Dating Colombiana

[soltero]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.  My MAIN man!   

Sean, personally, I agree with you. I have never cheated even when I have been cheated on. It is best to drop that situation and move on, but if the guy was ready to even consider that, he wouldn't have had any need to post this thread. Given the fact that I don't see him as being able to just dump the little hottie, I figured since she isn't able to make their relationship exclusive, then he shouldn't feel compelled to either. The worst thing to do is keep harping on her about what she might be doing. Nothing makes a guy look like more of a wimp than insecurity. If the trust isn't there, then he may as well start looking elsewhere, but since she is the one who has appeared to step out of the relationship, then he doesn't owe her anything. I don't feel that he should be dishonest with her and should let her know she has relegated herself to the back burner due to her own actions. If she wants to straighten up and fly right, then things can be exclusive, but there have to be consequences. If not, she will only cheat again the first time it's convenient.

Personally, I believe that once a person cheats, they are worthless as they will do it again if you keep them. It is best to walk away if you can. If you can't, then you only have two options...be a cuckhold, or kill the exclusivity and date other people also.

[UKCaliumbo]

Cheating are for losers especially when you already have children !!  It is not fair on children to watch their parents breaking apart.  My father cheated on my mother with 7 girlfriends in 7 years.  What a loser!

[sean126]

Once again you've offered proof as to why they (actually only me) call you "The Great One".

I'm just trying to pass on what you and I have learned from our similar experiences from dating many many women.  Personally, I've learned that I don't have to sacrifice my principles or stoop to another person's level of integrity or lack of.  I'm a good and desirable person even if one or two women didn't want me permanently.   Looking back...not only did I deserve it sometimes, but even if I didn't, I no longer take it personally.  They just didn't have the guts to be honest with me before they started looking for fear of being alone for any period of time in case the "other" find didn't pan out.  That's a fear a lot of us have or had. I've done the same thing to women before I found my self worth.

I'm sure you've learned the same thing or something similar.

Actually....I think once you discover your self worth then there's no need to keep one that you don't really want while looking for something else.  It's like you or I having to go to a class on how to attract women.   It just isn't necessary anymore. 

[CarolinaJ]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts! This board has a lot of experience and diverse thinking. Glad i joined! Originally I was just trying to find out more about Colombian culture and dating. I am hooked on Colombianas so even when I am done with my current situation I intend to explore additional Colombianas. My girlfriend is an angel for 2-3 months and then shows her selfish or self-centered side. I'll keep you guys posted on developments.
By the way, i can't get her pregnant..vasectomy, I don't intend to marry any time soon...6-7 years from now. The next time she does something that shows less than total commitment then i will probably give her the lets date other people speech.

Hey Sean 126, I am guessing that since you are so moral that your next comment will be something along the lines of waiting til I am married to sleep with her again jejeje 

[UKCaliumbo]

i can't get her pregnant..vasectomy,

You are not going to look for a lady who wants children?

[CarolinaJ]

You are not going to look for a lady who wants children?

Definitely not, had vasectomy. For a while I would have considered reversal but my kids are 13 and 10 and I don't really want to do the infant thing again. It was fun while it lasted but no more kids for me. So no, if a woman strongly wants more kids then i prob would not date her. OR maybe she would be so wonderful i could change my mind

[Bob_S]

Not a good idea because it will be more difficult for him to leave the relationship.  He needs to get her out of his mind totally.

Too late.  Did you read what he wrote?  He's using words like "love" to describe someone who is nothing more than a f#&k-friend.  He's got way too much inertia propelling him right over a cliff.  It's going to end badly.

[P Daddy]

Plus, as a friend of mine said "you better keep her as long as you can because you won't get another chance like this". So i am kind of in a holding pattern and yes if there is someone that i would like to go out with i will let her know we are no longer exclusive.

You don't really believe your friend do you??  If so, well, I see what the problem is... a very low self esteem.  Evidently your friend sees this in you.

What would PDaddy do??  WWPDD??  jeje...get on the next flight to Colombia and leave her there in Carolina...just a few weeks in Colombia will boost your self-esteem...take plenty of pics with you and hot Colombianas and show them to her when you get back.  You have options too my man...But I don't really see this girl changing any time soon...so since she won't change, YOU'LL have to change. 

Now, if traveling to Colombia doesn't boost your self esteem, just read some of UKColombo's posts, and you'll feel much better about yourself.

[UKCaliumbo]

Too late.  Did you read what he wrote?  He's using words like "love" to describe someone who is nothing more than a f#&k-friend.  He's got way too much inertia propelling him right over a cliff.  It's going to end badly.

