Hello from Atlanta

[kissme]

I am a 38 year old man who is tired of the way I am treated by the "Modern American Woman". If I can figure out if they are insulted or not correctly if I open the door for her or not... or if I offer to pay for dinner or not without expecting something in return... and lets not forget its OK for them to say no at the door but if you say I want to get to know you better first..... you will never hear from her again. Don't know if that most are insecure or what..... but I don't care anymore. Oh and don't forget the predate or first date verbal questionnaire about how much do you make, what kind of car do you drive, what kind of work do you do and do you own your house or a business..... not do want kids, how do think you would be a raising them, or have you ever cheated on another person! (not that those are first date questions...but you get my point... money is not the basis for a good relationship... or only one based on money) OK....I'll take a breath and breath....ah ah ah....OK I am done ranting now.... ah ah ah.... deep breath!

I have had a few serious relationships over the course of the years, including one marriage of 5 years plus two years together before that. She had three children when we got married, so I was a instant father of a 8 month old girl, a 3 yr old adhd boy, and a 5 yr old add boy. All wonderful children but they had a father and a mother but no parents. So being the giver I am, I made the big mistake and figured I could fix everything... and I could at first but in the end it became to much... I stayed in the relationship another two years to try and make it work for the kids since I had of course fallen in love with them as well. Basically she couldn't raise children, spend money correctly at all or save any, and was so good at lying about it that I never knew until it was too late in most cases to fix the problem .... which was what I couldn't handle... so I ended that one too. I don't mind doing most of the work in a relationship or it can be 50/50 but I can't do 90/10 or even 80/20 of everything.... so that's the why.

On a positive note, since that's not the way my mom raised me as a single mother to be.... that's not good enough and I have had it. Yes I will still date here if I happen to find a wonderful woman on a rare occasion who wants to be treated like a lady. Why because I am still a helpless romantic at heart who still holds out hope that I will meet Ms. Right tomarrow.... but those are usually taken, as well they should be.

OK who, I don't know and need help! I could find a beautiful woman from almost any country eventually I am sure... but at 38 even though I look much younger.....I need to find someone sooner rather than later because I would still like to have a few kids.... and be young enough to play with them all... take them to games or ballet or whatever... and have them out of the house before I retire.... and it would be nice to spend a couple or few years alone having a little fun before we become overwhelmed with being parents and have to revolve our worlds around our little ones.

I have always found Asian woman very sexy and alluring, but have never had the courage to ask one out, even the liquid courage I have had to use so many times before... I don't know why its harder to ask out the ones I find the most attractive. For me its not the nice big tits, and hour glass shaped figure, or long legs I look for... its beautiful eyes and a great smile that does it for me... not that I would mind if she is hot mind you.... but personality and especially intelligence are very important to me especially after my last couple relationships.

I need find out which countries to start with so I can narrow my search down. I know Bear swears by Thailand with good reasons but I am not sure how much I like the whole castle system as I think he referred to the problems culprit. I do love the Asian cultures as well because of their commitment to family. If one of my or my wives parents can't take care of themselves at the end of their life..... and its within our power to help them at our house........ even at the inconvenience of our own lives...... I feel its our responsibility to offer our house to them. Almost all Asian families I see have such well behaved, intelligent and good kids. I wait tables for a living and occasionally I see white guy with an Asian lady and some kids... the family seems so happy and well adjusted.... I want to go up and ask the lady if she has a sister or something.... but of course I have never done it.

So if you guys could give some advice on which country's you would suggest and why, it would be greatly appreciated. As well as what sites to use to contact them, don't abbreviate please, I have read some comments and don't know what sites your talking about. I don't make great money but then I don't think any of it would be a waste... except if I sent it to a lady I haven't met... knew that one before I read it on here a dozen times already.

thanks for all your advice I have read already and in the future,

Michael

[Bear]

kissme (don't you dare!)

What ever your reason for not liking AW's its not unusual, I considered mine to be the daughter of Beelzebub (making her the Devil Granddaughter and a direct relation).  Fact is your finding fault and feel uncomfortable with AWs.  Well that makes you at home here. 

