A Little Something From My Trips To Medellin

[clarkkentinbc]

 I am new to the board here. This is going to be my first post. My first trip to Medellin was in July of 2008. I went for about a month. I rented an apartment on my first trip and had the good fortune to be able to be there at the same time as some other gringos I knew. I did not go with the intention of finding a woman/girlfriend. I went for a vacation and thought I would just let things happen naturally.
 
By chance I ended up meeting a woman I did like. She was the sister in law of a friend of mine who lived there. We ended up being a couple by the end of that first trip. She is an educated, sophisticated & intelligent Colombian woman with a great job and 2 kids.

Over the next couple of years we spent a fair amount of time together. usually a month at a time. I travelled to Medellin on several occasions and we also met in the USA for a month to take our kids to disney world. Then finally we broke up in December of 2010.
 
Some of the thoughts/conclusions I have come to are as follows...
Colombian women are very different that AW...
Colombian women are very affectionate...
They really do put their family first and take great care of their immediate family
they don't really have hobbies(all their time is spent on taking care of their families)
they really pride themselves on looking good
You cannot apply our logic to how we think to a Colombian woman. because her logic is our illogical
once a colombian woman decides you have done something wrong... you're never going to change her mind
when a colombian woman has a gringo boyfriend it definitely elevates her status amongst her women friends/piers and the men will make fun of them
They are insanely jealous
other women including her friends and co workers will hit on you even in her presence... especially if your seen as being a good man
there is nothing a colombian women will not do for you if she is in love with you(within reason)
she is going to expect you make all of the decisions from choosing what you will eat for dinner... where you will eat out to whether or not to buy something. Of course this excludes what you wear. The woman makes these decisions.
You will always be the last person to find out if you have done something wrong. Her family and friends are first.
When you do finally find out you have done something wrong and confront her she will say there is no problem
when you insist and not let it go she will finally admit there is a problem but it is a totally different problem than the one she told her family
basically you're never going to really know what the real problem is because you have a great chance of getting struck by lightning than her giving you full disclosure
They hate making decisions and disagreeing with you when they are with you so if there is a way to avoid doing so then they will every time
 
These are just a few of the conclussions/observations I have seen from my time spent in colombia and in a relationship with a colombian woman. Looking back I can honestly say my relationship was awesome with her. I think we were great together. I was very fortunate in this regard. I don't have a bad thing to say about her. We just ended up deciding that it wasn't meant to be.
 
CK

[benjio]

Hey CK,

How the hell you been man?!!! I remember you from Gringos. Welcome to PL. For those of you not familiar with CK, he gave me some of the best crunch time advice with his posts on Gringos as my first trip to Colombia was right after his. Looking forward to your participation.

[whitey]

Hi CK:

I remember you too ... welcome to Planet Love!

Sorry to hear things didn't work out with your novia.

I think you've made a lot of good points - lessons learned from one or maybe a few woman, that can be generally applied to many women, but of course there are many exceptions.

Some comments about my situation:

You cannot apply our logic to how we think to a Colombian woman. because her logic is our illogical
I find this to be true of men and women in general - my wife is no better or worse than others in this regard.

once a colombian woman decides you have done something wrong... you're never going to change her mind
I've been pretty lucky in this department during the last 3 years.  I made one mistake of not telling her something she deserved to know early than I did ... almost, but not quite a lie of omission.  She forgave me almost immediately, but I still feel crappy about it.  Haha ... and no, I wasn't fooling around on her.

We've only had 3 or 4 other disagreements that I can remember - all very minor.  One she was in the wrong and apologized; the rest were cultural differences where we had different expectations.  Neither of us were wrong, just different, and we talked it out.   

