Forum > Latin -> Introductions and Ice-Breakers

Seeking advice from survivors!!

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Neoblk40:
So you've gone to baranquilla or other places in colombia and found your dream girl.  You brought your wife back to the US and got married.  I'm calling out to the guys that made it happen and were successful.  I've never seen an aftermath post, so i thought i'd put one out there to see if this is a successful venture. How's life going with your foreign bride 1yr 2yrs or even 5 years and beyond? Was it everything you expected it to be? Any regrets that newbies like myself should be looking out for? And if you didn't make it are  you going to go back and try again?

mambocowboy:
Great question. My wife and I made it to 5 years in May this year. I could write a book about this....my advice to guys starting out: find out what experience she's had with foreign men, if she has any girlfriends who have such experiences, get to know her family...if she doesn't like to cook you will spend a fortune on restaurants (My wife likes cooking thankfully)...what are her religious beliefs and are they consistent with yours? Do you both agree on whether or not to have kids? Is her family economically dependent on her? Will they depend on money from you? ...colombianas are horny af: the expectation is you will rise to the occasion daily....what is she going to do when she gets to your city? How will she stay busy? Where will she meet new friends? I could list more but have to go...lots for a man to think about....

Neoblk40:
Thanks for the reply mambocowboy. That sure is a lot to think about for sure, but i'm sure it was worth the trouble.  Did you meet her through Jamie's agency or otherwise?

mambocowboy:

--- Quote from: Neoblk40 on July 17, 2017, 07:31:59 PM ---Thanks for the reply mambocowboy. That sure is a lot to think about for sure, but i'm sure it was worth the trouble.  Did you meet her through Jamie's agency or otherwise?

--- End quote ---
I met my wife through Latin American Cupid. Even though I consider our 5 year marriage in the US a "success,"  we've had plenty of ups and downs and it hasn't  been easy.  My advice is based on my own experiences plus my observations of the other gringo-colombiana couples I've met....

robert angel:

--- Quote from: Neoblk40 on July 17, 2017, 01:57:27 PM ---So you've gone to baranquilla or other places in colombia and found your dream girl.  You brought your wife back to the US and got married.  I'm calling out to the guys that made it happen and were successful.  I've never seen an aftermath post, so i thought i'd put one out there to see if this is a successful venture. How's life going with your foreign bride 1yr 2yrs or even 5 years and beyond? Was it everything you expected it to be? Any regrets that newbies like myself should be looking out for? And if you didn't make it are  you going to go back and try again?

--- End quote ---

Very, very few guys here write about what it takes, what it has taken, to keep their marriages going. Even fewer, like almost none, even come back to say it didn't work out and the likely reasons why. A few years back, a guy named Jason, out of Tennessee, did a pretty good job here of laying out how their honeymoon quickly evolved into a trainwreck, with materialism and her family being two big issues.

That's really sad, as it could help tremendously if guys were more open.But probably,  some happily married guys are too busy and simply leave here, but I think most are too torn up, perhaps find it too embarassing to come back and describe how it all went down when it goes bad.

But honestly, I think that as least as much as in the USA, that probably less than half of these foreign  marriages last 5 or maybe10 years. Hopefully guys here can learn and fall on the good side of the statistics.

I described the slow death of my first 14 year long marriage to a foreigner (last two years separated) and it wasn't pretty, but writing about it was also a catharsis of sorts, letting me come to grips, rethinking how it all went down, seeing it more clearly and even learning a bit.

Before that, I dated a lot of Latinas imported to NYC and elsewhere I was living and in addition, my late Father's brothers all married Latinas, so I saw those dynamics growing up. Only one of my Uncles has (was) been able to make it last, although they went quite a few years married before divorcing by today's disposable marriage standards anyway.

Back then, lawyers couldn't legally advertise, never mind promise: "Divorces, starting at $100." For me, their wives, my Aunts, had  fiery temperments, which had appeal at first, but became too wearisome. My Uncles made good money and their wives (except the one still married to my last surviving Uncle) -spent it even faster. I remember one summer, when my Uncle came home from a long road trip, to find my Aunt had a big inground swimming pool put in the backyard. Surprise!!!--kaching!! Lordie, we had a lot of fun for years in that pool. Lots of lovely chica friends of my cousins for me to play with!!

