Is this type of view/message/chat volume normal? And how much is serious?

[JamesBreckenridge]

I have a profile on OkCupid (OkC). I get an average of 4 visitors a week. I get an average of six messages a month, and that is mostly replies from women I've messaged first. I've gotten around one unsolicited message per month.

I created a DatingInAsia (DiA) and a CherryBlossoms (CB) yesterday, and both profiles (which use the same pictures from OkC and an edited version of the OkC profile) went live late yesterday afternoon, early early asia time.

It hasn't even been 24 hours yet, and here is what I've seen so far:

DiA: 8 "interests", 64 different visitors (mostly Filipinas at 47, Chinese at 7, Thais at 4, and a handful of other places), and 8 unsolicited she-mailed-me-first messages.

CB: 37 "smiles" (equivalent to a DiA "interest" I suspect), 62 visitors (Filipinas 57, Chinese 3, Other 2), and 10 unsolicited emails. There were also several attempts to start a "CherryChat" session with me, all of which I declined. I have not yet sprung for a paid account, and I don't know that I'm going to; I'm really only interested in the Chinese girls, and not really into the too-young and browner-than-I-like Filipinas. I also noted that a lot of the "smiles" came from people who hadn't even visited my profile (the Russian women in an ocean of brown Filipinas rather stuck out).

Allright, so my account is "new", so that probably accounts for a certain amount of the traffic, where both scammers and the desperate see "fresh meat." Correct? Will this die down? Not very much of my traffic is driven by look-backs from ladies I have viewed; I've been concentrating on the Chinese (in Shenzhen, actually) but everyone has been overwhelmingly Filipina on both sites.

Are there any rules of thumb to guess how many of these are just people hoping to con me?

I'm considering buying a month's worth of CB just to talk to ONE particular girl. She's a doctor, age appropriate, and very cute.

Anybody have any advice/observations/thoughts?

[michaelb]

Oh, be a big spender, cough up the cash for a month on each......internet bill is going to be the least of your expenses if you go through with it (think airfare, hotel, visa fees, you name it). And yes, some of them may well be cons, but you should be able to weed them out with no problem.

[Jeff S]

Yes - everyone lines up for the new ones - figure they'll try to get to you quickly before lots of other do. I wouldn't assume they're all scammers. OK maybe the 24 year old blonde Russians in bikinis who have never looked at your profile, but not the Asians in general. As we like to say around here, plenty of ladies who aren't young, shapely and gorgeous get overlooked, so there are likely to be a bit aggressive especially if they have been on for a while without many nibbles.

Chinese ladies have a well earned reputation for going after and getting what they want. It's a part of the national character where being competitive is the norm. I get hit on more in China in general than anywhere else. In Latin America, the women are flirty, in Japan practically invisible, but in China, they often make the first moves. I don't wear a wedding ring, but outside New York, China seems to be only place women make bold first moves.

[jm21-2]

Whenever I hear about "meek, submissive" Chinese women I have to shake my head in wonder at how such a stereotype came about...

On domestic dating sites you are much more likely to get a response from someone who just joined the site. Most of the people on the site haven't actually been on for weeks or months even if it says they have. Could be linked to MSN messenger for example and whenever they get on MSN it shows them online at the site. So a smart girl who is facing a guy:girl ratio of probably 1:4+ will know to message the new guys first. Just like on domestic dating sites you barely get a response unless you message a new girl, since the guy:girl ratio is about 10:1.

[JamesBreckenridge]

Whenever I hear about "meek, submissive" Chinese women I have to shake my head in wonder at how such a stereotype came about...

On domestic dating sites you are much more likely to get a response from someone who just joined the site. Most of the people on the site haven't actually been on for weeks or months even if it says they have. Could be linked to MSN messenger for example and whenever they get on MSN it shows them online at the site. So a smart girl who is facing a guy:girl ratio of probably 1:4+ will know to message the new guys first. Just like on domestic dating sites you barely get a response unless you message a new girl, since the guy:girl ratio is about 10:1.

That reminds me, JM... I've been slogging through the archives, and I saw that not only are you an attorney and interested in Chinese women (or womAn I think now), but you mentioned something about working in the public sector. I work for a very large Cabinet level Department. Did you ever find work after graduation? And how many other attorneys have we got on here?

[Capstone]

I've been concentrating on the Chinese (in Shenzhen, actually) but everyone has been overwhelmingly Filipina on both sites.

