Yup thats right, another new guy with questions.

[brettb]

First off my name is Brett.

After reading throu various topics, I think as well as alot of other guys i am overwhelmed. I have for the past year been really interested in marrying a foreign girl mostly Chinese. I have been throu multiple sites such as heartofasias.org and some other similar. Which I never bought a membership, I have been in contact with a few via personal e-mail. So here our my questions....

I Have been talking to one girl and it seemed like within the 3rd e-mail she was already talking about visiting china and getting married, Would this be a red flag? Second I have seen alot of success with this, But how do you go about telling your family or friends this stuff? I think that is a really huge problem I have is how do i go about explaining it. Third I am not a wealthy guy, But I am not struggling either. I have a nice 2 bedroom apartment and its just my dog and I, we live in arizona so its not a huge density city. Would that also be a problem with the asian women as I do not own my house? Like myself and others I am just curious on how to go about meeting women of different countries while also being able to spot the green card scammers. Any advice would be very highly appreciated as I am done with the AW and just want a nice girl with good morals and family tradition.

Thanks
-Brett

[Jeff S]

Hey Brett:
Nice to have you here. No, you don't need a house and a lot of money to do this. You do need the means to travel some and get some time off occasionally.

No, it is not necessarily a red flag if a woman wants to get married and tells this to you early on their communications. After all, isn't that why they list themselves on the dating site anyway? Now if she is professing her dying love to you on the third email, that's another issue entirely. Of course she wants you to visit her so she can meet you. You've had some chemistry up to this point, sure she'd like to see you and size you up sooner rather than later.

Contrary to popular belief, and some of the silly banter that seems to crop up here, there aren't millions of women all over the world willing to spread their legs to anyone with a K-1 application in their back pocket - especially not from a fairly prosperous place like China. Yes, they're interested in marrying a foreigner, because we're as exotic to them as they are to us, and sure they watch TV and American movies, and see what this part of the world is like, and it is more appealing than home - the fantasy anyway if not the reality. True green card scammers are the exception rather than the rule and I'd say if you came across one, particularly an Asian one, they'd be ridiculously easy to spot.

Why do you need to explain anything to your family or friends until you find someone you are willing to go visit and see if there's more? Do you really think it's hard for people to comprehend that people meet on the internet here in the 21st century. I'd say it's more the norm that the exception - you'll just happen to meet one farther away than most.

Relax, enjoy yourself, take your time and have fun with this. It's an adventure few men have the desire or put in the effort to experience, but it's a great ride, and well worth the effort and expense. As for what others think - don't pay any attention at this stage. Later on your friends will all wish they'd have done what you did, and their wives will probably be upset at you for putting ideas into their heads.

Anyway, good luck and we're looking forward to to your participation.

- Jeff

[Dave H]

Hey Brett,

Welcome to P-L!

Sorry, I only know Chinese history, nothing about marrying Chinese ladies.

Good Luck!

Dave

[evoltnvii]

Hey Brett, Welcome I hope you find enough information to help you on your quest to find the perfect bride for you.

As far as the Chinese girls i cant help you i went Pinay but others here will give you plenty of information.

The family and friends thing....... well heres what i personally got from them, Dad - cool to the idea but thinking greencard scammer,  Mom - Just happy im happy, Grand Parents - concerned at first but after talking about how i feel about the person and how well i know her are all for it, Friends - with few exceptions are all for it and happy i finally found the one for me and a real friend will tell you concerns but will support your decision no matter what.

and listen to Jeff he is as they say THE MAN!!

[thekfc]

Hi Brett,

Welcome to P-L.

Although I have (had) a lot of Chinese (HK based)/Taiwanese friends, classmates, fighting buddies - I cannot be of much help. The ladies were more of a "sister" figure to me.

There are a few members here who will be of great help.
Just ask away.

[robert angel]

Welcome Brett,

re:

>>Why do you need to explain anything to your family or friends until you find someone you are willing to go visit and see if there's more?<<

I wouldn't say a whole lot to f&f  until you actually plan on going over there, that will save you some noise. Then when you do tell, you might want to be very matter of fact, indicating you've been corresponding with someone who you want to actually meet and she lives in a place you've always wanted to visit.

"those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” as Dr. Seuss said...

Good luck...

[jm21-2]

I have never had a problem with family and friends. I guess it depends on the individual circumstances. It just hasn't been an issue at all for me. Yeah some family members wonder why I would date a foreign girl instead of a local, but the issue is never pressed.

The only person who has made any sort of issue about it is my paralegal who is from Ukraine and met her husband by exchanging letters with him...they decided to marry before meeting in person and have been married for a long time now...she is the only one who thinks I'm crazy for dating a foreign girl, haha. She keeps urging me to marry a local girl with a decent salary and good health insurance, hahaha....

[Bob_S]

I have for the past year been really interested in marrying a foreign girl mostly Chinese... I Have been talking to one girl and it seemed like within the 3rd e-mail she was already talking about visiting china and getting married, Would this be a red flag?

