My 2nd trip report from Colombia, good times!

[Alabamaboy!]

One thing I would definitely be aware of if I were starting this process all over again, some of the girls are coming from very modest households, or their families are a giant mess and are reluctant to "give in" all the way quickly.

For instance, my wife, when we first started getting serious, seemed to be flaking out on me sometimes. And I was taking that as mixed signals, and that her actions were speaking that she was not really that into me. But as it turned out, it was because of a couple different dynamics all working together. She is from a very poor barrio and was ashamed of it somewhat. Also, her dad is a not the best guy in the world and she did not want me to know all about that. And neither she nor any of her family had ever had any kind of real contact with gringos in their lives and she was thinking her parents and family would not accept me! So you add that with her natural timidness, she appeared to be not really falling head over heels in love with me at first.

But as soon as she finally let me meet her family and and friends and all was great. The parents and other family members really liked me and we all got along terrific.  I explained I came from some pretty humble roots myself. And then the relationship took off like wildfire. They had a preconceived notion that all gringos wear ties, don't know any Spanish, don't like kids, etc, etc.

So my point is that even knowing a lot of the culture, you need to really put yourself in their position too and try to see things from all angles to give yourself the best chance for success. Especially if you are dealing with a younger woman who still lives at home. Most of the time their parents acceptance of the relationship is one of the most important hurdles you may have to deal with.

[Alabamaboy!]

She had some psychological problems and some issues with her mom, she was a psychologist too at that, I ended up meeting this woman's mom so the mom could provide her approval for her daughter to keep seeing me, which took a lot for the girl to do. In the end, if I met her on the street, not on the agency seen, I could capture her, but she was not a good candidate for me because she was not an adult and she was not completely into me.

You should keep this girl on your roster of MSN chat buddies because I learned alot from chat sessions with a nice morena beauty who was a psychologist in training. She was able to give me some inside info on how young latinas perceive things and about the Costeno culture in general. Plus I was able to practice my Spanish. She was one of my first lessons about how the "more educated" upper class Barranquilleras were not any more mature or logical than the younger, less educated ones. But it gave me a window into this type of illogical thought process and helped me with my situation in general.

[Colgando]

Good words AB, I am 99% sure why the girl was sending mixed signals and it is nothing we could not overcome, I went out on 5 or so dates with her, met her mom and I get why she was the way she was. Jamie did not have the same perspective I had. It will be very difficult for this woman to get married and getting married to a foreigner will be even harder for her. But in any event, I am very happy with the way things turned out, I honestly did not think I would meet a girl like the one I met, she completely surprised me and things are going well, I have to be careful, I am spending a ton of time chatting with her, I haven't done much else in the evenings this week and I need to take care of some things.

[beginthebeguin]

Colgando wrote

I sent her an email today when I got back and she already responded with a sweet email and more pictures of her with different hairstyles and looks, that is a good sign.

Yep, quite agree. It's always a good sign if they take the time to look good for you with different looks and such. To a woman it is time consuming and the fotos take time as well. They have to find a trusted friend or relative to help set up the photo shots. So you are know to her 'inner circle' by now, if the fotos were taken after you left her. Just some advice. Respond in kind. My lady is always asking for more fotos of me.  I feel like a 'heel' at times but I really hate posing for fotos
 
My two centavos. And I'm glad your second trip was less hectic but productive.

[maritime04]

"They had a preconceived notion that all gringos wear ties, don't know any Spanish, don't like kids, etc, etc."
 
Why would they think gringos dont like kids?
 
Latin women always want to look good, its one of the things i love about them, too many times (back in the USA) i saw a allot of very pretty women who walk around town a total mess, hair undone, wearing sweatpants, and flip flops to go out to the mall.
 
My girlfriend did not invite me to her home till we had known each other for 3 months, it takes time to build trust levels with some people. especially if they feel humble


 

[InSanDiego]

3 months to meet her family? I would have bailed before that because I have to meet her family to take a look at her mom (what she will likely become) and how she gets along with her daddy. Very important info if you're talking about marriage/commitment...

