"Older" Women/Women With Kids

[henryw]

Apart from the girl I have posted about previously who I am seeing steadily now I can report that I have met some other women through Latin Best and allcolombiangirls (which seem to be about the only traditional agencies left standing in Cali. By that I mean agencies that have an actual office and guest rooms where you can go, look at a webpage or photo albums and ask the secretary to make dates with the girls you’ve picked out). I set my sights on the “older set” and have met a number of women between about twenty eight and  thirty two years old. Thing is these women inevitably have children. I have had the opportunity to have some good discussions with older Colombian women not in the market for marriage who have been very explicit in steering me away from women with children here. They have explained that Colombian men very rarely accept the situation and not only for “macho culture” reasons but because Colombian women are very resistant to allowing a “non original“ father to “correct” the child. And with a gringo, while she will be enthused about his ability to protect them economically he will generally end up low man on the totem pole not only coming after the child but after all of her family too. I’m not saying this is wrong but it’s something the gringo needs to be prepared to deal with.

Back to the “older” women I’ve taken out I can’t say I’m very enthused. One from Latin Best was gorgeous. Turned out she had been married to an Italian (whom she met at the same agency) and lived in Italy for a couple of years. After one date she made it clear that she would be super high maintenance. Another went like this. We met, had a great time then made plans to go out to an animal park (Yacu) with her young daughter on Sunday. 8:00 am Sunday morning she calls and says they can’t go. Why not? I ask reminding her that we’d had this plan for several days. Her answer was that the daughter was still sleeping. Then she proposed we take the child to Chipechape in the afternoon and buy her (pricey) rides on the inflatable’s there.  I realized then that any plans you made with that woman would invariably be subject to the whims of a ten year old and/or upgrade.  Naw...don´t think so.

[utopiacowboy]

I married a widow with three children. I have four children of my own. My wife and I discussed this situation at length and agreed that we would always be each other's number one priorities. Many times she would like me to punish her children but I feel that if she wants them punished then it's up to her to do it. I will reprimand them if I see them doing something wrong and she is not present but for the most part I leave their discipline up to her. Occasionally I have interceded on their behalf privately when I felt that she was being too harsh with them.

[henryw]

Seven children...holy moly!!! To be honest though sounds like your woman, what with already having three kids and being in her forties and all hit the Gringo Jackpot (at least assuming you´re not broke). Good luck to you man but your circumstances seem to be way atypical!

[raycjs]

well i was in that exact situation i was with a Colombian women with a 2 year old she put herself first the child second and me last she thought she wanted a husband and a father but she only want a man to support her and her daughter financially but not morally. Every time i tried to help her raise her daughter i got shot down.So i have to agree with your findings but i also know many guy's on here who have success with other womens child so to each there own.

Ray

[GatoAzul]

Henry

I am engaged to a woman who already has 3 children.  To be honest, it was my biggest mistake to propose her.   Things between my and my fiancee is not going to work out in the long-term.  I predict that our relationships will be over in less than a month if not a week (maybe tomorrow).

When I invited her to Cali last October to stay for a week.  After 1 day, she told me that she needed to go home, because one of her children is ill.  I had to pay her flight home!! 

I invited her to come to my country to studying English.  I talked to her about her children.  She told me that they will be fine with their father for few months.  To be honest, I know she does not know what she is talking about.   We did not even go to passport office last March when I visited, because she keeps postponing.   She always wanted to marry me, having baby with me in England.  We agreed to talk about our wedding when I arrived Bogota last March ... but when I arrived there, she told me to wait until February next year.    We stayed in an apartment for 1 week.  She almost went home after 2 days because she had a phone call from her sister who looked after her children - that one of her children is ill.  She got better the next day.

What happened when she visits my country and got phone call about one of more of her children get ill   Do I have to pay her flight home again

To get to the point, it is not easy to find a woman who already has children, especially when her children still has father alive.

[Kiltboy1]

Henry

This is a difficult subject but I agree with UTC in that you have to discuss ALLLLLL POINTS of who is the Boss before you go ahead with things. My wife lets me be the father, but in my case, my son has never seen his biological father , so i do not have that interference. I would say if you met 10 women with children, you might find 1 that will let you be the father figure and the rest will always be in your grill when it comes to discipline, etc. You older Lady friends do indeed have good insight into this. I would say stay away from women with children in general.Buena Suerte

KB

[Jeff S]

I married a women with a young daughter. Her father was out of the picture emotionally, but kept up his child support until the daughter was of age. Like U/C's my wife wanted me to do more disciplining at times, even though she was the main disciplinarian. I went with the flow and everything worked out extremely well. The daughter has called me daddy since a few weeks after we were married and does still, and out relationship is as father/daughter as any natural parent/child's.

