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Author Topic: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns  (Read 3216 times)

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Offline robert angel

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Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« on: October 14, 2018, 07:47:03 PM »
Had a close call in that I was close to proposing to a woman who'd kept her issues, insecurities and jealousy pretty well disguised. But after my second trip, where I again spent considerable time with her and after over a year's time, the jealousies began to come out loud and clear.

Even though I stayed in touch (while raising two sons single handedly-- one in elementary, one in middle school) she started calling me at my job, which except for real emergencies, was a no no. Our secretary and I didn't appreciate that.

Plus, a new succession of this woman's 'life emergencies' began occurring. Dramas. I wondered how on earth she was able to live her reasonably comfortable life before I came along, and then all of a sudden, things like losing her apartment and more were regularly coming up-- all requiring cash cures.

Looking back now, there were some very small signs--- not even to the 'red flag'  exent, but I am glad I took the time to see eventually the proverbial 'writing on the wall'--rather than seeing it ONLY after there was writing on a marriage certificate or if we were living together.

Aside from the above, when I was doing Match.com, I had some real weird dates/experiences. And on the Cupid and blossoms sites, there were more flakes than you'd find in a cereal box. And they all looked real promising at first.

Time.......
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Offline Wildstubby

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2018, 04:16:18 AM »
Robert angel said:
Quote
Had a close call in that I was close to proposing to a woman who'd kept her issues, insecurities and jealousy pretty well disguised. But after my second trip, where I again spent considerable time with her and after over a year's time, the jealousies began to come out loud and clear.

Even though I stayed in touch (while raising two sons single handedly-- one in elementary, one in middle school) she started calling me at my job, which except for real emergencies, was a no no. Our secretary and I didn't appreciate that.

Plus, a new succession of this woman's 'life emergencies' began occurring. Dramas. I wondered how on earth she was able to live her reasonably comfortable life before I came along, and then all of a sudden, things like losing her apartment and more were regularly coming up-- all requiring cash cures.

Looking back now, there were some very small signs--- not even to the 'red flag'  exent, but I am glad I took the time to see eventually the proverbial 'writing on the wall'--rather than seeing it ONLY after there was writing on a marriage certificate or if we were living together.

Aside from the above, when I was doing Match.com, I had some real weird dates/experiences. And on the Cupid and blossoms sites, there were more flakes than you'd find in a cereal box. And they all looked real promising at first.

Time.......
Been there, did that, also! After 25 years of (previous) marriage, I found myself in the proverbial wilderness. In my second trip to Colombia, (or anywhere in 30 years for that matter!), I had met a girl quite younger than myself. We talked and did the video thing, and everything seemed great! Until I went to visit. Within the 1st 5 minutes I knew she was poison, and she seemed very cold and distance. It was a very terrible feeling to be in a strange country (at that time), not knowing anyone, other than a former gf, (who saved the day at least by having dinner with me). I was scolded by my friend, who owned businesses in Bogota and Medellin who told me, "Never go on a trip just to see one woman. Have several set up so that you are not caught in something toxic!". That was 3 years ago. Fast-forward to today and I am in a healthy relationship!

Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2018, 06:36:03 AM »
Robert angel said:Been there, did that, also! After 25 years of (previous) marriage, I found myself in the proverbial wilderness. In my second trip to Colombia, (or anywhere in 30 years for that matter!), I had met a girl quite younger than myself. We talked and did the video thing, and everything seemed great! Until I went to visit. Within the 1st 5 minutes I knew she was poison, and she seemed very cold and distance. It was a very terrible feeling to be in a strange country (at that time), not knowing anyone, other than a former gf, (who saved the day at least by having dinner with me). I was scolded by my friend, who owned businesses in Bogota and Medellin who told me, "Never go on a trip just to see one woman. Have several set up so that you are not caught in something toxic!". That was 3 years ago. Fast-forward to today and I am in a healthy relationship!

My first trip to the Philippines, I had been chatting and camming for about a year, pretty much everyday, with a lovely, educated Filipina. Got to the point where we agreed I'd  book tickets (UNREFUNDABLE tickets) that as I recall, we're about $1500, so we could see if the chemistry was real.

THEN, about 4 or 5 weeks before my flight, after a lot of thought, she decided that "We weren't right for each other in considering marrying each other"

At first I was in a panic, thinking I'd be strictly staying in my hotel room, alone for three weeks, staying away from what then seemed like a dangerous, very foriegn place, unable to understand the language, afraid to eat the food. When I got to my hotel and turned on the TV, Oprah Winfrey was on, then the Brady Bunch and McDonalds and KFC were downstairs!  But I was afraid--again, it was my first trip there--I thought I'd be kidnapped, that traveling alone, Muslims or Communists would chop off my head. (An attempted coup d 'etat DID occur, but fortunately,  it was some Military officers against their govt---not against US citizens. But it was interesting, watching tanks and assault weaponry, live from my hotel balcony and on TV simultaneously......

Now this gal #1, was, she  IS a good woman. She ended up marrying a Greek (actually Macedonian), and raising a family later on. I'm happy for them. Life's strange, she and my wife later decided that they'd even share a face book friendship. ( I don't 'do' FB) so close to 20 years later, there's still a cordial, respectful thread amongst us.

The jealous, drama Filipina woman  mentioned above, somehow found my wife's fb, and approached her, but my wife decided not to accept.

But anyways.....the Filipina #1 who belatedly decided I wasn't right as 'groom material' sweetly told me: "Our plan was to spend time together. I'll honor that and still take my vacation days off work, show you around, but no 'kissy kissy' and if you find someone else, if you want to strike off alone, I'll understand". Very noble.

Well, always have an 'ace in the hole'! Lady number one toured me for about ten days, then for close to two weeks, I toured several lovely islands with the Filipina who had been 'choice number two'--contacting her the weeks before, explaining that girl choice # one gave me 'free agent status'. I had a great time with both, although w/ gal number one, it was bittersweet.

I think the playing field in Colombia VS the Philippines makes some of the above not as applicable in Colombia, but that there's still some wisdom there that if taken, might be useful.

But my advice is even if you feel very sure that you've picked a pretty sure bet--the right girl--the "one",  make sure you've had enough experience where you had met some other nice ladies, saved contact information and can contact them if things don't work right with #1. In other words, have back up.

 Like one of my favorite entertainers, George Strait put it:

"You've got to have an ace in the hole"
You've got to have an ace in the hole.
A little secret that nobody knows.
Life is a gamble, a game we all play,
But you need to save something for a rainy day.
You've got to learn to play your cards right if you expect to win in life.
Don't put it all on the line for just one roll.
You've got to have an ace in the hole.

If you're headed down a one way street.
And you're not sure it's the way you wanna go.
In money or love, or all the above,
Have a little more than what you show.
When life deals out a surprise
Have a few surprises of your own.
No matter what you do, no matter where you go
You've got to have an ace in the hole...."
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Planet-Love.com

Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2018, 06:36:03 AM »

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2018, 08:46:40 AM »
My first trip to the Philippines, I had been chatting and camming for about a year, pretty much everyday, with a lovely, educated Filipina. Got to the point where we agreed I'd  book tickets (UNREFUNDABLE tickets) that as I recall, we're about $1500, so we could see if the chemistry was real.

THEN, about 4 or 5 weeks before my flight, after a lot of thought, she decided that "We weren't right for each other in considering marrying each other"

At first I was in a panic, thinking I'd be strictly staying in my hotel room, alone for three weeks, staying away from what then seemed like a dangerous, very foriegn place, unable to understand the language, afraid to eat the food. When I got to my hotel and turned on the TV, Oprah Winfrey was on, then the Brady Bunch and McDonalds and KFC were downstairs!  But I was afraid--again, it was my first trip there--I thought I'd be kidnapped, that traveling alone, Muslims or Communists would chop off my head. (An attempted coup d 'etat DID occur, but fortunately,  it was some Military officers against their govt---not against US citizens. But it was interesting, watching tanks and assault weaponry, live from my hotel balcony and on TV simultaneously......

