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Author Topic: How to deflect the skeptics?  (Read 2031 times)

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Offline Jhengsman

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #25 on: April 18, 2018, 07:01:49 AM »
You will never deflect or convince the skeptics. At best they think that you are a mercenary abandoning your community for a poor third world working girl with one client. At worst you are a loser who can't compete with the alpha males at home, so they laugh secretly and expect to watch  when she leaves right after immigration status is secured.


If the community's, which in fact you are leaving in a way, feelings are more important to you than your own wants and needs  then there is no need to waste the effort trying to convince them because you can't. You can spend time trying to change perceptions if  you are in the business which the community will call mail order brides. But most of us are not earning or supplementing our income through YouTube hits or the websites of old. If you do go forward, then yes as a part of our class you will bear the brunt of jokes as people in our situation are portrayed badly in popular media and in some cases even by immediate family.

Offline Wildstubby

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #26 on: April 18, 2018, 07:21:32 AM »
Jhengsman said:
Quote
You will never deflect or convince the skeptics. At best they think that you are a mercenary abandoning your community for a poor third world working girl with one client. At worst you are a loser who can't compete with the alpha males at home, so they laugh secretly and expect to watch  when she leaves right after immigration status is secured.
If the community's, which in fact you are leaving in a way, feelings are more important to you than your own wants and needs  then there is no need to waste the effort trying to convince them because you can't. You can spend time trying to change perceptions if  you are in the business which the community will call mail order brides. But most of us are not earning or supplementing our income through YouTube hits or the websites of old. If you do go forward, then yes as a part of our class you will bear the brunt of jokes as people in our situation are portrayed badly in popular media and in some cases even by immediate family.
Excellent! Well stated!


Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #27 on: April 18, 2018, 07:22:59 AM »

Appreciate all the replies to this thread.

If you do go forward, then yes as a part of our class you will bear the brunt of jokes as people in our situation are portrayed badly in popular media and in some cases even by immediate family.


I've heard other PL posters mention they got flack from family members who were skeptical or down right hostile to the idea of them marrying a lady from overseas.


I would be curious to hear if anyone wants to elaborate on the type of comments they heard and what those same relatives/family members might think years later when they see the marriage/relationship working out.







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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #27 on: April 18, 2018, 07:22:59 AM »

Offline robert angel

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #28 on: April 18, 2018, 08:25:54 AM »
Very, very few people come forward with non positive personal stories here. Jason from Tennessee, with his Peruvian wife, who exploded, changing very unexpectedly after they married, after she came here and they built a rather nice house, had family come and move in-THAT was a notable exception a couple years back.

Much of that's mysteriously been deleted from the archives here but there was a lot to learn about personalities and legal scenarios here from Jason and he shared that nightmarish experience in detail.

Guy's who's relationships, both long term non marriage, as well as actual marriages, failed, whether slow, like my first to a foreigner or train wreck 'crash and burns' rarely say a thing. Typically, they disappear from this site totally.

Seen guys getting flack from people, including family on the woman's side--from her country, as well as on HIS side here. Seen it before and naturally in such cases, after the marriage. People rarely change their stripes. There's one going on right now, but you won't hear about it here.

Sometimes, her family will get greedy and continously expect unneccessary, excessive support. That requires discipline and distance, with careful handling.

All the above is why I've said so many times that you need to try and not worry about what others think, except in very select cases, then only from the counsel of those few, if any, who's knowledge and opinion you truly value.

I've been very, very fortunate that in public, at our jobs, ESPECIALLY with our families, that despite a very wide age difference, with me being bald headed and my beautiful, petite wife looking about half her actual age (she can still wear the clothes she wore when I met her 16 years ago) that negative comments have been next to none and the two  that I recall, came from total strangers. One old biddy at Disneyworld, another old spinster at a Goodwill Thriftshop.


I consulted two lawyers before marrying her and they advised me against marrying her--giving me horrific odds of keeping her past green card day--but I won't count them as people, LOL.