Finding the right woman with the right attitude, and this will not be an issue. Ending up with the wrong one, with teh wrong attitude, and this will tear your relationship apart. Choose wisely.

[GatoAzul]

Henry

This is a difficult subject but I agree with UTC in that you have to discuss ALLLLLL POINTS of who is the Boss before you go ahead with things. My wife lets me be the father, but in my case, my son has never seen his biological father , so i do not have that interference. I would say if you met 10 women with children, you might find 1 that will let you be the father figure and the rest will always be in your grill when it comes to discipline, etc. You older Lady friends do indeed have good insight into this. I would say stay away from women with children in general.Buena Suerte

KB

Your and UTC's situation are more easier.  UTC's wife was already widow and your wife's son has never seen his biological father.  You do not have to worry about the biological father because he was already out of picture. 

Henry, but in Kiltboy/UTC's situation is just half of it.  The other half - spending too much time with their children.

It is nice that women to spend time with their children to show their love/care for them - but the question is 'too much' time.

I had a date with one nice woman when I was in Cali.  She had a son - about 5 years old.  After 2 dates with her, I asked what she doing on Sunday.  She told me that she wanted to spend time with her son.  (Apparently I wasn't invited).  I was in Cali for only 1 week, trying to get to know her, but she wanted to spend with him.  I knew it was the last time we spoke.  On Saturday I had a party with other girls.  Apparently, this woman came to try to surprise me by inviting me to go to her house for the weekend.  I wasn't there.  i was given the message by someone who lives the house i was staying ...... too late!

Henry, if you wish to look for woman who already has children, try to stay away from women who spend too much time with them. 

Also stay away with woman who missed appointments to meet you by person or MSN, because her son/daughter is ill.  You cannot know whether she is telling the truth or not.

[henryw]

While I am admiitedly unfamiliar with Japenese culture and more specifically intercultural marriage I strongly suspect comparing colombianas with japonesas is like comparing apples and oranges. Any enlightenment on the subject would be interesting though.

[lite sweet dude]

My prerequiste in a relationship is a woman with no children. I don't have any children and neither does my girlfriend. So if/when we have them, it will be a first time experience for the both of us.

[dennislevy]

Ive only had one real relationship with a Colombian woman with kids. 5 weeks, more or less before last Christmas.  The kids (teenagers) were fine, the mother was funny, smart and very sexy for a 39 year old.  but  pocito loco.... 

Gato Azul

Youre saying this relationship isnt going to work out. 

Gee, what a surprise!

And now go and re read all the advice that we gave you on this board...and gringos about this relationship never having a shot in hell  If that is your fiancee with you in the avatar photo, she isnt smiling.. there´s a clue...... 

rcjs
How are you feeling?

dennis

[soltero]

but  pocito loco.... 

Dennis, what's that mean? If you are saying "a little crazy", that's not the way to get that across. I have a friend that thinks he knows Spanish better than he does, and he is constantly trying to make up ways to say stuff he would say in English in Spanish and doesn't realize NO ONE knows what the hell he is saying! Would you clear that up for me please? 

A Spanish speaking person would probably take that to mean a small crazy person...

[raycjs]

Dennis


i am doing fine i have not decide if and when i will be going back to Colombia and i am not sure where i will go? right now i would lean towards Bogota but when i am not sure... Thank you for asking...


Ray

[lite sweet dude]

I'm assuming Dennis meant un poco loco or a bit crazy. Pequeña/o is the word for small. Gotta love gringo español, Sol! 

[soltero]

I'm assuming Dennis meant un poco loco or a bit crazy. Pequeña/o is the word for small. Gotta love gringo español, Sol! 

  I am familiar with Pequena, I didn't want to use that because I wasn't trying to be the Spanish sheriff! I guess I should have used the exact wording, but I don't talk like that.

[Researcher]

     Hey Soltero,

           Nothing wrong with pointing out a mistake.At least you did it to his face and didn't talk about him behind his back.Being the "Spanish Sheriff" is much better than being a coward.

      Researcher

[soltero]

     Hey Soltero,

           Nothing wrong with pointing out a mistake.At least you did it to his face and didn't talk about him behind his back.Being the "Spanish Sheriff" is much better than being a coward.

      Researcher

Researcher, I can understand...you know where these individuals are and the free-for-all that exists there. Why not give them a piece of your mind where you can say what you REALLY want to tell them?