[Gato4Astrid]

My ex-novia and I were together from August of 2008 until January of this year. She was not at all a bad woman. She was very faithful, honest, and devoted to the relationship. However, she was one of those girls that Bamaboy was talking about in another post. She was convinced she could make a better life for herself in Colombia as suppose to what she could do here in the states. She had this unshakable desire to become an important, professional, career woman in Barranquilla. No matter how many people told her that her intelligence and work ethic would take her a lot farther here in the states, she had all these unrealistic plans of single-handedly carrying her entire family out of the cycle of poverty. I will admit, I always respected how motivated she was, but I hated the fact she stubbornly would not accept that there are really no job opportunities in Barranquilla. When I realized I couldn't find a job there to be with her, I gave her an ultimatum and she chose to stay in Colombia. It was all downhill from there and we called it quits earlier this year. I think I was more than patient visiting her 12 times in a little over two years we were together.

Make sure you and your future novia talk about future plans.  There are many girls do not think about their future plans.


There is old saying for business:  "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"

[Colgando]

Well fellas....the communication has been outstanding with me and my latina babe, we have spoken every day for the last 2 weeks for 2 to 3 hours a day.


Ok, let me break it down a little...when I was at the agency, my latina had a problem with me seeing all those women at the same time, she would only go so far with me while all the other women were still in the picture. Also, she did not think that I would keep in touch with her, she did not think I would want to go out with her.


So now, I have consolidated my interest in her, demonstrated I am still interested and now the communication is to the point of us needing to see if we will only be good friends, which we are, we have top notch intellectual and spiritual compatibility which makes for an amazing friendship, we have an amazing, real connection, or if we will be lovers and life partners.


From my view, I look at compatibility in 4 buckets, intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical. We are 100% compatible on an intellectual and spiritual basis, which is amazing, always something to say or talk about, we get each other. The question remains, are we emotionally and physically compatible. She would not allow herself to go to a physical and emotional level with me while I was in the agency, with the exception of on the dance floor, which we are compatible on the dance floor, amazing night of dancing. We are both very attracted to each other.


So, bottom line, I booked a ticket to fly to BAQ next month, August 2011. I gotta see if this thing is worth my time and energy. I am really connecting to this woman and I need to know if I should continue to allow myself to dream with this woman. She is super excited about the trip, with advice from AlabamaBoy, she will be booking the hotel reservation for me and she will be meeting me at the airport, we will see how well she follows through on this. She is worried that I will not feel the same for her when I see her again, I responded to her with reassurance and nothing but pure excitement to see her again.


Well ladies and gents...another trip report to come shortly...either I will be heading back to BAQ in Oct and Dec or I will be making other arrangements.


 

[Researcher]

      Sounds good so far Colgando.Keep us posted.

        Researcher

[fathertime]

Hey Colgando!


It sounds to me like you are going about this in a good aggressive manner.  Who da hell wants to wait around for months/years when you think you MIGHT have found the right gal?  You are going to succeed at finding a good wife whether it is with this gal or another!   


Fathertime!

[Gato4Astrid]

Hey Chameleon, Jamie warned that a girl was not interested. She was sending mixed signals which meant she was not interested.

You need body language lessons!  If there is a body language class in your area, I strongly recommend you to take it up.    I had body language classes - paid by the company I used to work - because of sales  and found it very useful. 


Remember that BODY LANGUAGE never lies!!

[Colgando]

You need body language lessons!  If there is a body language class in your area, I strongly recommend you to take it up.    I had body language classes - paid by the company I used to work - because of sales  and found it very useful. 


Remember that BODY LANGUAGE never lies!!