Even my verbally snipey half brother's never said a thing. He probably likes my wife as a person more than he likes me, LOL. Hell, maybe that extends to ALL my family. No one was suprised when for years, my wife was always ready to bathe, feed and care for in any way for my incapacitated,  terminally ill Mother. That's her nature.

It's important to emphasize that it's YOU and HER --husband AND wife FIRST--as  friends, lovers and confidants, and that as necessary, that you'll distance yourself from friends, even family, especially if their behavior threatens to undermine your relationship.

And while it can happen slowly or quickly, it's still poison.

We're already a pack of dudes with unusual traits, willing to go off the beaten path. Independents Sometimes rogues. But sometimes you and her need to adopt a 'Feck em all--ignore their negativity--IT'S about US--not THEM.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2018, 04:55:03 PM by robert angel »
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Offline mambocowboy

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #29 on: April 18, 2018, 08:51:11 AM »
Appreciate all the replies to this thread.


I've heard other PL posters mention they got flack from family members who were skeptical or down right hostile to the idea of them marrying a lady from overseas.


I would be curious to hear if anyone wants to elaborate on the type of comments they heard and what those same relatives/family members might think years later when they see the marriage/relationship working out.
My parents have grown to like my wife. She takes good care of both of them
.. Also, now that she's working that helps too... Overall the undermining has always come more from guys hitting on my wife " do you really love your husband?" and from other latinas " he's too cheap/old...you should leave him and you can do better...."

Offline Researcher

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #30 on: April 18, 2018, 08:58:18 AM »
Appreciate all the replies to this thread.


I've heard other PL posters mention they got flack from family members who were skeptical or down right hostile to the idea of them marrying a lady from overseas.


I would be curious to hear if anyone wants to elaborate on the type of comments they heard and what those same relatives/family members might think years later when they see the marriage/relationship working out.

My Colombiana and I have been married for more than 10 years. I remember hearing all the skeptics and took it as a warning. The truth is I agree with those here who say it depends on what you want. It is important to know that before you start or at least before you get serious with a woman.

If you just want a girlfriend/companion/sex kitten, I totally agree with moving to the country of choice and just staying single. If you want a serious relationship for a family or whatever reason then you want to do some vetting before you make a serious commitment.

It is not impossible to find a woman who will stick with you but there are pitfalls. In the end there is risk involved. When I was out and about and meeting women, I looked for chemistry. That is the key or it was for me. If I am going to be spending a huge amount of time with a woman as well as be financially tied to them, the chemistry between us needed to be right. You might find that right off or it may take a while but it will be worth it.
Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Offline benjio

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #31 on: April 18, 2018, 09:42:58 AM »
My Colombiana and I have been married for more than 10 years. I remember hearing all the skeptics and took it as a warning. The truth is I agree with those here who say it depends on what you want. It is important to know that before you start or at least before you get serious with a woman.

If you just want a girlfriend/companion/sex kitten, I totally agree with moving to the country of choice and just staying single. If you want a serious relationship for a family or whatever reason then you want to do some vetting before you make a serious commitment.



Well stated and this is always the point I try to convey to guys when they begin to consider foreign dating. There's some hotties out there who might not (probably won't) make the best wives. Best advice I can give any man getting started is get that "dime piece dummy" complex out of your system. Date a few super hotties, spend some money on them, have some great sex and a lot of fun. Whatever....life is short...enjoy yourself. After a while you'll begin to look at beauty just like the locals do. At this point, when I'm in Rio or Barranquilla or D.F. or Montreal or whatever, and I'm associating with exceptionally beautiful women, I make assumptions about their personalities that turn me off. I'VE DEFINITELY BEEN PROVEN WRONG!!!! But usually they're simply not pleasant people to be around for one reason or another (Not so much with girls in Barranquilla...CosteƱas tend to be very friendly and humble). I think every man looking for a wife in another country should date a few 10's before settling down. It usually gives them a tremendous amount of appreciation for personality and virtue. Beauty should be of very little circumstance after you've sewn your royal oats and you're actually looking for wife material. There are some AWESOME women all over Latin America and Asia, but they usually aren't the most gorgeous women you'll find wherever you are. Still very attractive....much more so than you'll find in the states. But not the beauty queens I see guys chasing after, then they wonder what went wrong when they finally grow some balls and start saying "no." Beauty inherently comes with a sense of entitlement. Entitlement has no place in a successful relationship.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2018, 09:52:29 AM by benjio »

