Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?

[Hector_Lavoe]

I’m personally starting to think your apprehension has hardly anything to do with an age gap and much more to do with the fact you’re not 100% sure this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s not cold feet...that’s just a good ol’ fashioned gut feeling. My advice would be to listen to it.

Most of my friends are married. I’ve even been the best man at three weddings in the last 15 years. One thing I never saw any of them do is hesitate. Even with all the cliché “don’t do it” BS that guys fill the groom’s ears with. Only that type of invincible confidence would have me walking down the aisle at this point in my life. I had that once at a much younger age with a Colombiana but luckily I dodged a bullet. In the long run I would’ve been miserable with her.

I hear you. All fair points. Though I would add that my father broke off his engagement to my mother. He eventually changed his mind and they've been married for over 50 years. Marriage as an institution is more built for a woman's dreams and desires. So SOME doubt from a man is a natural thing.

[Elexpatriado]

I hear you. All fair points. Though I would add that my father broke off his engagement to my mother. He eventually changed his mind and they've been married for over 50 years. Marriage as an institution is more built for a woman's dreams and desires. So SOME doubt from a man is a natural thing.

I think a lot of men deep down have the same dreams, but the Law Courts, Feminism, and even more traditional things like women`s hypergamy and everybodys (men an women)  greed, intolerance, materialism, impatience, and feelings of entitlement has made  the "marriage for life" ideal much more difficult to obtain.

[Hector_Lavoe]

Even the pimple thing kinda seems like you’re nitpicking. That’s not the type of stuff a man that’s completely in love brings up about his girlfriend. Almost like you’re looking for a reason why you won’t be completely happy with her. After re-reading your posts I’d say to either wait and take your time, or play the field a bit more. Just judging from your pictures, I can assure you that you have options in LA.

One thing about a lot of single, younger guys who’ve spent a significant amount of time in Latin America...they get REALLY picky about the women they choose to commit themselves to. The simple truth is you start to realize there’s always another one. I think it’s almost a required state of mind to be able to make a sound decision there without being influenced by all the noise. Beauty, great sex, them being great homemakers, women that are culturally more submissive...all these things can cloud your mind into thinking you’ve found “the one,” when in actuality there are a dozen more just like her that you’d have better chemistry with.

It doesn’t sound like she’s in a terrible rush to get married, and if she is that’s a red flag within itself. Take your time. She’s not going anywhere if she really loves you. Don’t think so much about how hurt she’d be now. Think about how hurt your bank/investment accounts will be if for any reason this thing doesn’t work out after a few years.

I am pretty confident that this lady would make a great mother and partner. With the obvious caveat, as Mambo Cowboy said, this is a huge leap of faith.

Her acne was actually very much in control...the issue is really fairly serious acne scarring. Think Tulsi Gabbard (in a non-airbrushed photo). See link below.

https://www.acne.org/forums/topic/382995-tulsi-gabbard-has-visible-acne-scars/

I know that is really shallow. And nobody is prefect (including this aging gringo).

I just need to do some soul searching and make a decision. She isn't necessarily in a rush but we've known each other for nearly five years. And we've been down this path before. So I really need to think hard, make a decision and live with it either way.

[robert angel]

I am pretty confident that this lady would make a great mother and partner. With the obvious caveat, as Mambo Cowboy said, this is a huge leap of faith.

Her acne was actually very much in control...the issue is really fairly serious acne scarring. Think Tulsi Gabbard (in a non-airbrushed photo). See link below.

https://www.acne.org/forums/topic/382995-tulsi-gabbard-has-visible-acne-scars/

I know that is really shallow. And nobody is prefect (including this aging gringo).

I just need to do some soul searching and make a decision. She isn't necessarily in a rush but we've known each other for nearly five years. And we've been down this path before. So I really need to think hard, make a decision and live with it either way.

Ah--quit beating yourself up!