Now this gal #1, was, she  IS a good woman. She ended up marrying a Greek (actually Macedonian), and raising a family later on. I'm happy for them. Life's strange, she and my wife later decided that they'd even share a face book friendship. ( I don't 'do' FB) so close to 20 years later, there's still a cordial, respectful thread amongst us.

The jealous, drama Filipina woman  mentioned above, somehow found my wife's fb, and approached her, but my wife decided not to accept.

But anyways.....the Filipina #1 who belatedly decided I wasn't right as 'groom material' sweetly told me: "Our plan was to spend time together. I'll honor that and still take my vacation days off work, show you around, but no 'kissy kissy' and if you find someone else, if you want to strike off alone, I'll understand". Very noble.

Well, always have an 'ace in the hole'! Lady number one toured me for about ten days, then for close to two weeks, I toured several lovely islands with the Filipina who had been 'choice number two'--contacting her the weeks before, explaining that girl choice # one gave me 'free agent status'. I had a great time with both, although w/ gal number one, it was bittersweet.

I think the playing field in Colombia VS the Philippines makes some of the above not as applicable in Colombia, but that there's still some wisdom there that if taken, might be useful.

But my advice is even if you feel very sure that you've picked a pretty sure bet--the right girl--the "one",  make sure you've had enough experience where you had met some other nice ladies, saved contact information and can contact them if things don't work right with #1. In other words, have back up.

 Like one of my favorite entertainers, George Strait put it:

"You've got to have an ace in the hole"
You've got to have an ace in the hole.
A little secret that nobody knows.
Life is a gamble, a game we all play,
But you need to save something for a rainy day.
You've got to learn to play your cards right if you expect to win in life.
Don't put it all on the line for just one roll.
You've got to have an ace in the hole.

If you're headed down a one way street.
And you're not sure it's the way you wanna go.
In money or love, or all the above,
Have a little more than what you show.
When life deals out a surprise
Have a few surprises of your own.
No matter what you do, no matter where you go
You've got to have an ace in the hole...."


I am a traveller been travelling all.my life lived in 8 difierent countries and have visited over 50 .Been all over Colombia (not necesarily with a female companion).

I dont go to a foreign country just to see a woman. I go to see the country or do some type of interesting activity.

So if some flaky or narcistic woman blows me off, there is no chemistry, or turns out to be a gold digger or a nice one suddenly  becomes crazy I just say "adiĆ³s " and do my own thing and eventually a better one comes a along.

Not saying there havent been "train wrecks" but why  cry and moan about the past? Life is great.

You have to always out your own interests and needs first above any women. Especially if there  is no plan to have
( your own ja ja)children with her.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2018, 08:51:28 AM by Elexpatriado »

Offline utopiacowboy

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2018, 10:19:01 AM »
I am probably a very strange guy but I have always found my children more satisfying in terms of a relationship than any woman. My ex wife always said that I left her for my children and to an extent she is right - I was really focused on my children while they were growing up. All my energy went into them.


Now that I have small grandchildren I find that I spend most of my time with them. It's like getting another opportunity to experience my children's childhoods again with their children. I wish I could live long enough to see them all grown up and have children of their own but who knows?


Walking around the neighborhood with my three year old grandson, you really see the world fresh and new. It takes us forever to walk several blocks around their house as he explores and checks things out. That little boy is crazy about his grandfather.



Offline benjio

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2018, 04:25:18 PM »
Plus, a new succession of this woman's 'life emergencies' began occurring. Dramas. I wondered how on earth she was able to live her reasonably comfortable life before I came along, and then all of a sudden, things like losing her apartment and more were regularly coming up-- all requiring cash cures.


Interesting you bring this up. Especially since I was having a conversation about it with a close friend the other day. When a woman doesn't love you anymore (or has never truly loved you) and she senses there's a very good chance you're about end it, they head straight for the vault. The only difference between some guys and others is whether or not they've given her the key. I've dated several women in the U.S., Colombia, Brazil and Mexico. Some over long distances and others while I lived in other countries as an expat. They always sense when you're fed up and things aren't working out long before you verbally express it. Women's intuition I think they call it. If you're in a situation where you're supplementing their income or taking care of them outright, this is a very dire situation for a woman. If they love you, they'll fight. They'll sob and scream and throw temper tantrums and try to make you feel guilty. If they don't love you it'll happen immediately. But for some reason women feel like they should be compensated for being in a relationship. It doesn't even matter if the fact that the relationship is ending is the woman's fault.


So I've been through what Robert is describing several times. Things start getting rocky and all of a sudden there are a ton of emergencies that can only be rectified financially. They always make some ridiculous last minute attempt to get as much money as they can out of you. I will admit that when I first got to Brazil I helped a girl open a checking account because she got a new job that refused to pay her under the table. I just cosigned on the account because as an expat you immediately have excellent credit when you move there. The downside of this (something I didn't figure out until later on) is Brazilian Banks automatically allow you to overdraft your account to an amount designated by your credit. So she had the ability to withdraw the account up to -R$10,000 (about $3000 USD at the time). Our breaking up was my fault. The simple fact is I met a MUCH prettier and more importantly better educated girl. When the girl got the sense I was seeing someone else, she quit her job and withdrew everything she could out of the account. I haven't heard from her since. That's what happens when you give them the "key to the vault" though. All said and done they run your credit when you leave the country to make sure you don't have any outstanding debt and I had to pay it off.


The attempts are just as aggressive if they can't put their hands on your money. Rent is late, grandma's sick, tuition is due...we all know the usual suspects. But man do these requests pick up when a woman gets the impression that you're about to leave her. This is the reason you can take care of a woman for years in the U.S. and when it ends she'll still feel entitled to material you paid for and funds you earned single-handed. You'll go to work for hours and hours while she sits at home with the nanny and the housekeeper doing nothing but spending your money. Then, when things don't work out, they can take everything you own with a clear conscious. You ever heard a woman say, "I'm wasting my good years." It's like I said, for them, there's some monetary value to be placed on being in a relationship....and they always expect us to pay up when it ends.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2018, 04:32:49 PM by benjio »

Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2018, 09:48:40 PM »
The old saying: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" Still holds a lot of weight.

It seems to me though, that the most dangerous period is early in the relationship,  as the  woman sizes a guy up, then towards the end, probably the last 25% of the time. But some women will wait until the end to execute a well hidden plan to thrust a deep dagger, really wiping a guy out.

But I can relate to both UC and Benjio's posts all too well.

I was married once before, for 14 years, the last two separated. My ex never allowed our moneys to 'co-mingle'--we kept all our accounts, our reciepts separately, then tallied them up every couple,of months and then argued over the figures. Insane, I know.

When we divorced, I ended up having the kids, both sons, at least five days and nights a week. Soccer, baseball, Tae Kwan doj, Scouts, music lessons, band,  school assemblies, etc, etc. She kept the big house, on a lovely chunk of land on a cul de sac that backs up to a lovely nature preserve. She pays people to keep it up. It used to take me three hours to just cut the lawn on my John Deer tractor.

In mediation, HER lawyer asked me: 'Mr. A., what do you want for child support?".

I said: "Nothing".

My ex, was, still IS ALL about money, about 'things'. Dunno why I'm retired and she still works two high paying, stressful jobs as a senior RN. For what--another new car, another Rolex? She's never dated, not once.

