Your experience counts!

[David]

Since I am still debating on whether to go or not to SA/Colombia, I am also debating whether someone should write first, or just go. I am now of the opinion to just go. That way the women I would have written won't have different expectations when they meet me. But then again, it is nice to line up some contacts first. I'm against using the web and such to talk to women first. I only want to get to know women who are serious.

Thoughts?

[soltero]

Since I am still debating on whether to go or not to SA/Colombia, I am also debating whether someone should write first, or just go. I am now of the opinion to just go. That way the women I would have written won't have different expectations when they meet me. But then again, it is nice to line up some contacts first. I'm against using the web and such to talk to women first. I only want to get to know women who are serious.

Thoughts?

Just go. Writing is a trick you play on yourself when you first start out to make you feel like someone is actually there waiting on you. Once you get there, the one you are writing to will rarely be the one you end up with, especially if you are using an agency. Just go and deal with them face to face and decide who you would like to spend your time with after having all the information.

[singlefather no more]

Just go. Writing is a trick you play on yourself when you first start out to make you feel like someone is actually there waiting on you. Once you get there, the one you are writing to will rarely be the one you end up with, especially if you are using an agency. Just go and deal with them face to face and decide who you would like to spend your time with after having all the information.

I respectfully and strongly disagree with Soltero.. I respect his opinion and he is very knowledgeable and a guy you should pay attention to what he says and writes..

I found my love through writing and Soltero found his in person.. I cannot say I am right and he is wrong.. I may be wrong and he may be right.. I am just stating my opinion..

I believe every guy is different and you have to do what you feel comfortable with.. Writing a woman before you meet can give you lots of insight on her character, morals , values , her family and is she a party girl or seriously looking for a committed and loving relationship..

Now until you meet in person you don't totally know here but this can help weed out scammers and girls that are insincere..

It depends what your nature is and what you are looking for.. I am a man that wanted a woman with a big heart and that was , smart , sweet , has a good character , comes from a good family , is sincere , loving , has religious values , has family values and was not a me me me person..

I found her in my future wife , she has not ever asked me for a cent and loves me and treats me great..

You notice I have not listed beauty yet in my list.. There are tons of
beautiful women in SA and of course we all like to have a beautiful woman in our life.. So if a woman attracts you then check her out and see if she interests you on the inside..

To many guys get the kid in the candy store syndrome and get all messed up in their search for a bride..

David , you have to know what you are looking for before you can find it..

raycjs , sean126 , Dave H , Bear , JimmySteLoius , Looking4Wife , Chris F , Ray and myself to name a few guys all wrote women before they met in person..

I take responsibility for any mistakes in the above list..

If you are serious about finding a wife don't follow the advice of guys like Papi that have been a professional dater for the last century it seems. If you just want to meet , date , make love with the young and hottest women then by all means listen to him..

If you want to find a woman that has more going for her then she looks like a super model then I would listen to the successful guys with great Novia's and wives..

It is all up to you and you have to take responsibility for your actions and know what you want and are looking for.. If you don't know what you want then you have a very low chance of success..

David these comments are for all newbies and not just for you..

Have a great day,

singlefather

..

[dominick]

Dave,

I'm in the middle on this one. On my first trip I was writing to one girl a lot, about 5 times a week. I was impressed with her responsiveness, and she was the girl I was most looking forward to meeting. On my first flight down there, I had plane troubles and was about 2 hours late, and she waited at the agency for me. We went out to diner and she had a gift for me, a small porcelain figure of a traditional Colombian Bus. But.... There was not chemistry. And I hit it off with a different girl.  SO the only bad part was I felt awful that all that perceived chemistry couldn't be translated into in person, which was Soltero's Point.

On a plus side, Writing, got my thinking and learning more about Colombia and Colombian perspectives. On the down side, I felt like I broke a sweet sweet girl's heart, who of course if I had only met her that one night and decided there was no chemistry, it would not have seemed as cruel.

Overall I would recommend it, just be open, and do not over promise anything. Like Single Father said, you could meet that one special lady and have a stronger foundation, a jump start. A lot of people think it's a waste of time, but only if you are making your decisions based solely on writing. You do not want to eliminate a good girl based on the fact that she can not image the real you through a computer. While it will be important for them to be able to use a computer and phone after you meet, it can't be demanded before then. I hope that helps.

[singlefather no more]

Guys,

I think Papi is a good guy but I don't think someone who is a professional dater should be giving advice to guys that sincerely want to meet a serious and sincere woman and are looking for more qualities in a woman other then just her model looks and young age..

singlefather

..