[robert angel]

I think a lot of men deep down have the same dreams, but the Law Courts, Feminism, and even more traditional things like women`s hypergamy and everybodys (men an women)  greed, intolerance, materialism, impatience, and feelings of entitlement has made  the "marriage for life" ideal much more difficult to obtain.

And some people let pessimism and negativism dominate their lives, until that's basically all they see and what they get.

[robert angel]

Sometimes it's almost too easy for us to think too much about ourselves (Gringos) and potential wife--'long term partner' material in terms of:


#1--What the 1st world partner has to gain from US----typically: A lover, more money, materialistic 'things'--just what the she might not have. (Well, 2 out of 3 probably)

Hell, give her that and we still don't know how she's gonna adapt to all that over time, whether in their country or ours.

#2, We think about physical--sexual appeal.

Our balls send messages that can do odd things to our normal brain's functioning.

The mental deficit is most pronounced early on.

If you're just looking for tail--grab the hottest tiger you can handle, but stop reading here...

But by and large, it's more about things and those experiences the other doesn't have or hasn't even REALLY experienced--lived. Actually pretty unknown territory, waiting to see what's ahead. All those 'things' we automatically assume will make a good thing even better...

Personally, I think that big money brings big problems.

It's easy for us guys to smugly think "Mano, mano--ADD it up and I'm THE F---ING  CATCH."


Or: The best cards are in MY hands"

But the THINGS we're so narrowly adding up in trying to solve the problem -> "Does this person have what I want--what I think I need?" all too often we have our big headed egos, over inflating ourselves, clouding the equation.

And in doing so, we're not looking at the entire 'chemistry' involved in deciding what's probably, actually 'who' is best, long term.

We sometimes let 'things' weigh so much that we don't focus enough on one critical issue: "Is this the person who'll make me HAPPY for a LONG time?' Do they have a personality that thru thick and thin will be likely to make OUR lives better?

That's not a thing--those are tangible 'personality traits' I'm talking about. Something we don't always think enough about.

There's probably an endless supply of women, one prettier than the next. Hell, I need sunglasses sometimes.

But the girls with the golden personalities? Fuggetaboutit. Rare birds.

No I'm not being naive and assuming we or they want some butt ass ugly partner just because they have the personality of a golden retriever.

But in my case, finding somebody easygoing (forgiving) enough for MY lazy personality, but yet assertive and energetic when we need it, that mega important part has been like a perfect prescription for me--for US, so far.

It just so happens that she's pretty too. I try not to think about how our age difference.

Trying not to think about physical appearance, how our life will be out on dates later, when I'm pushing 80 and she's still in her mid 50's.

Best I can do is not worry myself to death, while keeping myself up as best I can. Might involve diet, exercise, medicine, maybe even surgery one day.

With her still fashionable, still sexy, exotic looking face, still rockin a bod looking 'Tight thirty some thing'

And the writing on the wall is NOT pretty. Picture a  frickin cherry and a raisin sitting outside a cafe', LOL.

But damn--she has a personality that's good for the ages I figure, and that's her most valuable and enduring quality.

Personality IS possibly the most important, defining characteristic in deciding whether or not you want that particular person with you in that 'life boat at sea' --namely LIFE!

Soooo, here and now, I'll just try and remember Matthew 6:34!!
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."

[mambocowboy]

Sometimes it's almost too easy for us to think too much about ourselves (Gringos) and potential wife--'long term partner' material in terms of #1--in what the 1st world partner has to gain from US----typically: A lover, more money, materialistic 'things'--just what the she might not have. (Well, 2 out of 3 probably)

Hell, give her that and we still don't know how she's gonna adapt to all that over time, whether in their country or ours.

#2, We think about physical--sexual appeal.

Our balls send messages that can do odd things to our normal brain's functioning.

The mental deficit is most pronounced early on.
If you're just looking for tail--grab the hottest tiger you can handle, but stop reading here.