Somehow, she's not --she wasn't, a terrible Mom--I'll give her that. Worse thing about her as a Mom has been she's terribly quiet and cold at times, but like me, she's taken the boys on a lot of wonderful vacations and more than I, made sure they had manners. Perhaps their polished manners are from her influence, as well as from my family.

But she was an orphan, no family, a horrific upbringing, which came to explain a lot to me later on.

Take it from me guys, NEVER marry a woman if to some extent, you feel sorry for her.

But I really enjoyed raising my sons and I think they turned out well. Very well rounded, well read lads. Both extremely adept at playing music. One's finishing strong at UGA--a pretty fine University already, but turning down a UGA grad school scholarship there, a bit to my financial dismay. Instead, he's appling to Ivy League Universities for a combination Computer, Artificial Intelligence, Mathematics Masters degree, angling for the big bucks, playing the long, smart game I guess.....

The other son, the one the divorce really tore up--he's a very successful restuarateur and AirBnb owner, taking forever to finish University meanwhile.  I'm afraid he's gotten used to the money, a bit like his Mom in that way,  going out and  buying a new car, taking lots of fancy vacation$, etc....

But the divorce really tore up my older son much more than the younger son and the worst was how in the first few years of this second marriage,  he tried very, very hard to, like hell, to tear my wife and I apart. God knows my Wife deserves a place in heaven if just for how she handled 'all that'.

But they have had a much, much better relationship for the last ten or so years. Acceptance, hugs and respect.

He went through a wild stage too, and just like I did at his age, I had to bail him out, just like my Dad had to bail me out and 'lawyer me up' back in the day. He and I give each other hell,  he's said stuff to me that'd burn your ears off, even worse than I did  to my old man. (My Dad wouldve killed me LOL)

But think about it--when you're young, and that down, angry and pissed, you do, you say sh!t to your parents, because there isn't anybody else on earth who you could say it to and have them ever speak to you again. Children aren't like fish you can throw back.

But when he hits bottom, we forget the nasty verbal wars and he calls me to help him sort things out, not his Mom.

Karma, I guess.....

But back to money--at the divorce table---'child support', and me rejecting it straight away. Honestly, sometimes I think about the whole lotta money I gave up that day and how it was all for naught.....But I figured the kids would need a good example of how a man and woman can part and still be friends, and that'd set the tone--an olive branch offering of peace.

No, alas, it was not to be. Her cold, passive agressive nature with me only got worse. I got a little bit of equity back from the home's value--basically money my family had given us so we could buy a much nicer house than our then incomes together could provide back then. That and we split up parts of our 401k plans, as per state law. I got a little more, as she worked nights and weekends for overtime, while I worked weekdays and was with the boys 24X7. I got them off to school and except for occasional at school, after school care, picked them up too. I signed off on report cards, met with their Teachers. But the home equity, IRAs---she can never forget, nor forgive either event.

Some people just can't 'let go of the stone'....

But she's comfy with her 'trappings of wealth'. I sometimes joke and it's close, but not QUITE this bad, that if I told her:

"Luz----I just won a BILLION dollars! BUT---there's just ONE stipulation....... to win it, and YOU get half of the billion, you have to say THREE words to me!

"But just think---say THREE WORDS and we BOTH split it, each of us will win half a billion dollars!!!"

Then, she'd look me straight in the eye and with her little smirk of a smile, say:

"YOU LOSE"
« Last Edit: October 15, 2018, 10:20:09 PM by robert angel »
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Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2018, 10:12:00 PM »

Things start getting rocky and all of a sudden there are a ton of emergencies that can only be rectified financially. They always make some ridiculous last minute attempt to get as much money as they can out of you

It always amazed me how many times one woman could lose, have stolen, or drop her cell phone into the toilet, never mind face eviction and have a sick Mother, all repeatedly!
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2018, 10:52:50 PM »
The old saying: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" Still holds a lot of weight.

It seems to me though, that the most dangerous period is early in the relationship,  as the  woman sizes a guy up, then towards the end, probably the last 25% of the time. But some women will wait until the end to execute a well hidden plan to thrust a deep dagger, really wiping a guy out.

But I can relate to both UC and Benjio's posts all too well.

I was married once before, for 14 years, the last two separated. My ex never allowed our moneys to 'co-mingle'--we kept all our accounts, our reciepts separately, then tallied them up every couple,of months and then argued over the figures. Insane, I know.

When we divorced, I ended up having the kids, both sons, at least five days and nights a week. Soccer, baseball, Tae Kwan doj, Scouts, music lessons, band,  school assemblies, etc, etc. She kept the big house, on a lovely chunk of land on a cul de sac that backs up to a lovely nature preserve. She pays people to keep it up. It used to take me three hours to just cut the lawn on my John Deer tractor.

In mediation, HER lawyer asked me: 'Mr. A., what do you want for child support?".

I said: "Nothing".

My ex, was, still IS ALL about money, about 'things'. Dunno why I'm retired and she still works two high paying, stressful jobs as a senior RN. For what--another new car, another Rolex? She's never dated, not once.

Somehow, she's not --she wasn't, a terrible Mom--I'll give her that. Worse thing about her as a Mom has been she's terribly quiet and cold at times, but like me, she's taken the boys on a lot of wonderful vacations and more than I, made sure they had manners. Perhaps their polished manners are from her influence, as well as from my family.

But she was an orphan, no family, a horrific upbringing, which came to explain a lot to me later on.

Take it from me guys, NEVER marry a woman if to some extent, you feel sorry for her.

But I really enjoyed raising my sons and I think they turned out well. Very well rounded, well read lads. Both extremely adept at playing music. One's finishing strong at UGA--a pretty fine University already, but turning down a UGA grad school scholarship there, a bit to my financial dismay. Instead, he's appling to Ivy League Universities for a combination Computer, Artificial Intelligence, Mathematics Masters degree, angling for the big bucks, playing the long, smart game I guess.....

The other son, the one the divorce really tore up--he's a very successful restuarateur and AirBnb owner, taking forever to finish University meanwhile.  I'm afraid he's gotten used to the money, a bit like his Mom in that way,  going out and  buying a new car, taking lots of fancy vacation$, etc....

But the divorce really tore up my older son much more than the younger son and the worst was how in the first few years of this second marriage,  he tried very, very hard to, like hell, to tear my wife and I apart. God knows my Wife deserves a place in heaven if just for how she handled 'all that'.

But they have had a much, much better relationship for the last ten or so years. Acceptance, hugs and respect.

He went through a wild stage too, and just like I did at his age, I had to bail him out, just like my Dad had to bail me out and 'lawyer me up' back in the day. He and I give each other hell,  he's said stuff to me that'd burn your ears off, even worse than I did  to my old man. (My Dad wouldve killed me LOL)

But think about it--when you're young, and that down, angry and pissed, you do, you say sh!t to your parents, because there isn't anybody else on earth who you could say it to and have them ever speak to you again. Children aren't like fish you can throw back.

But when he hits bottom, we forget the nasty verbal wars and he calls me to help him sort things out, not his Mom.

Karma, I guess.....

But back to money--at the divorce table---'child support', and me rejecting it straight away. Honestly, sometimes I think about the whole lotta money I gave up that day and how it was all for naught.....But I figured the kids would need a good example of how a man and woman can part and still be friends, and that'd set the tone--an olive branch offering of peace.

No, alas, it was not to be. Her cold, passive agressive nature with me only got worse. I got a little bit of equity back from the home's value--basically money my family had given us so we could buy a much nicer house than our then incomes together could provide back then. That and we split up parts of our 401k plans, as per state law. I got a little more, as she worked nights and weekends for overtime, while I worked weekdays and was with the boys 24X7. I got them off to school and except for occasional at school, after school care, picked them up too. I signed off on report cards, met with their Teachers. But the home equity, IRAs---she can never forget, nor forgive either event.

