pinoy, Korean and Indian soap operas on GMA-7 TV and on the internet.  They are in love with LOVE and they are really role playing what they believe to be the storybook relationship. 

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I used to play the market hard and I was a runner at the first sign. I never really put a woman before myself I think in part because of the feminist mindset that is such the social norm in our culture these days. Like ZKG said, society has armed them with a knife they can put to our throat at any time. In the same sense, I met Ana when I had nearly nothing at a low point in my life. She has been there to support me emotionally and now she has given up everything she had and knows to come here and be with me. God forbid if something were to happen between us to drive us apart. I'm not leaving her with essentially the clothes she came here with. I hear some guys wanting them to sign prenups etc. Really? I've always looked at prenups as the first nail in the coffin of a relationship that should be a sign that either there are signs that the little voice in side your head is trying to warn you about her or you really don't trust anyone. In either case you really should not be getting married period.
Finding the right filipina changes everything. 

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I place Ana before me as the most important thing in my life and I am the the first priority for her. Friends ask me sometimes if we have kids will they become the most important thing in our lives. (they usually have kids.) "Absolutly not" I say. This usually leaves a shocked expression on their face. They are a priority but Ana will always top them. There are enough articles written about the topic and simply put I have seen and been in a relationship where the spouse was not the number one priority to each. But among groups so many people put their priorities elsewhere. I think all filipinas I have met share in this idea that they will make you their top priority if you make them your top priority. That is why I would highly encourage anyone when you strike up a chat you may have a few choices but you need to quickly make up your mind within a couple months if not sooner which one you are decided on and stick with her and dedicate to her and make plans to go see her soon to confirm your own ideals if she is going to be the one you ask to marry her.

I totally agree.  The relationship with YOU must be her first priority.  This will not be very PC but I also demand that the husband is the leader of the marriage.  I do not share leadership, someone must make the final decision, that someone is the husband.  This does not mean I am a dictator or tyrant or a slave master.  But I am the leader and this is non-negotiable with me. 
Western society has relegated men into bubbling weak fools and have created a false narrative the women are strong and intelligent and have been repressed for centuries. Bullshat!!  Gender roles are natural and have existed and evolved for thousands of years because they work.  Men protect and provide, women nurture and keep the family intact.  Women have zero respect for weak men and in the Philippines if you go Beta with a filipina you will find yourself cucked very quickly when you come home and your loyal wife is banging her pinoy bf.  Feminists are cancer and their destructive false narratives have destroyed the family structure in the USA and the west. 


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The idea of lining up several women to visit in one trip is suicide and lazy IMHO. I feel that is like throwing out 250 resumes online rather than focus on the 4 or 5 you really want to begin with, do reasearch and narrow that list down quickly has always been more successful at finding that job you really want, why not do that in our relationship goals? I Don't think I told Ana I was chatting with 3 other Filippinas at the time but everyday I was looking taking a new assessment of the vetting of them to rank them and eliminate them until I made the choice to pursue the number one choice. I think when I did that I asked Ana if she what I was doing and I had been chatting with several others but I would like to pursue her exclusively and asked if she would do the same. She even says today that flattered her that i was honest and forthcoming of my intent and said yes then. I informed the others of my decision as well and while there were tears among some of them (Because they are all saying "I love you" by now.) They all really appreciated the honesty that I did not want to waste their time or string them along. Couple of them knew before hand that I was chatting with other women because if they asked I simply told them the truth so they weren't so broke up about it but still appreciated the honesty.
During My Journey the selection process was difficult but necessary.  I narrowed my choices down to 3 and spent weeks eliminating the final 2.  This process took months to finally chose my #1 gf when I first started looking for a filipina wife, even with the help of the P-L forum.
My advice is to get to the point quickly and ask direct questions about their job, lifestyle, province, family and past relationships.  The red flags will pop up fairly quickly!!

« Last Edit: November 04, 2018, 08:42:28 AM by z_k_g »
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #10 on: November 04, 2018, 08:35:00 AM »
Hey welcome back ZKG......
I remember reading your posts years ago.
I don't know maybe I've gotten too jaded.  I consider a chat friendship a real friendship even if you've never met the girl.  You're spending lots of time connecting with them and often chatting even daily.
I 100% agree.  But keep in mind on DIA, FC and any other dating website these pinays will get thousands of emails and establish hundreds of friends and chat with dozens of men.  The harsh reality is that a filipina will keep her options open and will chat with more than one man before she fully commits.  Thats a bitter pill to swallow for some but thats the raw truth, she may be telling 2 or 3 men "I love you".  I actually appreciate her ghosting me, I avoided any pretense of her actually wanting to pursue a relationship with me, no more wasting my time, and I moved on to someone who was focused on a relationship with me.  Hypergamy rules, she chose the man with the highest Sexual Marketplace Value.  That's woman's nature.