Offline JWR

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #32 on: April 18, 2018, 11:44:08 AM »
When a guy gets involved with an international girl, the natural tendency is to start blabbing about what is going on in his life with all the people around him.  Family, close friends, co workers, and acquaintances.  Most Americans live very boring lives, and that gives all of these people something to talk about.  Since most of them are in unsatisfying relationships themselves, they love to kick dirt around.

A guy should learn to keep his mouth shut, and pull into his own new world in the beginning.  Put up the fortress walls, and only let a very, very few people inside that are trusted.

I'm one of those guys that learned the hard way.  I got married on the front deck of the Yacht Club to my beautiful, and young wife. 16 year age gap. From day one, my friends at the yacht club, and their fat mouthy wives started to gossip, and I was slowly shunned.  The wives don't want you around their husbands, because you are a "bad influence." Guys wives will go out of their way to skillfully undermine your relationship with their husbands.  On the other hand even the guys will say things, and ask questions about your wife that are completely inappropriate that they would never ask of a normal relationship with an American women. 

Years ago one of my best friends of over 40 years had a wife that hated me for marrying a young foreign girl.  Over time I noticed a change in my friend's attitude toward me, and I just couldn't figure it out.  Some time after our long friendship finally ended, I found out his wife was telling him in private that my wife was  visiting her crying, and complaining to her that I was beating her.  My wife actually disliked her, and would never talk with her in the 1st place.  Now of course my friend should have come to me directly when he heard these stories and he's an ass for not.  But the influence is often slow insidious and calculated.  The funny thing also is that anybody who knew my Colombian wife would laugh at the thought of me beating her.  I would have ended up a dead man believe me.  She was not a weak flower.

So be careful, because people will surprise you with how petty they can be.

During the 1st year, a guy has all his own challenges dealing with the girl's adjustment in the US, and doesn't need the added complications of having his social network, and even sometimes his reputation at work jeopardized.

Many times guys will even plan a party as soon as the girl arrives exposing her to all sorts of negativity, comments, and people that she may not even be able to understand very well because of language differences.  That is not a kind thing to do to your fiance/ wife.  Why does a guy do this anyway?  Is he trying to pad his ego showing off his pretty girl like a new fancy car?  Showing off your young pretty wife is just a quick ride to a reputation as a loser.

I now have a friend on my dock at the marina who has a young pretty Filipino fiance.  He's blabbed all about her all over the dock, and even showed videos, and photos to some middle aged American women friends.  She's not even here in the US yet, and he's already ranked just above pedophile status.  It's ridiculous.

Better to take things very slowly with the friends and family.  When eventually you end up out in social situations, be ready to stand between your girl and stupidity, and if things get awkward, you take her out of the situation immediately.  Expect people to act stupid, and be surprised when they are nice.

It's easy to just say "don't worry what people say or think"  My approach is don't even put yourself in the situation where people have the opportunity to meddle in your life from the beginning.  This is a very private relationship, so keep it private.

After a guy has been married to a girl for a couple years, most people will just see the relationship as normal and will stop judging and gossiping.   Just keep your life private for a good long while, and things will be far less complicated, and also easier for the girl to adjust.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2018, 11:49:31 AM by JWR »

Offline benjio

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #33 on: April 18, 2018, 11:47:39 AM »
When a guy gets involved with an international girl, the natural tendency is to start blabbing about what is going on in his life with all the people around him.  Family, close friends, co workers, and acquaintances.  Most Americans live very boring lives, and that gives all of these people something to talk about.  Since most of them are in unsatisfying relationships themselves, they love to kick dirt around.

A guy should learn to keep his mouth shut, and pull into his own new world in the beginning.  Put up the fortress walls, and only let a very, very few people inside that are trusted.