Some people just can't 'let go of the stone'....

But she's comfy with her 'trappings of wealth'. I sometimes joke and it's close, but not QUITE this bad, that if I told her:

"Luz----I just won a BILLION dollars! BUT---there's just ONE stipulation....... to win it, and YOU get half of the billion, you have to say THREE words to me!

"But just think---say THREE WORDS and we BOTH split it, each of us will win half a billion dollars!!!"

Then, she'd look me straight in the eye and with her little smirk of a smile, say:

"YOU LOSE"
What an icy, vindictive bit--

Offline Wildstubby

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2018, 04:20:41 AM »
I guess I made out OK during my Great War. Right before she served me with divorce papers, (after 25 years of 'wedded bliss'), shift work became available and disengaged me from a real life, (12 hour days/12 hour nights). But because of that of was able to build up a war chest. Couple that with my attorney who is a brother in the same fraternal organization, I was able to make cash payoffs and get out from it a little under a $250K. Plus I had some left over to boot. My son stayed with me because she 'blew into town' one night when he was (ahem) entertaining a female, and put the proverbial 'cock-block' on the night. I wanted to tell the guy that she is now engaged to that there is a 'No Deposit-No Return' policy and he can't give her back! He's got damaged goods and in essence, is doing me a big favor. In retrospect, I got out of it cheap!

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2018, 05:50:59 AM »

Interesting you bring this up. Especially since I was having a conversation about it with a close friend the other day. When a woman doesn't love you anymore (or has never truly loved you) and she senses there's a very good chance you're about end it, they head straight for the vault. The only difference between some guys and others is whether or not they've given her the key. I've dated several women in the U.S., Colombia, Brazil and Mexico. Some over long distances and others while I lived in other countries as an expat. They always sense when you're fed up and things aren't working out long before you verbally express it. Women's intuition I think they call it. If you're in a situation where you're supplementing their income or taking care of them outright, this is a very dire situation for a woman. If they love you, they'll fight. They'll sob and scream and throw temper tantrums and try to make you feel guilty. If they don't love you it'll happen immediately. But for some reason women feel like they should be compensated for being in a relationship. It doesn't even matter if the fact that the relationship is ending is the woman's fault.


So I've been through what Robert is describing several times. Things start getting rocky and all of a sudden there are a ton of emergencies that can only be rectified financially. They always make some ridiculous last minute attempt to get as much money as they can out of you. I will admit that when I first got to Brazil I helped a girl open a checking account because she got a new job that refused to pay her under the table. I just cosigned on the account because as an expat you immediately have excellent credit when you move there. The downside of this (something I didn't figure out until later on) is Brazilian Banks automatically allow you to overdraft your account to an amount designated by your credit. So she had the ability to withdraw the account up to -R$10,000 (about $3000 USD at the time). Our breaking up was my fault. The simple fact is I met a MUCH prettier and more importantly better educated girl. When the girl got the sense I was seeing someone else, she quit her job and withdrew everything she could out of the account. I haven't heard from her since. That's what happens when you give them the "key to the vault" though. All said and done they run your credit when you leave the country to make sure you don't have any outstanding debt and I had to pay it off.


The attempts are just as aggressive if they can't put their hands on your money. Rent is late, grandma's sick, tuition is due...we all know the usual suspects. But man do these requests pick up when a woman gets the impression that you're about to leave her. This is the reason you can take care of a woman for years in the U.S. and when it ends she'll still feel entitled to material you paid for and funds you earned single-handed. You'll go to work for hours and hours while she sits at home with the nanny and the housekeeper doing nothing but spending your money. Then, when things don't work out, they can take everything you own with a clear conscious. You ever heard a woman say, "I'm wasting my good years." It's like I said, for them, there's some monetary value to be placed on being in a relationship....and they always expect us to pay up when it ends.


Sounds like your readyfor MGTOW Benja ja ja

They good part is an Expat living overseas, the  only money she can get off of you when it ends is what she can suck you in for..with her sob stories that pang at your heart...LMAO....if a guy is "beta" (or has too much empathy is a nice way to.put it)  and lets her get away with it ..where as with a wife in the US you are forced into paying by a court order..

So its really  up to the guy..we all make our own bed...so we have To sleep in it.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2018, 12:56:48 PM »
I guess I made out OK during my Great War. Right before she served me with divorce papers, (after 25 years of 'wedded bliss'), shift work became available and disengaged me from a real life, (12 hour days/12 hour nights). But because of that of was able to build up a war chest. Couple that with my attorney who is a brother in the same fraternal organization, I was able to make cash payoffs and get out from it a little under a $250K. Plus I had some left over to boot. My son stayed with me because she 'blew into town' one night when he was (ahem) entertaining a female, and put the proverbial 'cock-block' on the night. I wanted to tell the guy that she is now engaged to that there is a 'No Deposit-No Return' policy and he can't give her back! He's got damaged goods and in essence, is doing me a big favor. In retrospect, I got out of it cheap!

Hind sight being 20/20, had I taken my ex wife's lawyer's child support offer, I'd probably have some where in the neighborhood of an extra $250,000 banked--and I think child support's tax free, too.  Sounds like a Porsche Turbo S to me, although if I had that kind of 'play money', I'd probably wait for the new, mid engine Chevy Corvette, which will be an incredible car for under $80K ( watch the January 2019 Detroit Auto Show, or look up the testing models online)  Perhaps, stupidly,  might get another boat too, LOL.

The only thing better than a good friend is a good friend who has a boat and truck!

But my pride and self respect's worth more than all that, not gonna moan and my sons are happy, while making this world a better place than they found it---that's priceless.

I worked enough so that I fortunately was able to save enough to retire, still help my sons with college tuition, get my wife and I into newer cars, spoil her a bit (Lordy, she deserves it) and take some great vacations together. My wife gets about 5 weeks vacation a year, enjoys her job still, and we'll enjoy her time off, traveling, breaking it up into at least 3 or 4 nice vacations. She doesn't know it yet, but weekend after next, it's  up into the Blue Ridge Mountains, to see the fall colors.

What sucks though is with her being a lot younger than me, if she isn't working, she won't have health insurance when I get older and Medicaid or Medicare--- whatever they call it, kicks in and my work related health care coverage pretty much opts out.

But she's amazingly cool with me chilling out at home, not nagging me in the least, other than asking me to try and sleep by 11:30-12:00. She just can't sleep alone, and then gets up early, squeezes and warms a glass of fresh lemon juice, (great for the body) then takes a shower and after half an hour after that, fixes me either fruit and oatmeal, or a mix of fruit, juices and vegies in a 20 ounce smoothie. So weekdays, I HAVE to get up until she leaves. But when she leaves, I can sleep til 10:00+!

But while I'll usually knock out the dishes and keep the lawn and garden up, there's no 'grilling me'-- no 'what did you do today? and Sundays, she usually cooks enough dishes (this week, lasagna, with vegie based, non carbohydrate noodles, egg plant with sausage and cheeses parmasan style, and a big curry chicken vegie stir fry) so that unless I go out, we can have a great lunch together at home. She works 5 minutes away and has an hour--so, afternoon delight! Speaking of grilling, sometimes  I do some of that on the BBQ, which she loves coming home to. Hell, if I just have tuna fish sandwiches made and ready, she acts like it's a wonderful gesture.

Three things pick her out of the rare 'off mood'--me actually 'cooking' something good, going with her to yoga or another kind of 'workout', or a little 'retail therapy'--spending a few bucks at Bed Bath and Beyond, Victoria's Secret, etc. Small potatoes. ...

