Pinay ladies ?

[SkyNorth]

I have met a few ladies from the Philippines both in person and online and they all seem very immature.  Am I missing something?
 
I admit I have been talking to ladies between 25-47 years old.  Age seems not to matter that much.

[Ray]

 
That's not my experience at all...
 
 
Ray
 
 

[Jeff S]

Immature in what way?

[SkyNorth]

Let me start with the good.  I have found Philippine ladies to be really sweet and genuine ladies.  They seem like great partners and good support inside a family.
 
And they seem very mature in dealing with all responibilities dealing with family and children.  But in One-on-One relationships they seem to lack some maturity.  These are my findings and in no way is meant to be any disrespect for these ladies.  I was purely posing a question. As with everything in life your experiences may differ.

[Woody]

Let me start with the good.  I have found Philippine ladies to be really sweet and genuine ladies.  They seem like great partners and good support inside a family.
 
And they seem very mature in dealing with all responibilities dealing with family and children.  But in One-on-One relationships they seem to lack some maturity.  These are my findings and in no way is meant to be any disrespect for these ladies.  I was purely posing a question. As with everything in life your experiences may differ.

Now I am even more confused as to what you mean by immature.

[Tanuki]

Sky,
 
Yeah I am not sure what you mean exactly.  Do you have some type of example you can give to make your point more clear?
 

[thekfc]

I am a bit confuse too.


Let us assume for a minute that the OP is talking about conversation between him & the ladies.
Well when it comes to The Philippines is for the man to lead the conversation and the ladies may not be talking because they are waiting on you to lead.
And if you are not leading the conversation then they might be thinking the same thing about you -  immature & boring. 

[Bob_S]

If I may...

Women of Asia really like to get their Cute on.  The men of those various cultures like their women cute, so that is how women tend to relate.  And it bleeds out into various aspects of like.  It's not out of the ordinary to see in Japan a respectable grandma in a formal kimono clutching a Hello Kitty Louis Vitton purse.  That doesn't mean they are child-like and irresponsible.  When you encounter a western woman acting cutsie, you also expect her to be dumb.  But cutsie and intellect are two different aspects when dealing with Asian women.  If you're web-camming a pinay, and she is cooing and giggling, that's just how she learned to act around men.  You can either find it endearing or irritating.  And if you find it irritating, then maybe the Far East is not your cup of oolong-cha.

[Jeff S]

Yes. That's what I was thinking - the outward appearance of naivete. It's a cultural thing as opposed to anything to do with maturity.

[mabuhy]

Hello fellow members. long time lurker here, I enjoy reading your posts here. I just returned from the Philippines and was there  for about 20 days. I go there to visit friends who are retired there in Pampanga, they have their families there.  Also to visit friends in Cebu and Manila.


I will give you my views  on what I know from going over there for many years. Many girls your meet, will be the first foreigner they meet. My Pinoy friend, a woman accompanied me when I met this girl who told her that she can speak English, but she was not confident in using it. So the key is speaking clear and not to use too much complicated or slang words. Keep the conversation light, like what they like to do , their family,  where they live. After we part I give some money for their ride and some for some food, after all these girls are not making a lot of money or not working at all.


Try some Filipino Food if you can and learn some words, it is a good ice breaker.  In any Filipino gathering you will find food the central part of it and music. So a place with good food, maybe where there is combination of food you like, Chinese and Filipino is good.


Just a note, I am Asian, born in Hawaii of Japanese decent and third generation here. Many people mistake me for Filipino when I am there. I think sometimes I am at a disadvantage being viewed as a Pinoy man, hehe. I know many Filipinos and grew up with many. It gives me some insight into the culture but at times amazed and perplexed by their behavior at times. I am sure you have run into Filipino time there, where being on time is something we Americans are used to. One girl I was supposed to meet, told me I am taking a shower at that specified time okay, later said I am on my way, she meant I am going to catch the Jeepney now, haha. I guess being patient is the best reslove. Hey after all where are we going we are here in the Philippines.


Well, I am going back in November again. I will try a different approach to meeting someone, I want to find someone, but know what is involved in the courtship part and I think it won't take two weeks maybe longer, but understand the process better now.


Take care and much success to all of you in your quest. Just remember there are many roads to a Filipinas' heart, not the dating site, hehe.  Good luck to all.


Sincerely, Wesley

[Jeff S]

Hi Mabuhy and welcome. Thanks for coming out of the shadows. Great first post too.

[Alabamaboy!]

My ex wife is Filipina and I know a lot of her friends. They are all in their late 30's now and are immature in some senses as they like to fool around singing Karaoke a lot, put a lot of emphasis on superficial/material things (like having the latest I-phone or I-pad), like to joke around a lot, have stuffed animals, all that kind of thing. But the vast majority of them are also very mature in their careers or taking care of their responsibilities in the home.

[SkyNorth]

 I have no problem with the Pinay cute personality. I find it charming 99% of the time. And they can be great nanny's sitters’ caregivers etc.
 
But my experiences have shown me that they are quite a bit immature in One on One relationships.
 