I agree with you Asians are the sexiest and most alluring and after watching a Morning TV Magazine and listen to Joan London query a few "mail-order-brides" and their husbands.  What jumped out at me was when the Malaysian girl answered her question about why AM's liked Asians she repled, "Like Toyota, we make a better product!".  To which she followed up honestly with, "we are more loyal and respectful to our men".  The look on Joan London's face will be with me forever as the 7-8 month pregnant woman repeated "More loyal and respectful?!".

At the same time I knew a man who had married a Filipina he corresponded with for 3-5 years, she had been living in Hong Kong as a live-in maid.  When I met her I was in shock at how beautiful she was and how she doted all over him.  This guy was a ugly dude who looked like someone lit his face on fire and put it out with an ice-pic, barely made $25K/year as a hotel maintenace man (thats how he met her working in Hong Kong) and his grammar was hardly understandable.  This girl made Miss America look homely and was a virgin at the age of 36 when she got married.  I remember thinking if I ever divorce I gotta try this mail-order-bride stuff.  Ten years later I got my wish (?).

After thinking I'd look in China or Malaysia someone on the old MailOrderBrides Bulletin Board said I should try the Philippines because they spoke English.  Made sense so I got a program called pIRCh and started chatting on the Dalnet #Manila and #Filipino channels.  Soon that expanded to #Cebu, #CebuCity and #Baguio.  Most of the people on #CebuCity were Americans including a girl who used to post her named Lori.  One of the guys there suggested I try #Davao.  At that time I was writing 13 ladies through a "mail-forwarding" service.  I used a name "A_lonely_male" and never was in need of someone to chat with - Filipinas were waiting in line to talk with me.  One day a "sweetdarl" chatted-in.  I thought "with a name like that she has to be the right one".  That was 8 years ago next week, we've been married just over 7 years and have 3 boys which one day we intend to send home to the Philippines to find a wife.

Reasons for the Philippines...
1) its the 3rd largest English speaking Country in the world.
2) majority are Christian, of that mostly Catholic.
3) their politics are similar to ours and their relations with the USA (at least till Bush) were pretty strong.
4) one of my goals was to marry a virgin (politely meaning - no children) and found that was much easier than one might suspect.

To my surprise I found my age, weight, hair, looks and income meant something but nothing that would stop a Filipina from chasing me down and tackling me at the alter! (I jest only a little)

On the IRC's first thing you ask is "ASL" (age, sex, location).  When Honey said 19 and I was 45, the first thing that went through my mind was "Dude! You'll got to jail if you mess with that".  When Honey read my concerns she chewed me out (politely) and pointed out she was an adult and capable of making up her own mind.  She eventual told me that it was common to marry guys 10+ years older because they were more secure financially and socially (less likely to be broke or quit their job in a moment of weakness).  She also teased that younger girls could control their husbands sexually because it was less likely he could find one younger (if she knew he was married).  I also thought that with her "third world country" status she probably had experienced hardships most Americans hadn't which, to me, made her seem more mature.  I think with the exception of having any one-on-one personal experiences (nor any of her friends) I was right.  At first the inability to deal with me one-on-one made it tough but now I am glad it was that way, we adjusted wo each other naturally without any deceit or outside influences.  (Warning - beware of tampo!)

There have been quite a few posts to newbies ion the last few months.  I highly recommend you read the achieves.

The Bear Family

[Jeff S]

Hi kissme and welcome to our hangout.

Don't delude yourself into thinking that every Asian woman is beautiful, submissive and family oriented. While the supply of single women meeting that criteria is substantially higher there than here in the US, there are plenty of high maintenance psyco-bitches in every country you're likely to head to, so choose wisely.

My theory if choosing a country is not based on the women you're likely to find there, but on yourself. You don't say if you're a city guy who likes to go out to dinner and the symphony, or a country guy who likes pickup trucks and hay rides. Remember, when you marry a foreign woman, you immerse yourself in her culture. This means food, music, social interaction, home decoration, personal interaction, family values, on and on. For example if I had married a Mexican woman (and I know some very beautiful and sweet ones) an was forced to eat refried beans, tortillas and listen to a boom box pumping out Norteño and Banda music all weekend in a home with wild green walls and framed paintings of Jesus and Elvis playing poker with some dogs on black velvet, I'd have stuck my .45 in my mouth and put myself out of my misery years ago.

