Reporting Divorce

[Calipro]

I am also a strong believer that men who father children should support them, or at least contribute to their support.

What I have a huge problem with is that the mother gets the support money and does not have to account for how it is spent. If she uses to buy drugs, gamble, or buy beer and food for her sleazy, dead beat boyfriend, then it is none of your business under the law. At least that's the way it works in California.

I believe that in some states, you could take your kids shopping for clothes, school supplies, or things they really need, and then deduct what you spent from the child support payments.

At least that way you know some of it is going for direct support of your children and not her live-in 'boyfriend'.


Ray

anything that would give a guy more say in how his children are raised would increase father evolvement in the raising of children IMHO.
Canada is a pretty damn liberal country but a father has to sign off before a woman can kill his unborn child.....from what I'm told.


I didn't become a RooshV disciple over night ....but the first girl I ever lived with got pregnant and got an abortion even though I begged and pleaded with her not to kill our baby....if there was one thing that set me up to go down the road I'm on now it was that.

[mudd]

Well it is a complicated story.....but he never knew the child even existed until she was 13 and her mother came back from Washington....got down on her luck here and applied for food stamps....it was actually the state of Arizona that found him and sued him on her behalf.....it caused all kinds of trouble with his then current wife and she threatened to leave him if he paid. The guy is a an incredibly nice guy and I believe would have paid the child support.....he eventually got divorced from her and ended up having a relationship with is daughter but it was a tough go that is for sure.

ah well, that different,  sad for him he missed so many years of his daughters life, you cant get those back,

[fathertime]

Yep kudos to him for coming back. Believe it or not a good guy is hard to come by (even for good looking women).

Correct, even babes get screwed over all the time... 


I can't remember Jason's overall life situation, but I believe he is  closing in 40 or thereabouts... so his best option may wind up being to remain single, or try to choose better with another lady overseas.  I know quite a few men that choose to stay single/childless.... I'd say 4 of 5 would have chosen differently now that they are closing in on 50...but my sample is just among friends here in the states.   


 Some men don't want to get back on the horse out of fear/concern, and some don't want to get back on the horse because they don't believe the headache is worth the reward.  I understand the latter more so than the former, but we all look at things differently, and process ending of relationships/marriages differently.   Frankly I'd be curious to see what route Jason chooses to take. 


 


Fathertime!   

[robert angel]

While I certainly believe that a man should support his children morally and monetarily, even if the kids are on the other side of the planet, in much of the United States, the system is screwed up. I spoke with a guy just this evening who fell behind on his child support payments. The guy was a licensed electrician and they took his license away. They also take driver's licenses away and put dead beat dads in jail.

 I can see if there's clear proof that the guy is making a lot of money and not paying squat, but in a lot of cases, the guy has several kids from the first and maybe second marriage, perhaps some in a third, is working 2 or 3 jobs and swimming as fast as he can. So they make him lose his job, stack up back child support, add fines and when he gets out, he has to pay probation services for at least a year. Prisons and Probation services are increasingly privatized and operated by former Wardens, other prison and correction agencies and friends of politicians.

The USA has by far the largest percentage of any nation on earth in prisons and they are a huge, profitable business. Until the day comes that they can earn more money by legalizing and taxing drugs, for better or worse, imprisonment without working harder to keep people out and not coming back in, will continue. There's just too much money being made for them to quit it any time soon.

Then we have Mothers with 6 or 8 kids, each kid from a different Father, who is obligated to pay child support. meanwhile, the Mom's in a RENT FREE or at least significantly reduced rent, controlled rent apartment or town home, air conditioned, with cable TV and her car outside, collecting food stamps and other govt aid, her kids getting breakfast, lunch and even an early dinner if they're in a  Federally labeled "Title One School" which also afford them paid tutors, games, entertainment and fancy field trips, including in the summer time.


Where my wife came from, if a child couldn't afford a uniform or school supplies, he didn't get to go to 'public schools' at all. For that matter, if you or someone you lived with didn't work and make money, you starved, If you went to jail and people didn't send you food, basically the same thing.

