Choosing between two decent girls.

[Ray]

I wouldn't take my vacation and fly to a foreign country just to meet an online friend with no romantic aspirations...

Why not?? Forget about the “romance” crap and go meet a friend. That’s exactly how a lot of great romances get started silly! Ask Bob S...

Like Cap and Bob S told you. Don’t worry about speaking Cantonese in Hong Kong! English is the second language.

Taiwan is great and the people are friendly to Americans. Don’t worry about the traffic, it’s always bad in the cities. Actually, the cost of a TAXI ride in Taiwan is less than a roller coaster ticket at Six Flags, and it’s much more exciting!

Don’t let silly things like language keep you from enjoying both Taiwan and Hong Kong. Be adventurous and enjoy life while you’re still young!

Ray

[fathertime]

Hey Jim,

I don't really have much to say about the Asian counties since I don't know much about that subject.  What I do have to say is, STOP WORRYING!  Ray took the words right out of my mouth on his previous post, just go and have a great time!  You may need a backup plan, but maybe you won't!  You go and take your chances, and if nothing else it will be an adventure and you'll learn a lot from it all! 

Now regarding girl "B", without being privy to all your conversations it is hard to really know what is going on, but I doubt she has ruled you out as a potential romantic interest.  She knows you are a man and what men want, she would have to be really leading you in the wrong direction to encourage you to visit her, without any potential romantic fireworks.  Of course it is possible you are a complete slob and will blow any chances you have, but I doubt that is the case.  So go and have a great time, and let it all play out a bit further!

Fathertime! 

[jm21-2]

Not so much worried as thinking. Hey, I went to China without knowing a lick of Mandarin and it turned out alright. I never had money before and it's hard for me to take vacation now so I try to be careful with my time.

[piglett]

Hey JM go see the plan "B" girl & see what happens. If it doesn't work cross her off of ur list & move onto the next lady.
probably is the only way you will know for sure.




piglett

[Jeff S]

Yup, and I once went to Saudi Arabia without knowing a lick of Arabic, (and me with a Rabbinical last name too,) to Sweden without knowing any Swedish, and even to Pakistan without knowing a single word of Urdu. Not only that, but I survived to tell about it - AND I wasn't even armed! Imagine that. Stranger things have happened but I can't recall when.... Not only that but I was in those countries without going to visit a potential mate, yet managed to meet some lifelong friends nonetheless.

[robert angel]

JM,

I was going to stay out of this one, but maybe it's serendipitous that "A" is just not working out. I initially felt and still feel that "B" seemed/seems right. I'd suggest just go over there with an open mind and see for yourself. You seem rather pragmatic and I don't think you'll make a hasty decision regardless. Engineering credits from decent Colleges--Universities usually transfer pretty well over here (my wife's were all accepted) and it just sounds like "B" would be more comfortable in many ways here than "A". The rest of your life should be a good long time, so choose wisely!

[jm21-2]

Haha, except B thinks 60 degrees is extremely cold and it usually doesn't get much over 80 here. I'm feeling better and better about going to visit her. She's always concerned about what's convenient for me, offering to help with expenses, and so forth. I'm usually attracted to really strong-willed women who have a high opinion of themselves, while B seems far more the nice-girl-that-gets-looked-over type. However, the women I've dated who were really self-confident ended up being mostly egotistical and selfish. This might be a change in the right direction.

Planning the trip I'm running into some roadblocks though. Apparently the online flight databases have not been updated well and various flights in Asia are not running during new years. I finally found a flight to Kuala Lumpur that fits into my work schedule well, but it doesn't arrive at KL until Monday the 15th, when I want to be there Saturday or Sunday. And now there is apparently a problem with that flight.

So, thinking I might do something riske and take some extra time off, and pray that I can find someone to cover me if my office gets served with something, but debating how to do it.

1. Take just a little time off so I arrive in Malaysia Friday the 12th, then meet up with her Friday late or Saturday sometime.

2. Take quite a bit of extra time off and get there Sunday the 7th or Monday the 8th and explore Malaysia for a few days by myself before she gets there.

3. Take quite a bit of extra time off and fly to Taipei, get there Sunday the 7th, explore Taiwan with her and go out some evenings, then fly to Malaysia together on Friday the 12th or Saturday the 13th.

I want to spend more time with her, but she won't be available much at all during the work week (she has long hours + commute). Maybe 2-3 hours a day at most and it doesn't look like there's much interesting to do as far as vacationing where she lives. I'd probably have a lot better time in Malaysia and don't want to get burned out on Taiwan because I'm wandering around by myself, occasionally trying to find someone who can speak English to get directions.

She may be able to get a little bit of extra time off as well.

[Capstone]

If you are considering Malaysia maybe you can PM Dinda and see if she has any recommendations for you as far as what to do and where to go once you get there. She still posts from time to time.

[Jeff S]

How did you pick Malaysia? Just somewhere you have a hankering to visit? You do know it's a long way from Taiwan, and most of the rest of the major East Asia population centers (Tokyo, Beijing, Seoul, Shanghai, etc.)

