Nice filipina girl...bad english. What should I do?

[kinetic1982]

Ok, I'm not sure what I should be expecting here. I've met a really nice girl from Davao city. We have been speaking everyday for about a week through text and video on Cherry Blossoms. She is a nice girl. Very sweet but it seems she does not understand 50% of what I am saying. When she does not understand something she seems to get embarrassed and goes back to saying familiar things like "I really like you" and "I miss you".

Now, of course I know that filipina women are not going to speak perfect English. That is not the problem. The problem is that compared to other women I've met on CB her english is VERY bad. Is that par for course or is that a major red flag? I mean is this something I should expect while searching in the Philippines? I like this girl a lot so far, but I'm not sure how I can really get to know her the way I need to in order to build something lasting.

Any suggestions?

[Dave H]

Hey kinetic1982,

Try to speak slowly and don't use slang or American expressions. Does she have a college degree? Usually ladies with higher education speak better English, since most classes are taught in English. My wife (BS Nursing) spoke excellent English when I met her, although it was by the dictionary. She had to learn our idioms, and slang.

Dave

[Ray]

kinetic,

No, her lack of fluency in English is no way a red flag.

Keep in mind that English is a second (or third) language for her. The English they learn in school is by the book. The English teachers often have a weak command of colloquial English so their students will have some difficulty in common usage.

Be patient and speak slowly like Dave suggested. Work with her and you should see a steady improvement. Don't ever look down upon her for her language skills but use constructive criticism in a gentle way.

Ask her to help you learn Visayan (if that is her primary language) and you will score points with her. Help each other learn the other's language and you will both be all the wiser for it.

Ray

[Bear]

My wife's speaks such excellent English I have to think about what I say cause she corrects my grammer.  But she doesn't understand the word meanings and probably 2-3x times a week asks me what some word means.  Slang is a whole different subject - it is beyond understanding sometimes to her.  Always explain yourself, my wife's family and friends praised me for it even those already here in the states.  Persist if you are asking questions - do not let her "not answer".  She either thinks its unimportant, your responsibility, doesn't understand or hiding something.  You have to persist and explain without being mean, impatient or giving her a clue to how you want her to respond.  If its important to you enough to ask she has to understand you expect an answer.  It really will describe her character.

But I do see red flags.  It isn't possible that there could be "affection" at this stage.  Her "missing" you and "liking" you is suspect.  Proceed cautiously but do not give up on her.  It took months before my wife admitted any affection for me and two or three of the others.  All the others disappeared when I started asking questions even though they "loved" me.

The Bear Family

[Jeff S]

My wife and I spoke little of each other's language when we met, and not a whole lot more when we were married. It takes patience but it is not the huge handicap many think it is. In fact in some ways, it's an advantage. Ever had an argument when two of you are flipping through dictionaries? It defuses the emotion quite a bit and forces you to think clearly about the point you're trying to make. Now neither of us are completely fluent in each other's language but we can and do converse in both. She's come a lot farther in English than I have in Japanese because we live in the US. The opposite would be true if we lived there.

[Capstone]

I wouldn't consider her lack of fluency in English to be a red flag however, I do agree with Bear in that the possible red flag that you should be considering is that she is already saying things such as she 'misses' you. For someone to be saying such things after only chatting for 1 week and never have actually met would led me to turn my radar on full detection mode so to speak. This of course could go back to her true lack of English I suppose but I would be safe and approach with caution none the less.
  

[Dave H]

kinetic,

No, her lack of fluency in English is no way a red flag.

Ray

Hey kinetic1982,

I totally agree! Just be very patient and try not too tease her or laugh if she pronounces words differently. I laughed a few times and my wife didn't like it!!!  They pronounce each syllable of the word and don't use all of the vowel sounds we do. Just politely ask her to repeat what she said or let her know that you didn't understand. We still have those moments (both sides) from time to time after 8 years. Much more often, American slang or expressions are not understood. My wife figures some out, but others make no sense at all to her. Ex. "Bats in the belfry."

Dave

[Marshall K]

Last night Yali and I were discussing how we communicated during my first trip to China, after our wedding.  We spent hours using sign language, a dictionary and "Engrish".  We communicated just fine.  She has learned incredibly fast since then.  If there is a genuine connection, then the language will come.

[piglett]

kinetic1982
2 years ago i had a lady from Vietnam that i was emailing , i was all good until i started to call her.
This is how it went

Hello
are you there?
can you hear me?

that was just about it, she typed English very well , not perfect but i had no trouble understanding her.
But the poor girl couldn't speak English for sh*t
She said that there were very few people that spoke English where she lived .
I told her that i understood , but she still got mad when i emailed her saying that i had a really hard time understanding her on the phone.
I was about this time that i spoke with the friend that set me up with her, he had married her classmate & he told me that she had had a boy friend that was a real wimp. In fact the only reason that they broke up is that HIS mother said that he HAD to.
I started to think that her & I mite be like oil and water , they just don't mix.
I was calling her on Saturday nights & i decided that there was no good reason to call if we couldn't understand each other. so i didn't & she emailed me & asked why i hadn't called.
I said that i didn't see much point in it because we couldn't understand each other.
I did say that i would like to continue communicating with her through email
she was not a happy camper but i was starting to think that we were wrong for each anyhow.