I'm one of those guys that learned the hard way.  I got married on the front deck of the Yacht Club to my beautiful, and young wife. 16 year age gap. From day one, my friends at the yacht club, and their fat mouthy wives started to gossip, and I was slowly shunned.  The wives don't want you around their husbands, because you are a "bad influence." Guys wives will go out of their way to skillfully undermine your relationship with their husbands.  On the other hand even the guys will say things, and ask questions about your wife that are completely inappropriate that they would never ask of a normal relationship with an American women. 

Years ago one of my best friends of over 40 years had a wife that hated me for marrying a young foreign girl.  Over time I noticed a change in my friend's attitude toward me, and I just couldn't figure it out.  Some time after our long friendship finally ended, I found out his wife was telling him in private that my wife was  visiting her crying, and complaining to her that I was beating her.  My wife actually disliked her, and would never talk with her in the 1st place.  Now of course my friend should have come to me directly when he heard these stories and he's an ass for not.  But the influence is often slow insidious and calculated.  The funny thing also is that anybody who knew my Colombian wife would laugh at the thought of me beating her.  I would have ended up a dead man believe me.  She was not a weak flower.

So be careful, because people will surprise you with how petty they can be.

During the 1st year, a guy has all his own challenges dealing with the girl's adjustment in the US, and doesn't need the added complications of having his social network, and even sometimes his reputation at work jeopardized.

Many times guys will even plan a party as soon as the girl arrives exposing her to all sorts of negativity, comments, and people that she may not even be able to understand very well because of language differences.  That is not a kind thing to do to your fiance/ wife.  Why does a guy do this anyway?  Is he trying to pad his ego showing off his pretty girl like a new fancy car?  Showing off your young pretty wife is just a quick ride to a reputation as a loser.

I now have a friend on my dock at the marina who has a young pretty Filipino fiance.  He's blabbed all about her all over the dock, and even showed videos, and photos to some middle aged American women friends.  She's not even here in the US yet, and he's already ranked just above pedophile status.  It's ridiculous.

Better to take things very slowly with the friends and family.  When eventually you end up out in social situations, be ready to stand between your girl and stupidity, and if things get awkward, you take her out of the situation immediately.  Expect people to act stupid, and be surprised when they are nice.

It's easy to just say "don't worry what people say or think"  My approach is don't even put yourself in the situation where people have the opportunity to meddle in your life from the beginning.  This is a very private relationship, so keep it private.

After a guy has been married to a girl for a couple years, most people will just see the relationship as normal will stop judging and gossiping.   Just keep your life private for a good long while, and things will be far less complicated, and also easier for the girl to adjust.


Excellent post. Great insight.

Offline ralphmalph

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #34 on: April 18, 2018, 02:31:17 PM »
Finally a thread where we have a balanced discussion. Great input.
The great thing about being retired, one no longer has to endure snide input or questions from coworkers about one's choice.

And as for experiencing dating some 10s while one is sowing 'wild oats' in one's youth. I never made it halfway up the RVF 1 to 10 scale ladder to begin with. So, my suffering apoxia is out of the question now.  ;)

Offline robert angel

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #35 on: April 18, 2018, 02:33:38 PM »
Sorry--I forgot JWR--a guy who's been as good a bud on line, on the side and over the phone with me as you might chance to meet here. He's as real and welcome as rain, during what was once a drought.

He AND Jason are two of the few here who'll tell you the whole truth, based on ugly, unvarnished REAL experience. Most everyone else hides and or runs from here when it has hit the fan.

From the git go, and my wife was on to it just as fast as me, we have kept our bow lines TIGHT. Very few people are let into our circle of TWO--allowed to know our confidences.

A couple quotes from The Godfather come to mind, as Don Corelone said:

"Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking!!" (As the Don slaps Sonny boy)

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" 

ESPECIALLY amongst Filipinas and fellow women co workers, my wife KNOWS who the gossips are--who the snakes are, what they do. In personal and professional correspondence, she KILLS them with kindness. No, she's not viewed as some dumb, 'goody two shoes' Polly Anna either. She's been told so by them, by her friends and co workers, who've marveled at how she stays above and out of the fray, yet effectively communicates.

