I left my heart in Cebu City

[savvy]

Hi everyone. I am in my early 40's and never been married. I have been to the Philippines a few times and plan on retiring there someday. I don't have any plans on marrying a pinay to bring to the US and I really don't have any plans on marrying at all. I have decided to take a wait and see attitude to see how things work out.

My first trip was a wash as far as a serious relationship goes. I arrived at Mactan-Cebu airport where my girl and her sister were waiting for me. I had been chatting online with Aivey for a couple of months and decided it was time to take a trip. Finally Aivey and I were together. Her sister was nice and friendly but seemed very protective of her younger sister. We had a nice chat on the way to my hotel where I checked in and dropped off my bags. I was really hungry after the plane ride and wanted to try some seafood there so we went to a nearby restaurant to eat.

Everything was going great. Aivey was sitting next to me and we were holding hands. We were talking about some of the same things we chatted about in the past few months and had even talked about the possibility of marriage if things went well. It was then her sister said something that made time stop. She said there may be a problem with getting a visa for Aivey because she was so young. I thought she was talking about our age difference. At the time I was in my mid-thirties and Aivey was 22. I said it wouldn't be a problem because we were both adults. No her sister said Aivey is 16.

For a moment my mind went numb. Her profile said 22. I thought she was 22! I sat there trying to comprehend the place and time that was my new reality. I had been romantically chatting with, flew half way around the world to visit and now sitting next to and holding hands with a 16 YEAR OLD GIRL! OMG!

I didn't want to make a scene in the restaurant. I know my chin had to have hit the table and food fell out but I recovered as fast as I could. Aivey just looked at me like I knew it all along. Is this normal here? I wondered. Do girls lie about their age? I looked at her and didn't remember 16 year old girls having bodies like that. I never had any reason to suspect she was under age but once her sister told me it made sense.

After we finished I paid the check and told both ladies I wanted to walk around. So we did. I found a place that was half secluded but still in public to break the news. I told Aivey I thought she was older than 16 and I couldn't be with her because she was just too young. I hated to hurt her and it did but there was no way I could ever have a relationship with a girl that young. I knew she wouldn't take it well but the thought of being thrown in jail in the Philippines kept me motivated to end it.

So there I was in Cebu City with a long face but relieved to have ended something that could have turned out really nasty. I didn't feel like chasing any other women then so I started hanging out at a nearby bar in the afternoons. My second night I met an expat who was there to meet up with some friends. He just started talking to me. I think he saw my long face and just felt sorry for me but what the heck, I went along. I had a couple of weeks to kill anyway.

Those were the best two weeks of my life. My expat friend, David showed me around and every afternoon was spent with some of his friends there. We chased women at night and I learned alot about filipinas. David is now a good friend of mine and I have been back to visit a few times since. Good times everytime I go. Those first two weeks didn't make me completely forget about Aivey but it sure took the sting out of the experience.

I didn't know if telling this story would be a good way to introduce myself here but I thought why not start at the start? That's how it all began for me. I'm just here to further my knowledge and maybe add a little every now and then if I can.

[thekfc]

 Hi Savvy, welcome to PL.

I want to start by commenting on something that you wrote.

I don't have any plans on marrying a pinay to bring to the US and I really don't have any plans on marrying at all.

You went to the Philippines to meet a young lady but did you tell her that you had no intentions of marrying or bringing her to the USA?

Why did her sister mention a visa?

Hi everyone. I am in my early 40's and never been married.

I thought she was talking about our age difference. At the time I was in my mid-thirties and Aivey was 22. I said it wouldn't be a problem because we were both adults. No her sister said Aivey is 16.

How long have you 2 been chatting again?

You started by saying that you are in your early 40's but then you said "at the time you was in your mid-thirties".

From mid 30's to early 40's is more than a couple of months (which you said that the 2 of you were chatting). Can you clarify.

[michaelb]

KFC, I think you misread, go back and look again. NOW he doesn't have any intention of getting married, the trip he is talking about was several years ago.

[thekfc]

KFC, I think you misread, go back and look again. NOW he doesn't have any intention of getting married, the trip he is talking about was several years ago.

My bad.
Yep I misread.....my apologies. 

[piglett]

You started by saying that you are in your early 40's but then you said "at the time you was in your mid-thirties".

From mid 30's to early 40's is more than a couple of months (which you said that the 2 of you were chatting). Can you clarify.

he was in his 30's when he took the trip
he is now in his early 40's     
 
 
 
pig

 

[thekfc]

he was in his 30's when he took the trip
he is now in his early 40's     
 
 
 
pig

Yes, I misread. 
 
I will have to charge you for using that mallet. 

[Jeff S]

Hi savvy and thanks for the report.Several guys here married 16 year old Filipinas and stayed married for teh long term, but that was a long time ago. I suspect there are ways to do it legally in the PI, just like there are here (parental permission) but of course, you are setting yourself up for problems. A century ago, 16 was a pretty normal time for a girl to get married, but things are different now, and a lot more complicated. The fact is simply that people change until they hit their mid 20s or so - sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. That she lied about it is a huge red flag, of course.  In any event, we're looking forward to your participation here.

[Bob_S]

Welcome, Savvy, and thanks for sharing your story.  It certainly serves as a cautionary tale that others should heed.

[piglett]

Yes, I misread. 
 
I will have to charge you for using that mallet. 

the checks in the mail  :  )
 
pig

[Ray]

Several guys here married 16 year old Filipinas and stayed married for teh long term, but that was a long time ago. I suspect there are ways to do it legally in the PI, just like there are here (parental permission) but of course, you are setting yourself up for problems.

　
Actually Jeff, the minimum age for marriage is 18 as spelled out in Philippine law. The only exception is for some Muslims coming under the authority of the Muslim Autonomous Region.
　
Prior to the mid-80’s, it was legal to marry at a younger age so that’s why a couple of the old farts were able to marry 16-year-olds in the Philippines.
　
Here in the USA, the minimum age for marriage is set by the different states and varies widely. In California for example, there is no set minimum age for marriage but parental and sometimes judicial permission is required in cases involving the very young.
　
Ray
　

[savvy]

Thanks for the welcome.

I know several issues were involved with having a relationship with an under age girl. In the Philippines you are walking on legal thin ice for doing so. Throw in that filipinos don't like foreigners chasing their women to start with and dating a teenage girl becomes a very slippery slope.

My biggest issue and main reason for ending the relationship was she was 16. I personally couldn't get past it. I like younger women as long as they are women. Other guys wouldn't have had a problem with it but I did. The number 2 reason was she lied about her age. Lucky for me I made some good friends during the trip. With their help and plenty of Red Horse the trip turned out to be pretty good.

[z_k_g]

I knew she wouldn't take it well but the thought of being thrown in jail in the Philippines kept me motivated to end it.

Savvy,

Welcome to P-L.

They don't call them jail bait for nothing!

You were wise to end that relationship quickly because you were not just flirting with the locals and their laws but also a few somewhat tricky legal issues once you returned to the states.

Cebu, like most of the Philippines, has many options for the single kano who prefers to stay single.

But....this site is really focused on marriage and relationships that lead to marriage....so I guess you will be a fly on the wall of sorts?

In any case your story was good info and I'm sure others will learn from your experience and will now always check ID first!

Z

[Researcher]

   Welcome to the board savvy!It's a bummer that your lady turned out to be underage.I know alot of those filipinas look young even when they are not...and that's a good thing! hehehe!

    I wouldn't give up on marriage if I were you.There are alot of good women in the Philippines you just have to look to find one.Just like anywhere else in the world.



      Researcher