They are insanely jealous

She is not jealous, and we've both earned each other's trust through good communication.

other women including her friends and co workers will hit on you even in her presence... especially if your seen as being a good man

Sadly, this has never happened to me.  Guess I need to take more showers and lose the socks and sandals combo.  The only thing I've noticed is that I get a lot more looks from women if I'm with my wife plus at least one other women, like a friend or her sister.  I guess being surrounded by a couple women gets the other women's interest.

she is going to expect you make all of the decisions from choosing what you will eat for dinner... where you will eat out
to whether or not to buy something. Of course this excludes what you wear. The woman makes these decisions.
There's some truth to this, especially early in the relationship.  Now we share a lot more of these decisions (what restaurant, what food).  The food portions are so huge that we usually share a meal.  Sometimes we'll choose together, other times she'll pick her choice one day and I'll pick mine the next (as long as we can both eat it).

With clothes, I was the first man she had ever gone shopping with.  She was really at a loss to give me any opinions for the first couple years, but is getting a little better now.

You will always be the last person to find out if you have done something wrong. Her family and friends are first.
I've seen no evidence of this yet.

When you do finally find out you have done something wrong and confront her she will say there is no problem
Yep, that one happens sometimes.  She is very non-confrontational and can be a little passive-aggressive at first.  But after I ask her a couple times, she'll tell me.  She does not like having any arguments or even discussions outside of the home where other people can overhear.

when you insist and not let it go she will finally admit there is a problem but it is a totally different problem than the one she told her family

Thankfully no evidence of that.

basically you're never going to really know what the real problem is because you have a great chance of getting struck by lightning than her giving you full disclosure

She'll tell me, but often I have to ask a few times

[opusone]

I am new to the board here. This is going to be my first post. My first trip to Medellin was in July of 2008. I went for about a month. I rented an apartment on my first trip and had the good fortune to be able to be there at the same time as some other gringos I knew. I did not go with the intention of finding a woman/girlfriend. I went for a vacation and thought I would just let things happen naturally.
 
By chance I ended up meeting a woman I did like. She was the sister in law of a friend of mine who lived there. We ended up being a couple by the end of that first trip. She is an educated, sophisticated & intelligent Colombian woman with a great job and 2 kids.

Over the next couple of years we spent a fair amount of time together. usually a month at a time. I travelled to Medellin on several occasions and we also met in the USA for a month to take our kids to disney world. Then finally we broke up in December of 2010.
 
Some of the thoughts/conclusions I have come to are as follows...
Colombian women are very different that AW...
Colombian women are very affectionate...
They really do put their family first and take great care of their immediate family
they don't really have hobbies(all their time is spent on taking care of their families)
they really pride themselves on looking good
You cannot apply our logic to how we think to a Colombian woman. because her logic is our illogical
once a colombian woman decides you have done something wrong... you're never going to change her mind
when a colombian woman has a gringo boyfriend it definitely elevates her status amongst her women friends/piers and the men will make fun of them
They are insanely jealous
other women including her friends and co workers will hit on you even in her presence... especially if your seen as being a good man
there is nothing a colombian women will not do for you if she is in love with you(within reason)
she is going to expect you make all of the decisions from choosing what you will eat for dinner... where you will eat out to whether or not to buy something. Of course this excludes what you wear. The woman makes these decisions.
You will always be the last person to find out if you have done something wrong. Her family and friends are first.
When you do finally find out you have done something wrong and confront her she will say there is no problem
when you insist and not let it go she will finally admit there is a problem but it is a totally different problem than the one she told her family
basically you're never going to really know what the real problem is because you have a great chance of getting struck by lightning than her giving you full disclosure
They hate making decisions and disagreeing with you when they are with you so if there is a way to avoid doing so then they will every time
 
These are just a few of the conclussions/observations I have seen from my time spent in colombia and in a relationship with a colombian woman. Looking back I can honestly say my relationship was awesome with her. I think we were great together. I was very fortunate in this regard. I don't have a bad thing to say about her. We just ended up deciding that it wasn't meant to be.
 
CK

Hey Clark,


So, in your opinion, why do you think it didn't work out? Was it the jealousy, or communication after something was wrong? I'm curious to her this.