Some of us have heard about the Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, but compared to them, we make them in their last days look like they were Spartans.

[fathertime]

While I certainly believe that a man should support his children morally and monetarily, even if the kids are on the other side of the planet, in much of the United States, the system is screwed up. I spoke with a guy just this evening who fell behind on his child support payments. The guy was a licensed electrician and they took his license away. They also take driver's licenses away and put dead beat dads in jail.

 I can see if there's clear proof that the guy is making a lot of money and not paying squat, but in a lot of cases, the guy has several kids from the first and maybe second marriage, perhaps some in a third, is working 2 or 3 jobs and swimming as fast as he can. So they make him lose his job, stack up back child support, add fines and when he gets out, he has to pay probation services for at least a year. Prisons and Probation services are increasingly privatized and operated by former Wardens, other prison and correction agencies and friends of politicians.

 

I believe they take different types of licensing here in California too....that part is hard to understand....an electrician needs his license to make his money...take that away...and the chances of getting money must be less....


  Paying reasonable child support is part of '"the cost of doing business'"     [size=78%]  [/size][/size]...[/size]just how it goes....at least that is how I see it.


Fathertime! 

[mudd]

Then we have Mothers with 6 or 8 kids, each kid from a different Father, who is obligated to pay child support. meanwhile, the Mom's in an air conditioned apartment, with cable TV and her car outside, collecting food stamps and other govt aid, her kids getting breakfast, lunch and even an early dinner if they're in a  Federally labeled "Title One School" which also afford them paid tutors, games, entertainment and fancy field trips, including in the summer time.Some of us have heard about the Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, but compared to them, we make them look like Spartans.

agreed,  this country is going south pretty fast, in about 20 years, will be a completely different country, we will have the " haves" with a ton of excess $$, and then the " have nots" who  dont want to do do anything other than wine about they are not getting their fair share, while they  dont do krap. the middle class is on the way out.


as for kids and older men burned before, i have one friend who would rather pay some surrogate mother to have his kid  and after he raises it himself than deal with some woman .  at his point in life, getting married  makes no sense, it benefits him in no way.

[fathertime]

as for kids and older men burned before, i have one friend who would rather pay some surrogate mother to have his kid  and after he raises it himself than deal with some woman .  at his point in life, getting married  makes no sense, it benefits him in no way.

I got a buddy considering that option too....  Of course the ladies have always had that sort of option if they wanted...just go to a bar,  let some random guy bone them while they are fertile.....never inform him of their pregnancy....and act like it was an 'accident' of course.   


Fathertime!   

[JasonA]

 Some men don't want to get back on the horse out of fear/concern, and some don't want to get back on the horse because they don't believe the headache is worth the reward.  I understand the latter more so than the former, but we all look at things differently, and process ending of relationships/marriages differently.   Frankly I'd be curious to see what route Jason chooses to take. 

Fathertime!

So, I started dating as soon as we had the papers signed and she moved out. It was another 2-3 weeks before things were official. I'm not someone that needs a woman all the time, but I decided that I didn't want to sit at home bored and thinking about that crap. I dated a trainer from my gym for a few weeks, but she was kind of boring (although hot). After her, I went on a dating rampage. I will say this, dating at 40 has been better than dating was at 33-35. And as much as American women get bashed on here, I've been having a ton of fun. One chick is a highly paid executive that makes a lot more money than I do. She offered to take me to Dublin to see my favorite band for my birthday! I turned her down because I just can't do that.

 Anyway, life is really good. It's much less complicated than being married to Miss Peru. I don't know about you other guys, but my marriage involved a ton of taking care of her. I expected that it would take her a while to adjust, but it was much more effort on my part than I ever dreamed (and she was 35 and college educated!).  Unless you absolutely love the Latin culture, I wouldn't recommend going this route to anyone. Kudos to the guys that have made it work. It's very difficult.

