Chinese women

[AmazingAtheist]

I was just wondering if someone with a Chinese wife/gf/fiancee,could give me a little info about Chinese women.

I know it must seem like a strange first question to ask but I have been searching for information but I normally don't find anything useful.

They have some stuff on the sites to meet women but how much of it is really true and not a "I tell you what you want to hear so you will fork over your cash?"

Also is the best place to look,the Mainland,Hong Kong,or Taiwan?

Any info you could give would be useful.

[Dave H]

Welcome to P-L AmazingAtheist! I can't be of much help with Chinese women, but there are several posters here that should show up soon, with any information and advice that may you need!

Good luck!

Dave

[Capstone]

Atheist,

Speaking as someone who has a Chinese fiancee, I will attempt to answer your question as best as I can even though it is somewhat loaded so to speak. I say this because Chinese women, just like American women, are individualistic and all have different traits/personalities. That being said there are several common characteristics which almost all of the Chinese women that I have met have in common.

The biggest thing would be an overriding dedication to family - the family is the most important thing to them. In general they are very respectful of their parents and are loyal to their partners as well. That of course isn't to say that there aren't Chinese women who cheat on their partners because of course there are, however in general that would be the exception to the rule. The old saying about if you marry a Chinese then you marry the entire family is definitely true - one most expect this and be able to accept it (which I of course happily have). In fact this was the number one thing which initially attracted me to my fiancee.

You mentioned about dating/meeting sites saying certain things about Chinese women and I have seen these as well and probably the most inaccurate generalization that I see most is the mythical claim that all Chinese women are docile and meek. I can tell you that this is simply not the case - In my experience Chinese women are very opinionated and are not afraid to let you know what they think about something. Now with that being said, I feel that they give their opinions in a constructive manner and will always try to avoid conflict with their partner whenever possible, especially in public.

My own experiences are with Chinese women from urban areas and I believe that there are probably some differences between women from urban areas and those from rural areas. My fiancee is very educated and has a good job with a nice income. She is always up to date on world affairs and can carry on an intelligent conversation about most subjects. I guess you could say that she is a very modern woman with professional aspirations however she wants to get married and have kids more than anything.

I for one would very much recommend a relationship with a Chinese woman if the opportunity presents itself. My personal recommendation would be to start your search on the Mainland instead of HK or Taiwan. I say this because of the simple fact of shear numbers and also because you will be more of a novelty so to speak in the Mainland. A foreigner in HK or Taiwan is pretty common place and rarely receives a second look. However in the Mainland seeing a foreigner is still not an everyday event and many women will approach you on the street and start a conversation.  

[Marshall K]

Welcome AA.
You don't know if the woman is sincere or not until you give it  some time.  Email for a while.  Get to know more than one woman.  There are plenty of nice ladies who are looking.  There are also scams, but it becomes apparent after you write for a while.  DON'T SEND THEM MONEY.  If they keep asking, move on.
Where to look?
It depends on what kind of woman you want.  If you want someone with more traditional values: family, loyalty, frugality, and hard working, then look to the mainland.
If you want someone who is more modern and has more Western influence in their lives, then Hong Kong or Taiwan.
You might want to consider climate and location, since you will be going there more than once.  If your lady lives in a giant, polluted, dangerous city that is freezing in winter and scorching in summer, remember that it could end up being your second home.
I met my wife, as well as some other ladies on Blossoms.com.  There are other good sites, too.  Blossoms does try to keep the riff raff to a minimum.
China is also cheaper by a lot than Taiwan and Hong Kong.
Good Luck!

[Jeff S]

Having been to all three places you mentioned, I'd completely agree with Marshall; mainland China is the happy hunting grounds. Everywhere you turn there are attractive, friendly, and optimistic women or all ages.

Capstone is right also there are good and bad, just like everywhere else, and a few email/IM friendships should fill you in on attitudes, culture, hopes and desires.

- Jeff

[jm21-2]

Jeff S' comment made me think of something. A lot of Chinese girls use Skype at their work for communication and it is very easy to find a girl who is willing to chat/practice English when her work is going slow. Because of the time difference it will probably be evening where you live (assuming you are in the US) when they are at work, so it's pretty convenient. It's a good way to learn about the culture &tc.

[AmazingAtheist]

Thanks everyone for the info.I really appreciate it and I will put it into use.

I have a few specific questions.I hope these do not offend anyone I just want to separate fact from fiction.

I have been around quite a few men from mainland China and they spit a lot.They said its pretty common to do that.Is that just something men do or women too?