[soltero]

I would like to clarify my position if I may. I mean no disrespect to the letter writers, but there is usually a trend when it is successful, and that is they tend to write to the woman then go to meet HER. If the chemistry turns out to be there, then they have struck gold because all of that writing has built a foundation (whether perceived or not) that the chemistry can bounce off of and ignite. My point is and always shall be, that if you are going to an agency which is set up for you to meet multiple women and have many choices, what exactly is the point of writing one woman? When placed in that situation, the odds of you meeting more than a few women who will probably be a better match have increased ridiculously, so the possibility of there being an awkwardness to begin your trip on has grown in probability. If you are going to meet the woman anyway, then do it on equal footing with all of the rest of them. Why build in unnecessary drama?

I used to be a letter writer. I felt when I first started this that I needed to write a few women then continue with the ones I had built a rapport with until I could narrow it down to the one I felt I had the most in common with. The problem with that, is that you tend to fill in the gaps with smoke and wishes without even knowing it. This also increases if you can't speak the language. Do not rely on online translators! Abbreviations and jerga (slang) don't translate at all, and English phrases don't translate well either, nor Spanish to English (The Google translator is the best I have seen). Once you can speak Spanish and go back and use the translators, you can see what gibberish they actual create. If you think you are bonding with a woman through written communication and can't communicate for yourself, then you may not be actually bonding like you may think. There is too much room for error and misunderstandings there.

If you are planning on writing, then visiting the woman or women you were writing to, then writing makes more sense. The dynamics change completely. If you are using an agency, then it doesn't make any sense at all! The women will be lined up for you at the door! (so to speak)..JUST GO! Again, no disrespect to the writers, but there is no point in writing a few women or even one if you are going to meet many.

As SF said, though, we are all different, and so are the women, so the best thing you can do with advice is listen to it and decide what works best for YOU!

[utopiacowboy]

"I would like to clarify my position if I may. I mean no disrespect to the letter writers, but there is usually a trend when it is successful, and that is they tend to write to the woman then go to meet HER. If the chemistry turns out to be there, then they have struck gold because all of that writing has built a foundation (whether perceived or not) that the chemistry can bounce off of and ignite."

That exactly describes what my situation was. It seems to apply to most of the letter writers who were successful. The one thing that I did do was follow up on the letter writing quickly. I wrote my wife for about two months before I met her in person. And much of the last month of letter writing was making arrangements for our trip to San Andres.

[Fuzzyone]

 Letter writing is a waste of time, if you are not going to meet the girl in person then forget. You will really have no ideal who or what you are writing to. I did the email, instant messager for a short time. The only problem with this whole thing is this girl might be writing/emailing a ton of guys. My wife told me that the girls down there like to keep many candles burning just in case one goes out. She had several different guys that promised to come visit her but always had a excuse why they could not come ie my father is sick, my mother is ill, my job will not give me the time off. I read most of my wifes old emails that she had kept after we were married and I read every excuse you could think of.

  Soltero is on the mark with this one. Get your self a ticket and go down there for a couple of weeks. You will be surprised at how many beautiful woman are down there that you will never meet if you try the letter writing option.

[drm64]

David,

 I have had the opportunity to try both methods. My first trip to Colombia followed letter writing, first to several girls and then narrowed it down to just one. "Perceived chemistry" caused me to make the mistake of only writing and subsequently travelling to meet just the one girl. Eventually we  married and not long after, divorced. Since that went that way, I decided I would not take any chances with this "perceived chemistry" so I went and met girls that I had selected through Jamie's agency. I met many girls and found real chemistry with one of them, brought her to the US and married her 1 year ago. I would like to say, chemistry should not be overated. It is nothing more than an initial attraction. You must determine whether the relationship has staying power or not. If I had it to do again, I think I would try the webcam. I think you could detect some genuine chemistry this way and then when you do go to Colombia perhaps do away with the mass intros and go directly to quality one on one dates.

[DallasSteve]

Since I am still debating on whether to go or not to SA/Colombia, I am also debating whether someone should write first, or just go. I am now of the opinion to just go. That way the women I would have written won't have different expectations when they meet me. But then again, it is nice to line up some contacts first. I'm against using the web and such to talk to women first. I only want to get to know women who are serious.

Thoughts?