But by and large, it's more about things and those experiences the other doesn't have or hasn't even really experienced--lived. Actually pretty unknown territory, waiting to see what's ahead. All those 'things' we automatically assume will make a good thing even better...

Personally, I think that big money brings big problems.

It's easy for us guys to smugly think "Mano, mano--ADD it up and I'm THE F---ING  CATCH."

But the THINGS we're so narrowly adding up in trying to solve the problem -> "Does this person have what I want--what I think I need?" all too often we have our big headed egos, over inflating ourselves.

And in doing so, we're not looking at the entire 'chemistry' involved in deciding what's probably, actually 'who' is best, long term.

We sometimes let 'things' weigh so much that we don't focus enough on one critical issue: "Is this the person who'll make me HAPPY for a LONG time?' Do they have a personality that thru thick and thin will be likely to make OUR lives better?

That's not a thing--those are tangible 'personality traits' I'm talking about. Something we don't always think enough about.

There's probably an endless supply of women, one prettier than the next. Hell, I need sunglasses sometimes.

But the girls with the golden personalities? Fuggetaboutit. Rare birds.

No I'm not being naive and assuming we or they want some butt ass ugly partner just because they have the personality of a golden retriever.

But in my case, finding somebody easygoing (forgiving) enough for MY lazy personality, but yet assertive and energetic when we need it, that mega important part has been like a perfect prescription for me--for US, so far.

It just so happens that she's pretty too. I try not to think about how our age difference.

Trying not to think about physical appearance, how our life will be out on dates later, when I'm pushing 80 and she's still in her mid 50's.

Best I can do is not worry myself to death, while keeping myself up as best I can. Might involve diet, exercise, medicine, maybe even surgery one day.

With her still fashionable, still sexy, exotic looking face, still rockin a bod looking 'Tight thirty some thing'

And the writing on the wall is NOT pretty. Picture a  frickin cherry and a raisin sitting outside a cafe', LOL.

But damn--she has a personality that's good for the ages I figure, and that's her most valuable and enduring quality.

Personality IS possibly the most important, defining characteristic in deciding whether or not you want that particular person with you in that 'life boat at sea' --namely LIFE!

Soooo, here and now, I'll just try and remember Matthew 6:34!!
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."

yep.my advice: marry a happy person.  Can't imagine living with a miserable person,  no matter how pretty....

[robert angel]

yep.my advice: marry a happy person.  Can't imagine living with a miserable person,  no matter how pretty....

And generally speaking, the prettier they are, the higher cost of maintenance. Princesses come with a higher toll--even breaking a nail will cost you.


My wife has been known to wake up early Saturday morning to avoid getting sun tanned, bushwhack the overgrown front flowerbed of thick weeds, vines and over growth, then clean herself up, cook breakfast and have it ready for me when I wake up.


She's 100% royal to me.


In fact, she's my Royal Highness--I'm her royal hiney, LOL

[robert angel]

I hear you. All fair points. Though I would add that my father broke off his engagement to my mother. He eventually changed his mind and they've been married for over 50 years. Marriage as an institution is more built for a woman's dreams and desires. So SOME doubt from a man is a natural thing.

Some doubt, apprehension, perhaps even being scared sh!tless, ought to go with the territory!!

As I said b4, even after knowing her for years and then a long engagement, when the Judge finally made it "legal and binding"-- part of me still felt a wee bit like peeing me pants!

And if you're used to being single, and doing what you want, however and whenever you want--kiss that goodbye!

Most of the plans and decisions each of you make will suddenly require thinking of "your other half"

[robert angel]

Adventuro3 posted this a couple years back here on PL.

Everyone's journey is going to be different, but I thought his take, really his description of where he and his Colombiana wife are at the ten year point was pretty cool....

Latin -> General discussion / My wife just received her 10 year Green Card!!!!
« on: September 22, 2017, 03:39:57 PM »
Took over 14 months from when we petitioned to lift conditions on her 2 year Green Card!!  Long wait but now she can begin applying for her citizenship!  I could not have dreamed to find someone at my age who is so wonderful!! 