Unfortunately, I can't help you out too much with the dating sites - I didn't meet my Chinese wife on one and in fact have never used one, so I don't have any relevant experience. I am curious though as to why you have decided to focus in on Shenzhen - any particular reason? I have been there several times and it is not too bad of a place - easy to get to and most of the buildings, etc are new. Shenzhen is a bit unique in that it is about the only city in Guangdong where Mandarin is the primary dialect used by most people - everywhere else in Guangdong it is Cantonese.  Good Luck!

[jm21-2]

That reminds me, JM... I've been slogging through the archives, and I saw that not only are you an attorney and interested in Chinese women (or womAn I think now), but you mentioned something about working in the public sector. I work for a very large Cabinet level Department. Did you ever find work after graduation? And how many other attorneys have we got on here?

I took the July 2008 bar after graduating, and by the time I found out I passed (October-ish) the economy had tanked. Almost no job openings and it was very difficult looking for work in Washington while living in Oregon. I borrowed some money from my parents and opened up my own practice, and things have been going alright. Slowly getting better as I streamline things, get rid of bad advertising contracts, etc. Not really what I envisioned myself doing but such is life. Owning and running a business has been a real eye-opening experience if nothing else.

I had a Chinese girlfriend but things didn't work out. Engaged to a Taiwanese girl right now and we have our interview coming up pretty quick. Taiwan is relatively similar to China but there are still a lot of differences. 

William3rd is an attorney and there are a few others...Tess's husband I think (Steve? I can't remember...).

I did not use any international dating sites so can't speak that much to them that much except in generalities. I almost went to meet a Chinese girl I met over Plentyoffish, but went to meet my now-fiance instead.

[JamesBreckenridge]

I took the July 2008 bar after graduating, and by the time I found out I passed (October-ish) the economy had tanked. Almost no job openings and it was very difficult looking for work in Washington while living in Oregon. I borrowed some money from my parents and opened up my own practice, and things have been going alright. Slowly getting better as I streamline things, get rid of bad advertising contracts, etc. Not really what I envisioned myself doing but such is life. Owning and running a business has been a real eye-opening experience if nothing else.

(snip)

Don't forget to think about the Federal Government... usajobs dot com. Lots of agencies hire lawyers and J.D.s. Us Federal employees are taking a beating right now from the Tea Party and Republicans, but it's still a good job. I'm in it for the security and stability (and the 10 year public interest loan forgiveness on my Staffords!).

As for why Shenzhen... well, I got into all this after my "AW" (as they call it) girlfriend broke my heart into a billion pieces, and I've been depressed ever since. I caught a commercial for a TV show that talked about "online brides" and it gave a company name. I had dated a Taiwanese girl for three years in college and enjoyed the experience, so I figured I would check out their website. They had offices in Shenzhen and Chongquing and I certainly like the profiles of some of the girls. Then, doing due diligence, I started looking for the bad side of things, and looking for complaints about them led me to this forum. Y'all pointed me further to DiA and CB. I reckon that between the resources available to me here (archives and forum members) I'll be in pretty good shape to try and find my own special lady without having to mess with a very expensive version of speed dating on one of their "romance tours."

Shenzhen is right next to Hong Kong, and yes, they speak Mandarin there, so I figured that there was a good chance the girls would speak english (ideal) or at least Mandarin (which I have at least a foundation of). It's a new modern city, hopefully full of new, modern-minded girls.

Of course, the ONE girl I want to message on CB lives in freaking Cheng Du (Chinese Nebraska).

[jer0978]

If you get a payed membership in cherry blossoms prepare for a lot more interest than you're getting now. I signed up about a year ago and got a few smiles a week with a free membership. 3 months ago I paid the membership fee and my email blew up. I'd say I was getting 20 + smiles and 10 - 15 emails a day. I would say only 2 or 3 of the total group that contacted me were Chinese. Also don't buy more than a month. I payed for 6 months because it was much cheaper in total but didn't need it after about a month. Now it's setting there unused.

[JamesBreckenridge]

If you get a payed membership in cherry blossoms prepare for a lot more interest than you're getting now. I signed up about a year ago and got a few smiles a week with a free membership. 3 months ago I paid the membership fee and my email blew up. I'd say I was getting 20 + smiles and 10 - 15 emails a day. I would say only 2 or 3 of the total group that contacted me were Chinese. Also don't buy more than a month. I payed for 6 months because it was much cheaper in total but didn't need it after about a month. Now it's setting there unused.