David

My suggested course of action is:

1 - Decide if you're going or not
2 - If you're going then decide if you're using an agency or not
3 - If you're using an agency then join up and select some women to meet shortly before you travel.  They may be able to set up some dates, or you may be able to contact them and say 'I'll be there on this date and I would like to meet you'
4 - If you're not using an agency then use the web to contact some women and say 'I'll be there on this date and I would like to meet you'

Don't invest a lot of time writing to them and trying to get to know them or building a relationship long distance.  I call that "Playing post office".  That's a children's game that most men have outgrown.  I suggest only corresponding to try to arrange meetings when you get there, and then get there.

Steve

[the_ace33]

David,
I am a bit of a newby myself ofcourse.  I find it fun to respond to these questions of yours because just a few months ago I was in your shoes.  I did write a few letters before I went.  One of the ladies i wrote to and wanted to meet very bad, she had moved by the time I got down there.  Another I dated but ended up not likeing her after all.  I wrote to two more ladies and it really did not help me much.  Meeting them in person was a whole nother ballgame.  To me there is no substitute for the meeting in person.  Writing before hand can be fun if you just want to get your feet wet.  I think I got more out of a 10 minute in person conversation than I could get by writing a lady before I met her.  Now when you get back from the trip corresponding is very important ofcourse.  I would like to ad that dating abroad is very expensive we all know this, however you cannot put a price on the experience of actually going and doing it.  One thing I did do was to look at alot of profiles and learn names.  Its cool in a group introduction when you can look up and say oh there is Maria and Beth and Barbie.  And you can recal what they do or if the have children.  They like it when you remember things about them from their profiles.  

[no comment]

Since I am still debating on whether to go or not to SA/Colombia, I am also debating whether someone should write first, or just go. I am now of the opinion to just go. That way the women I would have written won't have different expectations when they meet me. But then again, it is nice to line up some contacts first. I'm against using the web and such to talk to women first. I only want to get to know women who are serious.

This is a standard debate on this forum - to write or not to write.  Your post shows where you're leaning.  Do you speak and write in Spanish?  If not, it probably wouldn't be productive.  As Soltero pointed out, the translation software has its limitations.  As for women having "different expectations when they meet (you)," what does it matter?  Their opinion will adjust and it will take more than a meeting to get to know you anyway.  "I only want to get to know women who are serious."  What makes you think that women on sites like Colombiancupid.com aren't serious?  Some are some aren't.  It makes sense to me to focus an effort on a city or cities on your itinerary and contact women to introduce yourself.  Let them know you'll be in town, find out when they're available, ask what they like to do and get a phone number.  I used a rental phone on my last trip and made all my own arrangements.  That was because the phone I purchased off eBay turned out to be locked.

[Researcher]

      I wrote women before I visited, but I didn't write too soon before I could visit.Also, I didn't just write only one woman.I was writing to several because I wanted to meet several and I was always up front about that. I think it is possible to get too attached to one woman without meeting and, I agree, that would be a mistake.I'm not saying that it's impossible to meet a special woman this way, I just think its too big of a gamble(and my luck at gambling is awful).

     And I have to say that I hurt some women's feelings because some of them would try to get too close to soon and without meeting in person. I had to tell them that I didn't feel the same way just yet and I needed to meet them before I would know. A few of them didn't like that and moved on but I wasn't going to lead them on.

    IMHO, writing first should only be for introduction purposes and to let them know when you will be there to visit.

[raycjs]

I have to agree with S.F. it worked out better for me when i started writting to the girls 30 to 60 days before i arrived. This way when i arrived i felt like we where friends i was talking to 5 differnet girls before my trip and i was lucky to meet all 5 in person plus another 40 plus. It turns out that one of the girls i was writing to and meet in person is now living with me here in Florida. David once you make the decision to go everything else will work it self out just trust in Jamie's service and have a very open mind. The most important thing you can do is think with your big head not your little head.............

Best of Luck

Ray

[Kiltboy1]

It can go both ways.
I over the years prefered writing  then the agency thing and never had one girl not show up at the airport to get me. They were all great girls, attractive and into me, but I always found something wrong with them (estoy muy exigente). In an agency you can dissmiss them quickly without wasting time. I did have great trips with the ladies and was a good experience. I met my wife by writing and the second letter I worte her, she called my home and we talked for 3 hours. I knew pretty much then she was the one even without seeing her. So, it is more risky writing I think as far as  numbers go, but you can find out a lot about a person if your conversations are based on good Q & A and not a bunch of " AH QUE LINDA, AH ERES HERMOSA, AH MI VIDA ME ENCANTO" usual type latina writing crap. David, worst thing that could happen is you have a great vacation in the company of beautiful women. Book the flight and go !