But we called their marriages "Kisses and hand grenades". Jealously was also a factor. Insecurities and issues from women's young and even current lives might not be evident initially, but eventually become very evident. Skeletons and insecurities come out of the closet. Find out what makes her really tick, what her priorities are, where her loyalties lay, before the honeymoon. It takes time and putting together bits of information, like a puzzle.

My wife looks latina and due to the Spaniards occupying her nation for over 400 years, she actually has more Spanish blood, especially from her Father's side and some from one of her Mom's parents. But for almost 12 years now, we've made it work. And we knew each other four years before that, in touch almost every day. Spanish culture permeates their lives still today. Even their language, from social greeetings, to counting numbers, is in Spanish.Some significant cultural, religious similarities, mindsets, superstitions, etc.

The keys to our success thus far (having been married once before, I still tell myself: "Nothing lasts forever") have probably been picking our battles and not letting little annoyances become major blowouts. Being able to forgive and move on---no, not forget, but not holding grudges, is a huge, huge factor. You've gotta get over it and past it. Most of our fights are over after a nights sleep, or two, maybe three days top. Otherwise,  I just can't deal with coining home, knowing the sh!ts still gonna be flying. I need to know what I'm coming home to and it better be good.

 Can't say there's never been a lie, but really too few to even recall any specifically. That said, both of us might , and again extremely rarely,  simply not 'mention' something and these, sometimes called 'Lies of ommission" can be the very worst. What you DON'T know can hurt the most.

A lot of Latinas lie like it's second nature to the point where they might not even feel like it's a lie. And I'm not talking about what's for  dinner or your birthday.  Not all, but plenty seem to perpetuate a culture where lies of varying degrees are pretty much acceptable in their minds, as if in 'what they don't know won't hurt them, in fact it's better'--like they're giving you a dream, an alternative reality in some instances, as if they're doing you a good service.

Keeping a realistic handle on jealousy is a balancing act.. If my wife stopped being curious about 'other' women I work with, those from the past, my ex--just about the 'competition' period, it'd be bad, like she didn't care anymore. She does care and keeps an eye out, even telling me when women seem to 'like' me perhaps a bit too much, but it's not like a freaking death vigil, nothing she harps on. If your wife is always questioning you, it'll get bad. She may even assume you are when you aren't and have a 'revenge love affair.'

The guy not getting pissy and fed up with his wife's family dramas and not realizing they'll always go on and worse yet, will probably require  monetary infusions, that's important too. Accept it, while trying tactfully to moderate it.

God forbid she has a little boy from before you met her, chances are huge you'll always be number two and she'll spoil the 'little prince' in front of or behind your back.

Age diferences can take a toll--I've been very lucky on that count. Look at my avatar, if I was green, I'd be Shrek and she'd be a morena Fiona. You should see our bathing suits pics from this past 4th of July, well--hers anyway, LOL. I've beaten the odds thus far hugely there, but be careful what you wish for, ESPECIALLY if you take her to your country, where she'll inevitably meet some fast company, including hot divorcees, from her own country,  who'll offer her ALL kinds of 'advice'---like the advantages of divorce monetarily in the USA, how she CAN have it all...


Many couples reach a point where to where not only have they let their relationship get stale, but the wife has gotten a grasp of the language of her new country, has moved up in her job and makes enough money to the point where leaving her husband is financially possible and attractive at that, considering her other 'options'. Simply put, they don't really 'need' each other anymore. Money can be a cold, cold, thing.

That's one, perhaps the most significant reason why, if at all possible, you should live in her country if you're going to marry her. The dynamics switch much more to your favor. That said, keep in mind it'll be one hell of a daily temptation for you to keep your pants on in her country, as it's very likely that other women there will, shall we say, find  you 'very attractive and desirable.' That's just  one reason why my wife and her family always seem to want to accompany me whenever I run errands or leave the house in her country.

There's a million other things I've written about here in the past about what makes it work (or not work for us), as well as for family and friends we know. Children from a previous marriage creating strains deserves a whole chapter--maybe a book.

But what's helped us most besides my wife's wonderful, even tempermant, is that she still loves and cares for me in a tremendous way, probably because she pretends it's "Be kind to animals day" every day, and that usually gives our marriage a good chance of lasting yet another day.

And I love and appreciate her in at least a thousand ways. We still help and support each other, be it with our respective families, our work place situations and responsibilities--a lot of things. Importantly she puts up with my adult children and like when they were young, still discreetly offers advice.

No it ain't perfect, but I've been a lucky, lucky guy.

Wishing the best for you guys too, but not only look, but THINK before you leap....

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