Back again

[slosmooth]

My former handle was slojas and I go back a good 7-8 years (maybe more) in this quest. I am now married (4 years this Sept) with a two year old girl. I wanted everyone to know she was mine so I named her Jahna Lynn as my name is John Alan. Hopefully, you get it the first time. I've been through some ups and downs with my health and my wife has been there every step of the way. That is truly something to think about when making a selection. My health was picture perfect until a misstep during a minor back operation changed my life. I had a stroke, memory problems, and am now totally disabled. From the outside I look the same as all of my issues are internal. I certainly don't smile as much. I will do what I can to help anyone with info needed and really don't have time for any crap of bull. I remember many of you and am happy to see that the list has grown in a good way. I will answer any questions and please don't take it the wrong way if I am not timely with a response. I have my good days and bad, I'll try to respond on a good day!
So if you are in this quest to find someone, just don't talk about it, be about it.

[sean126]

Good to have you back on the forum.

[Dave H]

Hi John Alan,

Welcome back! I know what you are going through!I had several strokes out of the blue in July 2006. I look the same on the outside as well, and many people don't believe I'm disabled...but that is their problem. I sure feel it on the inside, especially when I am tired. It has been a long hard road to where I am now. Gains are measured in inches...not feet.  I made a lot of improvement at first, but it gets frustrating when it starts to slow down. I am thankful that I also have a great wife (Filipina nurse) that made survival and my achievements possible! My daughter was 2 when I had my stroke...she has really kept me going as well. I am still learning how to smile and laugh again. 

Dave H.

[fathertime]

The thought of not being able to laugh or smile is a horrible thing.  Is that really what happens to you fellas after a stroke.  How do your young children know you are happy?  Did your stokes happen without any warning?

Fathertime!

[leather neck]

Hey John,

Good to have you back!

Though some days may be a challenge,
continue to stay up.

Sounds as though the marriage gods smiled upon
you and blessed you with an angel for a wife.

May your good days far out number the
bad days.


Leatherneck

[Dave H]

Hi fathertime,

It is kind of hard to explain. Fortunately in my case, I have the ability to smile and laugh, I just didn't seem to have a reason too. Brain damage, depression, sadness, frustration, fear, and guilt all combined to take the joy out of life. My young daughter told me I was happy and would smile at me and I would smile back and say "I'm happy!" Eventually I was able to find more joy in life. Before my stroke, after being on fire-rescue for 20 years, I was able to find humor in most situations, even tragic. After the stroke, dealing with insurance companies, bills, disabilities, doctors, etc...it has been tough!

My stroke happened with only a brief warning about an hour before. I got severe vertigo  and it went away. My type of stroke can effect anybody at any age. I had a "PFO" which is a hole between the heart chambers that caused blood clots to form and go to my brain. A PFO is something that can be only detected with a special test "TEE" (transesophageal echocardiogram). The hole between the heart is normal before birth, but usually closes within the first year. They now believe that up to 1/3 of the population may have this condition.

By the way...keep your avatar...it always gives me a smile and a chuckle!
Thanks! 

Dave H.

[slojas1]

Finally someone that truly understands. I could have written every word you did with the exception of how I happened to get the stroke. I was undergoing an outpatient procedure (microdiscectomy) to relieve some pressure on my herniated disc. After the procedure while having the tube removed, some of the backflow actually went back into my esophagus. The violent spasms made reintubation next to impossible for several minutes but in the meantime your brain is becoming damaged due to lack of oxygen. I woke up several days later without the ability to speak, remember, move my right side, etc. Literally one moment you are a very productive member of society and the next moment you are no better than someone homeless who can't or refuses to use their brain. The depression and feelings of worthlessness are overwhelming. My daughter and wife and my Faith kept me going. I think my wife got a raw deal but she has hung in there like an angel. I could never repay her! I hear ya Dave H, keep up the good fight. Thanks to all that wished me well, I really appreciated it.
Thanks Singlefather for your calls, very appreciated. 

[Dave H]

Hi slojas,

There are things I just couldn't talk about and other feelings I couldn't put into words...you know where I'm coming from. It is great to know someone (although I am sorry it happened to you too) who understands what I have been through without saying anything. My wife has been very loving, caring, patient, and understanding. She took care of her father after his strokes (3) until he died. Her grandmother (she helped take care of her) and uncle also died from strokes. She has another uncle and aunt who are stroke survivors. I have had 3 strokes, the 3rd while I was in the hospital for the 2nd. They managed to dissolve the clots on the 3rd so it didn't appear to cause much further brain damage. I'm on coumadin, so if I cut myself I bleed like a stuff pig!

I am determined to do everything I did before...and more! I'm looking for new plastic dishes and plates...since I managed to drop and break most of the Corelle while washing dishes or carrying them. 

Keep up the good fight as well my friend!

Dave