The first step in finding a foreign bride is familiarizing yourself with the different cultures and finding one you fit into well. You may not be able to tell the difference in the faces between a Japanese Chinese or Korean, but I assure you, I can tell you which is which by taking a quick peek and sniff in their homes when they're not even home.

- Jeff

[Marshall K]

Dude, I can't get past your name
Seriously, Jeff has a very good point about getting to know each culture.  I started looking on the Thai websites since my brother is married to an awesome Thai lady.  I eventually ended up chatting with two lovely Chinese ladies, both who would have made good wives.  I chose one over the other and am very happy with my choice.
Here is what I know of China and its lovely women.
The women are very loyal and place family above their own personal needs.  They place a great value on harmony in the home.  They work very hard.  They are very strong, but not overbearing.  They appreciate things like a hard working loyal husband.
Many Chinese men can be dicks.  Wife beaters, gamblers, cheats.  Many of the women seeking a western husband have had a husband like that and would be so grateful to have a man who was considerate and faithful.
The whole culture is very tough, given the thousands of years of hardships they have endured.  They work very hard, study hard in school, and their enterprising spirit makes it very exciting for an entrepreneur to be around.
Watch Shaq try to make a free throw, then watch Yao Ming.  One throws bricks, one sinks over 90%.  Shaq is an awesome player, but Yao has "disciprine".
Although polite and restrained in public, behind closed doors they are very passionate.
Since you are a waiter, food must be important to you, and you would certainly not be disappointed.  We are on the South China Sea, so I have had the best seafood dishes ever, and I'm from Oregon.
The Chinese are relaxed and easy to be with.  They are fun to drink with awesome to dine with.
I did like meeting someone online.  You cut through the BS quicker, and if you are honest in you communication, can get very close to someone before meeting.  We emailed 9 months before meeting and were married my first trip to China.  I found that this is not unusual.  Good luck and have fun!  It's a great adventure.

[Dave H]

Hi Michael,

Welcome to P-L! I agree with what the other guys said. 

Good luck!

Dave H.

[Old_dude07]

I agree with the point not to put all asian women on a pedestal where they are loyal, committed to family, etc.  There are probably some cultural differences, but as Jeff and others allude to there are plenty of asian women in all asian countries that are as manipulative, two faced, and gold digging as women anywhere else in the world. 

I also concur that you should pick an asian country which you would like to 'immerse' yourself in, in terms of actually wanting to visit and spend time there to learn more about it.  That way you can meet more women and have fun at the same time.

[kissme]

After thinking I'd look in China or Malaysia someone on the old MailOrderBrides Bulletin Board said I should try the Philippines because they spoke English.  Made sense so I got a program called pIRCh and started chatting on the Dalnet #Manila and #Filipino channels.  Soon that expanded to #Cebu, #CebuCity and #Baguio.  Most of the people on #CebuCity were Americans including a girl who used to post her named Lori.  One of the guys there suggested I try #Davao.  At that time I was writing 13 ladies through a "mail-forwarding" service.  I used a name "A_lonely_male" and never was in need of someone to chat with - Filipinas were waiting in line to talk with me.  One day a "sweetdarl" chatted-in.  I thought "with a name like that she has to be the right one".  That was 8 years ago next week, we've been married just over 7 years and have 3 boys which one day we intend to send home to the Philippines to find a wife.

Reasons for the Philippines...
1) its the 3rd largest English speaking Country in the world.
2) majority are Christian, of that mostly Catholic.
3) their politics are similar to ours and their relations with the USA (at least till Bush) were pretty strong.
4) one of my goals was to marry a virgin (politely meaning - no children) and found that was much easier than one might suspect.


The Bear Family

Thanks Bear,

You have a beautiful family by the way. I have read some other of your posts and you are very insightful on your opinions. I tried out the program you suggested and have a met a couple ladies around the time I can chat online. I seem unable to search for other channels without knowing what they are, it could be problems with my slow, old and about to die computer, I am not sure. So if you remember any other good channels let me know please.

Those are valid reasons to look in the Philippines, the last a virgin or no children in not a concern for me. If she has one or two children already, that is ok with me. Its a good way to see how she raises children and how they have turned out so far.