The daytime TV, besides the news, but yea, even the news gets old--the Jerry Springer, Ellen etc., all that gets old fast. I have picked up the National Geo, Consumer Reports, Forbes, Fortune magazines, get every car magazine known to man, get the the NYT and WSJ daily newspapers, but I might work part time, or volunteer my time, helping out at some place I enjoy being.

Wifey is always about picking up new skills and she's about mastered most Microsoft and Oracle programs. Lately, she's studying SQL real hard at home at night---she'll take the exam next week.. Slowly but surely, she's setting up her life where she may be able to make good money working her current job (or other jobs/companies) online from home, really from anywhere with a good internet connection.

Now that'd take some adjusting to!
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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2018, 04:46:34 PM »
Robert angel said:
Quote
Hind sight being 20/20, had I taken my ex wife's lawyer's child support offer, I'd probably have some where in the neighborhood of an extra $250,000 banked--and I think child support's tax free, too.  Sounds like a Porsche Turbo S to me, although if I had that kind of 'play money', I'd probably wait for the new, mid engine Chevy Corvette, which will be an incredible car for under $80K ( watch the January 2019 Detroit Auto Show, or look up the testing models online)  Perhaps, stupidly,  might get another boat too, LOL.

The only thing better than a good friend is a good friend who has a boat and truck!

But my pride and self respect's worth more than all that, not gonna moan and my sons are happy, while making this world a better place than they found it---that's priceless.

I worked enough so that I fortunately was able to save enough to retire, still help my sons with college tuition, get my wife and I into newer cars, spoil her a bit (Lordy, she deserves it) and take some great vacations together. My wife gets about 5 weeks vacation a year, enjoys her job still, and we'll enjoy her time off, traveling, breaking it up into at least 3 or 4 nice vacations. She doesn't know it yet, but weekend after next, it's  up into the Blue Ridge Mountains, to see the fall colors.

What sucks though is with her being a lot younger than me, if she isn't working, she won't have health insurance when I get older and Medicaid or Medicare--- whatever they call it, kicks in and my work related health care coverage pretty much opts out.

But she's amazingly cool with me chilling out at home, not nagging me in the least, other than asking me to try and sleep by 11:30-12:00. She just can't sleep alone, and then gets up early, squeezes and warms a glass of fresh lemon juice, (great for the body) then takes a shower and after half an hour after that, fixes me either fruit and oatmeal, or a mix of fruit, juices and vegies in a 20 ounce smoothie. So weekdays, I HAVE to get up until she leaves. But when she leaves, I can sleep til 10:00+!

But while I'll usually knock out the dishes and keep the lawn and garden up, there's no 'grilling me'-- no 'what did you do today? and Sundays, she usually cooks enough dishes (this week, lasagna, with vegie based, non carbohydrate noodles, egg plant with sausage and cheeses parmasan style, and a big curry chicken vegie stir fry) so that unless I go out, we can have a great lunch together at home. She works 5 minutes away and has an hour--so, afternoon delight! Speaking of grilling, sometimes  I do some of that on the BBQ, which she loves coming home to. Hell, if I just have tuna fish sandwiches made and ready, she acts like it's a wonderful gesture.

Three things pick her out of the rare 'off mood'--me actually 'cooking' something good, going with her to yoga or another kind of 'workout', or a little 'retail therapy'--spending a few bucks at Bed Bath and Beyond, Victoria's Secret, etc. Small potatoes. ...

The daytime TV, besides the news, but yea, even the news gets old--the Jerry Springer, Ellen etc., all that gets old fast. I have picked up the National Geo, Consumer Reports, Forbes, Fortune magazines, get every car magazine known to man, get the the NYT and WSJ daily newspapers, but I might work part time, or volunteer my time, helping out at some place I enjoy being.

Wifey is always about picking up new skills and she's about mastered most Microsoft and Oracle programs. Lately, she's studying SQL real hard at home at night---she'll take the exam next week.. Slowly but surely, she's setting up her life where she may be able to make good money working her current job (or other jobs/companies) online from home, really from anywhere with a good internet connection.

Now that'd take some adjusting to!
I have at least 5~7 years at the salt mine before I toss in the towel. Unless the company 'decides' I need an early retirement. I like the prospect of waking up when I feel like it but I will either do a part-time gig with the company as a contracted employee just to have some extra $$ or go out and be my own boss doing small electrical, heating and plumbing jobs.
Gf has it lined up once she is here with me, her company want her to make inroads with the Latino community here. She is pretty much a self-directed rep in Colombia but with her up coming surgery, that looks like its in jeopardy. But what the hell? As long as I am happy when she comes is all that matters. Personally, I think I got a winning number this time!

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2018, 04:46:34 PM »

Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2018, 08:52:28 PM »
Robert angel said:I have at least 5~7 years at the salt mine before I toss in the towel. Unless the company 'decides' I need an early retirement. I like the prospect of waking up when I feel like it but I will either do a part-time gig with the company as a contracted employee just to have some extra $$ or go out and be my own boss doing small electrical, heating and plumbing jobs.
Gf has it lined up once she is here with me, her company want her to make inroads with the Latino community here. She is pretty much a self-directed rep in Colombia but with her up coming surgery, that looks like its in jeopardy. But what the hell? As long as I am happy when she comes is all that matters. Personally, I think I got a winning number this time!

I think couples who are happy find that their happiness is intertwined. If you are happy, so is she, and vice versa. That's not to say that you both need to have all the same interests, hobbies etc. In fact, having individual things we each like is good.

She's careful about socialization within the many threads that exist in the Filipino community, so we don't go to all the events, and though it's hard to turn down an invite when they're roasting a whole giant pig along with a dozen other dishes including seafoods, we keep a calculated, low profile. Too much gossip and women screwing around on their husbands, their BFs...

Being a 'social climber' is the last thing she wants to be, but she conducts herself and keeps a quiet eye on my conduct, so to ensure we don't get caught up in their tangled dramas. Easier said than done, but not 'over socializing' - - in public and on social media, helps.

She's known as the 'go to' person in her community if someone wants a recommendation to be hired by the large company she works at, but she's worked long and hard enough that she's white collar and doesn't see the Filipinos she got hired in their usual blue collar starting positions, except for at big corporate events--company quarterly performance reviews and such.

But it's one of the best companies to work for in our city--in terms of pay, benefits and conditions, so that's earned her their respect. A lot of Filipinos here won't lift a finger to help another Filipino get a job. Sad.

At home, my wife couldn't care less about my collection of Indian artifacts, old bottles, coins and 'stuff' - - as long as I don't leave them all over the house. She's never become upset about the ridiculous amount of mechanical (non quartz) watches I have.

I never give her a hard time about all her many , many pairs of shoes, her being into Korean pop music, soap operas and products. Or her love of Beauty pageants and talent shows, supporting Filipina contestants.

But we generally like the same music, TV shows and movies, although she can't handle horror flicks. I read everything, but if she can't listen on headphones, she often gets it online. But she's cool with action films and occasionally I'll even see a 'chick flick' with her.

Aside from shoes, she's eminently practical, without a lot of holding onto things that in her eyes, don't have objective practicality. I'm a pack rat and that irks her and her always wanting a neat house, but we don't get bent out of shape. I think (hope) she's about given up on me really ever completely cleaning up my work shed and the garage, LOL.

She has a good sense of modern fashion and I've 95% caved in there and let her modernize my err 'wardrobe' - - although they're back in fashion, she's definitely not into Hawaiian or plaid shirts, calls them "grandpa shirts", Things like any high white or black socks are no nos. Same with pleated or cuffed pants.

