When to start looking for a Latin wife.

[V_Man]

I'd like to tell you that the best time is right now.
Unfortunately that is simply bad advice.

Guys, I do not claim to be any expert on this subject. However I am going to give you some advice anyway. Feel completely free to totally ignore this advice. It is only one opinion from a guy that has way less experience than many people here. Therefore I'm not going to give you any compelling reason to follow my advice. Even so, this is what I have observed and learnt.

People on this board often tell newbies don't look for a Latin wife unless you can travel there within x months and visit her x times a year.

There are good reasons for this advice.

For one thing there are thousands of men that write to women on the internet and never go visit them at all. They are dreamers that are never going to actually make the trip. Women soon discover that the majority of guys that write to them are part of this group.

However there are several other reasons as well. I'll let others tell you a few of them.
For example, if you can speak even basic Spanish, you are going to learn more in 72 hours in Colombia than you will in a year on the internet. You'll certainly learn more that is relevant to yourself.

Now for me personally it is extremely difficult to travel to Latin America. I certainly could never have decided to nip off to Colombia within 2 months and vist 4 times a year as some people on this board insist is a minimum requirement.

Therefore I am NOT going to say you must be ready to visit within X months and be prepared to visit X times per year. HOWEVER I do recommend that you take on board the spirit of this advice.

If it is going to be a considerable amount of time before you can visit Latin America then I suggest you limit your emotional involvement with any particular girl to a realistic level. Rather than spend endless hours on a web cam exhausting every possible subject through a machine translator. You could work on several very important things. Here is a few off the top of my head.

1. Your Spanish. You can not learn enough Spanish. So get to work. learning a language takes a lot of time. If you can't do it then, good luck - you are going to need a lot of it. If you are going to Brazil ask someone that knows that country.
2. To be brutal guys there are a lot of guys out there that really need to work on their social skills.
3. If you are looking for a Colombian wife then learn to dance. A little will do but learn some basic steps of the 3 most common dances. At least be prepared to give it a go. You don't need to be good but you need to be prepared to try.
4. Money. You need money. This is expensive. Be realistic or else be very determined. Either way you need money.
5. Physical. Guys you are looking at another country, not a parallel universe. These are women not some other species. If you are in bad shape, get to work on it. The better you are the more options you will have.
6. Style. Guys, apperance, manners and personal grooming matters. You do not need to be James Bond. In fact too flashy is bad. But you simply can not be a cave man either. Most guys will not have this problem but if you do, then fix it first.
7. Women. I spend a lot of time with a lot of women every week. If you hardly spend any time with women now in your own country, then I'll be honest and tell you that I think you can find someone in Latin America. The problem is that I worry about what the eventual outcome will be for you. You are certainly going to be in for a culture shock. My 2c - get to know a number of women in your own country. Friends, dates, whatever. Get to know a number of them on various social levels. (Don't get any preganant). You'll thank me later.

So you see there are actually a number of things that you could be doing with your time until you know you are going be able to travel within X months.

As I say, take it or leave it.
Just as long as you accept that I tried to give constructive advice on this subject.

Vman.

[Kiltboy1]

Yep
 
Sounds reasonable to me. Practical, which most men lose in there lower extremities when thinking about finding a Latin wife.
 
KB

[InnocentVixen]

Bravo!!


I was just thinking that I can work with things like:

• slightly overweight - even a bit chubby is fine as long as he is making progress to a healthier lifestyle
• bad style - the beisball caps, oversized clothes and washed out shirts (my god... the horror!!). If I find a great guy that has this problem like a lot of them seem to have... I will hope he understands that I feel it makes me look like a bad wife (or girlfriend... or human being for that matter) to let him go out in public like that, in fact I am sure his mother would be a bit embarrassed if she saw what his son has been wearing the last few years.
• lack of spanish skills - my english is good enough to not have to worry about it but he should be willing to learn some basics so he can communicate with my family without me translating every single word, that's all I ask.
• hell maybe even some lack of social skills, I've always liked the nerdy/geeky guys, I think they are cute, but he should not freak out in groups bigger than 4 or walking down the street...

