Single mothers?

[Veracity]

Guys,

I've considered the pros and cons of both, but I thought I'd ask you guys your opinions. Fore the sake of conversation, here's a short list.

Pros:
Single mothers might be more stable companions.....and because they already have children, they might not ask you to have more.

Cons:
Single mothers will probably not put you first...and you might end up liable to pay child support if it doesn't work out.

[Ray]

Guys,

I've considered the pros and cons of both, but I thought I'd ask you guys your opinions. Fore the sake of conversation, here's a short list.

Pros:
Single mothers might be more stable companions.....and because they already have children, they might not ask you to have more.

Yes, there is some validity to that. If you’re OK with raising another guys children, then go for it.

Cons:
Single mothers will probably not put you first...and you might end up liable to pay child support if it doesn't work out.

I would always expect a mother to put her young children first, whether they are yours together or hers from a previous relationship.

You won’t have to pay child support unless you legally adopt them as your own.

Ray

[Jhengsman]

The pro argument is especially true if you are in the potential grandpa age group and you hope to retire one day instead of spending your 70s still trying to educate your children.

Philippine specific cons. First she is married and you will bankroll the annulment and lose a year. If she has never married she may be in their system as married and not even know it until you pull her CENOMAR for US Immigration. One attorney told me the Sisters at the hospital, if the child was born there, would not let the paperwork go through otherwise  even though their law changed near the end of the Marcos era where a man could claim the child of his girlfriend/mistress. Do the nuns lie for what they see as the greater good? It also happens when a false birth certificate without the dreaded "illegitimate" overstamp is produced by a fixer. Skeptic that I normally am, I don't really think the master plan of finding a temporary husband to get a green card and child support is that big a concern.

[z_k_g]

Single mothers,

Been there, done that, bad idea.

In the Philippines there are thousands of single women.   Why complicate your life with some pinoys child that he doesn't want?

Seeking and marrying a foreign bride is hard enough, why complicate matters?

However, if you are older and have no desire to have children or additional children, you will have some issues. 

Most pinays want a child, so a single mother would be more understandable.

Zulu

[Jeff S]

Lots of missing bits and pieces from your question. Single mothers... from where? why single? is the father in the picture? do you want more kids? looking for meal ticket or ? etc. etc.

I married a single mother and never regretted it for a moment. She was not in need of financial rescue/ support, her ex was not in the picture emotionally but did pay his child support (that became a college fund,) and she wasn't necessarily interested in more children. There was almost zero "baggage" attached to the deal and a lot of positives.

Every situation is different and in any case you need to consider the package deal. If you want a young wife and plan to raise a family - as z/k points out - why bother, when there are plenty of options. If you were in my situation, no interest in making more babies, and not much downside and plenty of upside, why not.

[michaelb]

This has come up a few times on the Latin Board. I honestly don't know the answer in regards to the laws of P.I., but before he gets too involved with a single mother it would behoove Veracity to find out for sure. In Colombia the father has to give formal legal permission for his minor children to leave the country. Even if he doesn't have custody, even if the couple were never legally married, even if he's never paid a peso of child support, even if he's a dirt bag. If his name is on the birth certificate, that's just the way it is. Some of the dirt bags refuse to give permission, either hoping to extort some money out of the gringo (I guess kano in P.I.) or out of just plain old meaness. So, you guys who keep up with the family code laws of P.I, what about it? 

[piglett]

I can see it if your say 60 & looking to retire in the PI
some mite be fine with having a young step child around the house.
I myself say why add to the list of problems that "could" come up
i just don't see many up sides to it.

hell if you marry a woman fron the PI & you & her want kids the 2 of you could always adopt from her home country.



pig

[stevjulietb]

I understand that adoption is a difficult process in the PI?

Steveb

[Dave H]

Personally, I would avoid single or married mothers in the Philippines! You will get too many migraines from legal issues and expenses alone! There are plenty of available, single, childless ladies here.

Having said that, it seems that almost every "kano" that I see here is supporting some Filipino's kid or kids. Perhaps they want to be the Knight in Shinning Manure. Why? I think that the the single mothers are probably the most desperate and are the ones who are working the hardest to "get a kano."

I usually avoid foreigners here in the Philippines. One reason is that I don't get paid to hear about all of their problems!!! Sometimes you don't see them coming or don't want to get out of the line at the cash register (that you have been standing in for the past 10 minutes) and RUN! Unfortunately, once they spot you, many want to dump it all on you! "The annulment cost me $6000." "She was still seeing the kids' father behind my back." "The father wants P1,000,000 to let his kid immigrate to my country." "The Lola refuses to allow her grandkid to immigrate and turns down all of our payoff offers." I must have heard them all, without even trying! Don't even get me started on the other issues!!! ("Her family took all of my money!"......)