Polyester, poly cotton blends have been replaced with cotton, but she usually irons our clothes before we go out, so I don't mind.

But I've held my ground on old, soft denim shirts, leather jackets and a few other things.

She reads, studies the bible a little bit on her own many evenings, but pretty often, I am able to discuss biblical topics and answer questions she has about them - - or suggest possible interpretations that make sense to us.

We don't HAVE to go to church every Sunday. Some Sundays I let her go alone. It may sound shocking, but she never leaves the house with out asking for permission. Sometimes, I even suugest we go to the quickie 20-25 minute mass on Saturday - - it's quick, at the Cathedral, close to great places to eat at and walk around. And she's delighted that I'm the one suggesting. But she'll ask to go to church alone sometimes, ask if it's OK for her to have lunch with friends on weekends or at work, even to go to the grocery store.

It sounds weird, like Islam, but that's old Philippine provincial manners and I almost never say 'no'. I instead, a few times I have 'suggested' she and I do something else together instead, which she's always fine with.

This weekend, her best friend is driving eight hours to visit her husband's family in our city and my wife asked me yesterday if she could invite her, her very best friend, over to cook a bunch of fresh crab, shrimp and other goodies. "Of course, Honey!"

Both of us are disgusted with politics and America's social ills in very similar ways.

But again, it's our differences, as well as similarities, that seem to make us work out thus far.

But by far, beyond measure, what makes us work well together is we rarely get into disagreements and most important of all, is that when we DO get mad at each other, we get over it quckly--no grudges or passive aggression.

If that weren't the case, if I didn't look forward to each of us coming home to each other because of a lot of tensions, I'd rather go it alone.

Life's just too short in my mind to consider living with someone who's a moody, pain in the ass, someone who's not typically pretty reasonable.

No it ain't perfect, but for now, it certainly adds up to being a helluva a lot better than going it alone.


« Last Edit: October 16, 2018, 08:57:29 PM by robert angel »
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Offline mambocowboy

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2018, 10:15:29 AM »
Rob, I think it's safe to say you both chose very wisely and also had the good fortune to find a woman like your wife. It's very hard to find an attractive woman who is also emotionally mature...

Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2018, 04:22:36 PM »
Rob, I think it's safe to say you both chose very wisely and also had the good fortune to find a woman like your wife. It's very hard to find an attractive woman who is also emotionally mature...

Thanks MC,

I was, really am, unusually fortunate--even for women from her part of the world. I know you also took the time that ultimately saved you a lot of trouble too.

I still say to myself "Nothing lasts forever" and I hope I never have to say, as the line in one of the great George Strait's songs from the great album  'Easy Come Easy Go") goes:

"I'd like to have that one back"

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p6oWPg8rJ90  (Easy come, easy go)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ecJiTrUQ9RY  (I'd like to have that one back)

But I'd for sure be grateful and try and look back on the close to 17 years she's been in my life positively.

I think that sentiment --'the one's that gottaway", would make a great thread here, something we could all learn from.

There's one I never should've let getaway. I'm so fortunate to have struck gold twice.

But besides my utter lack of useful Spanish skills needed to really be successful in South and Central America and lack of any appititude in learning foreign languages, I thought that I already have a bad enough temper, too short a fuse, ocasionally slipping into 'type A' personality, to the point that most Lain America babes were not for me.

Rather than setting me off, my wife more often 'diffuseses' me from losing it.

Conversely,  she so rarely loses HER temper, that when she does, I really need to take it seriously, not just 'blow it off', not go out and "wait for it to blow over"

I dated quite a few Latinas stateside when I was in high school and college. They sure are a beautiful lot. That said, there's obviously different looks, shades, and personalities, etc.  I can see quite a bit of that 'look' in my wife, the result mostly from her Mom's Spanish bloodline side and 400 or so years of the Spaniards running the Philippines.

Three of my Uncles married Latinas, so I saw a bit. My Aunts were super wonderful to me growing up. I saw how the young males can be treated like princes, because they always treated ME like royalty.

When I was in trouble at home (often) they always let me stay there overnight.

Many a Friday night when I was a teenager, they slipped me enough cash to take some pretty chica, really any ethnicity babe, out for a movie and snacks.

I remember one Aunt in particular, who would slip me $5 or $10 on a Friday or Saturday for a date and she'd say to me:

"Don't forget the umbrella!"

I didn't understand , clueless as to what she meant, but I'd just say, "Sure, Aunt Jenny"

It wasn't until much later, that I finally realized she was discreetly telling me to use a condom if I was having sex!!!

This was in the mid to late 70's, and STDs were rare, she just didn't want me knocking some poor girl up!

But hey, when my Uncle's marriages to them were good, it was VERY good, but for at least 2 of the 3 wives, (and I loved all three Aunts), when things got rough, they could get very rough---plates and more would fly!

And I LOVED the rice and beans, the pork dishes on those plates!
« Last Edit: October 17, 2018, 08:29:14 PM by robert angel »
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Offline Wildstubby

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #16 on: October 17, 2018, 04:50:43 PM »
I think what got me 'looking south' was when the ex left me, (and my son), I truly wanted to get even with her. I knew exactly how her jealousy streak ran and nothing that would ratchet that up, (after the divorce of course), was for me to be spotted with a very attractive woman. I had read so much about Eastern European women, (Russia and Ukraine), and was tending to lean that way. Until I found a website written by a Canadian fellow who lived in Moscow for about 8 years and claimed they all had a 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality! He said look to South America where they are more conservative and appreciative. I recall correctly he specifically said Colombia. I did my 'due diligence' and ultimately made friends with the host of the (now defunked) website 'Colombiahelp.com'. Most of the advice he gave me was spot on and so that lead me to several trips there, with my last one being very fruitful. I just made my reservations for Ibague prior to visiting here today. On a side note, I was toying with the idea of the Philippines and their equally conservative and beautiful women, while I was in between gfs in Colombia. I had subscribed to internationalcupid.com and talked with many 'Pinays'. But what kind of stopped me was there was a lot of solicitation for money and in return they would show me some nude photos, (big turn off). But I think what was the big show stopper was the amount of time spent traveling. I would have had to made a 10 day trip in order for it to be worthwhile. 23 hours of travel was a killer.
« Last Edit: October 17, 2018, 04:52:17 PM by Wildstubby »

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #17 on: October 17, 2018, 07:10:00 PM »
I guess not having kids in a previous relationship has its advantages.
You dont worry what the ex "thinks" whether they are jeaulous or not.. (as if I cared ..ja ja)
You  just "ghost"them..tierra quemada..No contact for the7 rest of your life..like they never existed..

Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #18 on: October 17, 2018, 07:37:20 PM »
On a side note, I was toying with the idea of the Philippines and their equally conservative and beautiful women, while I was in between gfs in Colombia. I had subscribed to internationalcupid.com and talked with many 'Pinays'. But what kind of stopped me was there was a lot of solicitation for money and in return they would show me some nude photos, (big turn off). But I think what was the big show stopper was the amount of time spent traveling. I would have had to made a 10 day trip in order for it to be worthwhile. 23 hours of travel was a killer.

The travel is killer and really overpriced. From the east coast, it typically takes us closer to thirty hours, I've had 35 hours. And while you don't want absurdly long layovers, we've learned to allow at least a couple hours at each stop, so our luggage doesn't end  up staying in Atlanta, Detroit, (Delta) Chicago, (American A.) Los Angeles, California, Hawaii, Hong Kong or Japan---it's happened to us---especially when you switch to their foriegn airline 'partner'.

Cathay Air had our bags lost in the vast Hong Kong airport for 2 weeks once. We had to buy new clothes. Always pack a couple,outfits in your carry on!!!