We share  just about everything together including swimming about 2000+ meters 5 days (a workout interval training routine) a week in the sun and she does not worry about her Morena skin becoming darker (she could not swim a stroke before I taught her and now swims all four strokes very well...free, back, breast and her favorite, butterfly), sea kayaking, body surfing in the ocean during the day and some nights as well, riding  beach bikes together and both read a lot.

Oh, and recently, like within the  last 8 months she has become a Scrabble fanatic - she can be competitive sometimes, but is a great loser as well as a winner)

Always has been comfortable from the first date and no, I do not dress well at all. (almost always jeans, grey T shirt and tennis shoes)  I was told several times when living in Colombia that I HAD to dress better in order to meet an attractive intelligent younger women.  Not going to happen with me.  Grew up poor and I was the same person with old hand me down clothes.  Now I can afford high end clothes and cars etc. but have zero interest in "looking good".

Not interested in having someone put so much emphasis on appearances of how one dresses. She dresses great but not to draw attention from other guys.  Besides, she would look great wearing a grain sack!


I value humility over pride and have no game.  So would not recommend my approach to others since this goes against others experience on this board. 

I have always been a loner and have taken "the road less traveled" and have paid a heavy price for doing this more than just a few times.  It is just who I am. 

Don't care what others think nor envy "their  lifestyle" choices nor values.  Nor do I promote my lifestyle choices.


Since 1999 I have spent 6 months in Mexico, 5+ years in Costa Rica and 6+ years in Colombia (I. e. boots on the ground) and 3 months in Uruguay with my ex girlfriend from Bogota.  Bought and sold several  properties and have had some amazing experiences.  Colombia was a bit different back in 2001, seemed to have a more gritty edge with all the safety issues that seem to have been mitigated. And I personally liked that  there were very few expats there in those days.  Now more boring in some ways, not so far off the beaten path. Just my thoughts.


Thanks for all the posts that people have shared their personal experiences over the years. I started with Poor But Happy along time ago!!!

[robert angel]

Adventuro3 posted this a couple years back here on PL.

Everyone's journey is going to be different, but I thought his take, really his description of where he and his Colombiana wife are at the ten year point was pretty cool....

Latin -> General discussion / My wife just received her 10 year Green Card!!!!
« on: September 22, 2017, 03:39:57 PM »
Took over 14 months from when we petitioned to lift conditions on her 2 year Green Card!!  Long wait but now she can begin applying for her citizenship!  I could not have dreamed to find someone at my age who is so wonderful!! 

We share  just about everything together including swimming about 2000+ meters 5 days (a workout interval training routine) a week in the sun and she does not worry about her Morena skin becoming darker (she could not swim a stroke before I taught her and now swims all four strokes very well...free, back, breast and her favorite, butterfly), sea kayaking, body surfing in the ocean during the day and some nights as well, riding  beach bikes together and both read a lot.

Oh, and recently, like within the  last 8 months she has become a Scrabble fanatic - she can be competitive sometimes, but is a great loser as well as a winner)

Always has been comfortable from the first date and no, I do not dress well at all. (almost always jeans, grey T shirt and tennis shoes)  I was told several times when living in Colombia that I HAD to dress better in order to meet an attractive intelligent younger women.  Not going to happen with me.  Grew up poor and I was the same person with old hand me down clothes.  Now I can afford high end clothes and cars etc. but have zero interest in "looking good".

Not interested in having someone put so much emphasis on appearances of how one dresses. She dresses great but not to draw attention from other guys.  Besides, she would look great wearing a grain sack!


I value humility over pride and have no game.  So would not recommend my approach to others since this goes against others experience on this board. 

I have always been a loner and have taken "the road less traveled" and have paid a heavy price for doing this more than just a few times.  It is just who I am. 