[kinetic1982]

Thanks for all of the advice guys! I see what you all mean. I have to meet her half way. So, what I decided we would do is not chat as much and do some more emailing. I sent her an email this morning with a few of the questions I really need her to answer but this time I went to translate.google.com and sent it in Tagalog. She really has no excuse not to answer now! I gave her the url and asked her to respond to me in English. I also told her that I'd be paitent with her when we speak on the phone and we could work on her English while we speak.

But...I guess when you are starting this journey problems pop up like whack-a-mole. The premature affection is becoming a problem.

But I do see red flags.  It isn't possible that there could be "affection" at this stage.  Her "missing" you and "liking" you is suspect.  Proceed cautiously but do not give up on her.  It took months before my wife admitted any affection for me and two or three of the others.  All the others disappeared when I started asking questions even though they "loved" me.

 Bear, I think you hit the nail on the head. I think part of what I was worried about was the affection coming so early. She took that affection a bit further with me today in a text message and I had to let her know that I was not ready to go there with her.

Just so I am aware, what could be some reasons why she would start laying the affectionate words on so early? Could it be immature infatuation (she is 19 and I'm 26) or something a little underhanded?

A little background - She, so far, has never asked me for money or told me any sob stories about financial problems. She has no relatives living in the U.S. and she also goes to work everyday.

Am I reading too much into this?

[Bob_S]

Just so I am aware, what could be some reasons why she would start laying the affectionate words on so early? Could it be immature infatuation (she is 19 and I'm 26) or something a little underhanded

You may have nailed it.  She is still basically a teenager, so is probably immature about such things; she could be desperate to get married; if her English really is so limited, that may be all the words of affection she knows and is using them as the only arrow in her arsenal.

[AmazingAtheist]

Wow,I am surprised,the few filipinas I have talked to,I would have thought they are born and raised in the U.S.,there English was as good or better than mine,some had better grammer skills 

[piglett]

Good move in sending your messages in tagalong, maybe she will tone down her words of affection to you.
that being said , all of the scammers that i have Dealt with have also acted like they were madly in love with me .
If  she asks for a penny before you have met fact to face , drop her like a hot tatter
hopefully she is just a poor girl that just sees you as her best chance to ever have any amount security in her life.
She may be actually falling madly in love with you & the security that you represent

[Jeff S]

Good plan except for one minor detail. If she's from Davao she probably speaks Cebuano, not Tagalog.
- Jeff

[Bear]

Hmmm?  My wife is from Davao and speaks Tagalog.  Cebuano and Illokano too but mostly everyone speaks Tagalog unless I missed something.  She's never mentioned multiple languages being spoken but she did say her father said when he was young everyone spoke Spanish and now its almost impossible to find anyone who knows it.

The Bear Family

[Bear]

Why it took me 9 years to know this I am unsure but Honey says she speaks Cebuano but all Filipinos should know Tagalog since its the National Language.

The Bear Family

[Ray]

Why it took me 9 years to know this I am unsure but Honey says she speaks Cebuano but all Filipinos should know Tagalog since its the National Language.

The Bear Family

Bear, I've known quite a few Filipinos who are very weak in Tagalog, especially the colloquial form or street Tagalog. Ask some native Visayan (Cebuano) speakers if they had any problems communicating with the locals the first time they went to Manila.

Technically, I believe the national language is Pilipino, which is derived mostly from formal Tagalog. The pop language of the day seems to be Taglish.

I often find myself correcting my wife's Tagalog since it is a 4th language for her... 

Ray

[Dave H]

Why it took me 9 years to know this I am unsure but Honey says she speaks Cebuano but all Filipinos should know Tagalog since its the National Language.

The Bear Family

Most Filipinos learn Tagalog in school and from watching TV. It is my wife's 3rd or 4th language (like Ray's wife), along with several additional Visayan dialects. My wife is more comfortable speaking English over Tagalog, especially to native Tagalog speakers. Visayan accents are often mocked when they speak Tagalog, even the speach of boxing great Manny Pacquiao. When my wife worked in Manila, she preferred to speak English to Tagalogs. In the movies, Visayans are usually relegated to being the maids or ignorant people. There are more native Visayan speakers than Tagalog. Some Visayans even refuse to speak Pilipino or Tagalog. There are over thirty Visayan languages. The Visayan language with the most speakers is Cebuano. In my wife's city (around 300,000), Tagalog is usually only heard on the national news and TV programs, and at the movies. Everything local is usually in Visayan (Cebuano or Butuanon).

