Can two people of different races not be attracted to each other anymore?

[that_french_american]

I have been on this site and searching over the internet not very long but i am already given a hard time for it.Everytime someone brings it up they say"oh,how's the slave searching going?"and they say you know once she comes here and gets her green card she is gone never to return.So i am wondering why in American society is it so wrong to have a wife from another country and seen in such stereotypical ways?I mean are american women that threatend?I guess because i am in medical school they wait till im a doctor and rob me blind.Ohh yeah Bear if you read this thanks for turning me on to the Philipinnes,i never considered it before but there are alot of beauties there.Anybody care to answer though?

[Ray]

... why in American society is it so wrong to have a wife from another country and seen in such stereotypical ways?

It isn't "wrong" unless you're a lesbian feminist with an anti-male agenda or a guy without any balls who buys into their propaganda.

Yes, the stereotyping is rampant and much of it is simply due to plain ignorance of the topic.

But if you talk to people who have a family member or close friend married to a foreign woman, you are much more likely to get a positive attitude towards such marriages.

And yes, many Western women feel threatened by foreign ladies who don't buy their feminist philosophy.

About all you can do when you encounter folks with such negative stereotypes is either attempt to educate them or simply ignore them. Don't let those kinds discourage you.

American women...



Filipina women...



The choice is yours... 

[Jeff S]

Just don't pay attention to the naysayers. I used to make jokes about it. I'm reminded of a line from an old Jeff Speakman movie called "The Expert" when he visits his friend, played by Jim Varney, and a young Asian girl walks in from the other room.

Jim Varney turns to Jeff Speakman and says: "Now that's a foreign model. Loooow maintenance, Hiiigh performance. I can get you one real cheap if you want."

It still cracks me up

http://video.barnesandnoble.com/search/mediaplayer.asp?ean=844628070034&z=y

[jm21-2]

As a female immigrant friend of mine said: "they just don't want to lose another rich guy."

[Bear]

It is amazing the naysayers.  I remember sitting with my Bishop, at his request telling me how these thing seem to go bad.  When you consider how many guys I met on this board and a few others got their b@lls handed to them you have to appreciate their concern.  Most are really repeating the horror stories they have heard or expressing their own fears.  Probably most think you aren't thinking right and need the advice.  I wouldn't let it bother you to much.  Why argue?  I went though a gosh awful divorce and even my Bishop told me he was surprised I stayed with her so long (an its his job to make me stay with her!).  Everyone who knew her, hated her - the "ex" that is.  Yet when I started on this road seemingly witout exception they were against it.  Most even knew my ad version to American media and schools and how I feel they teach families to fail, yet most pushed me to try another AW - I think this was because thats where they were comfortable.

You are out of the comfort zone so to speak so don't be so surprised.  You're scaring supporters because they have no experience and feel they can't help and competitors because they don't want to compete.

Just smile and be determined not to make the stupid mistakes that would prove them right.  Regardless of what they say, your chances of success are much more likely to succeed on this path than sticking with the locally trained choices. 

Its just my opinion but most girls I see now a days haven't a clue on how to show respect to their man nor appreciate what he provides.  Why should they?  The laws are so stacked in their favor.  Get between ones legs once and she'll own you for the next 20-25 years.  My nephew just got hit up with $1200/mo. for his child support.  Of course the same thing can happen with foreign ladies. But if you be patient, ask lots of questions and pay attention to the mistakes and red flags in the achieves here, and I think soon you'll have the happiest marriage of all the couples you know.  I know I did.  I'm often still in shock it worked this well!?  Especially when I see guys like Howard and Don2222 blow it right in front of us.  They didn't see the red flags and didn't ask.  And none of us here saw them either.  Those were the smart guys who were trying hard to do it right and got blown away.  There were a bunch of others who were stupid from the gitgo and paid for it.  I guess then there were lucky idiots like me that just made the right guesstimates. 

Lost track of Don after he went to the R.P. a few years ago.  He made a few posts and dropped off the planet.  Howard how ever climbed back up on the horse (to use a cliche') and is happily married now to a Filipina from Davao (where my wife is from).