Don't care what others think nor envy "their  lifestyle" choices nor values.  Nor do I promote my lifestyle choices.


Since 1999 I have spent 6 months in Mexico, 5+ years in Costa Rica and 6+ years in Colombia (I. e. boots on the ground) and 3 months in Uruguay with my ex girlfriend from Bogota.  Bought and sold several  properties and have had some amazing experiences.  Colombia was a bit different back in 2001, seemed to have a more gritty edge with all the safety issues that seem to have been mitigated. And I personally liked that  there were very few expats there in those days.  Now more boring in some ways, not so far off the beaten path. Just my thoughts.


Thanks for all the posts that people have shared their personal experiences over the years. I started with Poor But Happy along time ago!!!

You think about the gal described here, then you think about other successful USA style Colombianas like  JWR's fire cracker ex, and the more common generalizations and stereotypes fall by the wayside a bit.


Not all find English impossible for starters, stay home preggars and dependent. Some who want to, go to school and/or work here and do it well.  This gal Adventuro3 lucked out with might not even work, but she's learned new things along the way to US citizenship.


My wife's experience learning new ways in a new country has many layers, but although her country is made up of over 7100 islands, she can't swim--probably most women can't, while probably 99% of the guys can.


Actually she just thinks she can't swim--I've had her in the pool a bunch of times (in the shade) and she certainly can't swim well--she lacks confidence. Sort of like even now she is sometimes amazed that she's driving a car. But she drove from north of Washington DC to Florida on I-95--no problemo.


 Just don't ask her to parallel park!--


She last parallel parked 14 years ago. For her driver's license test!

[Calipro]

I am pretty confident that this lady would make a great mother and partner. With the obvious caveat, as Mambo Cowboy said, this is a huge leap of faith.

I think you are over thinking this.


Nobody wants to get married to end up in a nasty divorce....you can't know if you will be a divorcee in the future..... but you can know pretty much what is will cost you if you find yourself in a divorce court one day. And it doesn't have to be a costly experience if you set up your property right and don't commingle funds. Most divorce lawyers won't even take a divorce case that doesn't involve children if you have been married less than three years. Just not enough to fight about unless you have children.


Look at the divorce laws in your state....and if your state awards alimony I would consider moving to a different state. It is very easy to put your property in a irrevocable trust that will protect it from virtually any claims against you. But no way of protecting your future earnings against alimony or child support. Actually nothing you can do about child support....you will have to pay that no matter what. So if you think it is worthwhile to pay child support to have a child you only see half the time or even a quarter of the time then there is absolutely noting to hold you back.


When I bring my wife and child to the USA one day I will be subjecting myself to the possibility of having to pay child support one day. But I think having a kid is well worth the risk. So you have to ask yourself is it worth the risk for you. And if it is then go for it.

[robert angel]

https://www.maritallaws.com/laws/alimony

[Calipro]

https://www.maritallaws.com/laws/alimony

Can't speak to other states but the list is technically right about Arizona but practically wrong. There are alimony laws in Arizona but you will be hard pressed to ever find a guy that has ever had to pay alimony to an ex-wife here.
 
There are a lot of criteria here that must be met and unless the couple has been married many many years and the wife is just not capable of taking care of herself financially..... it is just never awarded. A good example is an elderly couple that has been married 40 or 50 years but the wife can't collect social security yet. Because well if she was old enough to collect social security then well..she might be able to feed herself somehow. jajaja


Alimony here isn't based on one spouse being better off financially than the other...... but rather will one of the spouses qualify for welfare after the divorce. If you have been married a long time and you divorce your impoverished wife then you may be ordered to pay alimony even in Arizona. But for a young wife that would be extremely unlikely here in Arizona. Between myself and just my immediate family there are 15 divorces between us all and no one has ever been ordered to pay alimony nor has anyone of us ever received alimony and I know at least a hundred other people that have divorced here in Arizona and alimony has never come up. Divorce lawyers usually don't even bother asking for it because it is awarded so infrequently.