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#3 should have just sent you a quick message telling you that she's signing off before she ghosted.  A simple goodbye.  Sometimes I see character flaws in people when they do crap like that.  That is just too cold and inconsiderate.  People don't change much, and you may see that behaviour once again in the future.
At the time she was chatting with many other suitors.  I do agree that is was cold from my perspective. But from hers I was just one of 3 or 4 and she just moved on because she was thinking he has 3 or 4 filipinas to choose from also and honestly, I did.

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You have alot of experience by now, and you just have to trust your gut after a while.
Of course we discussed her ghosting, but as I stated earlier, once she explained her viewpoint, even tho I still didn't like her not even giving me a dear john note, I understood her. 

Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

Offline Wildstubby

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #11 on: November 04, 2018, 10:39:29 AM »
Z_K_G said:
Quote
In my 20 years in Asia 95%...
You having said that, says that you are aware of the culture and know the 'potions and poisons' involved. That puts you years ahead of me. Like you I did find one that was unmarried, and we skyped. Like Fosgate did, I let her and the others know my intentions. She was the only one that didn't send me nude photos etc. So that put her far in front. But then she engaged that 'cloaking device' and was history. At that point I was still on the fence about traveling 20+ hours to the PI and another 20+ on the return. Her disappearance cinched the decision for me and I returned to looking in my own hemisphere. I always like to hear about happy endings. I don't delight in the downfalls of those who went before me!

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2018, 12:43:46 PM »
Definitely love the fact you shared here. Very few are willing to share failures...And yes failed marriage for most of us leads to financial catastrophe...I do think you are probably too self deprecating in relation to these women.  The way they dropped you from one day to the next sounded pretty callous, but maybe some others will view it differently...


I'm not that self deprecating, just giving you guys the full monty and not holding back the fact that I made some bad decisions.  This journey is not for the thin skinned. 


I think the biggest misconception in this journey to find a foreign bride is that women are significantly different.  They are women and women's nature is the same the same no matter what country you go to. 
The difference in Asia is the culture which in some countries like the Philippines is still devoid of the feminist cancer. 


A filipina will take care of you and really dedicate her life to her family with you....If you find the right one.  There is no magic, no hidden secrets.  You have to spend the time to weed out the bad apples find the right one and build a solid relationship with your woman. 


So at the end of the day relationship wise, its no different from a relationship with an American or western woman.  What's the difference? Feminism has not taken hold in the Philippines, your probability of success is much higher because filipinas are not infected by the feminist scourge.
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2018, 12:43:46 PM »

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2018, 01:53:13 PM »
Was reading Fosgates "My Journey" post a few days ago and was really captivated by his narrative.


So many men go on a journey seeking the right woman, its not easy, its not always fun and its never predictable in any fashion.  But if you find the right woman, the right pinay, its well worth the price of the ticket!


His post gave me an itching to provide the newbies and anyone else with a thirst for insight into the real experiences of men who seek a mate outside of their own country.


I won't be as detailed as Fosgate (maybe do a longer post in sections) but for this short post I will provide some insight into some of what happened on my journey, well.... up to this point anyways...the "journey" is seldom ever completely over even when you are married with children right?


There is never really an appropriate place to start, so I will start with the first filipina and end with my present pinay.  Honestly, as I write this, it's not really a pleasant task because it involves a bit of self deprecation, but the truth is never quite so pleasant and at the end of the day my story may help and guide other men who seek a woman in the Philippines.  We learn from our mistakes and hopefully our bad decisions will not be repeated.


My first pinay #1 was 19 when I met her, together 3 years. Student, nice girl, smart, loving and very beautiful.  We got along well and I was extremely happy with her, I loved her, She love me (at least she told me so).  Visited her numerous times in the Philippines and we planned to marry after she graduated school.  When she graduated, she dumped me.  Just that simple.  She was cheating on me with another pinoy her own age.  I only found out about this a few months after we broke up and she defriended me on FB and start posting new pics with her new BF!  This story does not quite end here, so keep reading my friends.


My second #2 pinay was 28, together almost 4 years.  Met her while working in Hong Kong. OFW, Very pretty girl, mature, loving and ready to settle down.  We lived together and she also was able to travel with me because her employer in HK was super loaded and her only job was to care for a dog!  She could take off whenever she liked and she even had her own apartment, paid for by the employer.  She was really really wanting to get married, me not in such a hurry.  She wanted to move to Canada, which I opposed because I worked in HK and live in USA, the deep south.  I never would see her in Canada.  The Canadian government offered huge incentives to move there for filipinas, including a quick pathway to citizenship, high pay and you can bring your family!  We broke up she moved to Canada, end of story. 


