Wedding Plans

[Tanuki]

No, I am not getting married yet.  I just want to pick some of you married guys brains.  I know some of you guys got marrried down in the Philippines and I was wondering how you came to that decision of where to get married.  Did your bride to be ask you to have the wedding down there or did you suggest it? 

I am just wondering what I need to consider if that time should ever come.

Thanks!

[Ray]

Tanuki,

When we decided to marry, I discussed all of the options with my fiancée, including the different visa options, waiting times, church vs civil ceremony, possible costs, etc.

Then I let her make the decision. She chose a traditional Filipino wedding ceremony (kasalan) in the church in her hometown. I let her handle most all of the planning details, including the reception.

My philosophy is that the wedding day is ‘primarily’ the bride’s day and I should do whatever I can to make her happy for her wedding, even though I would probably choose a drive-thru wedding in Las Vegas like most guys I know.

I’m glad that I did it her way and we both have that beautiful experience to cherish and remember forever.

Ray

[Bill_McC]

There is also the IMBRA laws to be aware of. If you marry there IMBRA is no longer a consideration.

Bill

[piglett]

Tanuki,
When we decided to marry, I discussed all of the options with my fiancée, including the different visa options, waiting times, church vs civil ceremony, possible costs, etc.
Then I let her make the decision. She chose a traditional Filipino wedding ceremony (kasalan) in the church in her hometown. I let her handle most all of the planning details, including the reception.
My philosophy is that the wedding day is ‘primarily’ the bride’s day and I should do whatever I can to make her happy for her wedding, even though I would probably choose a drive-thru wedding in Las Vegas like most guys I know.
I’m glad that I did it her way and we both have that beautiful experience to cherish and remember forever.
Ray

that all sounds good Ray
i only want to add that to most ladies from the Philippines a church wedding is something that most only dream of & very few ever get.
my wife still talks about our wedding & that was 8 months ago.
I know some guys don't understand this & ask their PI girlfriend to come here to the states so they can marry here. the advice i was given i will pass along to you "if you really love this woman & want to give her the happiest day of her life give her a Church wedding"

good luck
piglett

oh ya & if was up to me i would have went to vegas & had Elvis marry us at the drive through

[Jhengsman]

I think back in the day fiancée visas had a reputation of clearing through USCIS faster then spousal visas. Under US law they could not have a Catholic church wedding inside the 90 day limit because of internal Catholic rules. In her home parish the local Priest would give a pass on the letter of the law enforced by Bishops elsewhere.

As far as I can tell my wife and I were the only couple married in a church, mine's by the way, on either side of the family for the past three generations

[Ray]

Febtember, another long-time member here, had a Catholic Church wedding here while on a K-1 Visa.

But it did take some careful advance planning and a waiver of the 'usual' rules.

Ray

[robert angel]

I have been putting off getting an anulment from the Catholic church for a real long time now. The only reason why it still stays in my mind is because although my wife doesn't talk much at all about it and her family never does, I know it would mean a great, really big deal to them.

The logistics of it are one royal PITA though........

[Tanuki]

The lady that I am talking with, we chat just about everything under the sun and I got to asking her about what ifs.  I posed a question to her about if things did work out and IF we were to get married, what does she in-vision for a wedding.

I thought I would get the typical response of about big wedding, all the family, church and the whole nine yards.  So, it took me by suprise when I didn't get that response.  Her response was, it depends.  If she were to come there (meaning US) it would be something small and she would like my family to be there.  Or, if i were to come to the Philippines, she would like a small wedding in a church or on the beach.  She didn't want anything to big, just something simple with her Mom, brothers and sisters.

I didn't know if she was being reserved, not wanting to scare me off or did she not really care.  And, if she really didn't care, why didn't she care. Or, is this me expecting to hear a certain type of response and because I didn't get the response that I thought I would, I am now making a mountain out of a mole hill?

[Jhengsman]

I think way to often we confuse church with big. Maybe because of the wait forced upon us by some churches we feel we must use that time to make it big.

[Gato4Astrid]

No, I am not getting married yet.  I just want to pick some of you married guys brains.  I know some of you guys got marrried down in the Philippines and I was wondering how you came to that decision of where to get married.  Did your bride to be ask you to have the wedding down there or did you suggest it? 

I am just wondering what I need to consider if that time should ever come.

Thanks!