Hey Gato....her body language was good...what happened was, this particular chick would call to reschedule dates, said she wanted to cancel a date, say she had other priorities, she was busy etc...Jamie said I was down on her priority list which meant she was not interested. One time, she had to take care of getting her dad added to her insurance, but she showed up for the date, mixed signal. The other time, the water went out in her neighborhood, she cancelled the date, ok reason, but Jamie still said she was not interested. She was attracted to me, and she liked me, easy to tell, but she had some psychological problems clouding the situation, she expressed some of the issues she had to me, and I could deduce what the other issues she had were after meeting her mom, that is why she studied psychology, to figure herself out, I def could have captured her if I lived in Colombia, even if it were only for a short affair. Also, she just was not an adult, she could not make her own decisions.

[Colgando]

Hey Colgando!


It sounds to me like you are going about this in a good aggressive manner.  Who da hell wants to wait around for months/years when you think you MIGHT have found the right gal?  You are going to succeed at finding a good wife whether it is with this gal or another!   


Fathertime!

Yes sir FT, there is no time like the present, I have the cash and vacation time so I am giving it everything I have in 2011 with my Latina. When I feel like this, I either gotta get it out of my system or go the distance, so this next trip will serve to accomplish one or the other. I just got off the phone with her, she wants me there right now, gotta love it, it is amazing, just over chat and the phone, she is opening up and allowing herself to get emotionally involved with me, 100 times more than when I was there in the agency, I am so excited to see how we will be together this trip when I am coming to see her and only her, no more agency, no other females. She has only had 1 boyfriend in her life, who of course hurt her badly, as us teenage boys do, so she does not want to feel that hurt ever again. I told her I would never hurt her like that if we are together and asked her if she believed me, she said yes.

[whitey]

From my view, I look at compatibility in 4 buckets, intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical. We are 100% compatible on an intellectual and spiritual basis, which is amazing, always something to say or talk about, we get each other. The question remains, are we emotionally and physically compatible. She would not allow herself to go to a physical and emotional level with me while I was in the agency, with the exception of on the dance floor, which we are compatible on the dance floor, amazing night of dancing. We are both very attracted to each other.

Sounds good Colgando ... I like that she didn't throw herself at you when you were still dating lot's of other women.  Best of luck.

So, bottom line, I booked a ticket to fly to BAQ next month, August 2011. I gotta see if this thing is worth my time and energy. I am really connecting to this woman and I need to know if I should continue to allow myself to dream with this woman. She is super excited about the trip, with advice from AlabamaBoy, she will be booking the hotel reservation for me and she will be meeting me at the airport, we will see how well she follows through on this.

My favourite hotel in Barranquilla is el Hotel el Prado.  I love it because of it's beautiful traditional colonial architecture, and it's amazing courtyard with pool.  The rooms are just ok, but all the common areas and the pool/courtyard are stunning.  You can stay in much more modern (and expensive), american-style hotels in BAQ, but what's the point of going to South America if you're not going to enjoy something different?  That's the way I look at it anyway.  A night including a pretty decent breakfast buffet will set you back about $75-80 as I remember.

Check out the website here (you can take a virtual tour): http://www.hotelelpradosa.com/

You may want to fly into Cartagena instead of Barranquilla.  I've always found the prices and schedules to be better, and Cartagena is only 2 hours from Barranquilla via a secure, air-conditioned van service that only costs $13 door to door.  Fly Spirit Air if you want to get the lowest price.  If you wait until the end of Aug or early Sept, the price drops quite a bit for the flights.

Nazly will often meet me at the airport in Cartagena and we'll stay a night or two there before heading to BAQ.  IMO, the best value hotel in the heart of the old, walled city is Hotel Los Balcones de Badillo.  It's perfectly situated right in the heart of the old city, and you are within a 10 minute walk from anywhere in this area.  Of course, there are restaurants, bars, parks located within a 1 or 2 minute walk also.

It is a small boutique hotel with only 12 rooms, 2 of which are suites.  We spent our honeymoon night and a couple days afterwards there (but we've also stayed there several other times).  It's worth upgrading to a suite if it's available - should run you about $100 which is very good value for Cartagena.