So there are some points to think about that a painfully honest somewhat flexible mexicana is willing to share, you don't have to be perfect, but you shouldn't be self destructive either you know? an open mind, willingness to learn go a long way. There are women out there that go as far as being forgiving, go figure!


The most important point Vman gave in my opinion, is to be realistic though, it is not healthy for you or fair to her if you are not going to visit and make things happen, want to play that game? get the sims.

[Brazilophile]

Style!

I have very mixed feelings about this one.  To me, a preoccupation with style and fashion reflects a level of superficiality that might be a deal breaker.  It is certainly a serious red flag for me.  It also reflects to me a set of priorities that conflict with mine.  I would rather be a producer that earns income selling style to others than a consumer that spends income buying style from others.  A preoccupation with style and fashion suggests that earnings will be spent on that rather than saved, invested, or spent on what I feel or more serious things like education.  (I grew up around some clothes horses that dressed to the nines but were always asking to borrow money.)

A last issue is something that has been noted by others over the years; character and personality.  It is nice to have a good looking mate whose appearance impresses others, but it is much better to have a mate with a good character and a warm pleasant personality that enhances your own enjoyment of life.  There is no amount of hair styling, great make-up, nice 'in' clothing, latest shoes, expensive jackets that can mask or compensate for a wretched character and ugly personality.   

I would caution that the type of mate you catch depends on the bait you use.  So be careful what you fish for!

[benjio]

Style!

I have very mixed feelings about this one.  To me, a preoccupation with style and fashion reflects a level of superficiality that might be a deal breaker.  It is certainly a serious red flag for me.  It also reflects to me a set of priorities that conflict with mine.  I would rather be a producer that earns income selling style to others than a consumer that spends income buying style from others.  A preoccupation with style and fashion suggests that earnings will be spent on that rather than saved, invested, or spent on what I feel or more serious things like education.  (I grew up around some clothes horses that dressed to the nines but were always asking to borrow money.)

A last issue is something that has been noted by others over the years; character and personality.  It is nice to have a good looking mate whose appearance impresses others, but it is much better to have a mate with a good character and a warm pleasant personality that enhances your own enjoyment of life.  There is no amount of hair styling, great make-up, nice 'in' clothing, latest shoes, expensive jackets that can mask or compensate for a wretched character and ugly personality.   

I would caution that the type of mate you catch depends on the bait you use.  So be careful what you fish for!

V-Man, excellent post.
 
Brazilophile,
 
I certainly understand your viewpoint when it comes to fashion and style, and I have to admit that in most cases you are absolutely correct. But there are those out there, like myself, that appreciate fashion for the artform it is, not only the elevated social status that usually comes with wearing fashionable clothing. I'm in no way interested in what other people think or keeping up with trends, but quite often I will find that I'm a fan of a brand of clothing or accessories that is currently popular. Even though those types of thrends are always temporary. For me, this also has a lot to do with quality. In terms of clothing and shoes, higher end, more expensive brands last much longer and look relatively new for a longer time. I love Salvatore Ferragamo Loafers. No one can look at them and tell they are a $500 pair of dress shoes, but it's what I like. I also wear Kenneth Coles...a brand that is much more recognizable where I live and much cheaper, but they don't last half as long. As a matter of fact, I can't even tell you the lifespan of a pair of Salvatore's because I'm still wearing every pair I ever bought and they still look spectacular. I like the black patent leather shoes Kenneth Cole makes, but I've had to replace that pair of black shoes four times since I've been wearing them. So do the math...$145 four times and counting compared to $400 once. There is a Colombian brand of leather goods called Velez and the quality of their products is incomparable. I bought a very expensive bag to carry my laptop in a while back. People in the states don't know the brand, but the quality is apparent so I get questioned about it constantly.
 