But it does beg the question as to what is the criteria for a spouse to qualify for alimony in other states. Anyone that is thinking about marriage should consult a divorce lawyer. If a state used the criteria of a spouses wealth to determine if alimony should be awarded then I think I would consider moving to another state. But if you have moved your assets into an irrevocable trust then you really don't own anything on paper anyway so no worries there. 


There is another good reason to put your primary residence into an irrevocable trust before you marry  because the trust states who has a legal right to live in on the property which will make it impossible to get you kicked out of your home (I mean the trust's home) like a lot of other guys.


But you better marry a woman that can work and make more than the 17k a year to keep her head above the poverty level even in Arizona.... and a prenupt won't save you from alimony if you were married a while and she is unemployable.


Premarital AgreementA couple can choose to limit or eliminate alimony through a premarital agreement, which is an optional contract signed by the parties before marriage. In the event of a divorce, an Arizona court may uphold the couple's agreement and disqualify a spouse from receiving alimony. Arizona divorce laws include an exception, however, if a spouse would otherwise become eligible for public assistance or welfare benefits without alimony — in this situation, a state court may decline to uphold the premarital agreement barring spousal maintenance.

[Elexpatriado]

I think you are over thinking this.


Nobody wants to get married to end up in a nasty divorce....you can't know if you will be a divorcee in the future..... but you can know pretty much what is will cost you if you find yourself in a divorce court one day. And it doesn't have to be a costly experience if you set up your property right and don't commingle funds. Most divorce lawyers won't even take a divorce case that doesn't involve children if you have been married less than three years. Just not enough to fight about unless you have children.


Look at the divorce laws in your state....and if your state awards alimony I would consider moving to a different state. It is very easy to put your property in a irrevocable trust that will protect it from virtually any claims against you. But no way of protecting your future earnings against alimony or child support. Actually nothing you can do about child support....you will have to pay that no matter what. So if you think it is worthwhile to pay child support to have a child you only see half the time or even a quarter of the time then there is absolutely noting to hold you back.


When I bring my wife and child to the USA one day I will be subjecting myself to the possibility of having to pay child support one day. But I think having a kid is well worth the risk. So you have to ask yourself is it worth the risk for you. And if it is then go for it.

Without kids and less than 3 years Hector would still be subject to ICE`s 10 year support law..but that is only if she goes on public social services.


Might be better for her to come on a tourist visa at first, and marriage visa later , if possible. At least try for the temporary vis, if they reject it, go for the permanent marriage visa.

[Calipro]

Without kids and less than 3 years Hector would still be subject to ICE`s 10 year support law..but that is only if she goes on public social services.


Might be better for her to come on a tourist visa at first, and marriage visa later , if possible. At least try for the temporary vis, if they reject it, go for the permanent marriage visa.

Bad advice....getting turned down for a tourist visa will have a very negative impact on her chances of getting a fiance visa. Taking the chance to screw things up for the opportunity to be able to spend 3 months more together isn't worth it. A fiance visa is 90 days and a tourist visa only allows someone to stay here 180 days per year.


And I have never heard of any guy ever having to reimburse the government for a wife collecting welfare or food stamps. The women guys bring here are usually capable of finding another guy to take very good card of them....Just one more advantage to bringing a hot chick here compared to an older one with someone else's kids.


I would really like to do a social experiment to see what would happen if the USA brought like 10 thousand Colombianas to the USA that had no ties to anyone here in the USA. I'm not talking about bringing really hot Colombianas here...... but just  decent Colombian women in their 30s that have low sexual market place value in Colombia do to their age.


My guess would be that in a couple months time....the Colombianas would all be living happily with some gringo and that there would be about 10 thousand American women wondering what happened to their relationships. jajaja

[robert angel]

Bad advice....getting turned down for a tourist visa will have a very negative impact on her chances of getting a fiance visa. Taking the chance to screw things up for the opportunity to be able to spend 3 months more together isn't worth it. A fiance visa is 90 days and a tourist visa only allows someone to stay here 180 days per year.