Dave

[Jeff S]

The Wikipedia has a good read on the 170+ native and 7 foreign languages prominent in the PI. There are 13 native languages spoken my more than 1,000,000 people each, and at the top of the heap is Cebuano.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_the_Philippines#Indigenous_languages

[Honey]

i thought i'd pop in and say something.  people from davao do speak "bisaya" which is mostly cebuano.  "mostly" because it isn't really the same as the cebuano that the Cebuanos (people from Cebu) speak and that includes the accent as well.  in fact a friend of mine from davao who went to cebu told me that she was laughed at because of the way she spoke bisaya.  i've been to a private school all my life and during my elementary to high school years, we've always been required to speak tagalog in class or we get fined.  so, i learned to speak tagalog including its accent. 

the reason why Bear didn't really notice that i do speak "bisaya" is because the Filipinas we hang around with are from Bicol (they do have a different language of their own), so we speak tagalog.  also, a lot of the people we met at the stores or restaurants were from the northern part of the Philippines.

[Dave H]

Thanks Jeff,

That is a very good article. There are 20 million who speak Tagalog (probably really Taglish)   as their native language and 22 million who speak Cebuano. It is close either way. Some people were born or raised raised in Manila, but still consider themselves 'Visayans,' even though they speak Tagalog or 'Taglish.' Including the other Visayan languages, there are around 33.5 million native Visayan speakers. Tagalog is the fifth most-spoken language in the United States (2000) with over a million speakers. There are fewer Visayans in the US.

Dave

[Dave H]

the reason why Bear didn't really notice that i do speak "bisaya" is because the Filipinas we hang around with are from Bicol (they do have a different language of their own), so we speak tagalog.  also, a lot of the people we met at the stores or restaurants were from the northern part of the Philippines.

Hi Honey,

I really can't tell the difference myself, Ilongo, Tagalog, Bicolano, Waray, Cebuano, Boholano, Suriganon, Butuanon, Davaoeno Cebuano...  My wife also says that she speaks "Bisaya." I am more of a Chavacano speaker myself. 

i've been to a private school all my life and during my elementary to high school years, we've always been required to speak tagalog in class or we get fined.  so, i learned to speak tagalog including its accent.  

I think some areas of Mindanao and schools speak more Tagalog than others. My wife also went to private school (Catholic), elementary through BS-N. They were only fined for not speaking Tagalog in Filipino subjects. English was required in most classes and they were fined for not speaking it. Sometimes Visaya was allowed to be spoken to clarify matters. She doesn't have a problem with her accent in Cebu.   It is common for Tagalog speakers to mispronounce some Visayan place names, but the Visayans I know don't seem to care. I know that there is a big rivalry between Manila and Cebu!

Dave

[Ray]

...we've always been required to speak tagalog in class or we get fined.

That's funny Honey!

There is a Visayan club here in San Diego and a couple of years ago we went to one of their large Christmas parties. It was Bisaya only and anyone caught speaking Tagalog was fined. Nobody was fined for speaking English.

My wife is from Surigao where Tagalog is rarely heard. I was also laughed at when I used Tagalog in public while in Mindanao or Cebu but I'm used to being laughed at anyway so it was all in fun for me. Surigaonon is difficult to learn because they speak so fast.

Here in San Diego Tagalog is prevelent among the Filipino population, but I also hear a lot of Visayan, Waray-Waray, and Ilocano.

Our parish church has Simbang Gabi every year with lots of Tagalog songs and Tagalog mass. Both of the priests in our parish are from Bohol so their Tagalog isn't real good. Got to get up early for that 5 a.m. mass tomorrow... 

Maayong Pasko ug Malipayong Bagong Tuig!

Ray

[Dave H]

That's funny Honey!

There is a Visayan club here in San Diego and a couple of years ago we went to one of their large Christmas parties. It was Bisaya only and anyone caught speaking Tagalog was fined. Nobody was fined for speaking English.

Hey Ray,

ROFLMAOCUMLTNTPIMP!!!

My wife is from Surigao where Tagalog is rarely heard.

Surigaonon is difficult to learn because they speak so fast.

Ray

Tagalog is rarely heard in Butuan City either. Butuanon is a real bee-itch as well! Fortunately, most people speak Cebuano or a dialect of it. I think we get a mixture from Surigao and CDO as well.

Dave

[The Mog Finally Returns]

Hey bro. I wouldnt worry too much about the  "I miss you" thing. It doesnt have quite the same connotation there as it may here in the states. Im communicating with many girls, some for a very short time and we say that to each other. Its more a product of the Flipinas friendliness and thoughtfulness -- a term of endearment, friendship and respect, than a signal she has unexplainably dep emotional ties to you, LOL. Dont read to much into it, just learn to roll with it. When I was just there I was feeding the girls in the club so many sweet compliments on their beauty, the beauty of their country, and it was so fun..one girl asked me "who taught you to speak bolero" LOL. This is a culture with passionate spanish, asian, malaysian and chinese roots, its not the cr*ap you get from American girls. Embrace the love bro. Just take it slow, be honest and keep your options open. Its more about knowing yourself, what you are looking for, where you are going, than knowing her. My ex-wife barely spoke a stitch of English, dont think she doesnt understand you. They hear English on the radio and TV everyday to some extent. Its just that its not the language they normally talk in. My ex used to complain that speaking in English gave her a headache...LOL. Best of luck!!