[Researcher]

Researcher, I can understand...you know where these individuals are and the free-for-all that exists there. Why not give them a piece of your mind where you can say what you REALLY want to tell them?

             No, I don't know where these individuals are exactly.Have any idea?
I just know that the yellow bellies lurk here. Anyone that gets their feelings hurt on an internet forum and then runs away just doesn't get any respect from me. Anyone that does that and then goes somewhere else to write trash behind people's backs isn't worth chasing. I just like pointing out what big cowards they are.If they are going to lurk here for dirt then there should be a price for such cowardly deeds.No better way to do that than simply telling the truth.Don't you think? 


             Researcher

[soltero]

No, I don't know where these individuals are exactly.Have any idea?
I just know that the yellow bellies lurk here. Anyone that gets their feelings hurt on an internet forum and then runs away just doesn't get any respect from me. Anyone that does that and then goes somewhere else to write trash behind people's backs isn't worth chasing. I just like pointing out what big cowards they are.If they are going to lurk here for dirt then there should be a price for such cowardly deeds.No better way to do that than simply telling the truth.Don't you think? 

It is one guy that has decided to focus on you, and I know exactly where he is, but due to the huge animosity that has developed between both sites, I am unable to post the address here. Since the individual was banned, I can't agree that he "ran away" nor is a coward, although I do agree that this particular individual should still be allowed to post here even though after the way he has run amok on the other site concerning this site, I doubt that will ever happen...

[bcc_1_2]

man if someone has time for internet message board rival drama... i envy their free time. I'm always looking for some extra time to get some reading and research done.

I dated a girl who turned out to have a kid. I didn't meet her through an agency so I didn't know about her young kid right away. I thought long and hard about it and decided not to date her (continue dating her on future trips) simply because she has a kid. I have no idea how that dynamic would have worked out, but I was way to big of an ass to give it a shot. 

she was sweet and freakin' hot... but in latin america there are so many women interested you can just axe all the ladies with kids if you want. The advice about tackling parenting issues early on seems legit, but I never even got to that point. If you are worried about it to much... my advice would be just to axe all the women with kids. It is mean I suppose, but I did it.

[Dan]

It is one guy that has decided to focus on you, and I know exactly where he is, but due to the huge animosity that has developed between both sites, I am unable to post the address here. Since the individual was banned, I can't agree that he "ran away" nor is a coward, although I do agree that this particular individual should still be allowed to post here even though after the way he has run amok on the other site concerning this site, I doubt that will ever happen...

We don't need any further reference or mention to a handful of pathetic leeches and their shrill imbecilic ravings. Leave the turds floating (or sinking) in their sewer pit - all 3 or 4 of them.

BTW - there is no "huge animosity" on this end. Merely bemused indifference mixed with a tinge of pity.

- Dan

[Dave H]

[Researcher]

We don't need any further reference or mention to a handful of pathetic leeches and their shrill imbecilic ravings. Leave the turds floating (or sinking) in their sewer pit - all 3 or 4 of them.

BTW - there is no "huge animosity" on this end. Merely bemused indifference mixed with a tinge of pity.

- Dan

           I couldn't agree more. Could you explain what "Opted-Out" means?

[dennislevy]

I finally caught up to Solteros comment about my Spanish and using the phrase pocito loco mistakenly.  I appreciate the correction, but I was trying to make a sly pun, which i realized no one understood because they never saw a photo of the woman. 

Actually the novia was 4 feet 9 and about 90 pounds soaking wet, so she was both poco and pocito loco!!!!

dennis

[soltero]

I finally caught up to Solteros comment about my Spanish and using the phrase pocito loco mistakenly.  I appreciate the correction, but I was trying to make a sly pun, which i realized no one understood because they never saw a photo of the woman. 

Actually the novia was 4 feet 9 and about 90 pounds soaking wet, so she was both poco and pocito loco!!!!

dennis

Dennis, I have been informed that my understanding of the phrase is off anyway, so you were correct. I need to run it by my ex to be sure. She is currently learning English for her citizenship (6 years and finally realizes that English can make a difference in life here!) so she is getting to the point where she can answer some questions for me.

[Dan]

          I couldn't agree more. Could you explain what "Opted-Out" means?

Just that. The person has voluntarily decided to "opt-out" of any further participation.

- Dan

[Researcher]

Just that. The person has voluntarily decided to "opt-out" of any further participation.

- Dan

    I thought it was voluntary unlike being banned as some would think.