Around the same time I was breaking up with #2, my first gf #1 was seeking me out.  She wanted to get back together.  So, I had no problem letting #2 go to Canada, I still wanted to marry #1, so I let #2 go. 


I got back together with #1, went to her parents house for Christmas later that year asked for permission to marry and proposed to her in front of her parents. Four months later, she called me and dumped me again!  Wouldn't tell me why, just that she wanted to break up.  At this point she is almost 26 years old!  Go figure this woman out?  WTF!  Welcome to the Philippines!


I needed some time off so I was single for a bit, just enjoyed the many many pinays in HK.


About 5 months after I was dumped by #1 for the 2nd time, I meet #3, 26 yrs old, my present fiancee.  We weren't serious at first only chatting and I didn't immediately meet her in person because she was living in Davao and I was in HK. 


After about 6 months of chatting, she went ghost!  One day we are chatting, next day no profile on FB, no FB chat.  Nothing, not even answering her cell phone.  WTF!  No clue to why she just ended all communication. 


In hindsight, we were not really that serious, only chatting, but I wanted it to get serious, I really liked her, but apparently she did not share my feelings, it was obviously not mutual and she simply didn't want to explain herself so she just ghosted.


I went back to the most enjoyable single life in HK, its pretty damn nice so I didn't fret over a woman #3, I have never actually met in person. 


About a year and six months later I am on Date In Asia and I get a random message, its #3!!!  She asks if I am single.  I say yep.  She says I want to start over.  I am like WTF, please explain your ghosting sister!  Long story short, she met an old crush from HS, they got together and since I was just a chat buddy, she didn't think it was a big deal to just end it. 


Makes sense to me but I really thought we had more that just a chatting relationship (stupid foreigner).  This is typical when you chat with pinays, your perception and the truth, the reality, are sometimes not the same!!  I'm pretty well grounded so I felt her ghosting me was a bit harsh, but whatever, I get it!


So, She #3 finds out that her crush is MARRIED with children after a year of dating him (a pinoy) and they break up.  She is back on the dating scene again and joined DIA and saw my photo.


So we resume our chatting after 18 months with no communication! Go figure that.  Things are going well so I am like, look we need to meet.  We meet up and things are cool, we have lots in common and we get long really well.  She comes to HK and stays with me and things get even better.


Fast forward to today and we are engaged, we are thinking of a church wedding next year, 18 months after we resume our relationship.  Time will tell....


As I stated at the beginning of my post, this is just a brief summary of My Journey. 


I really didn't provide any meaningful details just wanted to put my experience out there.  My experience was not very romantic or even particularly interesting just one man's experience.  I don't give a lot of details so my post may not be so helpful in gaining deep insights into the possible reasons for my failures and successes.


At any rate, posts are always opportunities for discussion and comments, I don't mind a robust discussion to help those men who are interested in a similar journey as mine and hopefully finding the woman of your dreams in the Philippines!


ZKG


Why the hell did you go back with numer 1 when she cheated on you?.

You should dump this Type of woman  immediately, block her on Whatsapp, Facebook, SKYPE everywhere. Tierra charla..burnt earth..wipe her from.your memory..like she never existed..

I dont care if a woman is 18 and you are 80..s guy has gotta have more self respect than to be a Cuck Capn save a hoe..

If you agree to an "open" relationship and friends with benifits thstd one thing but for a serious relationship of any kind, much less a talk of "marriage"..iti s absolute insanity going after a woman of low moral character..





Offline vikingo

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #14 on: November 04, 2018, 03:28:08 PM »
z_k_g, since you lived and worked in Hong Kong, maybe spoke some Chinese, did you avoid Chinese women for a serious relationship all together and why?
« Last Edit: November 04, 2018, 03:30:25 PM by vikingo »
Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #15 on: November 04, 2018, 04:00:36 PM »

Why the hell did you go back with numer 1 when she cheated on you?.

You should dump this Type of woman  immediately, block her on Whatsapp, Facebook, SKYPE everywhere. Tierra charla..burnt earth..wipe her from.your memory..like she never existed..

I dont care if a woman is 18 and you are 80..s guy has gotta have more self respect than to be a Cuck Capn save a hoe..

If you agree to an "open" relationship and friends with benifits thstd one thing but for a serious relationship of any kind, much less a talk of "marriage"..iti s absolute insanity going after a woman of low moral character..
glad I am not the only one who sees it that way..

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #16 on: November 04, 2018, 04:52:08 PM »

Why the hell did you go back with numer 1 when she cheated on you?.