Many of the single women tell you some song and dance number about how the father was "irresponsible!" Hell, they knew that before they got pregnant and were out partying with the A-hole! I personally know many of these women and saw it for myself. (If anyone wants to meet one of them, just let me know. They are DYING to meet you!) Some of these kids suffer the effects of having a drug addicted or alcoholic parent. Some of these women continued to party during their pregnancy.

"Single mothers might be more stable companions." Don't count on it! My neighbor is a 23 year old single mother and looking hard for a kano. She has 2 young kids (1 by a kano). Almost every night, her mother watches her kids so that she can get pimped up then go out and party, get laid, look for a kano, whatever. I usually get woken up by the tricycle (especially ones with the 2 strokes engines) bringer her home at 3 or 4 AM. Another kano thinks he got lucky when he married another neighbor of mine. She was a single mother with 2 kids from different men. Now she has a third child with him. She is in the US now with her husband and their son. The two Filipino sons are living here with their lola and aunt. Her Filipino boyfriend drives around in the nice SUV that the kano bought her. When she is here (without her hubby) she acts and looks like a total ho. She is always asking guys to go out and party with her (she even pays for everything with the "lucky" kanos's money). On facebook, I see that in the US she dresses and looks like I a church lady. I could describe about a dozen more like them that I personally know off the top of my head, but I think that you get the point. Things can always go south...but why not start out with better odds! There are plenty of nice, single, childless ladies here, who don't have all of the baggage!

Don't get me wrong, there are some very nice ladies out there that did get royally screwed...but how are you going to know that from chat or an agency? (One reason why I like personal introductions, but you still have to be cautious) If you are going to get involved with a woman who has kids, I think that a widow would be a MUCH better choice most of the time in the Philippines!

Dave

[william3rd]

Personally, I would avoid single or married mothers in the Philippines! You will get too many migraines from legal issues and expenses alone! There are plenty of available, single, childless ladies here.

Having said that, it seems that almost every "kano" that I see here is supporting some Filipino's kid or kids. Perhaps they want to be the Knight in Shinning Manure. Why? I think that the the single mothers are probably the most desperate and are the ones who are working the hardest to "get a kano."

I usually avoid foreigners here in the Philippines. One reason is that I don't get paid to hear about all of their problems!!! Sometimes you don't see them coming or don't want to get out of the line at the cash register (that you have been standing in for the past 10 minutes) and RUN! Unfortunately, once they spot you, many want to dump it all on you! "The annulment cost me $6000." "She was still seeing the kids' father behind my back." "The father wants P1,000,000 to let his kid immigrate to my country." "The Lola refuses to allow her grandkid to immigrate and turns down all of our payoff offers." I must have heard them all, without even trying! Don't even get me started on the other issues!!! ("Her family took all of my money!"......)

Many of the single women tell you some song and dance number about how the father was "irresponsible!" Hell, they knew that before they got pregnant and were out partying with the A-hole! I personally know many of these women and saw it for myself. (If anyone wants to meet one of them, just let me know. They are DYING to meet you!) Some of these kids suffer the effects of having a drug addicted or alcoholic parent. Some of these women continued to party during their pregnancy. "Single mothers might be more stable companions." Don't count on it! My neighbor is a 23 year old single mother and looking hard for a kano. She has 2 young kids (1 by a kano). Almost every night, her mother watches her kids so that she can get pimped up then go out and party, get laid, look for a kano, whatever. I usually get woken up by the tricycle (especially ones with the 2 strokes engines) bringer her home at 3 or 4 AM. I could describe about a dozen more like her off the top of my head.

Don't get me wrong, there are some very nice ladies out there that did get royally screwed...but how are you going to know that from chat or an agency? (One reason why I like personal introductions, but you still have to be cautious) If you are going to get involved with a woman who has kids, I think that a widow would be a MUCH better choice most of the time in the Philippines!

Dave

Every single mother that my clients encountered   in the PI seems to be a victim of date rape drugs. None of them ever had sex voluntarily. And all of them are divorced now in the US and have remarried younger men who they cheated on their husbands with after getting their green cards. . . .

  Hey Dave, how does one get royally screwed? Was prince charles there or something?

[Dave H]

Every single mother that my clients encountered   in the PI seems to be a victim of date rape drugs. None of them ever had sex voluntarily.

Hey William,

I have heard that one many times myself! In fact, I stopped and talked to one of those "rape victims" (with child) today when I out driving my motorcycle. Her European fiancee will be coming to meet her in person next week. It seems that her kid is now her "niece."  