We are our own family of TWO, even though we love each other's extended family and visit, stay in touch via phone with them....

BUT we count VERY few friends as 'close' intimate friends. We have lots of 'friendly acquaintances'. A wise person (Ex GF) once told me:

"Never have more close friends than you have fingers on one hand"--Very excellent advice!!!

Get more than that, and I can almost guarantee you an eventual conspiracy, with rumors and gossip eventually being spread and then accepted widely as actually being the TRUTH. It has to be, if everyone knows, right?

My wife and I have fingers left over.

No, we're not 'rocks'--not isolated islands. We get plenty of social event invites, my wife takes, makes phone calls--we just send a gift, maybe a card usually.

Unlike me, she can even handle facebook (farcebook--book for the wannabe rich and blameless, pictures of every fancy meal, new outfit, vacation visit--ad nauseum) with poise and grace.

But again, we're just very 'selective' and discreet about the who, where and when, and especially about what we say, how we present ourselves to others.

I wouldn't DREAM of doing fb, my knee jerks enough here--I'd be launching nastygrams day and night...

But our 'business' stays OUR business. There's dirt I created, my 'dirty dirt'--our skeletons, that my wife could take to her family or my family--or to her two close girlfriends (who give her the dirt on THEIR husbands) But she doesn't. And neither do I. And not having that 'outlet' is tough on a woman.

And when on that rare occasion somebody outside says something stupid--and she's heard:

"How old is your husband?"

"How often do you have sex?"

She changes the subject, subtly blows them off--handles it with grace and humor--even leaving the bitches feeling embarrassed for themselves sometimes!

But, regarding too many people in general:

The sad, simple truth is some people can't accept another person being DIFFERENT than themselves.

And that most CERTAINLY includes, someone else, anyone else, being HAPPIER than them.

Or having a younger and/or exceptionally pretty/handsome spouse than they think is 'acceptable', who God forbid, doesn't speak English w/o an accent. 

It's just not 'normal' enough, it's unacceptable to them, probably indicative to them that 'the couple' have some sort of problem, something the gripers know better about.

Besides, it goes across relationship and into racial and economic lines. Hate and misery is an equal opportunity mental predicament.

Too many people are just fecking miserable, back stabbing feckers. Seems they've got to have someone they can look down at, to piss, diss and hammer on.

They've gotta have someone, some situation, reason, ANYthing to make them feel better, superior about themselves, their own lot in life.

If they weren't miserable, they'd be miserable. It's like fuel. If they didn't have some hot rock in their gut, some bone of contention, whether verbally expressed or not, or else they'd feel incomplete.

No wonder such people tend to look older than their age, out of shape, like heavy smokers and drinkers who stayed out in the sun too long, their brains as tough and useless as their thick, weathered skins.

Pity them really, but can't take it too personal--I'll count my blessings that my marriage has been quite immune to that perverse phenomenon.

Like the songs go:  "You've GOT  to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative--and don't mess with Mr. In-Between" ---LOVE, LOVE that old Johnny Mercer standard!!!

AND: "Oh, I  used to be disgusted and now I try to be amused" --> Elvis Costello (The Angels wanna wear My) "Red Shoes"

'Crab mentality' is what we call it those kind of person's mindsets. Then, we count our blessings and hope that they get, that they feel better some day. And we move on, smelling our own roses....

Geeze, gotta look in the mirror--no KISS my wife, as having said all that, especially after an unbelievably SH!TTY Day at work today, I feel MUCH better for my raging vent, LOL....

Sorta the the effect I get sometimes from writing, same one that I get after sweating off 4 or 5 pounds, after my wife's dragged me thru an hour of non stop, position changing Yoga at 100 degrees. CLEAR.

WTF if nobody reads it! Now it's dinner time and she beckons from the kitchen. Took her 90 minutes to cook from scratch !!