I have heard that personal and oral hygiene is poor?

Are many Chinese women sweet?

I bet Chinese food their is much different than here in the US right?

Will it be hard if and when I do meet the right woman,to bring her here because of Chinese Gov. status?Is it easier or the same if he is from Taiwan or HK?

Again,I hope I did not offend anyone,and I apologize in advance if I did.

[Capstone]

Thanks everyone for the info.I really appreciate it and I will put it into use.

I have a few specific questions.I hope these do not offend anyone I just want to separate fact from fiction.

I have been around quite a few men from mainland China and they spit a lot.They said its pretty common to do that.Is that just something men do or women too?

I have heard that personal and oral hygiene is poor?

Are many Chinese women sweet?

I bet Chinese food their is much different than here in the US right?

Will it be hard if and when I do meet the right woman,to bring her here because of Chinese Gov. status?Is it easier or the same if he is from Taiwan or HK?

Again,I hope I did not offend anyone,and I apologize in advance if I did.

Atheist,

Don't worry about asking straight questions because that is what this forum is for - to learn.
I will give you my personal experiences that relate to the questions which you have asked.

1. Spitting: Yes, it is true that spitting in public is not uncommon in China - although it is much more common on the mainland than in HK or Taiwan. However I can not recall ever seeing a women spit other than one old lady but I have seen many men do this.

2. Personal/Oral Hygiene: I think that it was once true that the Chinese practiced what we would consider to be poor personal/oral hygiene however that really does not seem to be the case any longer. China is no longer a third world nation and hygiene practices have improved immensely over the past 2 decades or so. Now I will put in a disclaimer here about the rural population because I have no experience with rural Chinese.

3. There are many many sweet Chinese women out there to choose from however I will not sugarcoat the fact that there are also some bad apples amongst them just waiting to take advantage of a naive foreigner. But in general most Chinese women are very sweet and attentive to their partners.

4. You are absolutely correct in your assumption about Chinese food - what you will find over there bears little resemblance or flavor to what is served in a Chinese restaraunt in the US. The flavors, smells and look of the foods are much different in China. I can not say whether this is good or bad because it will depend upon your own tastes of course however I prefer the dishes which are served in china over what is available in the US.

5. Ease/difficulty in bringing a Chinese spouse/fiancee back to US - Ok, this is one item that can be a real pain in the ass so to speak about pursuing a relationship with a Chinese women. Generally speaking there are no big hurdles in receiving a K-1, K-3 or CR-1 visa for a fiancee/spouse from either HK or Taiwan other than waiting for the process to work its way through completion. However I can not honestly say the same thing about obtaining a visa for a fiancee/spouse who is from mainland China as the process is much more difficult. It seems as though the American consulate in Guangzhou (which issues all the K and CR visas in china) approaches every case with great suspicion of fraud and denies a much higher percentage of visa applications than other consulates around the world - with many of these denials seem to be without any merit. I do not mean to scare you by saying this but unfortunately it is the truth and it is something that you should be aware of if you are seriously thinking about pursuing a relationship with a Chinese woman because you will have to eventually confront it. Marshall can give you a first hand account of this as he has already gone through it once. I am in the process of waiting for my K-1 visa petition for my fiancee to be approved at the moment and will be experiencing it in more detail in the coming months. 
 

[jm21-2]

I have heard that personal and oral hygiene is poor?

From what I understand, things like decent quality deodorant are still fairly expensive, and some places in China are just plain hot so people sweat a lot. I've read that in the far north of China it can be hard to get warm water for regular baths in the winter. Americans pay a lot more attention to their teeth than people in other countries too.

Are many Chinese women sweet?

Some certainly are. Some can be pretty forward/blunt, more-so than American girls. I think the big draw for me is that it's a country with many conservative, traditional, non-religious girls. There aren't a whole lot of places like that. For example, one girl I've talked with is very hard-working and ambitious, has a good job and works about 80-90 hours per week, aspires to be a CEO someday, but would prefer to quit her job and raise children if her husband made enough to support her. Try finding that in America, especially in a girl who isn't religious. 

I bet Chinese food their is much different than here in the US right?

Almost all Chinese food in America is Chinese-American. I remember reading an old Chinese cookbook and the author was talking about how when she was visiting China (back in the mid-1900s) she saw a lot of signs for "genuine American chop suey." The different regions of China have quite different cuisines, so you might want to google some info on that. I'd bet Cantonese is the most appealing to the typical American.