[jm21-2]

Yeah, it's somewhere I've been wanting to visit for a long time, and she didn't want to meet in Taiwan due to the new years traffic. So we were looking for a country that had more subdued new years travel. It seemed like Japan might be a little on the expensive side, she suggested Thailand but I don't have any desire to visit there really...so wound up with the idea of Malaysia. But it is damn hard to book tickets during Chinese new year it seems. Probably the extra cost in fare would make it comparable to Japan in any case. Ah well.

Kuala Lumpur is not that much farther from Taiwan than Thailand or Tokyo. But yes, far enough away from the big modern Asian cities and not enough tourism so the flights from here are a real PITA.

Think I'll take off the 11th, have a longgg flight and meet her there on Saturday.

[jm21-2]

Crap...just realized there's not really any winter in Malaysia and during February it is going to be damn hot there and monsoon season. Ugh. like 90+ degrees with 90 percent humidity. With the flight schedules to get there being utter crap and several hundred dollars more than every other place we considered, maybe it's not the right choice...

Has anyone been to HK during new years? I'd think you'd have the same traffic problem as Taiwan. Was reading that people in Taiwan have to camp out to get bus/train tickets around new years. Doesn't sound like fun.

[robert angel]

JM,

 I think pretty much every major city in Asia is going to have real  traffic issues and that shouldn't be in and of itself a deciding factor.

That said, I have never been there, but would think that all things considered, Singapore might be a little better if you really hate traffic!

I would be interested in seeing what the area my potential future wife comes from is like, although you probably know a good bit there already.

If I was looking else where, for my own tastes, I'd look more for the sea coast--hopefully not the rainy season and with some ocean breezes and relaxation available.

I don't know if this link will help or even work on traffic conditions, but it's a non scientific survey.

 http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showthread.php?p=47265601

Sounds like the logistics of just getting there on a jet are enough of a pain--I hope things fall into place better for you--I'm sure they will work out--just takes some work....

[Capstone]

Crap...just realized there's not really any winter in Malaysia and during February it is going to be damn hot there and monsoon season. Ugh. like 90+ degrees with 90 percent humidity. With the flight schedules to get there being utter crap and several hundred dollars more than every other place we considered, maybe it's not the right choice...

Has anyone been to HK during new years? I'd think you'd have the same traffic problem as Taiwan. Was reading that people in Taiwan have to camp out to get bus/train tickets around new years. Doesn't sound like fun.

I was in HK for 2 days during last year's Spring Festival and it really did not seem much worse than it usually does as far as traffic, etc. Because of its compact size Hong Kong traffic is always bad no matter what time of the year that you go but that is ok because you wouldn't be spending any time on the roads anyway - the subway will take you any place that you need to go and is very efficient, and does not cost much. Now the stores seemed a bit more crowded than usual but the stores in HK are always crowded so not a big difference to me. Plus, I actually think that more people leave HK for the Mainland during the Spring Festival than the other way around. I will be transiting through HK during this year's Spring Festival and plan on staying for 2-3 days and I am not worried about the potential extra crowds at all - also there does not seem to be any trouble finding hotel rooms during that time as I have already booked one with no problem.

EDIT: FWIW - The big cities in mainland China like Beijing & Shanghai are actually much less crowded during new years. Most people who live in the big cities are not originally from them and during the Spring Festival it is tradition to travel back to your home town and so the big cities tend to empty out somewhat. I visited both Beijing & Shanghai during Spring Festival last year and was able to get some really good deals on hotel rooms and the hotels were virtually empty.

EDIT Part II: I found this article which was written before last year's New Year which indicates that Hong Kong is much like mainland big cities in that people tend to leave  for the Spring Festival - so the crowds should not be too bad. Like I said I really didn't seem to notice too much difference last year.  http://www.geoexpat.com/208.html

[Bob_S]

Has anyone been to HK during new years? I'd think you'd have the same traffic problem as Taiwan.

I second Cap.  Don't worry so much about traffic in HK.  They have a pretty good public transportation system (subways, buses).  When you get through customs, get yourself an Octopus Card and you are good to go throughout the city and entire Special Administrative Region (Lantau, Kowloon).

[jm21-2]

Yeah, my uncle goes to HK frequently for business and I've heard from him about the octopus card and such (they just made a similar program for the seattle area called the orcas card i think).

I'll talk with her tonight and see what we can come up with. But would like to purchase tickets by the end of the week. It seems like traffic should die down partway into the new years vacation after everyone's gone back home and aren't coming back yet.

[Jeff S]

Are we talking Western New Year or Chinese New Year here? In Japan getting around during Shogatsu (Jan 1-4) can be tough - everyone is on the move, but the "pushers" will pack you on the subways like sardines. It's actually not that unpleasant so long as you're next to a young cutie. I remember a great 45 minute ride from Tokyo station to Fujisawa a few years back ... I suspect Dec 31 / Jan1 is just another day in China. Next year the year of the tiger begins on Valentines Day - Feb 14th.

[Dave H]

You do know it's a long way from Taiwan, and most of the rest of the major East Asia population centers (Tokyo, Beijing, Seoul, Shanghai, etc.)