Last July, my wife allowed 2.5 hours layover in gawd awful O'Hare, Chicago airport and because of weather delays from Georgia, she had less than thirty minutes to get off, run a long ways from domestic to international, then boarded only five minutes before they closed the gate.

She  got on, everyone else was seated and buckled. She normally never sweats, but she was wet and worn out, like an Olympic marathon athlete post event, from running to make it. A bundle of frayed nerves.

To add insult to injury, airfare to fly over and PAST Manila costs a LOT less than airfare TO Manila. Any city in Asia, India--Beijing, Bangkok, Mumbai, etc., is a lot cheaper. Then the Manila airport is it's own hell in and of itself. But they totally gouge people on airfare to the Philippines--it makes no sense.

Then besides as basically mentioned, 95% of the women online from there are (usually poor, desperate) scammers, girls, women looking to 'freelance' and make $$$ from webcamming, no wonder most guys pass it by.

In some places, you've  gotta sift thru a lotta buckets of dirt to find a gold nugget, I tell ya.

And cultivating personal relationships i.e 'friends' ---networking---is what got me personally introduced to my wife, although she and I both had online profiles.

There were some old ladies who wanted to 'match me up' and they could've been helpful--really those old ladies were helpful---they wised me up to 'the way thinge really operate', how a lot of the Filipinas operate, the culture, what to look for, what to avoid.... 

But ironically, it was a young Filipina living in VERMONT of all places, who I met in an old Yahoo international 'chatroom', who introduced me to my wife. That was unbelievabily AFTER her sister and I didn't really click. Talk abut luck!

That was back when Yahoo was about the only game for chatting and webcamming, no FB, Whatsapp, Viber, Line, etc...

My how times have changed, but basically, the 'game' itself remains the same.

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Offline Wildstubby

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #19 on: October 17, 2018, 08:05:27 PM »
Robert angel said:
Quote
The travel is killer and really overpriced. From the east coast, it typically takes us closer to thirty hours, I've had 35 hours. And while you don't want absurdly long layovers, we've learned to allow at least a couple hours at each stop, so our luggage doesn't end  up staying in Atlanta, Detroit, (Delta) Chicago, (American A.) Los Angeles, California, Hawaii, Hong Kong or Japan---it's happened to us---especially when you switch to their foriegn airline 'partner'.

Cathay Air had our bags lost in the vast Hong Kong airport for 2 weeks once. We had to buy new clothes. Always pack a couple,outfits in your carry on!!!

Last July, my wife allowed 2.5 hours layover in gawd awful O'Hare, Chicago airport and because of weather delays from Georgia, she had less than thirty minutes to get off, run a long ways from domestic to international, then boarded only five minutes before they closed the gate.

She  got on, everyone else was seated and buckled. She normally never sweats, but she was wet and worn out, like an Olympic marathon athlete post event, from running to make it. A bundle of frayed nerves.

To add insult to injury, airfare to fly over and PAST Manila costs a LOT less than airfare TO Manila. Any city in Asia, India--Beijing, Bangkok, Mumbai, etc., is a lot cheaper. Then the Manila airport is it's own hell in and of itself. But they totally gouge people on airfare to the Philippines--it makes no sense.

Then besides as basically mentioned, 95% of the women online from there are (usually poor, desperate) scammers, girls, women looking to 'freelance' and make $$$ from webcamming, no wonder most guys pass it by.

In some places, you've  gotta sift thru a lotta buckets of dirt to find a gold nugget, I tell ya.

And cultivating personal relationships i.e 'friends' ---networking---is what got me personally introduced to my wife, although she and I both had online profiles.

There were some old ladies who wanted to 'match me up' and they could've been helpful--really those old ladies were helpful---they wised me up to 'the way thinge really operate', how a lot of the Filipinas operate, the culture, what to look for, what to avoid.... 

But ironically, it was a young Filipina living in VERMONT of all places, who I met in an old Yahoo international 'chatroom', who introduced me to my wife. That was unbelievabily AFTER her sister and I didn't really click. Talk abut luck!

That was back when Yahoo was about the only game for chatting and webcamming, no FB, Whatsapp, Viber, Line, etc...

My how times have changed, but basically, the 'game' itself remains the same.
My brother-in-law was a VP in Washington for a company that was owned by a Filipino national. Alas, he sold the company but before he did, he hosted a golf tournament which I was invited to and was also attended by many Pinays. That planted the seed. I really had intentions of visiting the PI in the April time frame. I think if I were to fly there I was going to go Emirates. They had a pretty good reputation for service and the price for 'premium economy' wasn't too terrible.  Now since you traveled there a few times, were you required to get a 'travel visa' for the airports you would layover in? Like Hong Kong or Japan etc.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #20 on: October 17, 2018, 08:20:40 PM »
I think couples who are happy find that their happiness is intertwined. If you are happy, so is she, and vice versa. That's not to say that you both need to have all the same interests, hobbies etc. In fact, having individual things we each like is good.

She's careful about socialization within the many threads that exist in the Filipino community, so we don't go to all the events, and though it's hard to turn down an invite when they're roasting a whole giant pig along with a dozen other dishes including seafoods, we keep a calculated, low profile. Too much gossip and women screwing around on their husbands, their BFs...

Being a 'social climber' is the last thing she wants to be, but she conducts herself and keeps a quiet eye on my conduct, so to ensure we don't get caught up in their tangled dramas. Easier said than done, but not 'over socializing' - - in public and on social media, helps.

She's known as the 'go to' person in her community if someone wants a recommendation to be hired by the large company she works at, but she's worked long and hard enough that she's white collar and doesn't see the Filipinos she got hired in their usual blue collar starting positions, except for at big corporate events--company quarterly performance reviews and such.

But it's one of the best companies to work for in our city--in terms of pay, benefits and conditions, so that's earned her their respect. A lot of Filipinos here won't lift a finger to help another Filipino get a job. Sad.

At home, my wife couldn't care less about my collection of Indian artifacts, old bottles, coins and 'stuff' - - as long as I don't leave them all over the house. She's never become upset about the ridiculous amount of mechanical (non quartz) watches I have.

I never give her a hard time about all her many , many pairs of shoes, her being into Korean pop music, soap operas and products. Or her love of Beauty pageants and talent shows, supporting Filipina contestants.

But we generally like the same music, TV shows and movies, although she can't handle horror flicks. I read everything, but if she can't listen on headphones, she often gets it online. But she's cool with action films and occasionally I'll even see a 'chick flick' with her.

Aside from shoes, she's eminently practical, without a lot of holding onto things that in her eyes, don't have objective practicality. I'm a pack rat and that irks her and her always wanting a neat house, but we don't get bent out of shape. I think (hope) she's about given up on me really ever completely cleaning up my work shed and the garage, LOL.

She has a good sense of modern fashion and I've 95% caved in there and let her modernize my err 'wardrobe' - - although they're back in fashion, she's definitely not into Hawaiian or plaid shirts, calls them "grandpa shirts", Things like any high white or black socks are no nos. Same with pleated or cuffed pants.

Polyester, poly cotton blends have been replaced with cotton, but she usually irons our clothes before we go out, so I don't mind.

But I've held my ground on old, soft denim shirts, leather jackets and a few other things.

She reads, studies the bible a little bit on her own many evenings, but pretty often, I am able to discuss biblical topics and answer questions she has about them - - or suggest possible interpretations that make sense to us.