[Kiltboy1]

Really Sorry to hear about that Jason but at least you did not have children together and that is a blessing.
I have to say I got lucky  my second go round on the International marriage thing. It could have gone south again like my first one did.

If I did not want or need children I think I would pick a place( the DR for me) and buy/rent a pace and just  enjoy the " Fruits" of singlehood.

[fathertime]

So, I started dating as soon as we had the papers signed and she moved out. It was another 2-3 weeks before things were official. I'm not someone that needs a woman all the time, but I decided that I didn't want to sit at home bored and thinking about that crap. I dated a trainer from my gym for a few weeks, but she was kind of boring (although hot). After her, I went on a dating rampage. I will say this, dating at 40 has been better than dating was at 33-35. And as much as American women get bashed on here, I've been having a ton of fun. One chick is a highly paid executive that makes a lot more money than I do. She offered to take me to Dublin to see my favorite band for my birthday! I turned her down because I just can't do that.
 

Sounds good Jason, perhaps the recent success with the American ladies is because you are a new man now.  If you continue to have viable options here, and are enjoying it, you may never never feel the urge to go abroad again I guess.
Thanks for the update.


Fathertime!   

[mambocowboy]

So, I started dating as soon as we had the papers signed and she moved out. It was another 2-3 weeks before things were official. I'm not someone that needs a woman all the time, but I decided that I didn't want to sit at home bored and thinking about that crap. I dated a trainer from my gym for a few weeks, but she was kind of boring (although hot). After her, I went on a dating rampage. I will say this, dating at 40 has been better than dating was at 33-35. And as much as American women get bashed on here, I've been having a ton of fun. One chick is a highly paid executive that makes a lot more money than I do. She offered to take me to Dublin to see my favorite band for my birthday! I turned her down because I just can't do that.

 Anyway, life is really good. It's much less complicated than being married to Miss Peru. I don't know about you other guys, but my marriage involved a ton of taking care of her. I expected that it would take her a while to adjust, but it was much more effort on my part than I ever dreamed (and she was 35 and college educated!).  Unless you absolutely love the Latin culture, I wouldn't recommend going this route to anyone. Kudos to the guys that have made it work. It's very difficult.

That's great Jason. Way to bounce back quickly.

[robert angel]

That's great Jason. Way to bounce back quickly.

Amen. And to have the guts to come back and tell the story, thorns and all. If only we had more stand up guys with that kind of courage, more guys would not run in to things without thinking; "Could that happen to me?" Yes it could--even given different scenarios, nations, timelines, yes it could. But still, they're are things we can learn here.

I'm just really glad that for JasonA (definitely a 'capital' 'A' deserved) that yes--he finally reached the end of the tunnel to confront that light at the end--that uncertain light that once seemed so distant---and NO--as it turned out, it wasn't a train coming at him at the end of it!

I'm pleasantly surprised that dating at age 40 is better in JasonA's area. Maybe it's because most women in the deep south get married so young, have kids young, a lot of the guys do them badly and my area is smallish, but dating wasn't fun at 40 for me. Glad it can be pretty good. Probably reflects your attitude.

I do know that a guy having his own house, even if the lady already has one, makes a positive impression just for starters. It just shows an ability to accomplish, stability and more.I remember girls I dated wanting to come over with friends, just to 'have a look'. I thought it was a little weird, 2 or 3 pretty ladies 'inviting themselves' over, but it was kind of cool in a way too.

[Elexpatriado]

Not BS --I spent $5000 on the peice of sh!te and it was in Canada..andd the guy was a divorce specialist..Thats the law 100% disclosure..Dont know about the states,,


And it was for a peruvian about 8 years ago..


Il ltalk to you about it sometimes off this forum Mudd


And if you have kids it doesnt protect you from child support


And without a Prenup, you are only subject to the net increase in your assets during the period of the marriage (if any)


So it only protects you from that and Aliimony if you have a prenup..