95% of the time, we eat the same, home cooked food, but tonight--Asian style fish and vegies w/ soup for her--center cut pork chops she nonetheless pounded with a metal hammer, tenderizing for 15 minutes, then breaded, w/ mashed potatoes and spinach for me and it smells GOOD! ---Vent, vent, baby.... ;)
« Last Edit: April 18, 2018, 08:09:50 PM by robert angel »
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Offline Wildstubby

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #36 on: April 18, 2018, 05:04:18 PM »
I must have moved to a parallel universe. I will say that I had my mother, (who passed away last year at the age of 92) ask me why am I chasing after foreign women. When I told her that I was trying to find somebody who sees me, (and not a shrink!), and feel they can live with me. That we have a lot of effort into the relationship. After several of my 'amigas' asked about my mother while I was visiting her, she gave me her OK with 1 caveat: "She better not have red hair!", (my ex of 25 years had red hair). I think there was some great advice dispensed here. As stated, 'sow the wild oats' with your fantasies and like I tell myself all the time, "Don't let the little head do all the thinkin' for the big head!" But above all, be true to yourself! If you feel that something 'aint' right, punt right then and there. No sense in making 2 people miserable the rest of their lives. Ask questions, try to understand the culture, so you can grasp things easier. I'm learning Spanish not only to understand what might be said about me, but I expect my prospective mate to learn English so equal is equal. But above all, remember that you can not buy love!

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #37 on: April 18, 2018, 07:15:04 PM »
When a guy gets involved with an international girl, the natural tendency is to start blabbing about what is going on in his life with all the people around him.  Family, close friends, co workers, and acquaintances.  Most Americans live very boring lives, and that gives all of these people something to talk about.  Since most of them are in unsatisfying relationships themselves, they love to kick dirt around.

A guy should learn to keep his mouth shut, and pull into his own new world in the beginning.  Put up the fortress walls, and only let a very, very few people inside that are trusted.

I'm one of those guys that learned the hard way.  I got married on the front deck of the Yacht Club to my beautiful, and young wife. 16 year age gap. From day one, my friends at the yacht club, and their fat mouthy wives started to gossip, and I was slowly shunned.  The wives don't want you around their husbands, because you are a "bad influence." Guys wives will go out of their way to skillfully undermine your relationship with their husbands.  On the other hand even the guys will say things, and ask questions about your wife that are completely inappropriate that they would never ask of a normal relationship with an American women. 

Years ago one of my best friends of over 40 years had a wife that hated me for marrying a young foreign girl.  Over time I noticed a change in my friend's attitude toward me, and I just couldn't figure it out.  Some time after our long friendship finally ended, I found out his wife was telling him in private that my wife was  visiting her crying, and complaining to her that I was beating her.  My wife actually disliked her, and would never talk with her in the 1st place.  Now of course my friend should have come to me directly when he heard these stories and he's an ass for not.  But the influence is often slow insidious and calculated.  The funny thing also is that anybody who knew my Colombian wife would laugh at the thought of me beating her.  I would have ended up a dead man believe me.  She was not a weak flower.

So be careful, because people will surprise you with how petty they can be.

During the 1st year, a guy has all his own challenges dealing with the girl's adjustment in the US, and doesn't need the added complications of having his social network, and even sometimes his reputation at work jeopardized.

Many times guys will even plan a party as soon as the girl arrives exposing her to all sorts of negativity, comments, and people that she may not even be able to understand very well because of language differences.  That is not a kind thing to do to your fiance/ wife.  Why does a guy do this anyway?  Is he trying to pad his ego showing off his pretty girl like a new fancy car?  Showing off your young pretty wife is just a quick ride to a reputation as a loser.

I now have a friend on my dock at the marina who has a young pretty Filipino fiance.  He's blabbed all about her all over the dock, and even showed videos, and photos to some middle aged American women friends.  She's not even here in the US yet, and he's already ranked just above pedophile status.  It's ridiculous.

Better to take things very slowly with the friends and family.  When eventually you end up out in social situations, be ready to stand between your girl and stupidity, and if things get awkward, you take her out of the situation immediately.  Expect people to act stupid, and be surprised when they are nice.