[clarkkentinbc]

 Thanks for the warm welcome folks!
 
I have been great benjio. I was reading your post about Brazil... good reading man! Keep it coming.
 
Whitey, As you have shown clearly in your post it is the same in Colombia as everywhere else in the world. Women are different from each other but there always seems to be some common threads. Obviously your girl is different than mine as they would be for any other woman a man would describe here. However there are many similarities or common traights. I remember from your posts on the other site thinking that your girls personality was similar to mine.
 
Opusone,
I can answer your question with relative ease yet the explanation is complicated if that makes any sense. It was a combination of things but what I would attribute my relationship ending to the most is the Colombian women's overwhelming sense of expecting the worst to happen. I am not saying they are negative people but they go into a relationship thinking it will fail more than they think it will succeed. They just expect that you're going to do something wrong and the relationship will go south. It is all they have ever known. It is how they think.
 
I don't really blame them for thinking this way. Their whole lives have taught them this by watching everyone they know go through it and experiencing it themselves first hand. This produces a lot of suspicion, distrust and jealousy.
 
I am not saying a colombian woman will never trust you but what i am saying is she will expect you to prove it to her before she will. She works off of evidence not what you say. So don't bother to bring our north American ideals of I trust people until they give me a reason not to. In Colombia it is i don't trust you at all until you show me otherwise.
 
Our problems started do to some choices i made. They were miss understood and frankly there was no coming back from it. She was supposed to come to canada for a visit. But just after we decided that she would come here for vacation the canadian immigration suspended all visas from latin american countries because to many people where abusing our very relaxed immigration laws and policies to enter our country illegally.  They were going to pass legislation to change these problems but until the legislation passed they would only issue visa's under very specific circumstances.
 
I went and saw a retired immigration officer who worked for immigration for over 20 years and he advised me to not apply until after the new legislation took effect. which was expected to be i approx 3 or 4 months.
 
So I told my novia that we would not apply until after the new legislation passed and I asked her to change her vacation time. She didn't in her mind she would keep the same vacation time and it would encourage me to apply for the visa. This is where the communication broke down and what was the ultimate root of our problems.

You see she new someone who knew someone who got a visa during this time. That was proof enough that what i was saying must be wrong. Because this friend of a friend got a visa then her next conclusion was i must be hiding something. Well nothing could be farther from the truth. It was exactly what i said it was but it shows how the colombian women think. they just expect the worst under such circumstances.
 
We never had a fight over it for that matter we never really ever had a fight about anything the entire time we were together. But this laid the frame work for things to unravel a bit. I was frustrated she did not trust me enough to see it through and she was frustrated because she thought I was hiding something.
I started to pull back a bit because of it. Until that time i was fully prepared to marry this woman. I really wanted to but when this happened and she so easily assumed that I was up to something I guess it made me rethink this position and on her end it did the same.
 
So there you have it a seemingly simply problem was blown up into something disproportionate in my opinion and her suspicion ultimately doomed our relationship. However in hind sight I guess I should have just applied for the visa and just had her turned down. Then this would have never happened.
 
I have to say other than this our relationship was amazing. Everyone who knew us and saw us together would say we were perfect for each other. We got along awesome. We had a lot of fun together. Our kids loved each other. I mean seriously it was great.
 
In the end though I just can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. I don't cheat and am very faithful in a relationship so I think i deserve to have the benefit of the doubt. I feel bad it had to end. I care for her a great deal and i know she cares for me to but in the end it takes 2 people to make that commitment work.
 
I don't blame her for it ending I am just stating the simple truths of what we both did to bring us to the end. In the end it was a mutual decision to call it quits but we are still friends and like i said we still get along great and keep in touch.
 
She is a very good woman and I really hope that she finds what she is looking for she deserves the best!
 