Honestly dude - this is not a easy path.   But I think its the most rewarding I ever chose.  Stay real!

The Bear Family

[Jeff S]

+1 to what Bear says. It's NOT an easy path.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference


Robert Frost

[fourholesn1]

I have seen this attitude from my male friends just as much as female. I think it is just a stereotypical attitude as a result of ignorance.

[that_french_american]

Yeah,i know it isnt easy.I have only been on the site im am using for one week and through reading the some of the archives have already seen some red flags.Like a woman who cant tell me the truth about anything.I agree with what was said above i get just as much crap from my male friends as female.I have to say the worst is from the women though.When this comes up in conversation how do i tell them to drop it in a nice manner?

[william3rd]

The first lie should be the last. There is no due process here.

[Ray]

When this comes up in conversation how do i tell them to drop it in a nice manner?

The best way is to simply not bring it up in the first place. You can debate with the feeble minded all day long and just get a headache for your troubles.

If you should marry a nice foreign woman and have a successful relationship, most of your friends and co-workers will eventually figure out that they were misguided in their prejudice against a foreign wife. For the rest of them, forget ‘em and enjoy life.

[rpcv]

The best way is to simply not bring it up in the first place. You can debate with the feeble minded all day long and just get a headache for your troubles.

Ray is right about this. Believe me, I have tried to explain it numerous times (to both men and women) and now I just remain quiet. Less headaches and stress. It doesn't matter how you phrase things, some folks preconceived notions about marriage to a foreign women will never change.

[Dave H]

Hey Ray,

Did you keep any phone numbers for those American beauties?   
It reminds me of our "piggery" in the Philippines. Except we currently have 6 large hogs in the pens.    However, I can't picture one in a purple G-string!

Dave H.

[Howard]

Welcome aboard!

The biggest thing to avoid is making the same mistakes on a different continent.  Realize that there is a very real possibility that you should share in the blame for failed relationships.  Take a long, hard, honest look at yourself and then proceed. 

I have known many Fil-Am couples, both from here and from my neighborhood.  The one thing I see over and over again is that happy people make happy marriages.  The ones that aren't, don't.  That may seem very simple, but it eluded me until I met my wife, angel that she is   Our friends that are relatively happy, can deal with the most dire of circumstances without so much as a cross word.  Our friends that aren't can't decide on what to have for dinner with drama!  Then again, it all makes for good gossip, which is the 2nd biggest sport in the Philippines.  The first is matchmaking   And I LOVE the gossip LOL

Anyway, my advice is... Find someone from, or very near to a large city.  Davao is a favorite here, right Hammy? LOL  Find someone with consistant internet access that you're not responsible providing, until the time you may become comfortable with the idea.  (My wife never asked me for a dime until after we were engaged.  That was one year after we met!  And then she still wouldn't quit her job - I.T. Manager at an internet cafe.  Yeah, I know LOL - until 60 days before we got her visa.)  I would also advise you find someone educated with a degree that can be useful here  ie Nursing, Architecture...  MY wife just completed her BSN for the record.  If she's gonna be a stay at home mom, cool!  But, if trouble comes knocking, she can do More here with an education than without.

Other than that, BE HONEST!  Tell her what you expect from a marriage and ASK what she expects.  About half of the time ask her opinion first, so that you can make sure she's not just repeating what you say and what for inconsistencies.  Oh, the dreaded Red Flags!  For the record, I have known my wife for 5 years and 9 months.  We have been married for almost three years and I have YET to see a red flag.  I am lucky, yes, but she and I both worked hard to have this marriage.

Good Luck in your adventure!  If there's anything we can do just ask!  Don't be afraid to ask questions.  And if you can't figure out what to do with the toilet paper in the provinces, just email me.  The rest here will simply mock you!  HAhahahahahahaha

Keep the Faith!

H

[Ray]

And if you can't figure out what to do with the toilet paper in the provinces, just email me.

So Howard, you finally figured out the answer to that burning question?



 

[Howard]

Ray 

I love you man!

Thanks again for everything you do for all of us

Keep the Faith!

H