We don't HAVE to go to church every Sunday. Some Sundays I let her go alone. It may sound shocking, but she never leaves the house with out asking for permission. Sometimes, I even suugest we go to the quickie 20-25 minute mass on Saturday - - it's quick, at the Cathedral, close to great places to eat at and walk around. And she's delighted that I'm the one suggesting. But she'll ask to go to church alone sometimes, ask if it's OK for her to have lunch with friends on weekends or at work, even to go to the grocery store.

It sounds weird, like Islam, but that's old Philippine provincial manners and I almost never say 'no'. I instead, a few times I have 'suggested' she and I do something else together instead, which she's always fine with.

This weekend, her best friend is driving eight hours to visit her husband's family in our city and my wife asked me yesterday if she could invite her, her very best friend, over to cook a bunch of fresh crab, shrimp and other goodies. "Of course, Honey!"

Both of us are disgusted with politics and America's social ills in very similar ways.

But again, it's our differences, as well as similarities, that seem to make us work out thus far.

But by far, beyond measure, what makes us work well together is we rarely get into disagreements and most important of all, is that when we DO get mad at each other, we get over it quckly--no grudges or passive aggression.

If that weren't the case, if I didn't look forward to each of us coming home to each other because of a lot of tensions, I'd rather go it alone.

Life's just too short in my mind to consider living with someone who's a moody, pain in the ass, someone who's not typically pretty reasonable.

No it ain't perfect, but for now, it certainly adds up to being a helluva a lot better than going it alone.
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Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #21 on: October 17, 2018, 09:23:06 PM »
Robert angel said:My brother-in-law was a VP in Washington for a company that was owned by a Filipino national. Alas, he sold the company but before he did, he hosted a golf tournament which I was invited to and was also attended by many Pinays. That planted the seed. I really had intentions of visiting the PI in the April time frame. I think if I were to fly there I was going to go Emirates. They had a pretty good reputation for service and the price for 'premium economy' wasn't too terrible.  Now since you traveled there a few times, were you required to get a 'travel visa' for the airports you would layover in? Like Hong Kong or Japan etc.

Japan and Hong Kong allow US citizens to stay withOUT a visa for up to ninety days, surprisingly enough. Most nations are quite accommodating to USA citizens that way.

They figure we're like a wealthy version of the flu-- that's sure to go away --back to the USA, after spending valuable US dollars. They see us and hear "kaching! "

My wife stayed a bit in Japan coming back and loved it-- it's so clean and organized, the beauty and fashion products amazing. Japan and Singapore are to Asia what Switzerland is to Europe.

But everything in Japan and in Hong Kong, where she took her family costs a lot. Hong Kong is essentially China, but uses the UK dollar still and also Macau, which again is China, but also uses a different currency.


All are over the top flashy and impressive. Macau has five times more gambling revenues and casinos than the entire USA-- all in a small area that's on an island. Macau was a fully Portuguese Colony up until 1999. Hong Kong was an English island Colony up until 1997. Both, like Japan, are not only quite expensive, but not a lot of people spoke English where she took her family.


But increasingly, when we travel abroad, we plan on a day or two, up to three or four days, layovers in places I call 'trophy cities'. I am a sucker for places like NYC's Times Square, gotta see the biggest sky scrapers, the incredible lights and feel the electric intensity of the street life atmosphere.

That, along with exploring a bit of the 'under bellies' of these cities--- in NYC's case, places like Canal Street, Chinatown and Greenwich Village, all with their great shopping bargains and ethnic flavors, not too touristy.

Very few cities in the world require more than a few days to see their most impressive sites, if your not hitting beaches and museums. Most have easy, cheap and quick transportation from the airport, right to the center of everything.  They want you to spend.


 I had a 14 hour layover in San Francisco once, and was able to catch a quick train into town, walk the entire Fisherman's Wharf tourist trap area, wander past the Transamerica pyramid skyscraper, get deep enough into China town to where nobody knew (or admitted that they knew, which happens in a lot of places) how to speak English. Saw a restaurant with no non Chinese people in there, figured " Must be real, good Chinese food" and it took forever to order, LOL. But hey, almost learned how to play Mahjong and Chinese chess waiting and watching in that restaurant and in some Chinatown city parks.

Even had time to do some shopping, ride a trolley, see Alcatraz and the GG bridge from land and still got back to the SF airport, NP.
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Offline robert angel

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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #22 on: October 25, 2018, 01:12:23 PM »
Come on !ads, betchya all have at least one crazy story from dating locally, using online sites like match.com, etc.

I had been using a few online sites for a while and nothing much local looked promising enough to move beyond looking at the online profile. It was soon to put my search abroad into overdrive.

Then I saw this doll who really caught my eye. Great, down to earth profile..

Petite, tan tight bodied, brown eyed blonde, with curves in all the right places. She had rack, up firm and high, that stood out like a pair of high beams on an 18 wheeler.  Built for speed, but had an innocent look about her too.

But yea, she was a real 'looker' and a nurse at the top plastic surgery practice in our city, which made me think. But that wasn't gonna stop me from eventually finding out personally what was 'real' on that lassie's chassis!!

She had one kid, I had two about the same age then, not a deal breaker. She seemed settled, stable in her life, just wanting a man. She loved boating, and at the time I had a 21 foot boat with a padded front deck the size of a queen bed, surrounded by rails. We were gonna tie up and make some serious waves.

We seemed to have a lot in common, lots of positive signs and pretty quickly--I think after about ten days of intense, 'getting to know each other'-- we figured on a 'meet n eat' dinner date.

I got us a nice table at a little Italian place, 'The Upper Crust' next county over. I remember the late Gregg Allman, of Allman Brothers fame, was a  table away, with his then longtime GF, Marcia. A local, we'd casually met a few times, talking about cars, obscure music and stuff. When I was a young kid and they were starting out, I met the whole band, including his late older brother Duane, at a Holliday Inn in Davenport, Iowa,, enroute to Montana with my family-- world's longest road trip. So a cool thread was already there, but seeing Gregg again, that was peach pie.


It went totally fantastic datewise. All the good commonalities were affirmed and then some. Sizzling physical attraction, she was grabbing my hand, our feet flirting, touching beneath the table cloth, laughing, intense eye contact etc.

After close to two hours, the bill came. Quick as slap, she grabbed it, insisting she pay. I said "no" but she wouldn't even let me pay half, teasing me, insisting I could pay on our NEXT date, which looked MORE than promising!

I walked her out to her Benz, got a nice wet kiss and watched her drive off. We'd excitedly agreed to 'follow up' and soon...

Next night I called her....

It was like she was a TOTALLY different person. She suddenly loathed me, saying stuff that made me out to be some kind of psycho, sicko-- like a cross between Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacey or some such. Accused me of being a really bad person. No details, just wicked generalizations. From Saint to the devil, in 24 hours. Weird, to put it mildly.

To this day, I have no freaking idea why, where or how her head got totally twisted. I never had a 'bad rep' with a woman other than my ex post relationship, in my entire life. I keep a pretty low profile and don't think I have people talking bad behind my back. I'm clueless to this day.

I still ocassionally see women who I dated 30 years ago and they STILL give me a hug, maybe even a kiss-- I try not to 'burn my bridges' in personal and professional relationships. My wife smiles, their husbands scratch their heads, LOL.

Looking back, I guess I got lucky, that this woman's mind change-- personality reversal, would've come out eventually, so better sooner than later. She struck me as the kind of woman who could potentially kill someone.

Maybe I dodged a bullet, a knife....

Anyways, that experience certainly reinforced that no matter HOW wonderful things seem at the start, that you need to wait a while before making a broad conclusion about a woman!!!
« Last Edit: October 25, 2018, 07:11:37 PM by robert angel »
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Re: Train wrecks, close calls and bizarre relationship turns
« Reply #22 on: October 25, 2018, 01:12:23 PM »

 

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