There you have it... its not one of those crazy over the top stories you hear about. This is a classic example of how simple miscommunication can completely and very effectively sabotage a good relationship. I hope that some of you can take from my experience and learn from it. It is not always the big things that ruin a relationship it can be something as simple as not applying for a visa at the right time.
 
To us it is logical to conclude thats not such a big deal but in the mind of a colombiana it can be something they turn into something far worse because they are paranoid when it comes to men and their intentions.
 
So there it is... thats what happened in the readers digest version. Hopefully it helps some others by showing some insight into how things can very easily get blown out of proportion in a relationship with a latina.

CK

[opusone]

Thanks for the warm welcome folks!
 
I have been great benjio. I was reading your post about Brazil... good reading man! Keep it coming.
 
Whitey, As you have shown clearly in your post it is the same in Colombia as everywhere else in the world. Women are different from each other but there always seems to be some common threads. Obviously your girl is different than mine as they would be for any other woman a man would describe here. However there are many similarities or common traights. I remember from your posts on the other site thinking that your girls personality was similar to mine.
 
Opusone,
I can answer your question with relative ease yet the explanation is complicated if that makes any sense. It was a combination of things but what I would attribute my relationship ending to the most is the Colombian women's overwhelming sense of expecting the worst to happen. I am not saying they are negative people but they go into a relationship thinking it will fail more than they think it will succeed. They just expect that you're going to do something wrong and the relationship will go south. It is all they have ever known. It is how they think.
 
I don't really blame them for thinking this way. Their whole lives have taught them this by watching everyone they know go through it and experiencing it themselves first hand. This produces a lot of suspicion, distrust and jealousy.
 
I am not saying a colombian woman will never trust you but what i am saying is she will expect you to prove it to her before she will. She works off of evidence not what you say. So don't bother to bring our north American ideals of I trust people until they give me a reason not to. In Colombia it is i don't trust you at all until you show me otherwise.
 
Our problems started do to some choices i made. They were miss understood and frankly there was no coming back from it. She was supposed to come to canada for a visit. But just after we decided that she would come here for vacation the canadian immigration suspended all visas from latin american countries because to many people where abusing our very relaxed immigration laws and policies to enter our country illegally.  They were going to pass legislation to change these problems but until the legislation passed they would only issue visa's under very specific circumstances.
 
I went and saw a retired immigration officer who worked for immigration for over 20 years and he advised me to not apply until after the new legislation took effect. which was expected to be i approx 3 or 4 months.
 
So I told my novia that we would not apply until after the new legislation passed and I asked her to change her vacation time. She didn't in her mind she would keep the same vacation time and it would encourage me to apply for the visa. This is where the communication broke down and what was the ultimate root of our problems.

You see she new someone who knew someone who got a visa during this time. That was proof enough that what i was saying must be wrong. Because this friend of a friend got a visa then her next conclusion was i must be hiding something. Well nothing could be farther from the truth. It was exactly what i said it was but it shows how the colombian women think. they just expect the worst under such circumstances.
 
We never had a fight over it for that matter we never really ever had a fight about anything the entire time we were together. But this laid the frame work for things to unravel a bit. I was frustrated she did not trust me enough to see it through and she was frustrated because she thought I was hiding something.
I started to pull back a bit because of it. Until that time i was fully prepared to marry this woman. I really wanted to but when this happened and she so easily assumed that I was up to something I guess it made me rethink this position and on her end it did the same.
 
So there you have it a seemingly simply problem was blown up into something disproportionate in my opinion and her suspicion ultimately doomed our relationship. However in hind sight I guess I should have just applied for the visa and just had her turned down. Then this would have never happened.
 
I have to say other than this our relationship was amazing. Everyone who knew us and saw us together would say we were perfect for each other. We got along awesome. We had a lot of fun together. Our kids loved each other. I mean seriously it was great.
 
In the end though I just can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. I don't cheat and am very faithful in a relationship so I think i deserve to have the benefit of the doubt. I feel bad it had to end. I care for her a great deal and i know she cares for me to but in the end it takes 2 people to make that commitment work.
 