And I have never heard of any guy ever having to reimburse the government for a wife collecting welfare or food stamps. The women guys bring here are usually capable of finding another guy to take very good card of them....Just one more advantage to bringing a hot chick here compared to an older one with someone else's kids.


I would really like to do a social experiment to see what would happen if the USA brought like 10 thousand Colombianas to the USA that had no ties to anyone here in the USA. I'm not talking about bringing really hot Colombianas here...... but just  decent Colombian women in their 30s that have low sexual market place value in Colombia do to their age.


My guess would be that in a couple months time....the Colombianas would all be living happily with some gringo and that there would be about 10 thousand American women wondering what happened to their relationships. jajaja

OK. Just have the ten thousand Colombianas all have to come to MY city!

But seriously, re. your financial advice, irrevocable trusts etc:


https://www.ocdivorce.net/articles/can-a-trust-protect-assets-in-a-california-divor/




Rehashed a million times and prenupts are worthless almost everywhere, but BUY THE HOUSE before you marry anyone, Title the house/property in your name only. That EXCELLENT point is seldom mentioned.


More often guys who want the whole fairy tale, bring her over and then build their dream home from scratch. Guess how that ends up half the time?


In advent of divorce she may get part of any appreciation in value since the marriage, but you're usually protected on equity established before.


Looks like California is firmer on making sure that costs of education for job training--education so a vocation can be established, are covered. They'll get the money somehow, even if they have to garnish your paycheck.


But almost every guy who posts here has been through a divorce. Nothing risked, nothing gained. Been there, done that--WITH two great little kids at the time. Had the big house and land. In fact my ex has lived there alone for twenty years now.


Sure it hurt, and God forbid I had to go thru it again, but if it came to that--I'd be back overseas, testing the waters again.


Beats match.com, weekends in tijuana----beats dying alone...I'm NOT going to live in fear.

[robert angel]

OK. Just have the ten thousand Colombianas all have to come to MY city!

But seriously, re. your financial advice, irrevocable trusts etc:


https://www.ocdivorce.net/articles/can-a-trust-protect-assets-in-a-california-divor/




It's been rehashed here a million times and prenupts are still worthless almost everywhere, but BUY THE HOUSE before you marry anyone, Title the house/property in your name only. That EXCELLENT point is seldom mentioned.


More often guys who want the whole fairy tale, bring her over and then build their dream home from scratch. Guess how that ends up half the time?


In advent of divorce she may get part of any appreciation in value since the marriage, but you're usually protected on equity established before.


Looks like California is firmer on making sure that costs of education for job training--education so a vocation can be established, are covered. They'll get the money somehow, even if they have to garnish your paycheck.

People fail to grasp the nebulous nature of law, 'judicial discretion ' and how legal cases can be decided in vastly different ways.



But almost every guy who posts here has been through a divorce. Nothing risked, nothing gained. Been there, done that--WITH two great little kids at the time. Had the big house and land. In fact my ex has lived there alone for twenty years now.


Sure it hurt, and God forbid I had to go thru it again, but if it came to that--I'd be back overseas, testing the waters again.


Beats match.com, weekends in tijuana----beats dying alone...I'm NOT going to live in fear.

[Calipro]

OK. Just have the ten thousand Colombianas all have to come to MY city!

But seriously, re. your financial advice, irrevocable trusts etc:


https://www.ocdivorce.net/articles/can-a-trust-protect-assets-in-a-california-divor/




Rehashed a million times and prenupts are worthless almost everywhere, but BUY THE HOUSE before you marry anyone, Title the house/property in your name only. That EXCELLENT point is seldom mentioned.

It's even better to have your house in an irrevocable trust before marriage. If you have it in your name then the wife will still be entitled to half of the appreciation while you are married.