Not necessarily.  It depends on the context.  Chinese girls have a reputation of being very pragmatic and direct.  And many know that a lot of guys are just players, sexting, asking for naked pictures, but have no intention of every really going to meet the girl, let alone marry them (losers living in mommy's basement, maybe already married and just dreaming of an exotic beauty, whatever).  So if she's smart, she'll want to feel you out to see if you're serious.  If she's stating that her intentions are to find a husband, that's fine.  But if after just 3 e-mails, she's stating she loves you, misses you, dreams of being married and rocking your nights, all that syruppy stuff, that is an orange flag at least.  It means either she is a silly immature girl (not truly ready for marriage), or is buttering up your ego to hook you in to some scam.

Second I have seen alot of success with this, But how do you go about telling your family or friends this stuff? I think that is a really huge problem I have is how do i go about explaining it.

Don't.  It's none of their business, at least this early in the game.  Even when you're going to meet her, it's still none of their business.  But you might want to let them know you'll be doing some international travel, going to see the Great Wall.  Until you meet her in person and you know it clicks, I wouldn't bring it up to anyone who anyone who wouldn't reeeeally understand.

Third I am not a wealthy guy, But I am not struggling either. I have a nice 2 bedroom apartment and its just my dog and I, we live in arizona so its not a huge density city. Would that also be a problem with the asian women as I do not own my house?

No problem at all, as long as you live near a city where she can easily find familiar comfort food from the homeland.  To hundreds of millions of Asians, living in a city means living in a cramped apartment.  Only the very wealthy can afford a single family home within the city limits.  A single family home means living far from the city, in the rural boondocks, inconveniently located to anything.  To most Asian girls, a 2BR would be a spacious accommodation and would be just fine.

[piglett]

welcome to the board Brett


piglett

[brettb]

Thanks for all the feedback!

[bcc_1_2]

Don't.  It's none of their business, at least this early in the game.  Even when you're going to meet her, it's still none of their business.  But you might want to let them know you'll be doing some international travel, going to see the Great Wall.  Until you meet her in person and you know it clicks, I wouldn't bring it up to anyone who anyone who wouldn't reeeeally understand.

Freakin' ditto. This seems to be a top concern around here recently (especially with a bunch of young dudes stopping in). What will my mom, dad, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc think. You want them to think you are cultured and like traveling... nothing more.

[z_k_g]

Welcome!

I'm relatively new to P-L but not new to dating Asian women, they are very direct and pragmatic from my experience, especially the Chinese women.

As far as the internet is concerned, its just another way to meet a good woman!  

Good luck!

Zulu

[AsphaltVoyager]

Hi, Brett.
From my father: whoa, there boy! Slow down. (In reponse to my having known my girl for a month before thinking seriously about her.) The truth is, I made up my mind about her far sooner than that, but! I had a laundry list of virtues I was seeking and she met every one of them, which was a real shock to me, especially since it came at a point where I was ready to give up. What my father said finally was that happiness is relative in life and that we all have to seek our own paths to find it. What works for one may not work for another. So, he is accepting of my choice. He's even asked for more pictures of her.

From my friends: Well... it's about TIME!

As far as her speaking about marriage in your 3rd correspondence, it would probably depend on how she spoke of it. I don't remember you saying anything about her telling you that she loves you, which is a good sign. My take is that she is being up front with you about what she is after and wants to set the ground rules. I haven't met many Asian ladies who want to play games and she wants to make sure you aren't playing one, too. As time goes by and you get to know her more, just look for inconsistencies in her personality. You may not know, even after visiting her in person the first time, if she is truly The One, so don't beat yourself up about taking your time to be sure.

The biggest mistakes I've seen couples make:
1.) Ignoring red flags during dating -- whatever problem this is will usually end up becoming a larger problem down the road than it is now and will be one of your chief reasons for divorce.
2.) Being so cautious of hurting the other's feelings that they hold back saying what is really on their minds -- full, open, honest communication is the only way a relationship is going to survive the sands of time.
3.) You must have the same common goals in life and if you have personal, separate goals, then those cannot conflict with your shared goals, otherwise one or both of you will be unhappy.
4.) Not clearly defining goals and how you want to get there... fail to plan = plan to fail. Having a plan and communicating it, then finding compromises that both of you can live with are KEY to success. And be specific. Nebulous goals like "being happy" don't cut it.
5.) One thinking they will change this or that about the other over a period of time. If you think there's something you need to change about them, then they really aren't the right one for you in the first place. If you can't accept something about them, move on.
6.) One of you trying to control the other, recognizing controlling behaviors -- The only relationship that has value is one in which both partners want to be with the other totally of their own free will and are free to be themselves at all times. Any deviation from that is worthless and both of you are cheated.

You may find that your biggest issue is not f&f, or your wealth and your other stated concerns, but will be trust. Only you can determine what your comfort level is in that aspect.

Good luck, Brett.