For me, the same goes for brands like Movado, Armani, Yoropiko, Momotaro, Yves Saint Laurent, Bond No. 9...the list goes on and on. People may not have necessarily heard about them, but you still get what you pay for. Moral of the story...I know women like myself. For them, it's not about keeping up with trends, but an appreciation of an artform and high quality craftmanship, and that's hardly what I'd call superficial. I don't think you'd place the same stigma on a woman that said she always dreamed of owning a Picasso because she loves his work. She'd just be called an art lover. I'm not completely disagreeing with you about having caution with any woman like this, but I also wouldn't jump to the conclusion that someone that appreciates high fashion is most likely a superficial person. I'm saying this because people assume that about me, and I recently met someone just like myself that is in no way obsessed with the social status and just someone that loves the art of clothing.
 
To each his own....

[Gato4Astrid]

I disagree with you at Number 3!!  I don't need to learn how to dance!!!  You must have been looking at the WRONG woman!!!


And you are MISSING the point.  Relationships are NOT about 1 way street.   It is about 2-way streets.   


If your woman wants to live in your country, then she must learn English.  It is simple!!

[V_Man]

Gato, when you get off the plane you are not in England and you definately aint in Kansas any more.
When I was in Colombia I met one attractive woman who was fluent in English by arrangement. I also spent a an afternoon with her fluent English speaking cousin. I meet another very attractive woman who was fluent in English by chance. I bet that most guys will not meet as many as that. I can't tell you how many others I talked to and how many of their friends and family memebers I talked to in Spanish because I wasn't counting. Only a few of them could put together a simple sentance in English. Then there is the people in the street, shop keepers, at the airport, in the taxi, in the mall, etc.

I realise some guys go on guided tours and are sheltered from all this interaction or have a translator with them. However I stand by my comment that if you can not communicate in her language then you are going to need a lot of luck.

Yes, certainly your choosen one will need to eventually speak fluent English. However there is a long road to reach there. You have the money and time to learn her language. If a guy is not willing to do that then mate, I do not understand why he wants a Latin wife.

IV just said, he has to be at least willing to learn a little bit for my family's sake. Mate, the fluent English speaking one I mentioned above, was always by my side for a week and she expected me to have a basic conversations with her family or friends in Spanish everyday. When I was in crowded public areas with her, if I could not say something to her in Spanish then she prefered me to say nothing that anyone could overhear. She wanted strangers to assume that I could understand them. It was a smart move.

[whitey]

Good post, V-man.

On the subject of style and grooming, I think this is relatively important in the courting process and shouldn't be overlooked.

It doesn't have to take a lot of money to get a haircut, shave off that beard, trim the nose and ear hairs, drop a few pounds, etc.   Leave the pleated pants, white socks and sneakers, aloha shirts, baseball caps, team jerseys, and baggy jeans at home.

[Gato4Astrid]

V-man


By learning how to dance, would you expect ladies to learn how to surf and be prepared for Bondi Beach in Sydney?


You don't have to learn how to dance, but you do need some basic  knowledge about Colombia.  For example, history of Colombia, the places etc.  Simon Bolivar, Policarpa Salavarrieta  (Colombian's Joan of Arc), the vuelto sombrero, their culture.


If your woman doesn't know anything about your country, then she isn't interested in your country, and in you as well. 


My girlfriend already knows some basic about my country, and history as well - especially King Henry VIII

[Gato4Astrid]

Good post, V-man.

On the subject of style and grooming, I think this is relatively important in the courting process and shouldn't be overlooked.

It doesn't have to take a lot of money to get a haircut, shave off that beard, trim the nose and ear hairs, drop a few pounds, etc.   Leave the pleated pants, white socks and sneakers, aloha shirts, baseball caps, team jerseys, and baggy jeans at home.

You missed out the eyebrows!! 


Too many hairs in the eyebrows will make you look older!! 

[V_Man]

By learning how to dance, would you expect ladies to learn how to surf and be prepared for Bondi Beach in Sydney?

Yes I always ask them if they can swim. I made a point of taking the one I am keen on for very long walks in the surf. I learnt some important things about her that way.