I do have one question in regards to discussing sex at some point. I have no problem waiting (if necessary), but can I broach the subject about what they may be willing to do once married. I don't want to be disrespectful to the ladies if they take such talks that way. But I need to know that she will not be like AW, and I don't do that, even if they never tried it. Sex is not a end all subject for me, but I am a very sexual person in a relationship and I want to find someone willing to learn and explore with me. Sex is probably last on my list of must have stuff, but its still important to me.

thanks again for the advice,

Michael

[kissme]

Hi kissme and welcome to our hangout.


The first step in finding a foreign bride is familiarizing yourself with the different cultures and finding one you fit into well. You may not be able to tell the difference in the faces between a Japanese Chinese or Korean, but I assure you, I can tell you which is which by taking a quick peek and sniff in their homes when they're not even home.

- Jeff

Thanks Jeff,

I don't think the city or country, or the food will have any impact on me what so ever. I eat about anything so as long as she is a good cook, I will be fine. I am used to doing most of the cooking with AW because most are not good cooks because their mothers never taught them or never knew how to. Where I live is not important to me just who with. As far as the other stuff, especially family values, raising of children and spending/saving of money etc.

Do you have any suggestions of places I could search those specific areas of interest of mine on line?

thanks again for your advice,

Michael

[kissme]

Dude, I can't get past your name
Seriously, Jeff has a very good point about getting to know each culture.  I started looking on the Thai websites since my brother is married to an awesome Thai lady.  I eventually ended up chatting with two lovely Chinese ladies, both who would have made good wives.  I chose one over the other and am very happy with my choice.
Here is what I know of China and its lovely women.
The women are very loyal and place family above their own personal needs.  They place a great value on harmony in the home.  They work very hard.  They are very strong, but not overbearing.  They appreciate things like a hard working loyal husband.

Although polite and restrained in public, behind closed doors they are very passionate.
Since you are a waiter, food must be important to you, and you would certainly not be disappointed.  We are on the South China Sea, so I have had the best seafood dishes ever, and I'm from Oregon.
The Chinese are relaxed and easy to be with.  They are fun to drink with awesome to dine with.
You cut through the BS quicker, and if you are honest in you communication, can get very close to someone before meeting.  We emailed 9 months before meeting and were married my first trip to China.  I found that this is not unusual.  Good luck and have fun!  It's a great adventure.

Thanks Marshall,

The name refers to my favorite pass time with ladies. I am a very passionate kisser and love it more than anything if I am really into a lady.

Your right I do love food, any kind, any culture and any amount ( I am quite a pig, I eat like Shaq but have the body of a short Yao Ming). But I am not really picky since I eat most anything. I do like that you say Chinese woman are very passionate in the bedroom, that is very important to me. So same question as I asked Bear, can I broach the subject on line as to what they might be willing to try after getting to know them first, or even after conversing for a while is that not proper to talk with them about?

I have always found Chinese women more attractive on average from those I have noticed in other Asian cultures. Although most of the ones I knew were Chinese versus other cultures were admittedly from watching the Olympics and the like.

Also, do you have any suggestions for sites that I could chat with Chinese ladies specifically? Anything like Bear suggested for me to meet Filipino women?


thanks again,

Michael

[Bear]

Sex?  Whys that important?

Seriously I asked Honey after things started getting serious if we could discuss sex and asked her what her thoughts on it were in the way of likes, dislikes, expectations, etc.  She said she had never discussed it with anyone and she currently had no expectations.  This was a shock!  I even got the impression she didn't quite understands her cycle and why it occurred.  I told her to get the birds and bees talk from her mother and we'd discuss it more when she was ready.  The next day I asked if she has started talking with her mother yet (thinking it would take a few weeks) and she said yes.  Great what do we need to discuss?  Nothing.  Mom says do what you tell me to.  After the Doc brought me back to consciousness (just teasing) I asked about some pretty harsh techniques and she said "OK".  And I asked her why she would so easily agree to such.  Her response put everything back where it should have been from the start.  "Why would you hurt me?"  I wouldn't!  So basically she said what I want would be fine.  Of course like all women (and men) we fine out what we enjoy and go for it and same with what we don't.  She will put an end to what is not comfortable for her but don't expect her to refuse anything if you are a considerate lover.  They do not have the phobias AWs have, and thank God they don't have the experiences either (thats assuming you stay out of the main metros and meet someone in the provinces).  She'll train you and you train her.  Make each other happy.  MOF, in the required health class the instructor (a woman) said to do the same and experiment!?  That made some eyeballs big.

