Just getting started

[Veracity]

To all,

Hello. I'm a divorced 45 year-old guy who is interested in meeting foreign women. Not sure if I'll go to Asia or South America first....but I somehow feel that those two choices are a better fit for me than Russia or the Ukraine. Not sure why....

I went to China several years ago (while I was still married) and it was amazing. Never been to South America.

[utopiacowboy]

Stick to Asia.

[dennislevy]

Three groups of questions

What kind of women  do you like? Temperament, physical looks, culture, personality, big city..or farm girl...

What do yo uhave to offer to any woman? That means doing a lot fo soul searching, figuring out what you need in a potential mate....not just what you want...bit what oyu need. How much time do you have to invest in looking for a foreign mate....and how much money do you have or want to devote... And do yo jhave the means to support a foreign bride.

Do you speak any other languages beside English....And are you willing to learn another language before you travle to that country?

You don thave to answer me or anyone else on the board. But eventually you have to face those questions...

Good luck
Dennis 

[Jeff S]

Dennis is right, those are the questions you'll need to face. I am a HUGE proponent of studying the cultures before deciding which area you should find a life mate for the rest of your life. I have been to Latin America dozens, perhaps over a hundred times and speak pretty good Spanish, and have known hundreds of Latinas. Many were beautiful and very sweet, but the culture had way too many things that drove me absolutely nuts. I just fit in much better with the Asian cultures, so that's where I ended up. Lots of guys are the other way around and that's fine too. You will be part of that culture for the rest of your life, so you'd better be prepared to accept it. Some soul searching is in order.

[raycjs]

Veracity welcome


You have a few options on how to proceed. first you need to determine what country and type of women you are looking for. then you can do a few things log on to a few of the on line dating sites latinamericancupid.com. and so forth or you can contact one of the many agencies and follow there leads. before you do any of this read some of the many post on this board and do you home work. i repeat do your homework. take it slow and ask many questions there are many guy's on here including myself that have done it right the first time or made many mistakes.. remember there are no experts only a lot of opinions... the guys on here will help you any way you want. just ask and do not think that the question you are asking is stupid. Once again do your home first read a lot of the posts and learn from our mistakes... (those that made them)


Best of luck to you and welcome to the board.

Ray

[Capstone]

I will echo what Jeff and Dennis have already said - choose the country whose culture you can best identify with and accept because you will have to live with it for the rest of your life.

[Veracity]

Three groups of questions

What kind of women  do you like? Temperament, physical looks, culture, personality, big city..or farm girl...

What do yo uhave to offer to any woman? That means doing a lot fo soul searching, figuring out what you need in a potential mate....not just what you want...bit what oyu need. How much time do you have to invest in looking for a foreign mate....and how much money do you have or want to devote... And do yo jhave the means to support a foreign bride.

Do you speak any other languages beside English....And are you willing to learn another language before you travle to that country?

You don thave to answer me or anyone else on the board. But eventually you have to face those questions...

Good luck
Dennis 

Dennis,

Thank you for the detailed reply.

What kind of women do I like? I love brunettes with dark eyes. Disposition? Well, that's a tough one because I want what I think every man wants...a lady in public and a wildcat in the bedroom. Cliche? Yes, but it is what I want.

What do I bring to the table? I do have a very high profile job. It used to also be very high paying, but not since 9/11. Now it's just a middle class income. I also authored a critically acclaimed book five years ago.....but no money from it.

After going to China, I began learning Mandarin....and got pretty good at it. I would certainly approach learning Spanish with the same enthusiasm.

How much time and money would I have to invest in searching for a foreign mate? As far as I'm concerned, as much as possible. It would become the new focus of my life.

[Veracity]

Stick to Asia.

If you wouldn't mind, please tell me why.

[Veracity]

Dennis is right, those are the questions you'll need to face. I am a HUGE proponent of studying the cultures before deciding which area you should find a life mate for the rest of your life. I have been to Latin America dozens, perhaps over a hundred times and speak pretty good Spanish, and have known hundreds of Latinas. Many were beautiful and very sweet, but the culture had way too many things that drove me absolutely nuts. I just fit in much better with the Asian cultures, so that's where I ended up. Lots of guys are the other way around and that's fine too. You will be part of that culture for the rest of your life, so you'd better be prepared to accept it. Some soul searching is in order.

I found the highlighted statement to be very interesting. Can you elaborate?

[Capstone]

After going to China, I began learning Mandarin....and got pretty good at it. I would certainly approach learning Spanish with the same enthusiasm.

Veracity,

I have to ask why not China? If you have already been there and thought that it was great and then took the time to begin learning Mandarin (which is of course is no easy task then you must have some affinity for the country and culture.

[Jeff S]

I found the highlighted statement to be very interesting. Can you elaborate?

I may catch a lot of flames for this, especially here on the Latin board, but I'll say it anyway. There are some very common characteristics of the culture everywhere in Latin America I've been to - five or six countries in North, Central, and South America and the Caribbean

In Latin America the main technique for getting anything at all done is to somehow short-circuit the system. Cronyism, bribes, little white lies, and the like rule politics, business and of course filter down to the everyday lives of people. Everything is a band-aid and bailing wire fix and never anything done right. The enormous amount of drama this created in everyone's lives I worked with, was colossal, but no one seemed to mind - "Don't worry we'll take care of it mañana" - "Es un parte de la aventura." Not for me it isn't, it's a royal pain in the butt that could have been avoided had things been done right the first time.