It's easy to just say "don't worry what people say or think"  My approach is don't even put yourself in the situation where people have the opportunity to meddle in your life from the beginning.  This is a very private relationship, so keep it private.

After a guy has been married to a girl for a couple years, most people will just see the relationship as normal and will stop judging and gossiping.   Just keep your life private for a good long while, and things will be far less complicated, and also easier for the girl to adjust.
Amen. Stay off social media as well. And anybody who asks how you met can f--- off, its none of their business...

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #37 on: April 18, 2018, 07:15:04 PM »

Offline buencamino3

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #38 on: April 18, 2018, 07:24:13 PM »
Hector I am glad to see you recognize that Colombian women over 33 or so are over the hill. I have said it before but I will repeat: I think at your age you will be happiest with and make the best connection with a girl in the 24 to 26 range. They're about finished up with the disco weekends and starting to think about settling down and having a kid. That's been my observation. Good luck.
Hermosamente feliz

Offline Calipro

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #39 on: April 18, 2018, 07:54:21 PM »


I generally avoid Online Dating in the U.S. but I did recently see a 33 year old woman with this on her profile, "Looking for the fairy tale and I won't settle." A 33 year old in many part of Latin America is over the hill.




American women are delusional.


On one dating site I looked at .....there was a profile question that asked the women if they wanted children.


I was absolutely shocked at how many women in their late 30's and early 40's answered the question with "Someday" ....and I'm thinking to myself.... if it ain't today ..... it ain't ever gonna happen.


It is actually kind of sad to see women that have been sold on the idea that they can have it all..... marriage, family and career and most will never make it.

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #40 on: April 18, 2018, 08:42:01 PM »
Hector I am glad to see you recognize that Colombian women over 33 or so are over the hill. I have said it before but I will repeat: I think at your age you will be happiest with and make the best connection with a girl in the 24 to 26 range. They're about finished up with the disco weekends and starting to think about settling down and having a kid. That's been my observation. Good luck.

BC: Thanks for the input and for putting yourself in my shoes for a moment. Appreciate it...especially given your long-term residency in Colombia.

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #41 on: April 18, 2018, 08:48:43 PM »
Sorry--I forgot JWR--a guy who's been as good a bud on line, on the side and over the phone with me as you might chance to meet here. He's as real and welcome as rain, during what was once a drought.

Yes, regarding divorce, etc. only JWR and JasonA come to mind. Actually, Calipro has also mentioned his divorce from a Colombiana.

But we've also had a few regular members mention when the marriage/relationship hit a challenging period (AlabamaBoy, Benjio).

« Last Edit: April 18, 2018, 08:56:43 PM by Hector_Lavoe »

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #42 on: April 18, 2018, 08:56:04 PM »
Re: JWR's post: EPIC and superb post!!

The great thing about being retired, one no longer has to endure snide input or questions from coworkers about one's choice.

Yes, I've posted about this before. Co-workers can be nosy. You spend so much time together, etc. I have been very careful not to reveal my true intentions as to why I am traveling to coworkers. None of their business and people gossip, etc. So best to keep it to a minimum.

I've actually wrestled internally with how much to reveal to coworkers or not regarding my travels in Latin America. Conclusion based on this thread and the reasons I stated above: Keeping it close to the vest. 
« Last Edit: April 18, 2018, 09:06:24 PM by Hector_Lavoe »

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #43 on: April 18, 2018, 09:11:46 PM »

Beauty inherently comes with a sense of entitlement. Entitlement has no place in a successful relationship.

Exactly. No doubt there are some physically beautiful women with equally gracious/attractive personalities. However, when you are hot you are often handed everything from the get go in life and have men constantly fawning over your needs/desires....who the heck needs to develop a personality? You can always find someone or some guy who will bend to your wishes!

The not so hot ladies are not privy to such appeasement. So they actually develop a personality and learn to navigate the world in a different manner. 