Will it be hard if and when I do meet the right woman,to bring her here because of Chinese Gov. status?Is it easier or the same if he is from Taiwan or HK?

Probably quicker from HK or Taiwan.

[Ray]

I have made several trips to Hong Kong and Taiwan, but never made it the mainland.

Where to look? If you don't speak Chinese, then your odds of finding a lady who is at least functionally fluent in English are probably best in Honk Kong. Don't forget Singapore also for English-speaking Chinese women.

For ease of visa processing, Hong Kong has traditionally been one of the fastest consulates in the world. Guys have done the K-1 processing at the U.S. consulate in Hong Kong in a week or 10 days total. On the mainland, they have to worry more about fraud, security risks, and commie spies so expect long delays and huge hassles.

Singapore citizens can visit the USA with no visa.

Ray

[Dave H]

Don't forget Singapore also for English-speaking Chinese women.

Ray

Speaking of Singapore, I know several guys who married Filipinas who worked there and loved the country. A word of caution to those thinking about traveling there: don't spit in public, always flush a public toilet, don't litter, don't bring in drugs and don't try to become a graffiti artist! Sounds like my kind of place!

Dave

http://www.jibjab.com/view/96189

[Jeff S]

Yes Chinese food in China is SOOOOO much better than here, it's unbelievable. I live near Monterrey Park even and have only come across a couple Chinese restaurants in neighborhoods where you have a hard time finding anyone to speak English that even come close.

Speaking of chop suey - It was invented in San Francisco and literally means odds and ends in Cantonese. That's OK, pizza is an American invention, as are burritos, fajitas, and nachos - so is chicken and beef teriyaki, (salmon teriyaki is genuine Japanese, but you wouldn't recognize the sauce)  - so is pepperoni, California, crunchy, and spicy tuna roll sushi, and probably a whole lot more things I can't think of right now.

- Jeff

[mattman]

I'm getting into this a little bit late. Jeff S, Dave H, JM21, Ray, Capstone, and Marshall have all posted really good advice. Sorry if I forgot anyone.

My Fiancee is Chinese, and I have been to China this year. I had an amazing experience there. The Chinese people are very forgiving when it comes to cultural differences. I did my best to get by, but I'm sure everyone laughed at me. I had a day getting to know her family. No english, just rednecks having fun together. We did some fishing, and blew up some stuff with fireworks. Haha. Rednecks are everywhere. Even in China. Good times.

My advice is just go, have a great time, see what happens, and be yourself. I had a great time myself with good people. Wish you the best.

Take care all

[AmazingAtheist]

Capstone-Thanks for that.After reading the first two,I got to breath a sigh of relief.As far as someone looking for a naive foreigner,I have been reading the archives here as much as I can,I keep seeing this thing about a red flag?

As far as the last part,if you get rejected,can you apply again?

JM21-2 - the only women here like that are VERY religious and its pretty obvious how I feel about that just from my username.

Ray-Isn't Singapore more expensive than HK or Taiwan?I could be mistaken,I have never been there,it would just seem that way.

[AmazingAtheist]

oh forgot to ask the other questions 

I am looking for an urban girl so,any suggestions as far as cities go?How would it be to look in Beijing or Shanghai?

Is it difficult to get into China as a visitor?

What are some costs that I can expect to pay there for Food,Hotel,etc.?

About some of the sites I have been to,I like Blossoms BTW Marshall.Some of the other sites I have found,a lot of the girls on the site,no longer use it,It shows last login when browsing.Some of the others are of the "get married in 8 days and be happy forever" kind,not what I am looking for.Any suggestions for sites that don't cost an arm and leg?

One of them was 5 bucks per email both ways.

[michaelb]

Go join www.englishtown.com. A basic membership used to be free, but now it isn't, however, to be sure I was posting accurate information (i.e still in business), I just looked at their site. It still isn't free, but they are currently offering a free trial. If it's still laid out like it used to be, they have a place where people ask questions about grammar and idiomatic expressions. When those Chinese girls find out you're a native English speaker and are willing to help them practice, you'll have to beat them away with a stick. I know, because when it was free, I used to go there and help them--actually, I was at the time hopping to find some Latinas, there weren't any, but I used to help the Chinese girls anyway, just being nice. When they started charging to use it---hey, I'm not that nice  Now, remember, it is not intended to be a dating site, so don't come on too strong too fast.

[jm21-2]

Urban? China has some huge cities...I think that will be the least of your problems. A lot of girls still like going out in nature a bit though, even if they are very citified. Shanghai might be a good bet...it's more of an international city, and at 20 million (if I remember right) one of the largest in China.