The wedding is always about the two people - bride and groom.  It is very important that both of you are happy about making the decisions - where to marry, how, what, when, who will attend to the wedding etc.    But it is best if the bride gets the final say especially "where, how" as long as it is within your budgets.   Wedding is a lifetime opportunity for both of you, and something to remember by. 

[Ray]

Her response was, it depends.

I didn't know if she was being reserved, not wanting to scare me off or did she not really care.  And, if she really didn't care, why didn't she care. Or, is this me expecting to hear a certain type of response and because I didn't get the response that I thought I would, I am now making a mountain out of a mole hill?

There you go Tanuki! Now you’re getting the hang of it.

Don’t take that first response as a true measure of her feelings. Some ladies really don’t care about a traditional wedding and others may just say that to not scare you off. The smart ones know that the guys are not really into all the ceremony stuff and she is also fully aware that YOU would be paying for any wedding in the Phils according to their tradition.

So you would need to ask several times, not giving away your own preferences, to really start to get an idea of what she “really” thinks.

Also, a “small” wedding can have widely varying meanings. Ours was a “small” wedding, with 210 guests attending. When I asked what a “large” wedding was, she said that’s when the entire church is full…(?)

Sorry is gets so complicated sometimes, but that’s just another example of the price we pay for a bride from paradise… LOL!

Ray

[Ray]

I think way to often we confuse church with big. Maybe because of the wait forced upon us by some churches we feel we must use that time to make it big.

Yes and no J.

If we're talking church wedding in the PI, then I’ve seen that wait cut down to as little as 15 minutes (NO SHYT!).

A shipmate of mine proposed to his girlfriend in Olongapo City. Her older sister insisted on handling all the arrangements for the church wedding.

But before they could start any wedding plans, she got pregnant. She was about 3-4 months along when they got their marriage license and stopped by the Catholic Church on the way home to start the ball rolling for the marriage. While the pastor was interviewing them and noticed her “condition”, he asked if they wanted to be married right then and there instead of waiting for months as normally required. They thought about it for a minute and said sure, why not? A couple of ladies from the church office were called in to be witnesses, and they were married on the spot. A full nuptial mass is not a requirement. Now that was a cheap wedding!   

I heard that her sister was really pissed at first, but eventually relented and all was forgiven.

The Catholic Church over there is famous for its willingness to bend the rules when necessary.

Ray

[michaelb]

Febtember, another long-time member here, had a Catholic Church wedding here while on a K-1 Visa.

But it did take some careful advance planning and a waiver of the 'usual' rules.

Ray

Anybody know how she and her family are doing? She hasn't posted here in a long time. I used to really enjoy her postings, they always made me think "Yes! This is the way this foreign marriage business is supposed to work out!"

[piglett]

The lady that I am talking with, we chat just about everything under the sun and I got to asking her about what ifs.  I posed a question to her about if things did work out and IF we were to get married, what does she in-vision for a wedding.I thought I would get the typical response of about big wedding, all the family, church and the whole nine yards.  So, it took me by suprise when I didn't get that response.  Her response was, it depends.  If she were to come there (meaning US) it would be something small and she would like my family to be there.  Or, if i were to come to the Philippines, she would like a small wedding in a church or on the beach.  She didn't want anything to big, just something simple with her Mom, brothers and sisters.I didn't know if she was being reserved, not wanting to scare me off or did she not really care.  And, if she really didn't care, why didn't she care. Or, is this me expecting to hear a certain type of response and because I didn't get the response that I thought I would, I am now making a mountain out of a mole hill?

here is the thing though ....once you are there & your soon to be wife gets a case of wedding fever buddy you never know how big that small wedding can get. trust me BEEN THERE DONE THAT ! ! !


pig

[tessbrittain]

I was not  into big weddings and all...I came here on a Fiancee visa and we got married in LV...It was quick, fun and so easy.

Then I throw a big party (post wedding party) for my family when I visited the Phils. the year after.....

Tess

[Tanuki]

Tess, if I might ask?  What made you decide to come over fieancee visa and not get married in the Philippines?

 Not to single you out but, I think a womans prespective on this topic is important. 

[tessbrittain]

I am a very practical person....as long as I am married that's all that matters...But I have nothing against weddings in the Phils. My sister had a big wedding with her Australian hubby and it was fun too.

What's important to me is visiting the Philippines every year not a big wedding :-)

So far I had 12 trips back to the Philippines and I have only been in the US for 10 years... Life is good!

I think it is up to you and your future bride to decide... Make sure it's both your wishes.

Good luck to you!

Tess