Check it out here: http://www.cartagenainfo.net/hotelbalconesdebadillo/english.html

[Colgando]

Whitey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thanks man for the advice. I will look into Hotel el Prado...that sounds like a cool place to stay. I already booked the flight to BAQ this trip, but I will remember your advice for next trip. My lady is not up for meeting me in Cartagena yet, so that is an awesome idea for my potential October trip. If all goes well this trip, I will be going back in October when she is on vacation.


Yeah, me too Whitey, I really liked how she was not desperate and did not throw herself at me, this lady is really special, she is very unique, she says she is not a typical Costena, time will tell the fullness of this statement. We talk politics, religion, history, culture, family, friends, music, sports (well, Brasil soccer, which is her favorite) we also can be silly together, laugh, have a good time, we both like to dance and have some drinks, she loves that she can talk with me about everything that is on her mind...etc...she is a teacher, she speaks intermediate English and wants to learn as many languages as her brain can handle and she wants to be a distinguished teacher of languages. She teaches Spanish right now to her students. She is my Spanish teacher now. She explains to me Colombian history, one thing though is she is a South American Lefty, but she is not an activist though, I spent some time with her figuring that out, so I am cool with it, she likes people that give back to the poor and she makes a reasonable case for her political leanings, but she is not an activist, thankfully, some people dislike religious activists, I dislike ardent political activists, which she is not, thankfully. She watches the debates in Colombia and gets her family to watch them with her, she told me about the different candidates, she is addicted to reading she says, really smart and curious woman. I now realize that I cannot settle on this, I need and want a woman that I can share my intellectual side with as well as my romantic side. So things are going well, so far......... 

[whitey]

Whitey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thanks man for the advice. I will look into Hotel el Prado...that sounds like a cool place to stay. I already booked the flight to BAQ this trip, but I will remember your advice for next trip. My lady is not up for meeting me in Cartagena yet, so that is an awesome idea for my potential October trip. If all goes well this trip, I will be going back in October when she is on vacation.


Yeah, me too Whitey, I really liked how she was not desperate and did not throw herself at me, this lady is really special, she is very unique, she says she is not a typical Costena, time will tell the fullness of this statement. We talk politics, religion, history, culture, family, friends, music, sports (well, Brasil soccer, which is her favorite) we also can be silly together, laugh, have a good time, we both like to dance and have some drinks, she loves that she can talk with me about everything that is on her mind...etc...she is a teacher, she speaks intermediate English and wants to learn as many languages as her brain can handle and she wants to be a distinguished teacher of languages. She teaches Spanish right now to her students. She is my Spanish teacher now. She explains to me Colombian history, one thing though is she is a South American Lefty, but she is not an activist though, I spent some time with her figuring that out, so I am cool with it, she likes people that give back to the poor and she makes a reasonable case for her political leanings, but she is not an activist, thankfully, some people dislike religious activists, I dislike ardent political activists, which she is not, thankfully. She watches the debates in Colombian and gets her family to watch them with her, she told me about the different candidates, she is addicted to reading she says, really smart and curious women. I now realize that I cannot settle on this, I need and want a woman that I can share my intellectual side with as well as my romantic side. So things are going well, so far......... 

She is definitely not your typical costena and keeps sounding better all the time ... except for the lefty stuff ... hahaha.  But that's pretty easy to understand when she lives in a country with so much poverty and corruption.

I'm glad you've got the time and money to get down there and see her again soon.  Actually, I like the fact that she doesn't want to meet you in Cartagena yet.  It shows she has respect for herself and her family.

If you haven't met her family yet, make sure to ask whether she's inviting you to lunch at her house (if she hasn't already invited you).  It's always good to meet the woman's family, it shows that you have respect, and it also shows that she's into you enough to meet the folks.

Enjoy ... wish I was going with you ... it will probably be 4 months before I can go again.  Actually, if all goes well with the visa, my wife will be here in about 4 months, so I won't be going down.