I wouldn't say a prenup is worthless...it is just that it can be contested just like a Will. Wills aren't worthless they just aren't as good as a trust and either are prenups as good as a trust. I spent 2 grand to set my trust up and that is on the cheap side because it only holds real property....you can literally put any asset you can think of in a trust....even an old car that you want to keep.

[Hector_Lavoe]

I think you are over thinking this.

Nobody wants to get married to end up in a nasty divorce....you can't know if you will be a divorcee in the future..... but you can know pretty much what is will cost you if you find yourself in a divorce court one day. And it doesn't have to be a costly experience if you set up your property right and don't commingle funds. Most divorce lawyers won't even take a divorce case that doesn't involve children if you have been married less than three years. Just not enough to fight about unless you have children.

Look at the divorce laws in your state....and if your state awards alimony I would consider moving to a different state. It is very easy to put your property in a irrevocable trust that will protect it from virtually any claims against you. But no way of protecting your future earnings against alimony or child support. Actually nothing you can do about child support....you will have to pay that no matter what. So if you think it is worthwhile to pay child support to have a child you only see half the time or even a quarter of the time then there is absolutely noting to hold you back.

When I bring my wife and child to the USA one day I will be subjecting myself to the possibility of having to pay child support one day. But I think having a kid is well worth the risk. So you have to ask yourself is it worth the risk for you. And if it is then go for it.

Yeah, I am actually very confident it would work out well in the long run with this girl...meaning in a marriage with a kid together here in the USA.

[Hector_Lavoe]

Her acne was actually very much in control...the issue is really fairly serious acne scarring. Think Tulsi Gabbard. See link below.

https://www.acne.org/forums/topic/382995-tulsi-gabbard-has-visible-acne-scars/

I just need to do some soul searching and make a decision. She isn't necessarily in a rush but we've known each other for nearly five years. And we've been down this path before. So I really need to think hard, make a decision and live with it either way.

^Given the above (facial skin issues), I was leaning toward a definite no last night/this morning (as in let her go and go back to square one).

But she does check off all my other "physical" trait boxes (petite with great legs & ass and cute despite the facial skin challenges). 

Personality/character wise she brings a lot to the table: humble, hard working, attentive/affectionate, etc.  So I am really really having to think this one over.

[robert angel]

^Given the above (facial skin issues), I was leaning toward a definite no last night/this morning (as in let her go and go back to square one).

But she does check off all my other "physical" trait boxes (petite with great legs & ass and cute despite the facial skin challenges). 

Personality/character wise she brings a lot to the table: humble, hard working, attentive/affectionate, etc.  So I am really really having to think this one over.

Sounds like it might come down to a coin flip....

[Calipro]

^Given the above (facial skin issues), I was leaning toward a definite no last night/this morning (as in let her go and go back to square one).

But she does check off all my other "physical" trait boxes (petite with great legs & ass and cute despite the facial skin challenges). 

Personality/character wise she brings a lot to the table: humble, hard working, attentive/affectionate, etc.  So I am really really having to think this one over.

I say give her a pass....I have never married a chick that I wasn't into 100 percent and I don't recommend that you do it either.

[Elexpatriado]

Well.. I guess it is true..men are more superficial than women.


Not saying that I am any different..just an observation.



Makes me glad I was born a man. And born in a first world country with opportunities to boot.  What a bitch to be born a woman.. period, childbirth, make less money, looks being so important.


And it gets worse when you hit the "wall".


Only redeeming factor is they get to live longer...

[robert angel]

Well.. I guess it is true..men are more superficial than women.


Not saying that I am any different..just an observation.



Makes me glad I was born a man. And born in a first world country with opportunities to boot.  What a bitch to be born a woman.. period, childbirth, make less money, looks being so important.


And it gets worse when you hit the "wall".


Only redeeming factor is they get to live longer...

Perhaps you should consider getting a dog.