Better for the long-term even if fit is going to end badly .......

[UKCaliumbo]

Now, if traveling to Colombia doesn't boost your self esteem, just read some of UKColombo's posts, and you'll feel much better about yourself.

 

[Dave H]

I swear, I am thinking with my 'big head!'

[CarolinaJ]

You don't really believe your friend do you??  If so, well, I see what the problem is... a very low self esteem.  Evidently your friend sees this in you.

PDaddy, thanks. it is not a matter of low self esteem....my friend was talking about getting a hot young thing like this again at my age(41). I am sure a visit to Colombia would be great and i plan on doing this but prob not for a couple years.

She is more than a f#@* friend as UKCaliumbo said and we do love each other. She is not sleeping around that i know of or i would break it off immediately. i think she just enjoys all the attention from guys because she is 22 and hot. She definitely has to stop getting new guys numbers or we will be on the way out. Either way, I am guarding my heart until the definitive truth comes out but i am going to have some fun in the meantime. We have had a few very clear discussions that cheating is the only thing that will break us up. The other things could change our relationship but not end it ....yet.

And you are right, this could end badly and prob will but I guess I will take my chances.

Thanks for everyone's advice

[UKCaliumbo]

I swear, I am thinking with my 'big head!'

He needs makeover 

[catz]

Now I know who that !%$%@ guy is that has me blocked!

This got me curious so I looked and it was actually someone from a couple of years ago who came here looking for a bed-buddy. Got quite testy with a few folks who called him out on his attitude etc. Not that it would really hurt your feelings any to be ignored by someone like this but I went ahead and removed it.

[soltero]

This got me curious so I looked and it was actually someone from a couple of years ago who came here looking for a bed-buddy. Got quite testy with a few folks who called him out on his attitude etc. Not that it would really hurt your feelings any to be ignored by someone like this but I went ahead and removed it.

Catz, even as I approach full on geezership, I still have a pretty good memory and remember that testy little bugger! I was just pretending not to know to get a laugh out of my good buddy Sean Diddy! As you said, the guy got all huffy and stormed out after that and hasn't been back since, if my memory does really still serve me decently! I am glad that it's gone, though, so Thanks! If Henry ever posts again, I am sure that I will rattle him the wrong way eventually and be back on at least one person's ignore list! 

Hopefully I can at least make it through this weekend before I piss anyone off enough to want me shunned! 

[catz]

You might just be a step further along towards geezership than you thought... It wasn't Henry. 

Welcome to "old age" my friend!

Catz, even as I approach full on geezership, I still have a pretty good memory and remember that testy little bugger! I was just pretending not to know to get a laugh out of my good buddy Sean Diddy! As you said, the guy got all huffy and stormed out after that and hasn't been back since, if my memory does really still serve me decently! I am glad that it's gone, though, so Thanks! If Henry ever posts again, I am sure that I will rattle him the wrong way eventually and be back on at least one person's ignore list! 

Hopefully I can at least make it through this weekend before I piss anyone off enough to want me shunned! 

[soltero]

LOL!  I know THAT guy wasn't Henry! I just know Henry has an on again off again thing with me and the ignore button! I appreciate you removing my scarlett letter and allowing me to re-join the masses of the non-hated! 

[P Daddy]

You don't really believe your friend do you??  If so, well, I see what the problem is... a very low self esteem.  Evidently your friend sees this in you.

PDaddy, thanks. it is not a matter of low self esteem....my friend was talking about getting a hot young thing like this again at my age(41). I am sure a visit to Colombia would be great and i plan on doing this but prob not for a couple years.

She is more than a f#@* friend as UKCaliumbo said and we do love each other. She is not sleeping around that i know of or i would break it off immediately. i think she just enjoys all the attention from guys because she is 22 and hot. She definitely has to stop getting new guys numbers or we will be on the way out. Either way, I am guarding my heart until the definitive truth comes out but i am going to have some fun in the meantime. We have had a few very clear discussions that cheating is the only thing that will break us up. The other things could change our relationship but not end it ....yet.

And you are right, this could end badly and prob will but I guess I will take my chances.

Thanks for everyone's advice

Well, it's good to know that you don't suffer from low self-esteem...but if you REALLY don't. why do you believe that you could never get another young hot girl like her at your "advanced" age of 41??  During my 40's I have dated more hot young girls than in my 20's & 30's...both colombian and american...so please don't freak out about your age...YOU have the upper hand...
I know these young hot women can get into your head, it has happened to me.  A few years back Soltero gave me alot of advice which helped me...Never again have I let a woman affect me in a negative way, and when that happens and you act like you don't care, it's amazing how they come running and start eating out of your hand.  YOU have much more options than a 22 year old Colombiana with a child.