Offline robert angel

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #44 on: April 18, 2018, 09:28:29 PM »
Exactly. No doubt there are some physically beautiful women with equally gracious/attractive personalities. However, when you are hot you are often handed everything from the get go in life and have men constantly fawning over your needs/desires....who the heck needs to develop a personality? You can always find someone or some guy who will bend to your wishes!

The not so hot ladies are not privy to such appeasement. So they actually develop a personality and learn to navigate the world in a different manner.


And bring em to the USA like that and times it ten times worse--as a 7 or 8 on a 10 scale gets commonly rated in the 10 range here and if their head's not on REAL good, trouble's quite possible--especially in areas without a lot of similar Latinas already here. Iowas's different than S. Florida or S. California, Texas, NYC...


Again--be careful what you wish for! She's probably gonna be a real looker here compared to there anyhow, and if she's not already 'full of herself' already, all the better...


Hell, given time--all our rateability --our physical attraction on both sides, declines.
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline Wildstubby

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #45 on: April 19, 2018, 04:41:58 AM »
Robert angel said:
Quote
Hell, given time--all our rateability --our physical attraction on both sides, declines.
Yes, gravity is proof that God does have a sense of humor! :))

Offline robert angel

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #46 on: April 19, 2018, 08:44:20 AM »
When we're IN these lady's countries, there's just SO MANY hot looking women, that our 'scale' our evaluation system, goes awry. Women we'd get into a car wreck gawking at if we saw them while driving the street in the USA, suddenly don't seem to merit a second glance there.

Combine that with some guy's tendancy to not mind characteristics, red flags really, in the 'TENS' - - the impossibly gorgeous women, red flags that'd distance them from the LOVELY and much more likely lower maintainance 7 and 8s, and it's no wonder we get into trouble.

There's just SO much 'eye,' arm' candy there, to the point we can lose control of objectivity.

Even wearing my wrap around Ray-Ban  I still get a sore neck and thank God, my wife's forgiving, as long as I look, but don't touch!!
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #47 on: April 19, 2018, 10:08:39 AM »

I remember being one of those "skeptics" at one time. I always thought the only reason a foreign woman would marry a gringo was to get a green card. Then I went to Mexico to work. I could tell I had more of the ladies interested in me there than in the US. I just chalked it up to them wanting a ride to the US. After spending alot of time there, I saw in some cases this was obvious but not in all cases. Over time my skepticism  was "softened". I realized there was opportunity to find gold if a man took the time to look.

From then on I did not pay much attention to the skeptics and found it was best to not even discuss the topic with them. I did not even tell my family and closest friends all of what was going on. It was none of their bees wax anyway.
I think that is the best approach. None of them had experienced what I had experienced so why bother explaining? It would do no good because their opinions would not likely change from merely talking to them. My opinion did not change until I saw things thru my own biased peepers. Why should I expect any different from them?
Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #47 on: April 19, 2018, 10:08:39 AM »

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #48 on: April 19, 2018, 11:30:51 AM »
I remember being one of those "skeptics" at one time. I always thought the only reason a foreign woman would marry a gringo was to get a green card. Then I went to Mexico to work. I could tell I had more of the ladies interested in me there than in the US. I just chalked it up to them wanting a ride to the US. After spending alot of time there, I saw in some cases this was obvious but not in all cases. Over time my skepticism  was "softened". I realized there was opportunity to find gold if a man took the time to look.

From then on I did not pay much attention to the skeptics and found it was best to not even discuss the topic with them. I did not even tell my family and closest friends all of what was going on. It was none of their bees wax anyway.
I think that is the best approach. None of them had experienced what I had experienced so why bother explaining? It would do no good because their opinions would not likely change from merely talking to them. My opinion did not change until I saw things thru my own biased peepers. Why should I expect any different from them?
I didn't tell any family or friends till I was engaged. I was on PL though and even talked to JWR by phone before my first visit to Colombia....

Offline robert angel

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Re: How to deflect the skeptics?
« Reply #49 on: April 19, 2018, 03:58:19 PM »
If inquiring minds REALLY want to know, they can shove it up their nosey asses...
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

 

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