She does not have to be a beach bunny or pro surfer to live in Australia. However she does have to enjoy the beach. Plenty of Aussie women go to the beach and never get their toes wet.
 More importantly she needs to want to socialise around a BBQ. Personally I never meet a Colombian woman that does not like to socialise with friends and family. Even the shy ones like to do that. However if I ever did meet a Colombiana or other Latina that was so stuck up that I could not imagine her sitting around a BBQ, then yes she would be eliminated no matter how hot and sexy she was. She is simply never going to fit into normal society here or be able to be presented to my friends as wife material.

Mate, you do not need to do any of the things I suggested. Especially if you are a multimillionare, world famous actor. If you think you are already God's gift to women and you don't need to work on anything but expect her to adjust to everything about your and your culture, then you are entitled to your beliefs.

[V_Man]

...but you do need some basic  knowledge about Colombia.  For example, history of Colombia, the places etc.  Simon Bolivar, Policarpa Salavarrieta  (Colombian's Joan of Arc), the vuelto sombrero, their culture.

Gato, I could not agree with you more! Personally I was interested in all Latin cultures and all South American countries long before I thought about dating the women. Therefore I overlook this because it is just so natural for me. In my personal opinion I'd go further than Gato. If you are really not interested in learning about her culture then, in my view, a Latin woman living in Latin America isn't for you.

[Micky]

VM -
I think that you laid down some pretty good stuff.  Myself,  I put more value on a persons "common sense" and perspective than on how many trips or how much time in a country.  When going anywhere,  be yourself,  your "best self".  I do not care if it is a women or the man,  but I do not care for the people that "create or morph"  into someone that is NOT who they truly are.  If a guy is a slob,  cleans up his act SOLELY for the purpose of the "hunt",  is a fool and is certainly not representing his true self.  If the shoe were on the other foot,  how would one feel?,  fooled,  betrayed,  played?  I am not arguing on the points of a person making an effort to refine their appearance,  learn a few helpful things,  sharpen their skills.
I am in my 5th year living here,  I honestly feel that the more that I learn,  the less that I know.  I think that is somewhat normal,  in that you really are learning how MUCH there is that you DON'T know.
I think that the best anyone can do,  is number one - be honest in who,  and what you are,  what is it that you want and being REALISTIC in that department.  Number two -  leave all expectations at home. Especially,  the first trip,  come,  meet people,  just soak in all the things that are different and enjoyable about Colombia and the people.  Have the courage and attitude to go your OWN way,  whether that be agencies,  internet sites,  or stone cold.  One city,  five city tour,  hotels or rent an apto,  buses or airplanes, eat at the corner bakery,  four star restaurants.  Just go the route the suits YOU and ENJOY your time.  Bla, bla,  bla,  an old idiot rants.
 

Micky 

[fathertime]

Hey V-man!


Your post seems pretty reasonable.  I'd like to add in that it is probably best to be your natural self (within reason)! 


 I never claimed to be a trendy dresser and I didn't pretend to be one when dating ladies in Colombia.  It is better if you do have some style though, I think.   It makes sense for men to improve upon themselves in areas where they would like, and become stylish/good dancer/decent spanish speaker....etc, etc...putting on any sort of front is completely counterproductive.  It is best to represent what your likes/dislikes are, and let the lady judge you based on who the man is, rather than something the man is pretending to be.


Thanks for you imput!


Fathertime!   

[V_Man]

You guys are sooooo right.
I made a concious decision to simply be myself and let the chips fall where they might. Women picked up on this immediately. In fact everyone did. I overheard two women talking about my personality and how that made them feel. I walked around with a smile on my face for the rest of the day!!!!

[z_k_g]

Vman

Great post!

Hey V-man!


Your post seems pretty reasonable.  I'd like to add in that it is probably best to be your natural self (within reason)! 

Fathertime!   

Spot on FT.

This applies anywhere in the world.  I hate to see the 1-week millionaires when I travel.  Fakers are easy to spot and if you fool a woman initially, she will find out the truth!

Zulu

[beginthebeguin]

z_k_g sez

I hate to see the 1-week millionaires when I travel.

Errr, I could probably pull of a version of a 1-nanosecond millionaire if pressed. Jajajajaja!