If you are planning a trip to "try her out" thinking thats a necessary step before marriage - rethink your priorities.  A good Filipina will not, unless you force her or give her no choice.  It will put you on the wrong foot from the get-go and like I said "they have no experience" and are willing to satisfy you.  Remember most are Christians and this is a pretty big sin.  If you get her pregnant and abandon her no Filipino will have anything to do with her.  What more could you want?  Sex is sex and different with everyone, its the caring and attitude that's important.

The program I used was 8-9 years back.  Yahoo is the way now.  But I'd suggest introductions as the best way.  Filipinas are very susceptible to peer pressure which in some cases, if you keep it under control, can be a great thing in your favor.  It can also be a nightmare if you don't keep it under control.

The Bear Family

[Marshall K]

Hi, Michael,
In talking with my wife yesterday, she told me that nearly all Chinese women where she is from are virgins at marriage since this is what the men want. 
My dad is from the south, and he always taught me to be polite to the ladies.  This included not rushing things too much.  There are plenty of creepy guys that get on the internet dating sites and are very forward about sex and it really turns the women off.
Be a good southern boy and just get to know the woman first.  I never talked about sex, and didn't spend the night with my sweetie until the third night after I first met her.  Believe me, my patience has been well rewarded!
Marshall

[kissme]

Thanks guys,

I don't mind waiting at all, well a little bit. But hey, I have gone without for long times before. If she is worth it, I don't mind. I just want to know that after were married, I want her to want me too. Not just in the first year or two. And my last marriage, she had 3 kids when we got together, so I know the making the most of less time as well.


Hey Marshall,

Are there any chat sites you can suggest, and any particular rooms on any chat sites you would suggest for trying to talk to Chinese ladies. And what is the best time of the day to chat with them.


thanks again guys,

Michael

[Bear]

If I understand you correct you seem to be saying that you expect her to fall out of love with you.  That is always a possibility but it usually happens for a reason.  Its just as important that you don't fall out of love with her and continue to show it in the manner you are expecting.  Praise what you like but don't criticize, I'd even go so far to ask on occasion for the things you like and point out most men are afraid women will change (truth) and you really want her to remember you like that.  And remember they want more than anything - security.  Everything else they think they can acquire elsewhere, do without or obtain by their own efforts.

Since this is a kind of anniversary for us (8th anniversary of the first day we met/chatted), I take her out to eat and buy her things and tell her I am celebrating our love and I want to find more reasons to celebrate it.  I have even made up anniversaries for the 1000 and 2500 days.  I never forget her, if I go to the store and I know she likes certain things, I get them (kinda like bringing her candies and flowers) but I still nudge her when I have needs - and she does respond because she tells me I deserve her attention whenever I want it.  I doubt that I'd get this treatment if I didn't do likewise for her!  Nothing makes me feel more successful than when I hear other women telling her how good her husband is while they are complaining about theirs - she won't let me out of her sight when we are at functions!

I think if you worry about being a good husband and choose well (thats the time to worry) then you will literally reap what you sow.

The Bear Family

[Jeff S]

This site has a few hundred Chinese girls and a few thousand Filipinas, complete with free chat software. http://person.com/

[kissme]

Thanks Bear,

As always you seem beyond your years in wisdom and you words just seem always right. I hope to be able to tell you that in a few years as well.

Michael

[Ray]

You bring up some good points Michael.

As far as discussing sex with the ladies you may be corresponding with, I would take it slow and gentle. There are still a lot of Asian women who aren’t used to discussing matters of sexuality openly, especially with strangers.

I wouldn’t bring up the subject right away because they may get the impression that you are some kind of sex fiend or something. After you get to know them a little and there is a feeling of trust between you, try bringing the subject up, but not as bluntly as you would with the typical Western girls because these ladies were raised differently.

Even though they may be uncomfortable discussing their sexuality and your mutual needs at first, I have found Asian women in general to be very passionate and definitely willing explore and learn.