I don't blame her for it ending I am just stating the simple truths of what we both did to bring us to the end. In the end it was a mutual decision to call it quits but we are still friends and like i said we still get along great and keep in touch.
 
She is a very good woman and I really hope that she finds what she is looking for she deserves the best!
 
There you have it... its not one of those crazy over the top stories you hear about. This is a classic example of how simple miscommunication can completely and very effectively sabotage a good relationship. I hope that some of you can take from my experience and learn from it. It is not always the big things that ruin a relationship it can be something as simple as not applying for a visa at the right time.
 
To us it is logical to conclude thats not such a big deal but in the mind of a colombiana it can be something they turn into something far worse because they are paranoid when it comes to men and their intentions.
 
So there it is... thats what happened in the readers digest version. Hopefully it helps some others by showing some insight into how things can very easily get blown out of proportion in a relationship with a latina.

CK

Clark,


Wow, that story is so real. I see this everyday with Colombians in terms of trust. Whether you work with them , for them, date them, etc., they can be quite skeptical about everything. Once they get the idea in their heads, good luck getting it out. I think it's more the culture that allows them to think this way as opposed to the person. Did she not take into consideration that everything else was going well and that this one thing should be handled differently? How old was she? Would you give her another chance if she was willing to work that whole "trust" issue part out?

[clarkkentinbc]

Opusone,
For me there really is no going back. I would step on a land mine for someone i am commited to and i expect the same kind of commitment in return. This just showed me that when things get seemingly tough she chose to pull away. Now don't get me wrong I do understand some of her reasons for doing so even though I might not agree with them. In the end she was concerned i had another girlfriend because I did not want her to come to canada for a visit. She thought I was hiding this from her. She told me as much on several ocassions.
 
You see 2+2 in her mind equals 10... Nothing I would ever say or do was going to change her mind. In my whole life I have not cheated on any woman I have been with. There were times where I had some pretty tempting situations that I completely avoided because of my firm belief not to behave that way. It was not easy at times... frankly there were a couple of times I really wanted to but I resisted due to my beliefs and character.
 
To have a woman I love and chose to be with assume I had cheated on her and was continually cheating on her only lead me to the conclussion that she must not have ever really known me. If she really did she would have never believed those things. For me that is the ultimate betrayal. I cannot be with someone who does not trust me.
 
So like I said there is no going back for me. I still care for her deeply but this situation only shows what the future would bring had something else complicated came up. She was 2 years younger than me. I feel sorry for her in a way. She is an amazing woman but because of her fears and suspicion I fear it will probably mean she will never have a succesful long term relationship.
 
I really do wish things could have been different but I will continue to always be her friend and I love her family so no matter what I will always have friends and family in Medellin.
 
Medellin Rocks!!! YO SOY PAISA!!!
CK

[opusone]

Opusone,
For me there really is no going back. I would step on a land mine for someone i am commited to and i expect the same kind of commitment in return. This just showed me that when things get seemingly tough she chose to pull away. Now don't get me wrong I do understand some of her reasons for doing so even though I might not agree with them. In the end she was concerned i had another girlfriend because I did not want her to come to canada for a visit. She thought I was hiding this from her. She told me as much on several ocassions.
 
You see 2+2 in her mind equals 10... Nothing I would ever say or do was going to change her mind. In my whole life I have not cheated on any woman I have been with. There were times where I had some pretty tempting situations that I completely avoided because of my firm belief not to behave that way. It was not easy at times... frankly there were a couple of times I really wanted to but I resisted due to my beliefs and character.
 
To have a woman I love and chose to be with assume I had cheated on her and was continually cheating on her only lead me to the conclussion that she must not have ever really known me. If she really did she would have never believed those things. For me that is the ultimate betrayal. I cannot be with someone who does not trust me.
 