Example: My ex GF 31 YO Pinay been in States just over 8 years. She is going to school to become a Pharmacist and she claims when she graduates she will start out making no less than $120 grand a year. I thought that was a bit outta line so I asked where she got her info. She made the comment "around". So we looked at the Internet together and the career websites all say that a Pharmacist will start out at between $40-80 with $55-60 being a more realistic starting point for 55 hours of work per week. plus her claim that she was gonna be working 9-5 monday -friday only. And that Chicago had the #1 pharmacy school in the nation. It turns out when we looked that info. up US News and World Reports rated Uof I-Chicago high but not in the top ten. The other top Pharmacy school in Chicago ranked #69. The thing is I wasn't gotcha - told u so with this info. I was very here are the facts. But she was pissed sulking and IMMATURE about the whole thing. Plus she didn't have the money to pay outta state tuition anyway. I mentioned to her the UGA has a top 25 pharmacy program but that did not cheer her up at all. I guess she doesn't dig that Bulldog mascot.
 
I just found it immature for a 3^rd year Biology student to sulk about the facts about her chosen career after a lack of due diligence she had put into this decision. And-or not seek some free career counseling at college as she started down this path. Plus, be mad at me for pointing her in the correct direction.
 
Another thing puzzled me, we were talking about genetics one day and I said Ribonucleic acid and Deoxyribonucleic acid. She looked at me like I was a pillar of salt. And asked what I was talking about I said DNA and RNA, she said “what?”  I guess Biology class is different now.
 
Example 2:  I was speaking to a Pinay online – and she was great. And we had a lot in common. We emailed and did chat. She asked me to Skype and I told her that I did not have a web cam that worked. My webcam was broken in a recent move, but I would buy one.  She wanted to know when and I told her that I would order one online that evening. She asked “then we can Skype, tomorrow”. I said no it must come in the mail because I am placing an online order.  She wanted me to buy one at the computer store, so that we could talk immediately. I tried to explain that I had a credit with an online company for computer stuff, but she never got the concept of returning an item that did not work and receiving a store credit. YES, MY BAD for trying to explain that concept, Via the written word. LOL. But, I did explain that they had quick delivery and it was 2-3 days and we could Skype all day. Well, she still was not happy, and told me that she was very serious and that I wasn’t. And she made a Mountain out of a Mole hill about a 2-3 day wait on a web cam. I just did not want to spent cash when I have a credit and get front door delivery.
 
Her attitude was really weird.  It just seems recently I run into a lot of maturity problems with PI ladies. 
 

[thekfc]

OP I will response to your last post and I hope no offense is taken.

And they can be great nanny's sitters’ caregivers etc.

Is that all you think about them? hmmmmm

Your two examples.
The student - maybe she was misinformed.

Plus, be mad at me for pointing her in the correct direction.

It looks like you embarrassed her and may have even gone out of the way doing so.

As for the ladies asking to Skype - You were chatting & emailing the lady and had no working cam?
Rule #102 (after rule #101 - not sending money) - have a cam when you chat.
Any "serious" lady you chat with will want to see you and put "a face to the words" and make sure that she is not wasting her time chatting with an "unknown".  There are a lot of "creeps" out there on both sides of the fence - not just the women (scamming, etc) but the men too.

It just seems recently I run into a lot of maturity problems with PI ladies.

Maybe you are attracting or picking the wrong ladies. Or maybe you are mistaking something else for immature.

I am married to one, I have daily one-on-one relationship & conversations at home, at work & in the stores I frequent and based on the examples you have written (and my experiences) - I am drawing a different conclusion than immature.  YMMV.

[Ray]

 
Hi Sky,
　
Let me expand on a couple of important points that kfc made.
　
I agree with him that what you are describing is not necessarily a maturity issue, but likely something else. In your first example, your actions could easily have been interpreted as attempting to belittle her or put her down for being misinformed. It ‘almost’ sounds as if you are mocking her for her poor choice of career. In Asian cultures, it is not cool to embarrass someone by pointing out their mistakes or questioning their judgement. "Face" is a very big issue with Asians and you have to tread a little lightly sometimes when you have a disagreement, so as not to cause them to feel as though they have lost face.
　
Also, the sulking thing is a cultural phenomenon in the Philippines. It is used primarily by females as a type of defense mechanism and has been discussed here extensively (search "tampo"). If she felt that you were attempting to put her down somehow, then the tampo could be expected as a likely reaction from her. Tampo is something that is not well understood by Westerners, and can cause a lot of ill feelings. You don’t have to like it or accept it, but you better understand it if you are going to interact with Filipino culture.
　
In your second example, it sounds like nothing more than a simple misunderstanding. Ordering stuff online and using credit cards, etc., is not common or widely understood by the average Filipino in the Philippines. Instead of blaming her for not readily understanding your explanation, you again seem to be mocking her for her ignorance. This does not sound like a maturity issue, but rather a simple communication failure. It would have been better to show a little more patience with her while trying to explain how things work in your world.
　
Dealing with a new culture can be both challenging and frustrating, and it takes a lot of patience and understanding to deal with people in a one-on-one basis. Add the inevitable language differences and things can seem even more complicated. It may be easy to write off all of these simple misunderstandings as "immaturity" when it may be more likely just simple ignorance of each others’ cultures.
　
My advice would be to try to learn all you can about the culture of the foreign ladies you are communicating with, while understanding that communication is not as simple as you sometimes expect it to be. Again, patience and understanding are key to having a successful intercultural relationship.
　
This is just my take on your observations based on the limited information provided and is only meant as something else for you think about.
　
Ray

[Jeff S]

I have to agree with Ray. "Face" is a concept  in Asia  you need to understand whether you want to marry someone, do business, or just enjoy yourself on vacation. It has little to do with maturity and everything to do with culture.