Marrying a 30-year-old virgin may not be what you are expecting, but it isn’t anything to be overly worried about either. Speaking for the Philippines in particular, I know many guys who married without a “test drive” and were not disappointed in the least.

You may have to wait until you meet the ladies in person to make an informed decision on what their level of sexuality is. Even without engaging in sexual intercourse, you can usually tell how passionate she will be just by spending a little time with her. Does she respond to your touch or does she always pull away? Does she kiss with passion even if her technique may be somewhat undeveloped? You should easily be able to tell what you are most likely going to be in for before marriage.

One bit of caution though. Public displays of affection are often frowned upon over there, so don’t interpret her unwillingness to be affectionate or even hold hands in public as a sign of frigidity. A couple of hours in a dark movie theatre with a scary movie playing should tell you a lot.

If you do get intimate during the dating phase, keep in mind that many of these young women are extremely fertile, so be careful. Also, they may be unfamiliar with modern birth control techniques and/or be somewhat unwilling to use them, so be careful or you may end up with some unexpected offspring.

I think discussing matters of sex, birth control and family planning, mutual desires and needs, etc., is appropriate and desirable prior to any serious commitment. But just be gentle at first until you get a feel for her willingness to be open about these things so you can adjust your approach accordingly.

Ray

[xcited]

Ray,
     Great information and a FANTASTIC post.  I had similar questions about when and how to approach the topic especially since it is a taboo subject for many cultures.  Can you also let us know more about how your wife adjusted to the US?  How were you able to tell that she would adjust well and not be overwhelmed?  What were the biggest issues?



Xcited

[jm21-2]

A lot of Chinese girls seem extremely curious about matters relating to sex. Their birds and the bees talk seems to generally consist of "get naked, lie in bed, wait for your husband." Most college girls have probably watched a porno in college with a group of friends, out of curiosity. I guess that's their equivalent of our girls gone wild? But also keep in mind that there are quite a few girls who will trade sex for money. A lot of Chinese girls are very materialistic. They'll go a long way to get that coach bag or whatever. If they want to buy something to show off, they're maybe making about $200 per month, imports are very expensive, they can make a lot of money having sex with some rich guy...you do the math.
EDIT: I'm speaking to the more westernized coastal cities. If you're going for a country girl from Gansu, I'm sure the situation would be different. It's hard for me to imagine that there are many rural Chinese girls, or girls from poor cities, on international dating sites though. My impression was that most girls were from the developing areas along the coast, particularly Guangdong and Guanxi.

If you're looking at China seriously, you may want to read about the different areas. China's a big country with old roots, so there's a lot of variation in food and things like that. I learned a lot from a forum about teaching English in China.

EDIT2:
Just thinking about it...I know you said you'll eat anything, but Asians, it seems like Chinese in particular, eat some things that seem a bit bizarre by western standards. I had no idea that eating cats was good medicine for virility, or that eating snake was good for a woman's skin, or that seal penis soup was medicinal in any way, for example. Hadn't ever thought of eating rats, dogs, or various other small animals.

[Marshall K]

Hi Michael,
I met my wife on the blossoms.com site.  They do have a live chat feature that I used a little, but I basically used the site to meet women.  I met a lot of women from different countries, but it narrowed down to 2 Chinese ladies and then there was one.
If her ability to speak English is important, the live chat is a good way to make sure she is not using an interpretation service.  Marriage agencies and interpreters are big business over there.
Only a small percentage of the Chinese women on these sites speak fluent English, including my wife, although many college educated women have studied it.  My wife used a marriage agency to translate our emails, which were extensive, and we were able to get to know each other very well before meeting.  She studied English all through school and to my delight has learned it very quickly.  Since we are waiting for the world's slowest governments (ours and theirs) to process her immigration work we talk at least 2 hours a day using Skype.  I'll be making trips back there also, so by the time she comes to the US, her English should be good enough for her to negotiate our country pretty well.
There are many sites with international clocks, so use these when you try to communicate.  I use Mozilla which has Fox Clocks as a feature, so I always know what time it is in China.
jm21-2 has a good point about getting to know about different regions.  I can tell you a little about where my wife is from, Zhanjiang.  It is on the South China Sea and is about the same latitude as Cuba.  It is a nice city with a great winter time climate.   I'm planning on spending next winter there.  Housing is cheap and the food is awesome. 
I think it is probably a little more conservative and traditional than the bigger cities, so the women may have retained some of the more traditional values of family and loyalty that I wanted.  Lots of lovely ladies!  I'm a small town boy from Oregon so I'm more used to Wal Mart moms and hippie chicks so they seem much more fashionable, but without the big city snootiness.  There are only about 100 white folks in this 7,000,000 metropolitan area, so it's kind of fun being a novelty and the center of attention.
Marshall