So like I said there is no going back for me. I still care for her deeply but this situation only shows what the future would bring had something else complicated came up. She was 2 years younger than me. I feel sorry for her in a way. She is an amazing woman but because of her fears and suspicion I fear it will probably mean she will never have a succesful long term relationship.
 
I really do wish things could have been different but I will continue to always be her friend and I love her family so no matter what I will always have friends and family in Medellin.
 
Medellin Rocks!!! YO SOY PAISA!!!
CK

Yea, sucks though, all that time..  Good thing is , there are so many more that would fit the bill just right.

[Gato4Astrid]

Clark Kent


It is because she fell in love with Superman 




Seriously, I am very sorry that things did not work out between you and your ex-novia, but thank you for sharing your experience with us, and I wish you the best of luck in your next novia.   Between me and my novia, it isn't 100%

[whitey]

Wow CK ... quite a story ... I'm sorry to hear how things worked out. 

It's pretty scary to think how a relatively small issue can snowball into something that breaks up a relationship, but I can certainly understand both your and your ex's point of view.

It's especially scary for me right now as we're having visa issues of our own.  Back in April of this year I was laid off from the job I held for 14 years.  In mid July, Nazly received a call from the Canadian embassy in Bogota saying that her permanent resident visa was approved (only 10 months after submitting the paperwork which is 4-5 months sooner than we had expected).  Her medical exam is only good for a year, which means she had only 1.5 months to move to Canada.

She was so overjoyed to call me and tell me the good news, but I felt like I had been punched in the gut.  At that point, I was only 2 weeks away from giving up my apartment in the city where I live, and moving in with my parents in another city while looking for work closer to Toronto where there are many more jobs in my field.  Being two weeks away from moving, living with my parents in my late 40's, being an unemployed and within 3 months broke bum ... I was in no position to have her move to Canada.

I had to tell her that we just couldn't make the move right now, and that she would have to call the embassy, ask for an extension, and take her medical exams again so we would have a year to get my life in order.  It just about broke my heart to hear her voice go from such joy to sadness.

Well, as fate would have it, I was offered a job here in town one week later.  It's a 3 month contract with option to renew for another 3 months, or take me on fulltime without an additional probationary period.  So, a great job and great opportunity, but I'm still not feeling secure as 3 months from now I could be either out of a job, renewed for another 3 months, or fulltime and sitting pretty.

Nazly was very understanding about my reasoning for the delay, but if the job doesn't convert to fulltime at the end of the 3 months, I'll be in a really tough position.  If my contract doesn't get renewed, it's back to square one and moving in with my parents.  If it only gets renewed for 3 months, what do I do?  Take the risk, have her move to Canada, and hope for the best?  She has to give up a good job to move here, and will be unemployable for at least the first year until she's fluent in English.

So ... I guess that's my long winded way of saying that I can sympathize with what you went through.  Knowing her culture and the comments some of her friends and maybe even family may be making, it takes a lot of faith and trust on her part to continue to believe that I am not scamming her in some way. 

[robert angel]

CK,
 
Welcome. There's a lot of 'food for thought' in your excellent postings and I bet you have some more insights that can help a lot of people. I'm still sort of 'taking it all in', in terms of what you've laid out, but it really struck home how when some women will tell you "No problem", you've probably REALLY got a big problem, besides having an impasse in communication, things lost in translation and things in a 'gray area' cross culturally.
 
"Whatever' is an annoying cliche --an overused expression that can still signal an issue/s, but the expression "No problem--it's OK--'really' --'no worry'" --typically followed by cool, nervous distancing and attempts to change the subject, (from my experience) has typically been a thicker and taller wall to get over than 'whatever'.
 
It's a pain, but I do try to get at the root of the 'no problem', usually with success, by prying out what the real underlying problem is when I get that statement. Sometimes I need to let it go for a while and perhaps the next day or so, bring it up in a serious, yet sensitively put manner--sensitive but asserting that I want to get at it. It's like I can almost feel a chill--a change in temperature, and if not addressed, it can lead to a killer frost.
 
