COLOMBIANAS AND THEIR REASONING JAJAJA

[mambocowboy]

Fact is that more often than not, marriage at the least, puts a damper on your sex life. Yea, you can try new things, trying to keep it fresh, but It's like  living in a candy store or pizza shop and eating that all the time. You probably still get some, but it's usually not a big deal like dining out.

Besides, you spend enough time with the same person, inevitably you're gonna have some 'difficulty getting along' moments--- which depending on each other, can pass reasonably fast, or God forbid, one of you has trouble moving on from.

But I think that in this modern era, what keeps most couple together in places like the USA and Canada is the simple fact that they financially need each other and still love, or at least are fond of each other tI'm some extent.

It's really a symbiotic relationship where each person helps the other survive.

In my first marriage, it was all about logistics. Who did what, who drove the kids to this and that---it was all about them and then work and very little about us. I worked Mon. -- Fri. 8-5, she worked nights and weekends. But for first years, we pretty much needed each other's income for the 'lifestyle'. We had the nice house, cars, vacations, etc.

As long as you sort of need each other economically, chances are greater that you'll stick together. Once my ex started making pretty good money, once we realized that we could do it 'OK' on either one of our incomes and that slowly but surely the sand holding our relationship together had slowly washed away, it was over.

This time around, we have the same schedule and support each other more in non material ways. She does help her family----her sister who's a Nurse, is starting a new life in Dubai and that doesn't just 'happen' it costs money. But 98% of the money comes from my wife's salary and really it's just me saying things like "let me pay for half the luggage she's gonna need" or "here's $50" so she can take her Aunt (who's sponsoring her in Dubai ) out to eat".

But in terms of domestic life, she likes to cook and clean, I handle the outside. She still has trouble with some professional correspondence at work --- really she over worries, but she sends it to me and I might make changes, more often suggestions, showing her different ways. Like Spanish, past, present and future tenses, sometimes even gender references get scrambled. She remembers social graces, everyone's B Day, anniversary etc. She has a good sense of home and clothing fashion and makes sure I look good. I support her confidence level.

She's just getting to the point where she could probably support herself OK and her siblings are close to being self supportive, even able for each of them to send her widowed Mom some money each month. So the next years may be a test of how much 'true love' and 'needing each other' is keeping us together.

She has a best friend who is 47 y/o, 5' 6 tall and 126 pounds, who went from easily working 12 hour days, banking overtime, to being hospitalized for three months from a massive stroke, leaving her with little short term memory. Can't drive or work.  THAT has been a reality check. Seeing how their lives were turned upside down, from her husband not knowing various passwords, issues with banking, car and other payments, on and on, woke us up a bit.

She's always said 'when you're old and in diapers, I'll be there'. I feel like just as with our friends, I'd care for her if she was disabled, but that's easy to say.

The big risk is still probably if we let our marriage get stale, let other people get betwen us and/or one or both of us behave badly and then have enough money where we don't need each other anymore and wouldn't miss each other's company terribly, then it'd all fall apart.


Money's a sick bitch. Facebook gets enough women 'coveting'--they see all these beautiful vacations, clothes, cars, families, children--- 'things' and it all looks so good--- so perfect and they may start to think: "I wish".

But it might give any sensible person pause and serve well to take ten minutes and Google  what actually typically happens to people who suddenly come into large amounts of money by winning the lottery. Often it not only greatly complicates their lives, but they fight and break up and worse.

Funny on how people who've been married decades often talk fondly about the 'lean years' how they got through tough times together, got their family through them too, probably more than they talk about some vacation to Paris or Rome.

Good stuff Robert. Gives me a balanced realistic perspective to reflect on my own marriage.

[robert angel]

Good stuff Robert. Gives me a balanced realistic perspective to reflect on my own marriage.

Thanks man. Too long I know, but one thing I tell married people with kids is that for the sake of everyone, they need to make time to date and do stuff just for the two of them, totally apart from the kids. We have no family nearby, didn't trust babysitters and everytihing, from our schedules to basically all we talked about, was the kids.

Even if you don't have kids, even if money's tight, try and break the routine. Buy her a rose, for crying out loud---get a joke book. Chicks love to laugh and typically we're too busy working and being the 'man.'

You may work so freaking hard trying to give her 'the life' you think she wants and deserves, but in the process removing you so much from her life, that she finds herself missing the barrio.

Be careful what you wish for.

Life in a place like Canada and the USA can be such a damn rat race and sometimes we let it happen unnecessarily. Take a babe from a place like Colombia or the Philippines,  who's used to sitting down and eating with family and friends, I mean like eating and spending time, with laughter, more music in their life, more hugs, kisses and physical contact and they suddenly deal with a frickin 9 to 5 USA lifestyle where every one just counts the days off till the next weekend. Everything's sooo predictably boring.

Then as said, some people are posting on farce book every fancy meal, every beauty parlor visit,, their new car etc. etc--- no wonder a woman thinks back, maybe more when you're gone, about how life was so much better simpler and meaningful before we took her to the 'land of milk and honey'

After the honeymoon, things change, but if once or twice a year, even if it just means driving 5-6  hours to some nice place and agreeing to not talk about the kids, job etc., it's usually like a jump start in a good way.

"Late at night, a big old house gets lonely,---I guess every form of refuge has it's price"
(Eagles: 'Lying Eyes')

[mambocowboy]

Thanks man. Too long I know, but one thing I tell married people with kids is that for the sake of everyone, they need to make time to date and do stuff just for the two of them, totally apart from the kids. We have no family nearby, didn't trust babysitters and everytihing, from our schedules to basically all we talked about, was the kids.

Even if you don't have kids, even if money's tight, try and break the routine. Buy her a rose, for crying out loud---get a joke book. Chicks love to laugh and typically we're too busy working and being the 'man.'

You may work so freaking hard trying to give her 'the life' you think she wants and deserves, but in the process removing you so much from her life, that she finds herself missing the barrio.

Be careful what you wish for.

Life in a place like Canada and the USA can be such a damn rat race and sometimes we let it happen unnecessarily. Take a babe from a place like Colombia or the Philippines,  who's used to sitting down and eating with family and friends, I mean like eating and spending time, with laughter, more music in their life, more hugs, kisses and physical contact and they suddenly deal with a frickin 9 to 5 USA lifestyle where every one just counts the days off till the next weekend. Everything's sooo predictably boring.

Then as said, some people are posting on farce book every fancy meal, every beauty parlor visit,, their new car etc. etc--- no wonder a woman thinks back, maybe more when you're gone, about how life was so much better simpler and meaningful before we took her to the 'land of milk and honey'

After the honeymoon, things change, but if once or twice a year, even if it just means driving 5-6  hours to some nice place and agreeing to not talk about the kids, job etc., it's usually like a jump start in a good way.

"Late at night, a big old house gets lonely,---I guess every form of refuge has it's price"
(Eagles: 'Lying Eyes')

Some hard earned wisdom I'm sure. My wife and I don't have help aside from my 78 year old mom so it is tough.   We make it a point to dance when the kids pass out. Even better is going out every once in awhile to eat and dance and forget the kids for a few hours....