Another thing that irritates the hell out of me, and has been discussed here often is scheduling. Two hours late is pretty much on-time, four is OK, and not showing up for an appointment is acceptable - changing plans without notifying anyone. I won't even bring up arriving with six or eight extra people more than who had been invited, showing up at a business cocktail party with a gaggle of kids who think it's funny to pick their noses and sample the dip with the same finger, with no fear whatsoever of any discipline being imposed, or any of the multitudes of other pretty-much expected behaviors, you'll get to learn about firsthand.

There are exceptions - Utopiacowboy's wife seems to be one, disciplined, logical and punctual, but they seem to be rare. I also believe you could probably convince a woman to adopt American ways - and then again, maybe those things are perfectly fine with you. They arpparently are OK with lots of guys. They just aren't with me. OK, call me anal retentive, but I'll take the the uptight Asian way of doing things any old day. Formal apologies if the train will arrive one minute late, children with manners, and a near obligatory drive to have things done properly, documented correctly, and performed with care.

[Veracity]

Veracity,

I have to ask why not China? If you have already been there and thought that it was great and then took the time to begin learning Mandarin (which is of course is no easy task then you must have some affinity for the country and culture.

Yes...I'm just trying to keep an open mind about these things. I had not even considered looking outside of China till very recently. When all is said and done, I may still do all of my looking there.

[jm21-2]

If you know mandarin, there's also Taiwan.

[robert angel]

Jeff,

For a minute there, I thought you were talking about the Philippines! The corruption there must go a 1000 miles into the dirt. 'Time' is of different importance to different people there also. Seems in the country side, they're looser on punctuality, whereas with my brother in law in Manila, they lock the doors at 8:00 and if your not there, you don't work--and he's a 'regular'--benefits and all. He's been late once.

It seems they value manners, 'respect' in interpersonal dealings and at least around me--table etiquette as well.

I try not to treat people according to what they look like and I recall being in a Manila bank, where a guy was in more in rags than what we'd call clothes and was covered with what might have been cement dust.

I had a cell phone I'd just purchased and didn't recognize it's unique ringtone and it was ringing away--with me oblivious.

This pauper of a peasant looking guy, politely looks at me and says "Sir--is that your phone ringing "The William Tell Overture?" Indeed it was, but I would have understood that considerate gentleman better had he called my ring tone "The Theme from The Lone Ranger" TV show--which is what more people know that tune as--and not the famous (famous to the educated anyway) classical symphony piece "The William Tell Overture"

[Jamie]

In Latin America the main technique for getting anything at all done is to somehow short-circuit the system.

What are you talking about that is the system. 

[Jason1]

  I have worked in China and spent alot of time in LA.Finding a way(or short circuiting) the system is the way in many places considered third world countries.It's not just latin america.

  If you like China, go with China.If you have the time though, I would checkout South America as well.You can drive yourself nuts listening to many opinions.Best thing to do is check it out for yourself.

[utopiacowboy]

If you wouldn't mind, please tell me why.

Just based on what you've written, I don't know why you would switch from China. Myself, I'm a Latin guy through and through. My favorite sports were always baseball and soccer. I'm Catholic. I spoke French growing up in Montreal and I've always been drawn to Latinas.

[dennislevy]

Ive lived in Colombia continuoulsy for the last 18 months. And I will second what Jeff S has said about how things get done (or not done) here.

In the earlier months of my lfe here....I used agencies to meet women and those occurrences lateness, not showing up happened. They arely happen now....because I deal direclty wth women.

If i write a woman and afer two weeks) I get something like....Forgive me, ive been busy, had to work a lot....jsut saw your email today,  I had to travel and my mother was sick...or any combination f those things .

I reply with Thanks for your answer, if you would like to meet, , I m free fext wek any evening between x and x ...please write back. and then I promptly forget about them. I ll always accept and test the excuse...or the polite lie, but I ll never extend myself past a response.  One of the hardest things to do in SA (certainly in Colombia) is figure out if a woman wants you to chase her.....or she is simply not interested. And so I test for reciprocity...a woman who understands that communicating in a prompt manner is important. 

A lot fo owmen simply don it get it its outside the culture I wont chase them. And that s why when I odn t have a novia, I sort through and try to meet a bunch of women at the same time.

And, there are women in Colombia who do return messages, who show up on time for dates and who if they are late will call you on their minutes. Not always but in gneral there is a correlaiton of that kind of behavior with professional jobs and an upper rmiddle class or higher standard of living. and thats a generalization, Im aware of it. 

On the other hand.....when a woman is really interested in you in Colombia, relaly interested (and shes not a scammer or after your wallet) its a lot of fun, They are incredibly affectionate, caring, sensual and demonstrative.

And if there is any validity to the cliche...a lady in public and a wildcat in bed. its here in Colombai.... Of course, not every woman is like that...and there is an enormous vareity in sexual  attitudes and experience,,,but at this point in my life, I would not and could not date an American or European woman.