That's not to say there's stuff I don't miss, but typically that kind of 'stuff' --things that I don't see right away, hits me before too long, like a rock between the eyes, as at this point in my relationship, our communication is generally pretty good. Thankfully I don't have the 'passive aggressive', fatalistic outcome views and other communication barriers like I had in my first marriage.
 
Sounds like with some Colombianas it's a lot harder--if at all possible, to break through that unfortunate barrier.
 
Man and woman are different enough already. Add in language/translation, other cultural difference challenges and you really can walk into some minefields!

[fathertime]

Wow CK ... quite a story ... I'm sorry to hear how things worked out. 

It's pretty scary to think how a relatively small issue can snowball into something that breaks up a relationship, but I can certainly understand both your and your ex's point of view.

It's especially scary for me right now as we're having visa issues of our own.  Back in April of this year I was laid off from the job I held for 14 years.  In mid July, Nazly received a call from the Canadian embassy in Bogota saying that her permanent resident visa was approved (only 10 months after submitting the paperwork which is 4-5 months sooner than we had expected).  Her medical exam is only good for a year, which means she had only 1.5 months to move to Canada.

She was so overjoyed to call me and tell me the good news, but I felt like I had been punched in the gut.  At that point, I was only 2 weeks away from giving up my apartment in the city where I live, and moving in with my parents in another city while looking for work closer to Toronto where there are many more jobs in my field.  Being two weeks away from moving, living with my parents in my late 40's, being an unemployed and within 3 months broke bum ... I was in no position to have her move to Canada.

I had to tell her that we just couldn't make the move right now, and that she would have to call the embassy, ask for an extension, and take her medical exams again so we would have a year to get my life in order.  It just about broke my heart to hear her voice go from such joy to sadness.

Well, as fate would have it, I was offered a job here in town one week later.  It's a 3 month contract with option to renew for another 3 months, or take me on fulltime without an additional probationary period.  So, a great job and great opportunity, but I'm still not feeling secure as 3 months from now I could be either out of a job, renewed for another 3 months, or fulltime and sitting pretty.

Nazly was very understanding about my reasoning for the delay, but if the job doesn't convert to fulltime at the end of the 3 months, I'll be in a really tough position.  If my contract doesn't get renewed, it's back to square one and moving in with my parents.  If it only gets renewed for 3 months, what do I do?  Take the risk, have her move to Canada, and hope for the best?  She has to give up a good job to move here, and will be unemployable for at least the first year until she's fluent in English.

So ... I guess that's my long winded way of saying that I can sympathize with what you went through.  Knowing her culture and the comments some of her friends and maybe even family may be making, it takes a lot of faith and trust on her part to continue to believe that I am not scamming her in some way.

Hey Whitey,


Thanks for the interesting update.
YOu did not ask for any input but I feel like giving a little....I say bring your lady here regardless of the financial situation, unless of course you are living on the  streets.   You guys can work through the tough times together and that will be unifying.


Fathertime!

[Alabamaboy!]

I can answer your question with relative ease yet the explanation is complicated if that makes any sense. It was a combination of things but what I would attribute my relationship ending to the most is the Colombian women's overwhelming sense of expecting the worst to happen.

I have been in two long term relationships with Colombianas and I have noticed just the opposite in the women I have been with. They are unbelievably positive, to a fault if that can be possible. They just assume that things will take care of themselves and turn out fine. I have yet to meet up with a negative Colombiana, but then again maybe that is just the Costena/Calena way, because that has been where my time has been spent.

[whitey]

Hey Whitey,

Thanks for the interesting update.
YOu did not ask for any input but I feel like giving a little....I say bring your lady here regardless of the financial situation, unless of course you are living on the  streets.   You guys can work through the tough times together and that will be unifying.

Fathertime!

