How's this for starters?

[Ray]

So, for you guys that think you will know within 5-10 minutes of meeting if this lady is right for you, how do you dump her?

Assuming that she meets you at the airport, with some family members or close friends, 5-10 minutes probably wouldn’t give you time to even get a cab and get into town.

And since you seem so concerned with wasting your valuable time on someone who doesn’t pass the “chemistry” test, do you just say “sorry, but there isn’t any chemistry here, so good bye…I’m moving on to my number two choice” and leave her standing there?

Or do you string her along for a day, even though you know she doesn’t have the right “chemistry”, thereby wasting her time and yours?

I’m really curious. Please elaborate…

Ray

[Bob_S]

So, for you guys that think you will know within 5-10 minutes of meeting if this lady is right for you, how do you dump her?

Assuming that she meets you at the airport, with some family members or close friends, 5-10 minutes probably wouldn’t give you time to even get a cab and get into town.

If you've just traveled half way around the world, I imagine you'd be so jet lagged, you couldn't really trust your judgment.  Unless she has clearly misrepresented herself (sent fake or clearly out-of-date photos so you didn't know it was her), it'd be fair to give it at least a day or two to see how things are working out as you adjust to local time.  The 5-minute rule would only work if you are living in-country like Dennis, where, when you meet, you are both on your A-game and have no excuses.

[Bob_S]

[Jeff S]

Just because a woman looks younger than her photo - especially a professional photograph, doesn't mean it it old. Many Asian women do not age anything like western women. I know 40ish Japanese women that get carded when ordering a drink all of the time and have seen 50something women that you would swear are in their 20s.

Pro photographs are NOT a red flag, especially not in countries that are not dirt poor. Middle class and professional women sincerely interested in finding a soul mate want to put their best foot forward and often get their photos taken for their profiles. For instance this woman is every bit her age:



She has a college degree and lives in a major metropolis so I'm fairly sure this isn't some agency activity. She just just wanted to look good to attract a nice husband.

By the way, she's 50.

What 28 year old woman (who was not a hustler) would seriously entertain the notion of marrying a guy in his 60s or 70s?

Plenty of older guys here have married younger women and are living happily. Believe it / don't believe it, whatever. If you want to succeed, though, you should drop your pre-conceived notions drilled into your head by post feminist American attitudes. Asia is different.

[michaelb]

Curious about this China business.....I've heard that now after a generation or two of the "one child" policy which in turned spawned the "let's abort this female fetus and try again for a SON" attitude, that now there is now a vast shortage of women in the marriageable pool......so as (Ray or Bear, I can't remember which, but I do want to give proper credit) often says "Remember, YOU are the prize".....and it seems to me that in regards to the current situation in China that the "YOU" in this sentence would be the surviving women, and one would think that they would have figured this out by now.  I would certainly think that THEY would not be the desperate ones. Continuing this line of reasoning, the ones who are looking for a foreign man are not doing so because they "can't get a local man", as someone mentioned, but because they have learned to set their sights higher and think they CAN get their pick of men, domestic or imported.  Some of you guys familiar with the situation in China fill me in or correct me if necessary.

[Ray]

No michael, it wasn't me.

I wasn't the prize, my wife was. And I hit the jackpot!

 

[Jeff S]

True - Chinese women are not desperate - neither are higher class women anywhere. And? I for one didn't spend all of that time and effort to go abroad and bottom feed in the pool of desperate women.

As I've posted before this isn't about shopping for the best deal, it's about finding one person. For teh men and for the women.

[Capstone]

Curious about this China business

Single women without kids in China are nowhere near desperate as they pretty much have their pick of men - most of them have no reason to want to leave China for a life in another country. In most cases, however Chinese men do avoid women who already have kids if they themselves do not already have a kid as well because the 1 child policy would prevent them from having a child with someone who already has one. So I could see why a Chinese woman with a child may be motivated to look outside of China for a potential husband but it would be unrelated to economics, etc. .   

[jm21-2]

Curious about this China business.....I've heard that now after a generation or two of the "one child" policy which in turned spawned the "let's abort this female fetus and try again for a SON" attitude, that now there is now a vast shortage of women in the marriageable pool......so as (Ray or Bear, I can't remember which, but I do want to give proper credit) often says "Remember, YOU are the prize".....and it seems to me that in regards to the current situation in China that the "YOU" in this sentence would be the surviving women, and one would think that they would have figured this out by now.  I would certainly think that THEY would not be the desperate ones. Continuing this line of reasoning, the ones who are looking for a foreign man are not doing so because they "can't get a local man", as someone mentioned, but because they have learned to set their sights higher and think they CAN get their pick of men, domestic or imported.  Some of you guys familiar with the situation in China fill me in or correct me if necessary.

I think the effect of the boy-child preference is really over-blown in the western media. In the Chinese cities it doesn't seem to be a huge deal. Shanghai has switched to a two-child policy I believe and you could always bribe for an extra child. I think you are accurate though in that the girls are not desperate. They may not make much compared to western salaries but the cost of living is much lower, so their spending power is not that different.

[Capstone]

Shanghai has switched to a two-child policy I believe and you could always bribe for an extra child.

Shanghai relaxed the rules a bit in that they now allow couples who are both an only child themselves to have a second child if they meet certain income requirements. The bribing for a second child only works in smaller towns where there is less central government oversight from what I understand - my wife's Aunt is a pretty well connected party official in a city with a population of about 2 million and she was not able to obtain a permit for a second child.

[flipflop]

I agree with the whole chemistry thing being bogus. My last girlfriend and now my Filipina wife of 8 years beginnning chemistry was not there. In both relationships it took time for me to look past the faults and see the beauty of these women.

Anyway the study has been conducted for thousands of years in many cultures in the way of arranged marriages. I think the success of  these marraiges dismiss any notions about initial chemistry

[robert angel]

The chemistry with my ex wife was terrible until I got a 55 gallon barrel of hydrochloric acid. (BAD JOKE)

[thekfc]

The chemistry with my ex wife was terrible until I got a 55 gallon barrel of hydrochloric acid. (BAD JOKE) 

 

[Dave H]

The chemistry with my ex wife was terrible until I got a 55 gallon barrel of hydrochloric acid. (BAD JOKE)

Hey Rob,

I think they will probably start teaching about you at the cfo seminars now.  

Dave

[Dave H]

No michael, it wasn't me.

I wasn't the prize, my wife was. And I hit the jackpot!

 

Hey Ray,

Same here! Some "prize" I would make... 

Dave

[piglett]

It seems to me that several or many of the guys on the Asian forum tend to be of the mindset that a 6 with a good personality becomes a 9 pretty easily. You can learn a lot about a person's personality online. I think the initial aversion or attraction (chemistry) is mostly based on looks and body language and is something that can be overcome pretty easily. Then again, I look for relationships that are more on an intellectual level than on a physical level.

I think your on 2 something here Jm.
I look at Marily on cam & yes she is cute but she will never be on the cover of playboy.
However she is also smart & seems to think like i used to at her age.
So i find it ez to relate to her . I too was once twenty something & thought that i had to prove something to the world. I am further down the road now but i still remember feeling the way she does .
i guess that is why the 2 of us "mesh well" together.


piglett

[piglett]

so as (Ray or Bear, I can't remember which, but I do want to give proper credit) often says "Remember, YOU are the prize

I think that's Bears famous saying if i remember correctly.