You can't buy a lot of drugs here (ativan for one) because the feminists think that you might go out and "date rape" some innocent girl instead of paying the "barfine" fee. Hell, the drug would probably cost more than the "entertainment" fee!

And all of them are divorced now in the US and have remarried younger men who they cheated on thier husbands after getting their green cards. . . .

I hear ya! I know one of those ladies who is on her third American husband in 10 years.

I know it is going to happen...because too many people want really just reassurance and not advice. But, I just get so damned tired of hearing some guys, who f'd up BIG TIME...but won't admit it, bashing "All" Filipinas! There are so many Great Filipinas out there! Why settle for less? Since I married my wife, my hair has even started to grow back on the top of my head. I still haven't figured out the reason for that yet.

 Hey Dave, how does one get royally screwed? Was prince charles there or something?

"Royally screwed"...I must have been thinking about my neighbor who has the "kano" kid. The father is supposedly an English guy (who hauled azz!). She claims that he is of royalty. Do you have any idea why these illegitimate kids have such prominent fathers? Another single mother that I know claims that the father of her kid is the son of Lucio Tan (Philippine billionaire). I wonder if his billionaire lolo knows that his grandson is living in a nipa hut? Her other kid is the son of a famous Filipino singer. He is still an infant, so I guess I will just have to wait for him to grow up a bit before I have him try out my karaoke system.  

Dave XIV

[Veracity]

Thanks guys.

I'm 46...and I'm not really psyched about having more kids. Sure, I'd rather marry a woman with no kids....but the flip side of that is that she'll want to have a child of her own.

Just stuff to think about, that's all.

[thekfc]

I had a taste of royalty once.  

While in college I was in a food eating contest & finished last but none of the other contestant could hold down their food and were disqualified. That leave me as the only one standing thus I was pronounced "King" of the contest.  

[thekfc]

I think that a widow would be a MUCH better choice most of the time in the Philippines!

That I have heard people say a lot.

[Jeff S]

OK - Bad idea in the Philippines, but not such a bad idea for other places in Asia - and not just for 60 year olds either. I was married in my 30s.

[Ray]

This has come up a few times on the Latin Board. I honestly don't know the answer in regards to the laws of P.I., but before he gets too involved with a single mother it would behoove Veracity to find out for sure. In Colombia the father has to give formal legal permission for his minor children to leave the country. Even if he doesn't have custody, even if the couple were never legally married, even if he's never paid a peso of child support, even if he's a dirt bag. If his name is on the birth certificate, that's just the way it is. Some of the dirt bags refuse to give permission, either hoping to extort some money out of the gringo (I guess kano in P.I.) or out of just plain old meaness. So, you guys who keep up with the family code laws of P.I, what about it? 

Filipino law on minor children traveling abroad is relatively uncomplicated.

Filipino minors traveling alone or with someone other than their parents need a Travel Clearance from the government before they can leave the country.

Minor children traveling with either parent or legal guardian normally do not need a Travel Clearance document.

A parent granted sole legal custody by a court can travel with the child without clearance.

If the parents are involved in an ongoing custody proceeding, the child is usually placed on a watch list and needs a court order to leave the country with one parent.

If the child is illegitimate, then the mother has sole custody by law and the child can travel with her without a clearance. She will need a Certificate of No Marriage from the government. An illegitimate child is essentially one conceived and born outside a valid marriage and the parents were not subsequently married to each other. The fact that a father is named on the birth certificate I believe is not in itself enough for him to have any say in whether or not the child can leave the country with the mother.

Supposedly, if an estranged father of a legitimate minor child knows that his child may be going to leave the country, he could have the child placed on a watch list so his written permission would be required. I am not sure how this works, but it probably requires him to obtain a court order.

Otherwise, The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) is the governing authority for granting Travel Clearances for minors.

Ray

[Dave H]

I had a taste of royalty once.  

While in college I was in a food eating contest & finished last but none of the other contestant could hold down their food and were disqualified. That leave me as the only one standing thus I was pronounced "King" of the contest.  

Het thekfc,

You're "The King!" I think there must be a morale to your story...like the hare and the tortoise..."Slow guys finish first,"  I would have loved to see that! P.S. You are the only other person that I know (besides me) who can keep eating while others are vomiting all around them! I once ate a pizza while watching the medical examiners office remove the badly decomposed body of a woman from her house, who had been partially eaten by dogs. Cops, firemen, and animal control officers were all puking...especially after I mentioned that my pizza looked like the body and took a another bite...of my pizza 

Dave