[Gato4Astrid]

She was attracted to me, and she liked me, easy to tell,

Many of the girls have said that they were interested in me, but I could say from her body language that many of them did not know what they were talking about.    Yes, your right "easy to tell"

[Gato4Astrid]

 she wanted to cancel a date, say she had other priorities, she was busy etc...Jamie said I was down on her priority list which meant she was not interested. One time, she had to take care of getting her dad added to her insurance

I would definitely eliminate her!!  You flew all the way from Mars to Jamie's and she wanted to cancel the date.... Got to be kidding!  It showed you were NOT important enough for her, and also showed that she wasn't very serious with you. 


Good job, you aren't with her.


Glad that you have found your lady, and good luck with it.

[Colgando]

I would definitely eliminate her!!  You flew all the way from Mars to Jamie's and she wanted to cancel the date.... Got to be kidding!  It showed you were NOT important enough for her, and also showed that she wasn't very serious with you. 


Good job, you aren't with her.


Glad that you have found your lady, and good luck with it.

Thanks Gato, I appreciate that, in hindsight, I was into her beauty, she was by far the most beautiful woman that I met this last trip, she was like a delicate, sweet Colombian flower, blossoming in the spring.....you are right, she was not that serious with me, but at the same time, she takes me to meet her mother....that was probably so she could get back in good graces with her mother though, she was going behind her mother's back to come and see me at the agency...

[MichaelP]

Ok, let me break it down a little...when I was at the agency, my latina had a problem with me seeing all those women at the same time, she would only go so far with me while all the other women were still in the picture. Also, she did not think that I would keep in touch with her, she did not think I would want to go out with her.

Hi Folks.

OK I've got a hypothetical for you.

I may make a trip to S.A. in the fall. It's possible.

If I do, I would probably try to see my "first choice" woman first.
Let's say things go really well between us. But she doesn't want to be intimate quite yet.

Let's say, as well as things went between Colgando and his woman.

Now, should I continue on and meet a bunch of other women who I've been communicating with or cut my trip short?
There would be a good chance that #1 would find out if I continued on.

What are your thoughts on this?

[robert angel]

Colgando,
 
It's nice hearing your trip report and I'm glad you're able to get down there more than most guys. I think that even compared to 'most guys' who might also be able to get down as much as you, you're kind of doing it your 'own style' and making adjustments along the way. Very impressive and good food for thought for a lot of people.
 
 
MichaelP, I don't know enough about the whole 'shebang' down there. I think it sounds like Colgando's handling his situation with a lot of class and he's getting it back in kind. But if you don't have the time 'option'--namely being able to make more trips than most, it changes the equation and how you are able to approach it. I'm pretty sure some guys who know the women and their culture down there fairly well will pipe in with different viewpoints--stay tuned!

[Colgando]

Hi Folks.

OK I've got a hypothetical for you.

I may make a trip to S.A. in the fall. It's possible.

If I do, I would probably try to see my "first choice" woman first.
Let's say things go really well between us. But she doesn't want to be intimate quite yet.

Let's say, as well as things went between Colgando and his woman.

Now, should I continue on and meet a bunch of other women who I've been communicating with or cut my trip short?
There would be a good chance that #1 would find out if I continued on.

What are your thoughts on this?

What up MP!


I have heard it go a bunch of different ways for different guys and gals, I think you gotta feel it out with the women.


Many guys focus in on one girl after several days in the agency and become exclusive with her, this enables them to take it to the next level with their woman I think. Some guys who have a 2 week trip will date a bunch of women the 1st week and the 2nd week, they focus in on one woman and take it to the next level. Some women will become intimate quicker than others, even with other women in the picture.


This last trip, I dated multiple women for 8 of the 9 days, although I knew I was most interested in this lady after 4 or 5 days, but I kept seeing other women. The last day I spent with the lady I am talking to now. I did not make any exclusivity commitments with her while I was there last. She found out after the fact from the agency that I was only interested in seeing her at the end of the trip and then I confirmed that with her when I got back to the US and started chatting with her, this took her trust in me to a whole new level. This particular woman, I needed to build up trust and confidence with, trust and confidence I could not do with a 9 day trip, dating a bunch of women at the same time. If I had made an exclusivity commitment with her this last trip, prior to my departure, things may have played out a little differently. However, learning from my 1st trip, I thought it best for me to just date a bunch of women, resist the urge to lock one down within the 9 day trip, see which ones had genuine interest over the relatively short period of time. My plan was to have 2 or 3 that I was interested in and to keep in touch when I returned state side, and then see if I wanted to come back to see any of them.