Thanks FT.  It seems all my friends here (both Canadian and Colombian) tell me the same thing.  I'm pretty conservative financially ... I want everything to be perfect for her when she comes.

But, I'm starting to come around to this advice.  If perfect isn't possible, then better to be together as you say.

[Colgando]

Thanks FT.  It seems all my friends here (both Canadian and Colombian) tell me the same thing.  I'm pretty conservative financially ... I want everything to be perfect for her when she comes.

But, I'm starting to come around to this advice.  If perfect isn't possible, then better to be together as you say.

For what it is worth, I agree with FT. There will always be good times and bad times. My worst case scenario involves me moving back to my mom's house too, not desirable, but with African and Colombian cultures (If it were to work out for me), would be cool and comfortable with that. My mom has a big house and it would be an ok temporary solution if I were to be married and fall on hard times.

[clarkkentinbc]

Alabamaboy,
I just wanted to clarify for you something... well for everyone else as well. I don't want people to think she was a negative person. She was not at all. In every other way she was always positive and only expected the best... its just in the trusting men category that she had trouble. In fact i remember on several ocassions she reprimanded me for being to negative about something.
 
Whitey,
 
Life is way way to short to let something like finances get in the way. Like the man said unless your living in a cardborad box and cannot feed yourself I could not think of a good enough reason to not be together with the woman you love. Don't let your fears or dare I say pride stand in your way. If she really does love you she is going to follow you wherever you go man. If you are completely honest about your situation which it sounds like you are then if she says she is good to go... Then go man!!!!
 
I think you would find she is a great motivator and a real blessing to have around. besides sharing a life together is about being able to comit to see the challenges through as well as the wins. Sharing the ups and downs... that is the stuff that solid foundations are based on. Geez my parents were seriously hard up when they got married. They have been together for over 40 years now and to this day still back each other up. So if they can do it then I am certain you guys are good to go!!!!
 
CK

[V_Man]

Whitey, there will always be hard times or problems of one type or another. Explain all the consequences in writting for her and let her decide. My advice is go for it.

[Micky]

CK -
 

They let Canadians from the western Provence's on here?  Are you SURE you have been to Medellin? Did not Superman die?  Did I see you at the RC races,  at the Esso on Ave Las Vegas?  Welcome.
 

Micky

[whitey]

Thanks for the advice guys ... that's pretty much the way Nazly feels. Whenever we discuss the subject she tells me that we will be together for the good times and the bad, that she wants to become fluent in English and get a job as soon as possible to help out, etc.

I guess I may need to swallow a little pride if things go south job-wise, but hopefully it won't come to that.

Micky ... glad to see you woke up ... I miss your posts ...

[clarkkentinbc]

CK -
 

They let Canadians from the western Provence's on here?  Are you SURE you have been to Medellin? Did not Superman die?  Did I see you at the RC races,  at the Esso on Ave Las Vegas?  Welcome.
 

Micky

Well if they let a broke down chunk of shi* ex postal worker on here well then... a Canadian is a huge improvement!!!! jajajajajaja Medellin and I are like best buds. I bet I have been to more restaurants in medellin than you have... and you live there ha! Plus I have driven there... a lot... I drive just like all the other colobians... Yo Soy Paisa! Meanwhile they were afraid to let you drive. I mean can you blame them. How many times did you tell me to just run over a pedestrian that was in the way?
 
Superman Can never die, he is a legend and legends can never die!!! Yes the RC races on Las Vegas... now that is good times. I highly recomend for anyone that is living or staying in Medellin to seriously get into those rc races. They are a complete blast!!! It's a great family event to go to especially with the kids. they love it. I represented my country well in those races! I would have done better but it wasn't my car... it was a loner from the local hobby shop owner. But hey I still qualified & finished in the top 10.
 
Oh by the way I have a car sitting here waiting for my next trip to go to Mateo. Then he can get out there and show you some moves. Because I know your to cheap to buy him one!!!
 
Say hi to everyone for me... I miss being down there...
 
CK