For me , the "Full Disclosure" clause was the killer..kinda defeats the purpose, doesnt it??

total BS, Maybe you hired a cheap lawyer, or did it yourself, but if you know the laws in the state or country your in, they are next to impossible to break, if done correctly( which means having  her own lawyer, not yours, fluent in her native language, both forms in english and her native language, full and honest disclosure of both parties assets ect. terms not deemed " excessive" or " not within the laws"  ect )  i myself had one, saved my butt, and my best friend had one, saved his ass also. both ex's stated" i should have never signed it" of course both said " oh i would never do that, i wouldnt take your money if we split up".  both tried, until their lawyers saw a copy of the signed prenup, then they gave up.

if you have assets and get married without one, your an idiot. even more so with a younger girl from a foreign country. in colombia ( yes general statement, but know s many who have done this), the girls always have " plan A"  and " plan B" plan a is marrying some guy from foreign country for stability and economic freedom and better life, with love mixed in"  plan b is , "if plan a doesnt work out, find somebody else." they have many options, dont think your the " only option" they have

[Awesome]

So, I started dating as soon as we had the papers signed and she moved out. It was another 2-3 weeks before things were official. I'm not someone that needs a woman all the time, but I decided that I didn't want to sit at home bored and thinking about that crap. I dated a trainer from my gym for a few weeks, but she was kind of boring (although hot). After her, I went on a dating rampage. I will say this, dating at 40 has been better than dating was at 33-35. And as much as American women get bashed on here, I've been having a ton of fun. One chick is a highly paid executive that makes a lot more money than I do. She offered to take me to Dublin to see my favorite band for my birthday! I turned her down because I just can't do that.

 Anyway, life is really good. It's much less complicated than being married to Miss Peru. I don't know about you other guys, but my marriage involved a ton of taking care of her. I expected that it would take her a while to adjust, but it was much more effort on my part than I ever dreamed (and she was 35 and college educated!).  Unless you absolutely love the Latin culture, I wouldn't recommend going this route to anyone. Kudos to the guys that have made it work. It's very difficult.

Good job!  This is what I've been preaching all along.  Guys think their only hope at happiness is with a latina from some poor desperate country.


I love American women.  I date and am friends with plenty of gringas who are some of the best people you could ever know.  I mean truly truly awesome people.


If some guys would get up off their ass and hit the gym, go shopping for some nice clothes, and make an effort to socialize more they'd realize that it isn't hard to attract a great American woman.  And if you just happen to have a latina fetish or love the latina "look", there are millions of latinas living right here in the states who are very available and eager to meet a good man.

[mudd]

 true but also depends on the city your living in, and the number of available attractive women. san diego, ufff not much of a selection. with three military bases filled with horney despirate jarheads just out of boot camp, as  my friends say " even the fat women here have attitudes" lol kind of funny when my 23 year old son is dating an older girl and says" wow the women her suck!! " 

[robert angel]

true but also depends on the city your living in, and the number of available attractive women. san diego, ufff not much of a selection. with three military bases filled with horney despirate jarheads just out of boot camp, as  my friends say " even the fat women here have attitudes" lol kind of funny when my 23 year old son is dating an older girl and says" wow the women her suck!! " 

Sounds familiar. Where we live, there are a lot of elite Army Rangers. They'll be out in the wilderness, training hard for three weeks straight. Then they'll come back, clean up and hit the bars. There's plenty of hot women who are gunning for them--I guess they're a good lay.

I've never had any trouble with them--the Army trains them to the breaking point and they're almost always really good guys, prescreened for mental issues. Some of them stuck around after leaving the Army, and became, doctors, lawyers, did well in Law Enforcement etc. and are buddies of mine, their kids, my kids.

But you take a 22 y/o Ranger who's wound tighter than a hairspring and get him smacko drunk, stuff can happen. The cops know one DUI, one fight bust and they're washed out of the Rangers, so they're given more leeway than most civilians.