The urge is to lock something down while in country, especially with limited time. From what I hear, the majority of guys, 90% will leave with a strong interest from Jamie's place and that intimacy happens the 1st or 2nd trip with the couple depending upon a lot factors I suppose.


I would recommend resisting the urge to lock something down, for me, helped to temper my emotions, helped to see if the woman really was interested in me and if I was really interested in her. Many women fell off the tracks over the 8 day period, or I lost interest, no spark, and the lady I am talking to hung in there with me, and we both kept each others interest. She said at 1st she didn't mind me seeing all those women, but towards the end of the trip, she said it made her uncomfortable when she started getting attached to me, wondering if I am seeing a bunch of women and her at the same time, it bothered her. I would def recommend not lying or coming across as a mujeriego, womanizer. Me and my lady have chatted about the agency experience, she grilled me with a bunch of questions, I gave her prudent, honest answers, and all is well now, both of us do not ever want to have to go back into the agency. On her own accord, she already told the agency she is no longer interested in meeting any other men and to take her down from the agency. Even though we are not novios and have not been intimate, it bothers her to be in the agency while she is talking to and getting involved with me.


Hope this helps.


 

[MichaelP]

...Some women will become intimate quicker than others, even with other women in the picture.

...This last trip, I dated multiple women for 8 of the 9 days, although I knew I was most interested in this lady after 4 or 5 days, but I kept seeing other women. The last day I spent with the lady I am talking to now....


...Many women fell off the tracks over the 8 day period, or I lost interest, no spark, and the lady I am talking to hung in there with me, and we both kept each others interest. She said at 1st she didn't mind me seeing all those women, but towards the end of the trip, she said it made her uncomfortable when she started getting attached to me, wondering if I am seeing a bunch of women and her at the same time, it bothered her. I would def recommend not lying or coming across as a mujeriego, womanizer.


Hope this helps.


 

Hey Colgando!
Thanks very much for your tips!
They were right on the mark.
I will remember your guidance if I make a trip this fall.

I wish you all the best with your woman!

[robert angel]

If you want a 'classy lady', it obviously helps to act 'classy' yourself.  And BTW, nationality, money, race nor religion, have NOTHING to do with the kind of 'class'  I'm talking about--it's especially true in my experience that money doesn't have ANYTHING to do with 'class' in my book.

 
I would've loved to have galavanted all around, jumping from city to city, and babe to babe, but I don't think that if you're looking for a great partner like I was--like Colgando seems to be doing--maybe even a 'wife' --I don't think that you'll find that many really good ladies who'll put up with that sort of behavior for too long and/or if you do, she may apply that same standard of behavior to you sooner or later, assuming she's not that way already. And I don't think you'd like THAT!

 
There's more room in some places than others --more 'tolerance' when it comes to 'playing the field' but I think it's still a universal equation that the thinner you spread yourself around, seeing more and more women and not zeroing in and seeing the 'choice ones' enough to keep their attentions, that the 'best ones' may get away. Sure the babes out number the gringo's but we're not the only ones 'fishing' down there and there's only a few of the 'top choices' and they typically don't last as long as the others.
 
 
 
That said--there's NOTHING wrong with starting with a big pool--whether using an agency or on-line sites or both. In fact I think it's good to do that for a while, as you get the feel for things in that realm and to date a number of women for starters. The art is knowing what's really good in the pool and swimming in that direction!
 

That's another reason why it often pays to look for newer members if you're searching online--and make sure they're not just renewing  or changing profiles to get a newer member number, if you can.

[Jeff S]

Careful Rob - you bring up class around here and the only thing anyone thinks about is a spoiled princess with a rich daddy. I've tried.