You should dump this Type of woman  immediately, block her on Whatsapp, Facebook, SKYPE everywhere. Tierra charla..burnt earth..wipe her from.your memory..like she never existed..


True
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #17 on: November 04, 2018, 05:24:21 PM »
z_k_g, since you lived and worked in Hong Kong, maybe spoke some Chinese, did you avoid Chinese women for a serious relationship all together and why?


I work in HK, dual language and no reason to learn Chinese.  All of the HK Chinese women speak english.  HK Chinese are status conscious and are infected with western feminist cancer.  If you are not making 200k USD per year and have a condo in mid levels or soho, very upscale neighborhoods in HK, you will not get the time of day from a HK Chinese babe.


Unfortunately HK Chinese women are spoiled by HK Chinese men, they love to shop, take vacations, and go out to dinner every single night and expensive drinks in LKF on the weekends and after work.  HK is not the place you want to find a down to earth family oriented woman.  Aint gonna happen here.


Mainland China is a bit better but not much better because western feminism has infected Mainland China like gangbusters.   


If you want to know more specifics about HK and Mainland Chinese women, we can start a separate thread.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2018, 05:26:00 PM by z_k_g »
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #18 on: November 07, 2018, 11:56:27 AM »
Many decades ago when I lived in Vancouver, Canada, I had a Chinese gf. Her family were immigrants in Kuching, former North Borneo.They owned a chain of grocery stores and dad sent her all over the world to experience different cultures because she had studied to be a geography teacher.She spoke fluent English of course coming from a former British colony, was very old fashioned, loyal and it seemed she was very much in love with me. Her face was nothing to write home about but she had a spectacular bikini figure. It so happened that the never-ending rain and drizzle in Vancouver got me down and I decided to move to Southern California. When I asked her if she'll go with she turned me down, cried a lot but it was a firm 'no'. She had made lots of friends in Vancouver, liked the Chinese culture there and had decided, that's where she was going to settle down and not return to her country. A few years after, a friend of mine run into her, she had gotten married to a German and had a little daughter.
Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.

Offline robert angel

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #19 on: November 07, 2018, 12:35:17 PM »
Mrs. 'A' DOESN'T like this "hypergamy" talk!

She says it makes all women out to be "gold diggers" and in a way, sounds like a bunch of crybabies, trying to reinvent in a word what Charles Darwin defined over 150 years ago, with the Theory of Natural/Sexual Selection!!!
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline Wildstubby

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #20 on: November 07, 2018, 05:36:28 PM »
Robert_angel said:
Quote
Mrs. 'A' DOESN'T like this "hypergamy" talk!

She says it makes all women out to be "gold diggers" and in a way, sounds like a bunch of crybabies, trying to reinvent in a word what Charles Darwin defined over 150 years ago, with the Theory of Natural/Sexual Selection!!!
Ok, I'm with Mrs. A! Damn Bob! You have some big feet! :)

Offline z_k_g

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #21 on: November 07, 2018, 06:37:04 PM »
Mrs. 'A' DOESN'T like this "hypergamy" talk!

She says it makes all women out to be "gold diggers" and in a way, sounds like a bunch of crybabies, trying to reinvent in a word what Charles Darwin defined over 150 years ago, with the Theory of Natural/Sexual Selection!!!


Hypergamy a well documented social phenomenon....and its like gravity, you can hate it, despise it, or even love it... how you feel about it won't change a thing


Hypergamy is how the females of human race evolved to pick the strongest, most dominate, most attractive, most successful males to mate with. 


Gold digging aside....Its part of a woman's nature and its neither GOOD nor BAD, and like gravity, it ain't going anywhere!
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other -"sins" are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful-just stupid.) RAH

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #22 on: November 07, 2018, 07:00:58 PM »
Mrs. 'A' DOESN'T like this "hypergamy" talk!

She says it makes all women out to be "gold diggers" and in a way, sounds like a bunch of crybabies, trying to reinvent in a word what Charles Darwin defined over 150 years ago, with the Theory of Natural/Sexual Selection!!!
Good for her..now try and make it good for you..tell her to.pay half the bills and see how that goes over...
« Last Edit: November 07, 2018, 07:17:22 PM by Elexpatriado »

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #22 on: November 07, 2018, 07:00:58 PM »

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #23 on: November 07, 2018, 07:54:23 PM »

Offline utopiacowboy

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Re: My Journey
« Reply #24 on: November 08, 2018, 11:34:23 AM »
I don't know why any guy would freak out over the idea of hypergamy. Would the human race have survived if women over generations of time had been choosing losers who couldn't hunt or take care of their wives and children?

 

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