But I never really went for the hot chicks--and they range from jailbait up into their 50's, who typically go for those guys. That said, I had a helluva a lot of fun hanging with those dudes--mostly guys from the US mid west, and watching the "Ranger groupies'' come on to them.

[mudd]

lol sounds like a few of the seals and swat guys i did training with. they can tell you some stories, when they want, but their is definitely a " groupie" mentality of some girls to migrate towards them.  90% of the relationships were very short term with a lot of drama. only a few made it past a year , and those woww way too much drama for me. only saw one swat friend who had a long term marriage. you see why the divorce rate is extremely high with these guys.

[JWR]

In my yacht charter business, we host bachelorette parties every weekend with girls aboard my boats from all over the country.  It's an interesting lesson in how girls behave from around the US.  The southern California girls are by far the most obnoxious, dirtiest, and drunkest girls of all.  They are the quickest to treat the Captains like a servant, and they also get the most vulgar after a couple hours of drinking.  If you really want to know what girls think about men, get them with their girlfriends, and a bit drunk.  Being a fly on the wall can be very interesting.  The Texas and southern girls are very polite and nice to be around.  In fact, most of the girls are pretty nice except for the California girls.

Just this last weekend I got a call 45 minutes before some California girl's charter.  They wanted to cancel at the last minute because the bride was already puking in the marina parking lot because she was hungover from drinking all night.  Some rediculously stupid girls.

true but also depends on the city your living in, and the number of available attractive women. san diego, ufff not much of a selection. with three military bases filled with horney despirate jarheads just out of boot camp, as  my friends say " even the fat women here have attitudes" lol kind of funny when my 23 year old son is dating an older girl and says" wow the women her suck!! " 

[Elexpatriado]

Ha.ha..and I here  thought RAY was the big culprit..
 
Didnt mean to disrespect .Jason..did my cudos to him on his other post..

We all have our stories to tell...I have some stories I could tell to about mistakes I made and almost made..prefere not to air too many details on the internet..

I guess I have made my opinión on taking a woman from a,foreign country to your home country pretty clear. I believect is,a very very serious endeavour and nor to be taken lightly, until you know the woman extremely  well.

typical negative, scaredy cat drivel we can expect from you. Jason had the stones to bring a girl over and after it didn't work out and he is  one of the only divorcees to post his experiences here, and you have to pile on with your mmqb commentary? real helpful buddy. and you say this site is dead? it's because of people like you. Last time I checked, this site is for MEN who have the BALLS to bring a foreign bride back to their country...

[robert angel]

lol sounds like a few of the seals and swat guys i did training with. they can tell you some stories, when they want, but their is definitely a " groupie" mentality of some girls to migrate towards them.  90% of the relationships were very short term with a lot of drama. only a few made it past a year , and those woww way too much drama for me. only saw one swat friend who had a long term marriage. you see why the divorce rate is extremely high with these guys.

A lot of the Army, including Rangers, seem to end up with real knock out Central American babes. Interestingly, I don't recall a single Colombian babe. Lots of Panama, Nicaragua, some CR and DR babes. From what I've seen, those marriages tend to fare better lengthwise than do the guys from the same Battalions who instead marry USA women, for whom divorce is an all too familiar option when things get tough.

The Rangers have some very scary capabilities. They can kill you incredibly quickly and silently with their bare hands. Sure, any of us could do that--but not like them--they get it right 100% of the time. They never brag or talk about 'war stories'--we know they do some 'interesting' drug interdiction work and a lot of other covert operations, but they really keep their mouths shut, even when soused --totally drunk.

Only exception I've seen is the guys who were sole survivor's of ops where all their mates died--they're in a world of pain and word gets out on the firing range if they don't tell you themselves, that they for some reason they can't reconcile, were the only survivor. It's like they're carrying dark shadows, really sad. And after they're out, the US govt. really doesn't do much to help, although that's allegedly being better addressed--the suicide rate's just insane and some of these guys are doing 7 or 8 'tours' of the Middle East and other hot spots.