[Jeff S]

If you're worried about Asian women being prudish or having a low sex drive, don't - At least not any I've known. Most understand the concept of being the yin to your yang - much more so than most of the AW out there.

[Ray]

Can you also let us know more about how your wife adjusted to the US?  How were you able to tell that she would adjust well and not be overwhelmed?  What were the biggest issues?

Thanks X

My wife didn't have any major problems adjusting to her new life here.

She found out that her English needed some fine-tuning so people here could better understand what she was saying. She took free adult school classes at the high school down the street in computer operation, typing/writing, and citizenship.

The colder climate here was a minor problem but it isn't that cold here in San Diego. She needed some warm clothes mostly so that was no biggie. The drier weather with much lower humidity was a little rough on her skin but some good moisturizing lotions helped that out.

Food wasn't too much of an issue since I already eat and cook many of her favorites from back home. We have a major Asian supermarket a couple of miles down the road with most all of her favorite Filipino foods and plenty of fresh fish. There is a Filipino store/restaurant and a Filipino bakery within walking distance. Mexican and Italian food took her some time getting used to. Spaghetti in the Philippines is full of sugar with banana sauce (yuk!).

Virtually all of my neighbors are Filipino, our parish church is about 60% Filipino, and she had 2 close first cousins living nearby. She was 36 years old when she came over.

She was from a small town but she had traveled/lived abroad in Malaysia for 4 years and in Manila for a couple of years, and also lived away from home at college.

You can usually expect more adjustment problems, homesickness or loneliness with a younger girl who has never lived away from home, has never traveled alone, or has never lived in a major city. Ease of adjustment may also depend somewhat on where you live.

Filipinos can be found living and working in many, many countries and they are known for their ability to adapt to foreign cultures and adverse climates.

Ray

[Bear]

I seem to remember Honey having some adjustment problems but more of a one-on-one type.  She just didn't know how to "talk" with me?  If there was a problem she believed she had to take on the chin.  Even when she got her way she was so "tampo-ed" up she didn't realize she got her way!  And many times she didn't understand that to get her way was a major deal for me.  If I mentioned the hardship it caused she'd throw back. "well just do it your way" without understanding it wasn't I didn't wasn't going to do it her way but rather I thought she should act as she was expecting.  Something about the culture of there that stops her from just coming up to me and saying "Bear, I don't like this."  Maybe its being a bad wife if they complain?  She's starting to try a bit harder to say what she thinks cause she knows its easier for us to plan ways of satisfying each other than to argue about it and end up with hard feelings.  I think she is also understanding the term you get more flys with Honey than vinegar.

Maybe I spoil her too much but she doesn't respond the way my "ex" AW did - like its "expected" - she really appreciates it. 

I still have a hard time getting her to eat out, she say, "We have enough food".  Well Duh!  I want a steak!  BBQ, Potatoes!

The Bear Family

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Ray,
     

Ease of adjustment may also depend somewhat on where you live.

I guess that is one of my concerns; I live in the midwest and it gets VERY cold (yes, even colder than San Diego)   .  Also, the area does not have many Asians at all.  I'm sure there are some Filipinos here, but I have not met any of them.  I had heard others mention that Filipinas do a good job of adjusting to different cultures so that is a real positive.  Thanks for info, it was really good insight.


Bear,

she doesn't respond the way my "ex" AW did

     Hopefully she never will.  And there is nothing wrong with spoiling her as long as she appreciates it and doesn't come to "expect it" like most AW do.  The sense of entitlement I think bothers me more than anything.  Thanks again for sharing your knowledge on the subject too.


Xcited