I found this while cleaning one of my old email inbox.
~Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
~Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
~Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
~Crying is blackmail.
~Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work; Strong hints do not work; Obvious hints do not work - Just say it!
~Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
~Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it - that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
~A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem - See a doctor.
~Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
~If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
~If you think you're fat, you probably are - don't ask us.
~If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
~You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it - just do it yourself.
~Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
~Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
~ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit & we have no idea what mauve is.
~If it itches, it will be scratched - we do that.
~If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
~If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
~When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.
~Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
~You have enough clothes.
~You have too many shoes.
~I am in shape - round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