Hey Jeff,

True...but just a short boat ride from my house. 

Dave

[jm21-2]

Chinese new year, not western new year. I'd probably leave here on 2/11 and return 2/23

[Ray]

I've been in Hong Kong for Chinese New Year and it ain't bad at all. The weather at that time of year will be MUCH cooler than in Malaysia!

Repeat after me... "Kung Hei Fat Choy!"

 

[Jeff S]

Kanazawa is fantastic in February. Nothing like an onsen in the snow. You could easily do a ryokan for about $200 a day (including breakfast and dinner)

[jm21-2]

Well, I talked with her for a few hours late last night and finally managed to piece together what she actually wanted. She's been to HK a bit and thought it would be boring for that long a period of time. I tended to agree with her as I'm not a city person. Didn't seem really enthused about Japan either (seemed like she threw that out there because I had studied Japanese and she knew I was interested in visiting there). Seemed like the country she really wanted to visit was Thailand so I said phuket and bought a ticket to bangkok. It should be hot as hades there but no monsoons and fairly inexpensive. Still in ticketing so I guess something could still go wrong.

EDIT:
Talking over the phone or skype is infinitely more productive than e-mails or chatting...

[bcc_1_2]

ah sorry haven't kept up with this thread (got great news... havent been around much).  As for Hong Kong it is true many speak english as a 2nd language (less red tape to start a business in HK than the USA... so yea they speak english). Public transport system is good too I hear. I'd be willing to bet my friend might go back for Chinese new year (although maybe not this year with the young kid).

I for one would wan't to meet a girl for the first time outside her home country (town). I wouldn't go to the Dominican Republic to meet a Russian girl. Heck I wouldn't go to San Jose to meet a Honduran girl. Especially if you are going for awhile, I say meet her in her environment. Meet her family and friends. This is your opportunity to size her up. Can't really do it in another country like you could her own.

Taipei City has public transportation too. It makes me wonder if that's her real reason (could the traffic be just as bad where you plan to vacation?) to want to meet you in another country? Maybe she just wants a vacation or to get you alone away from family social pressures. Maybe it is something else. I have no idea... but I'd want to know.

[jm21-2]

She didn't want to go to any of the essentially Chinese places because she thought it would be really inconvenient for me during new years. When I'm on a trip I like to go see a lot of places and I guess that would be hard to do in Taiwan and probably China. I read some blogs saying you basically had to camp out to get bus/train tickets during the big travel days in Taiwan.

She also wanted to go someplace where I could communicate easily so I'd be more comfortable. Really, all she talked about was my convenience. If I had insisted on Taiwan she would have been fine meeting there.

I think getting away from the family might actually be good based on my prior experience, lol.

Meeting in another country will give me some interesting views of her in any case. Does she offer to pay for different things or expect me to pay, etc. Is she adventurous in trying new things or timid?

She does not seem to be selfish at all. Actually, she's sent me some gifts before because I helped her with learning to write in English better and wanted my new address to send an x-mas card. We were talking about work tonight and I mentioned being self-employed it's kind of a PITA to take vacation (no pay+still paying business expenses) and she went on a guilt trip for almost an hour, saying I should cancel and she'll send me some money to cover part of the cancellation fee.

The one thing that concerns me is she wants to stay in the same room (two beds) to save money and spend the max amount of time with me, and I could see that becoming an awkward situation. Or a really good one I guess...

[Ray]

Is she adventurous in trying new things or timid?

 

From everything you have written about her, that certainly should not be a concern.

The one thing that concerns me is she wants to stay in the same room (two beds) to save money and spend the max amount of time with me, and I could see that becoming an awkward situation.

Oh, you  poor little thing! How dare her suggest such a terrifying thing! You better dump her right now…   

[bcc_1_2]

Really, all she talked about was my convenience. If I had insisted on Taiwan she would have been fine meeting there.

I think getting away from the family might actually be good based on my prior experience, lol.

Meeting in another country will give me some interesting views of her in any case. Does she offer to pay for different things or expect me to pay, etc. Is she adventurous in trying new things or timid?

She does not seem to be selfish at all. Actually, she's sent me some gifts before because I helped her with learning to write in English better and wanted my new address to send an x-mas card.

The one thing that concerns me is she wants to stay in the same room (two beds) to save money and spend the max amount of time with me, and I could see that becoming an awkward situation. Or a really good one I guess...

Sounds like some quality traits I'd certainly like. Yea you did have a bad experience with the girl's family last time. But you walked away with a better education than you would have meeting her in Ulan Bater.

She sounds like the type of girl that would pay for anything just to spend time with you. I'd just make sure I really understood her financial background before I let her buy things... pay for half, etc. She sounds like the industrious hard working type that would want to get a job in the USA anyways... not the use your money and lounge around the house type.

While it is predictable you'd be teased over the hotel issue (even predictable who would tease you), I understand the apprehension. I never had as much on the line as I never went to a country with plans to meet just one woman. But if things don't click (or just go awful), then you are stuck with someone you don't want to be around in your room. I'd be the "gentleman" and offer to get rooms side by side.

I wonder what her family thinks of all this?