NOW you tell me! I signed up for a year because it was the best deal and I figured if I can't make somethign happen in a year I'll just become a monk or something. I am now DROWNING IN FILIPINAS!

This one girl is 18 years old... HER PROFILE PHOTOS are of her in her SCHOOL FREAKING UNIFORM!!!! O.o

I mean... I love hot asian girls in school uniforms as much as the next pervert but come ON! They're waaaay too young and don't want to take "I'm too old for you" for an answer. Now I have to check for Chris Hansen under my bed.

[jm21-2]

Just my 2 cents on the international relationship thing and certainly should be taken with a grain of salt....

The grass is always greener and no relationship is perfect. This process instills a certain amount of egotism and sense of entitlement into anyone who pursues it. I am a guy who was never really that good at dating in the US, but abroad women really dig an intellectual guy with a decent job and a reassuringly confident tone. I am convinced I will never find a better match than my fiance as far as values, morals, and personality go, but when I see a picture of a curvy latina or a Ukrainian fashionista, I can't help but wonder. Sometimes it seems easier to marry an American girl with a decent job, other times a Vietnamese village girl who wouldn't complain about the crude conditions camping or sailing would be better. There are just a lot of options that suddenly open up and you can really get a kid in the candy store mentality. It's an odd position to be in, especially if you're the type of person who likes to contemplate the future. And in a long-term long distance relationship there is way too much time to think.

[JamesBreckenridge]

(snip)

There are just a lot of options that suddenly open up and you can really get a kid in the candy store mentality. It's an odd position to be in, especially if you're the type of person who likes to contemplate the future. And in a long-term long distance relationship there is way too much time to think.

In my gaming group, we call that "analysis paralysis." And I see what you mean. I think I've chatted with more pretty girls in the past three hours than I have in my life to date.

[piglett]

NOW you tell me! I signed up for a year because it was the best deal and I figured if I can't make somethign happen in a year I'll just become a monk or something. I am now DROWNING IN FILIPINAS!

This one girl is 18 years old... HER PROFILE PHOTOS are of her in her SCHOOL FREAKING UNIFORM!!!! O.o

I mean... I love hot asian girls in school uniforms as much as the next pervert but come ON! They're waaaay too young and don't want to take "I'm too old for you" for an answer. Now I have to check for Chris Hansen under my bed.

Many pinays (chicks from the Philippines) say that they like older guys.
now that's not to say that they are all like that but some are. My wife had a friend that wanted a Kano BF & i thought i had the perfect guy for her however due to the fact that he is only 24 she said she wasn't even remotely interested. so this 18 year old may be of that type. also many ladies don't have a camera so they just post what few pictures they do have of themselves. also the I'm to old for you thing may not work on some of those ladies. 

good luck
piglett 

[Jeff S]

Yes, Stephen (of Stephen and Tess) is an attorney. He specializes in bankruptcy, which is probably why he hasn't been around much the past couple of years. He's probably tired of hauling wheelbarrows full of money to the bank. Tess posts occasionally. They have a second house in the PI and I think Tess is there now. Maybe she'll see this and chime in. We get together for lunch occasionally - more rarely lately.

LOL - jm - you are so right. Submissive Chinese women? Maybe on some other planet. I figure when AW can't figure something out, they just make stuff up.

[Jeff S]

NOW you tell me! I signed up for a year because it was the best deal and I figured if I can't make somethign happen in a year I'll just become a monk or something. I am now DROWNING IN FILIPINAS!

This one girl is 18 years old... HER PROFILE PHOTOS are of her in her SCHOOL FREAKING UNIFORM!!!! O.o

I mean... I love hot asian girls in school uniforms as much as the next pervert but come ON! They're waaaay too young and don't want to take "I'm too old for you" for an answer. Now I have to check for Chris Hansen under my bed.

Ah so! You're one of those Lolicon types? Welcome to Asia

[JamesBreckenridge]

Yes, Stephen (of Stephen and Tess) is an attorney. He specializes in bankruptcy, which is probably why he hasn't been around much the past couple of years. He's probably tired of hauling wheelbarrows full of money to the bank. Tess posts occasionally. They have a second house in the PI and I think Tess is there now. Maybe she'll see this and chime in. We get together for lunch occasionally - more rarely lately.

LOL - jm - you are so right. Submissive Chinese women? Maybe on some other planet. I figure when AW can't figure something out, they just make stuff up.