You could spend a lot or a little money visiting China. The average wage is a couple hundred USD per month, but there are some filthy rich people as well.

I've used www.bridesinasia.com recently, but I'd be a little wary of the correspondence side of their business. It's $2 to send a girl an e-mail, free to receive, but I've seen some signs which make me skeptical about how legitimate that side of the business is. Their introduction packages seem legit, but I don't know about the correspondence portion...I think each is run by different people.

[Jeff S]

The city I visited in China earlier this year, they told me was tiny - only 6 million people, about an hour and a half drive from Shanghai. I would never confine myself to a single place like Beijing or Shanghai.

To visit mainland China, you need a visitor's visa so you have to fill out an application, give them pictures and pay a fee, but I've never heard of anyone getting rejected.

If you go to big cities, like Shanghai, stay at top hotels and eat at fine restaurants, it's as expensive as just about any other big city in the world. If you pick the equivalent of Holiday Inns, and eat where the locals eat (a much better option IMO) it's less than half of what you'd pay to travel to smaller cities in the US. I did both when I was there this year, but wherever I travel, I'd much rather hang with the locals and eat what they eat.

I had a business meeting with an Israeli Retired IDF Colonel last night. Earlier this year he spent a month in China with his wife. They hired an interpreter and tour guide and the first night the guide took him to a Western food restaurant. He took her aside and told her - No western food and no tourist restaurants. He said he wanted to eat only where she would go if she was paying for herself, and offered to buy all of her meals (the tourist restaurants feed the guides who bring tourists for free.) He said all the food was fantastic.

- Jeff

Oh, by the way, I hear that $5 per e-mail Chinese dating site that advertises here, allows you to exchange contact information, so it's a one-time fee, if you don't elect to use their translation services after the first contact.

[Capstone]

Capstone-Thanks for that.After reading the first two,I got to breath a sigh of relief.As far as someone looking for a naive foreigner,I have been reading the archives here as much as I can,I keep seeing this thing about a red flag?

As far as the last part,if you get rejected,can you apply again?

Red Flag = Warning Signs. The most common and easiest to spot is if a woman asks you for money - any decent Chinese girl would never ask money from someone that they barely know, so if this happens then run away fast!!

As far as the visa denials go there are several options if this does occur. If your fiancee is denied a K-1 fiancee visa then as an alternative you could then get married in China and then subsequently file for a K-3 or CR-1 spouse visa. I put together a really thorough K-1 petition and I am hoping that my fiancee and I do not experience any problems however we already have a backup plan just in case we get denied. Our backup plan is that we will get married in Hong Kong and then file for the K-3 - by doing this her K-3 visa interview would be in Hong Kong instead of Guangzhou and the visa approval rate in HK is much higher than in GUZ.

oh forgot to ask the other questions 

I am looking for an urban girl so,any suggestions as far as cities go?How would it be to look in Beijing or Shanghai?

Is it difficult to get into China as a visitor?

What are some costs that I can expect to pay there for Food,Hotel,etc.?

About some of the sites I have been to,I like Blossoms BTW Marshall.Some of the other sites I have found,a lot of the girls on the site,no longer use it,It shows last login when browsing.Some of the others are of the "get married in 8 days and be happy forever" kind,not what I am looking for.Any suggestions for sites that don't cost an arm and leg?

One of them was 5 bucks per email both ways.

I agree with Jeff in that I would not confine myself to just Beijing or Shanghai as there are many many more large cities in China. My fiancee lives in Xiamen which has a population of 5 million and is considered to be a rather small city in China.

Now that the Beijing Olympics are over it is once again fairly easy to get a Chinese visa. If you live in a city where a Chinese Consulate is located (such as LA, Houston, etc) you can just walk in and fill out a visa application pay a fee leave your passport and then pick it along with the visa up the next day. If you do not live near a Chinese Consulate then you will need to use a visa service to obtain your visa which is what I did. You just fill out a short application and send that along with your passport and a passport sized photo into the visa service which will then deliver it to the Chinese Consulate and then send everything back to you within about a week. This is what I did and I obtained a Multi-Entry visa that is good for 12 months and it cost $190 for everything (consulate fee, visa service fee, return postage).

Food/Hotel costs are generally much less in China than in the US with Beijing and Shanghai being the most expensive. There are a wide range of hotel price options ranging from $25 to several hundred dollars. Just to give you an idea, I am making my next trip to Xiamen in January and have already booked a room at a 5 star hotel there for $85/night. I could have booked a room for much less elsewhere however that particular hotel is only about 2 blocks from my fiancee's home so I chose it strictly for convenience.