My wife and I were out and we saw a guy who looked  down on his luck, walking down the highway with a gas can. His car ran out of gas about twenty miles down I-95 and he was going to walk the entire way with a 2.5 gallon gas tank in hand. A thirty year Marine Vet--just out--he'd found out his wife was with her latest boy friend shacking up in the house the G.I. had paid for and the police could not evict his wife and her B.F. from this guy's own house--it took a rather long legal process. The guy had the house in his father's name and that didn't help the situation short term. Salvation Army required 2 or 3 days for paperwork before they could render aid. Other agencies had similar rules.

I was going to pass him by and my wife--always the soft touch, asked me if I would stop, and as it turned out, get him to the gas station and/or his car and when we got the story, if she could give the guy a few bucks so he could eat--not that he asked. I explained we had groceries in the car, including deli sandwiches. Took some coaxing, but the guy, rail thin, eventually ate one. Not a crank--meth or smack head--I can tell a junkie a mile away. Not a whiff of alcohol either. Had to be from nerves. Guy's job had been sweeping and cleaning areas of land mines in Iraq, and at other sh!tholes before that. He didn't elaborate and we didn't ask. The Military gave him enough money to get him airfare from the east coast to Seattle, where his family lived, but didn't include the ticket's added tax.

His father, with Boeing, was out of the country and couldn't be reached. The guy was short on cash and the local Marine Corp office wasn't budging--he was out, officially discharged, he'd been given money to get tickets to Seattle, where he originally was from, and that was that--no matter that the tax on tickets wasn't included. Any 'due process' if even offered, would've take weeks. So much for loyalty. So we got him fed--again, he initially refused any food, saw him to his car, followed him to airport, got the ticket taxes paid and saw him off to Seattle, where he could access funds. Unbelievable. I know it sounds unreal and I've heard a lot of beggar stories and tell my wife to never give them cash, but if this guy was lying, he deserved the best actor award for the century.

[mudd]

why guys in the military get married, is beyond me.  from what ive seen, 80% get divorced and it's the guy who usually loses everything but his retirement,

[mambocowboy]

Ha.ha..and I here  thought RAY was the big culprit..
 
Didnt mean to disrespect .Jason..did my cudos to him on his other post..

We all have our stories to tell...I have some stories I could tell to about mistakes I made and almost made..prefere not to air too many details on the internet..

I guess I have made my opinión on taking a woman from a,foreign country to your home country pretty clear. I believect is,a very very serious endeavour and nor to be taken lightly, until you know the woman extremely  well.

It is obvious from your posts you were burned and the wounds are still raw. Just because you failed doesn't mean the majority also will...

[Ray]

why guys in the military get married, is beyond me.  from what ive seen, 80% get divorced and it's the guy who usually loses everything but his retirement,

Everything BUT his retirement pay?


Depending on the details of the marriage, in California she can get up to 50% of his retirement pay.


Ray

[Elexpatriado]

Ja.ja..I am not the only One who "failed".. How many wives have Calipro had? MUDD.., RA,  how many guys on here havent been divorced?

Very few..anyway Really dont care what you think..

It is obvious from your posts you were burned and the wounds are still raw. Just because you failed doesn't mean the majority also will...

[robert angel]

I worked with a lady who made great money herself. She didn't need her husband's money,  or as it turned out, ex-husband's money. They,  with their two kids,  traveled the world,  as he was stationed different places,  moving up the ranks. Meanwhile, his lovely blonde wife was able to earn her Doctorate,  their son as a young teen was afforded flying lessons,  even expensive jet hours time,  their daughter eventually was accepted into Annapolis.

Anyway, she had a hunch he was having an affair. The idiot had a password protected yahoo chat account for his hot chat and cam sex sessions with his 'other lady'.Suspicious,  it didn't take long for his wife to figure out the password. It was the name of ttheir family dog.

Never mind that the wife was making more than him---over a $100,000 a year in fact. As part of the divorce settlement,  the military gave her 50% of her officer husband's military pension for the rest of her life. You should see the house she lives in.