Heaven and Hell - Carlin.

[Jedironin]

This one is for Bob_S, after I saw his Signature line:

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL
by George Carlin

In HEAVEN . . .

The Italians are the lovers,
The French cook the food,
The Swiss run the hotels,
The Germans are the mechanics,
And the English are the police.


In HELL . . .

The Swiss are the lovers,
The English cook the food,
The French run the hotels,
The Italians are the mechanics,
And the Germans are the police!

 

[Bob_S]

The full version of mine is:
Heaven is
an American salary, a British country house, a Chinese cook, and a Japanese wife;
Hell is
a Chinese salary, a Japanese size house, a British cook, and an American wife!

But I don't want to sound mean.  I'm sure there's lurkers here who like their British cuisine or American wives.  But to each his own...

[piglett]

I would say any situation involving an American wife would be hell or close to it in the long run


pig

[Jedironin]

^ Come to think of it, that's two strikes against British cooks...   

Does that include Scottish cooks? I actually did have a very good Haggis in Ft. William, when I was there in 2000!   

Ben Nevis Restaurant, if anyone ever gets up there!   

[Bill_McC]

Good Haggis, now theres an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

Bill

[Jedironin]

Yeah, it's kind of like hot dogs in the US... mostly just the tourists eat it! 

It really was good, though! 

[robert angel]

The cooking in England and Ireland in restaurants, both fast food and fancy types, is pretty poor. Best food I had over there, was in Cork, Ireland, at a Chinese restaurant.

 At the time, Cork had a Jewish Mayor and a tower that had a clock on each of its four sides.

The clocks never seemed to give the same time--each was a little off. The Irish, never at a loss for a dry witty comment, told me not to worry about the clock, that it was "A four faced liar".

Later on, I went to Blarney and I think I've mentioned this here before, but after a night of drinking and shooting darts, the local lads sometimes hop the Blarney Castle fence, go to the top of the tower and take turns pissing on the Blarney Stone that the tourists all kiss, for its supposed legendary gifts....