I know of several people who have met their Chinese girlfriends/spouses through the Worldfriends Network and I looked at it and seems like a really good way to go. Basic membership is free but then you need to pay a fee to be able to email or receive emails from other members however the monthly fee is not bad. You can access the Worldfriend's Network from several different related portals with one being www.japanesefriendfinder.com

[Marshall K]

As I recall, I think I only signed up for one month on Blossoms.com, and got email addresses from lots of ladies.
In southern China the food can be nuclear spicy.  On the southern coast the seafood is really great.  If you like duck, you will be in heaven.  Tsing Tao beer is really good.
Since you aren't religious, you are looking in the right country.  There are practicing Christians, Muslims and Buddhists, but it doesn't permeate their society like it does here.  You can find all of the good values without the church part.
Spitting is on its way out.  The government is trying to get people to stop.  My wife got really pissed at me when I spit my gum out the window of a cab.  (She works for the government.)

[Dave H]

Spitting is on its way out.  The government is trying to get people to stop.  My wife got really pissed at me when I spit my gum out the window of a cab.  (She works for the government.)

Hey Marshall,

You gum spitter!  I wonder if they have any camels or llamas in the zoos in China?

Dave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4GrY9LsWRg


I had to throw in one transvestite! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAuy-Jeb_sY&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EcQmW1OPHk&feature=related

[AmazingAtheist]

Thanks Micheal for the link, I will give it a try when I get some more cash.Business is not exactly booming at the moment.

JM -that guys seems to have himself quite a business going there, he even gets on TV. Maybe I should have went into that business instead of the one I am in now.


Sorry Jeff,did not mean to bash the sponsors,I guess I missed the ad here.Thanks for the information though.



Capstone - So if the visa gets denied you can take her from the mainland to HK to do the petition?

As far as the visa goes,is there any chance that they will void it,if you do not commit crime?

Thanks for the average costs heads up,money is tight at the moment.


Marshall - Yes religion or lack thereof is the reason I finally decided on China. I did a lot of research on all the countries and then came up with the one best suited for me.

Good that spitting is going too.

Any idea how food is in the northeast?Spicy food is really not my thing.I do love duck though.


Does anybody know anything about Tianjin, Qingdao, Shenyang, Dalian,or Hangzhou?

[AmazingAtheist]

Forgot my manners,thank you all for the help BTW.

[Jeff S]

No Northern China food does not require that you eat ice cream afterward for the next morning - "Come on ice cream!"

Breads, pies (not dessert, but kind of like sandwiches) and less spiced meat dishes prevail in the North. I love duck too, but be careful. I fished a piece of duck out of a stew and was about to put it in my mouth when I saw that it was the head. Fish heads I'm OK with but I'm not ready for duck heads.

[Capstone]

Capstone - So if the visa gets denied you can take her from the mainland to HK to do the petition?

The fiancee & spousal visas basically work like this. The US citizen files a petition for a visa with UCIS (Homeland Security), once the petition is approved it is then forwarded to the National Visa Center and then on to the Consulate in the country where the fiancee/spouse resides. Once the consulate receives the approved petition it will send out several packets of forms/instructions to the fiancee/spouse which includes an application for the visa. The fiancee/spouse will fill out the visa application in the first packet along with other various forms & documents and send them back to the consulate. The consulate will then send the fiancee/spouse another packet which includes among other things instructions on where/how to take a medical exam and an interview date. The fiancee/spouse will then interview with the consulate and an approval or denial for the visa will be determined. The K-1 (fiancee) visa interviews for Chinese applicants are all conducted in Guangzhou. The K-3 (spouse) visa interviews are conducted in whichever country that the marriage took place in. So in my case if my fiancee's K-1 is denied then we have decided that we will go to Hong Kong and get married then I will subsequently file a petition for a K-3 and she will have her K-3 interview in HK. BTW - a Chinese citizen generally is allowed to make 2 trips per year to HK. 

As far as the visa goes,is there any chance that they will void it,if you do not commit crime?

I am not exactly what you meant by this but if you are asking can a visa be denied even if no fraud is found to be committed then the short answer is yes. The consulate in Guangzhou routinly denies visas with the following explanation: "The consulate has determined that you do not have a BONA FIDE relationship with your petitioner." They do this without giving any further details of why they believe that no bona fide relationship exists. Like I said in a previous post, I do not mean to scare you by telling you about this however it is not uncommon.