Truth is, few people will feel good or thankful about you proving them wrong - here or there. There are ways to do it and ways not to.

[Tanuki]

My ex wife is Filipina and I know a lot of her friends. They are all in their late 30's now and are immature in some senses as they like to fool around singing Karaoke a lot, put a lot of emphasis on superficial/material things (like having the latest I-phone or I-pad), like to joke around a lot, have stuffed animals, all that kind of thing. But the vast majority of them are also very mature in their careers or taking care of their responsibilities in the home.

Really?!?!  Because someone likes to sing karakoke, joke around and wants an Ipod this makes them immature?  Man, what planet do you live on?

[Ray]

 
Hey Tanuki,
 
My wife loves to sing karaoke. It would be hard to find a Filipina who doesn't.
 
I guess virtually all Filipinos are "immature" because of this?  LOL!
 
 
OMG! I just remembered that she has stuffed animals too! When will she ever grow up??
 
 
 
 
Ray
 
 
 
 

[Tanuki]

LOL, Ray.
 
Not only the Philippines but, that description pretty much fits all of Japan.

[Jeff S]

Yeah - remember my first trip to Japan in '77, wondering what a yerrow libbon was that they wanted to tie around the old oak tree.

[thekfc]

 Not only do my wife love karaoke but she also made a few karaoke CDs.
When she saw that I have programs that could burn cd+g files, she learn how to use them & made her own custom karaoke CDs. 

[Tanuki]

KFC,
 
I have an XBox and Michelle saw my neice playing on it.  She asked what was my neice doing and I told her.  Michelle responsed with; "Can I sing Karaoke on it?"  I told her I wasn't sure but she could dance if she wanted to.  Yeah,  No.  She told me she doesn't like to dance.  She wants to sing!

[thekfc]

We sent an XBox 360 to the family back in the PI with a few games. Guess what are the games they played the most -   Disney's Sing It & Karaoke Revolution: American Idol Encore 2. They play those games more than the boxing games. 


We may send them our Kinect (& games) since we don't use it that much - my wife like the Wii & I stick with the sports/fighting games (PS3 & 360).

[SkyNorth]

 Guys thanks for the insight...and I dig where you are coming from. In the first example, I actually tried my hardest for her to discover the info. “gently”. We all have had embarrassing moments and I liked the lady a lot. I really felt it would cruel not to help. To me the Truth about one’s career and one’s education is very important, and I did not want to embarrass her. Things were going well with her. And continued going well after that. [/font] Armed with her new knowledge, Reality did not slow her down at all from the idea that Chicago was the place to go for Pharm School. Even though her economics would now allow her to pay for out of state tuition. I guess my question is when a person has seen the facts but refuses to acknowledge them (understand there were no rich uncles – or help to foot the bills and there were no savings, according to her) maybe she is more delusional than immature? I mean no disrespect to the lady. Sometimes things add up and some dreams come true. We all need to know when a better deal is staring us down. The truth about her situation was that a better (higher ranked) more cost effective (in-state tuition) solution was hers for the choosing, I guess she did not like it because it wasn’t her idea. And during my discussions with her I tried to make it like she found out the info. herself (see my original post “we looked at the internet together”) I had her do the searches online – but I did help in phrasing the searches. This was never done in front of any friends or family either, we were completely alone.  [/font]
In #2’s case I had already admitted that it was a MISTAKE BY ME to try to explain a store credit concept the divide between cultures. I will say this until that tis, she was very assertive and intelligent. So I think if she had not had her defenses up (for no reason) none of this would have even been an issue. I mean she was really a great lady. Plus, I really thought she was super cool. My concern came when she labeled me not serious for a 2 or 3 day wait. Come on guys --- You have to see the irony in a lady that is in “serious mode” but can’t wait 72 hours without getting huffy about a web cam. Plus, she had a dozen pictures of me that I emailed to her all without hats, sunglasses, and 12 megapix quality. I guess she might be impatience? [/font] I labeled the two immature – potato potato’, tomato tomato’.[/font]

[tessbrittain]

Hello Ray,


Got rid of all my  "stuff toys"....but I still love Karaoke... Karaoke is in our blood can't get rid of it...


I hope you and Migs are doing great...We are doing great.... can't wait to relocate to the Phils. like Dave H :-))


Regards to all,


Tess Brittain...