I need to get into Bankruptcy practice. There's a CLE coming up on it, and I have an old lady friend on disability benefits... she's judgment proof I think, but I'd rather do it the right way. Stephen if you're out there, feel free to recommend some practice guides or books to get me started.

[Bob_S]

Whenever I hear about "meek, submissive" Chinese women I have to shake my head in wonder at how such a stereotype came about...

I suspect it comes from the Geisha mystique.  A geisha is paid to appear meek, submissive, and attentive.  It's her job to stroke men's egos.  Those who are actually married to Asian women, even the legendarily patient and dutiful Japanese women, know it is a myth, but with some basis in truth.

That reminds me, JM... I've been slogging through the archives, and I saw that not only are you an attorney and interested in Chinese women (or womAn I think now

There may be a half dozen guys here involved in one way or another in the legal profession.  WilliamIII is our resident go-to expert on immigration issues.

NOW you tell me! I signed up for a year because it was the best deal and I figured if I can't make somethign happen in a year I'll just become a monk or something. I am now DROWNING IN FILIPINAS!

That's not necessarily a bad thing.  If you live in the middle of BFE Whoville, you might want to keep your options open for an ethnic-Chinese Pinay (Filipina).  Women from the Phils have a reputation for being highly adaptable to pretty much any climate or locale.  Whereas, women from big cosmopolitan Far East cities would find anything but the biggest Midwest cities to be horribly quaint and rural.  Plus there's the personal comfort factor.  I have extended family scattered around TX and rural OK, and when we go back there to visit, my wife often feels like a zoo animal on display.  So unless you plan to move to a city with a large Chinese ethnic population, you should be sure to focus on someone who has a very good level of English so she won't feel so isolated when she arrives.  Yeah, this is planning for a year or two or five down the road, but it is something to consider along the way.

[Tanuki]

I agree with Bob-S.  You take a lady out of a big city and put her in a small town, she may have a little trouble adapting.  My ex was japanese nad we met in college in the mid west, very small campus out in the middle of no where.  Evert two weeks we made trips to Chicago so she could shop at the asian stores and stock up on her food supplies.  The pickled daikon radish smells!

[Jeff S]

LOL - My wife thinks Southern California is Hicksville.

[flipit]

I'm really only interested in the Chinese girls, and not really into the too-young and browner-than-I-like Filipinas.
Anybody have any advice/observations/thoughts?

You might want to take a look at  http://www.chineselovelinks.com/  since your interest is Chinese women. Cherryblossoms is probably majority Filipina with a little bite of this-and-that in the mix. CLL will be overwelmingly Chinese ladies.

[tessbrittain]

Hi Mr. JamesB,

You were asking about BK....Stephen said buy Bankcruptcy Book by NOLO Press  and he use  EZ filing program....We file BK online.....we do 15 to 20 cases a month and our average BK is 1500.00 Also he is a member of  NACBA

BK is very hot right not, it's fast and easy compared to Family Law. Good luck to you..

About all the responses on your profile on the dating site... You should have a criteria like answer only women between the age of blank to blank ....That's how my Hubby found me...He was 52 and I was 37 when we got married...

Tess

[JamesBreckenridge]

Hi Mr. JamesB,

You were asking about BK....Stephen said buy Bankcruptcy Book by NOLO Press  and he use  EZ filing program....We file BK online.....we do 15 to 20 cases a month and our average BK is 1500.00 Also he is a member of  NACBA

BK is very hot right not, it's fast and easy compared to Family Law. Good luck to you..

About all the responses on your profile on the dating site... You should have a criteria like answer only women between the age of blank to blank ....That's how my Hubby found me...He was 52 and I was 37 when we got married...

Tess

Thank you very much, Lady Tess. I shall order it forthwith. Here in Mississippi, going rate for bankruptcies appear to be around a thousand dollars. If I could do just two a month, I would be very VERY pleased.

You are a very lovely lady, Mrs. Tess. I will see about putting some filters in place to keep the children from getting in the way. I have a Skype date coming up with a nice girl from Guangdong. It's funny, we both live on the Pearl River; hers is a mighty river, mine is a small stream.

[piglett]

LOL - My wife thinks Southern California is Hicksville.

i look at it & think "way to many rats in this small cage" 
i guess it's all about your prospective, mine is much different than your wife's.

how would she react if you lost your electric service for a couple of weeks?

up where i live we have been known to get ice storms & it has happened from time to time that so many tree limbs have brought down so many power lines that it takes the power company some time to restore service to everyone.


pig