[el_ruso]

Interestingly, there are distinct opinions on this...

My advice, Mr. Carolina, is to open your eyes to what you want from her and what you are to her.  I think the answer is obvious.  There is no reason to "break up".  But basically explain to her that you do not tolerate her infidelity, and since you can't and don't want to control her, from now on you will be basically friends with benefits.  She is not tied to you, nor you are to her.

Sleeping with exes is rather normal.  I have done it myself  .  But doing it blatantly is not excusable.  Basically, you should not spy on the woman, but if she is caught or particularly cheats on you blatantly, you cut her off.  The main reason is that she disrespects you, does not value neither you, nor your feelings, nor your relationship, and is sure that you will take her back no matter what crap she does.  This is not a foundation of a healthy relationship.  And...  I hate to be cold, but she doesn't love you.  Nor do you love her.  You feel lust, she is obviously hot and makes you happy as a man.  She is not a woman that you should invest any time, any feeling or affection for, because she manifestly doesn't deserve it.  There is nothing wrong with pumping her though, if that's good.

There is a saying: "You can not wife up a ho".  This applies to your relationship, even though you are not marrying her, but you are treating a woman who is basically "a ho" as a bona fide girlfriend.

[Researcher]

      Here are a couple of things I have learned during my life.

     1)If a woman is hot,it doesn't mean that I should chase after her(or have a relationship with her).

     2)Being in love with a woman doesn't mean I should marry her.

      I know you said that you weren't looking to get married, I just thought I would throw that in. I think alot of guys get into trouble because they don't look deeper than the appearance of a woman. You say that she is hot but is it worth putting up with her infidelity?
      If you do kick her to the curb, I have a big pair of boots for such occasions.They are well broken in and I will let you borrow them.
     

[leather neck]

CarolinaJ

BUT we love each other, i'm not trying to get married and I like the companionship. Plus, as a friend of mine said "you better keep her as long as you can because you won't get another chance like this". So i am kind of in a holding pattern and yes if there is someone that i would like to go out with i will let her know we are no longer exclusive.

Hold up, wait-a-minute!!!

This is not even close to "love,"  maybe you love her....but she is not "in" love with you. See this for what it is, do not try to read more into it as you would like it to be. What we have here is a true case of "LUST!"

Yep, lust that is falsely appearing to be love. If there was true love between you...you never would have posted here about her.

There is no need to question true love, if you have to do so, then is it really love?

She's a hottie, 22 years old and you"d like to keep her...cause getting involved with the likes of her does not happen frequently to 40+ yr old guys.

I agree with el_russo here, what you need is a reality check. Proceed to the nearest computer with an internet connection and get yourself a ticket to any country in SA, pick one, any of them...upon your return, you'll realize that you can have more than your share of 20 somethings.

Since you have no plans to get married and she has no plans to be committed, continue to enjoy her company. Let her know that she can see others and you will do like wise, you might even see a change in her attitude. So basically, you will have a casual relationship with her, with benefits...then there will not be any issues of disrespect and trust.

I sense you are more into her (do to her age and physical attributes) than she is into you...therefore you will need some help with changing the nature of this relationship.

Especially if you listen to the advice given by your friend, in fact, buy 2 tickets to SA, he needs the trip as much as you....get that ticket and go south. A few days in SA will adjust your attitude and clear your head.

Good luck and welcome to the board!


Leatherneck

[CarolinaJ]

I appreciate everyone's advice. I will definitely take it to heart. Thanks!

[sean126]

Hey Sean 126, I am guessing that since you are so moral that your next comment will be something along the lines of waiting til I am married to sleep with her again jejeje 

Well, I wasn't going to bring it up but........


LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL  Nah dude.  I'm not that hypocritical. 

[the_ace33]

I have not read this whole thread, however my advice is just to dump her period.  The relationship has very much failed.  Keeping her around just for sex or whatever is just going to confuse the issue.  Be a man and make a clean break with her.  Then go out and find someone new.  If you make a clean break with her she will think twice about acting like a ho to her next boyfriend.  peace!

[P Daddy]

I have not read this whole thread, however my advice is just to dump her period.  The relationship has very much failed.  Keeping her around just for sex or whatever is just going to confuse the issue.  Be a man and make a clean break with her.  Then go out and find someone new.  If you make a clean break with her she will think twice about acting like a ho to her next boyfriend.  peace!

Yeah, but remember, this girl is a once in a life-time chance for CarolinaJ...he'll NEVER find a girl like this again, after all, he is 41 years old for Christ's sake  ....hehehe