KB

[sean126]

I'm with DallasSteve.  I always tell the guys if they have their eye on a few specific girls then (using Jamie's agency) I wrote to those girls and sent pictures just to see if they were interested in meeting me.  If not, then I could substitute other women for my top picks before I got there.  This way...I wouldn't get my hopes up before I got there.  I wrote to about 6 or 7 girls that I was REALLY interested in meeting and gave Jamie a list of the rest of the girls I wanted to try and meet during my stay.

I gave them a date on when I would be there, so if they was interested then they could keep those dates open.  Sometimes these girls go out of town for a few days or something.  That would suck to find out after I got there that my top pick was in another city or something.

I didn't try to build too much of a relationship when I wrote.  I just asked some questions...just to see if they'd put any thought in their responses.  With Jamie's help, I weeded out a couple of girls before I even got there.

I just used letter writing as a setting up of dates sort of thing, just like Dallas Steve was talking about.  Like some of the other guys said...using letters to try to build chemistry and a relationship before you even meet in person is a waste of time and money. 

[fathertime]

I am changing a bit and agree with sean1234 & stevedallas.  The course of action laid out by Steve seems to make the most sense.  Although I would always be flexible enough that if I really hit it off well with someone over the computer, that I would make them priority number 1 when I arrived.  One thing I have learned is that you can NEVER and I mean NEVER be too sure about a girl. You just never really know what is going on in their pretty little heads!

Fathertime!

[papi]

In my opinion, it is a numbers game so why not use all vehicles available of meeting chicas? Writing has the advantage of forming a relationship before you actually meet and it is almost free...actually, some sites like hi5 are free.

If you want to use an agency fine but writing has its rewards....with the added benefit of using messenger and improving ones spanish...

I met my last serious novia on LAC....i started the visa process on her but did not go through with it. But still goes to show that writing works even if I did not pull the trigger for various reasons including tapping my ATM

[the_ace33]

Well I am suprised to see that more of you are in favor of writing.  Well it sure does not hurt anything.  I would not spend a bunch of money on addresses though unless you are not going to use an agency. 

I gave them a date on when I would be there, so if they was interested then they could keep those dates open.  Sometimes these girls go out of town for a few days or something.  That would suck to find out after I got there that my top pick was in another city or something.

I do not know about other agencies but Jamies would take care of letting the ladies know well in advance your plans and even have some of them commited to dates already.

[whitey]

I think if you're a newbie like me, writing for even several months prior to your trip is invaluable.  Setting aside for the moment whether its a good way to meet woman, if you aren't fluent in Spanish and/or you're not familiar with the culture, it's a fantastic way to learn both.  There is nothing more motivational for learning than writing or talking to a beautiful, affectionate, and interested latina.

I've been writing a woman for over 7 months now and I've enjoyed every single minute of it, right down to the anxious teenage moments checking my email to see if she's written me back that day.  My Spanish has improved vastly (still have a LONG way to go), I've learned a lot about her, her family, and her friends, I've asked her every question I can think of about her life in Colombia and all the various stereotypes and truisms.  And of course she's had the same opportunity with me.

We've grown quite close, and I consider her one of my best friends ... although we've become more than just friends.  We spend many hours each week either on email, MSN, or Skype.  Lately since I've booked my trip (next week - finally!!!) we're up to at least an hour every day, and usually more.  It's a big commitment for both of us, but one that we both enjoy greatly.

I don't know what will happen with us, but I can't wait to find out.  I'm not planning on meeting anyone else on this trip ... all my eggs are in one basket.  Of course it's a double edged sword ... maybe the chemistry won't be there in person ... but I still won't regret a single minute and there's always the next trip!

Whitey

[utopiacowboy]

"I don't know what will happen with us, but I can't wait to find out.  I'm not planning on meeting anyone else on this trip ... all my eggs are in one basket.  Of course it's a double edged sword ... maybe the chemistry won't be there in person ... but I still won't regret a single minute and there's always the next trip!"

Yo tambien. It worked out but if it hadn't I met a couple of Colombianos on the plane from Miami who gave me their number. They said they'd show me a good time in Colombia if my wife and I didn't hit it off. Well when we met in the airport we started necking like crazed teenagers, so it wasn't necessary. Hope it goes as well for you.

[the_ace33]

One thing I have learned is that you can NEVER and I mean NEVER be too sure about a girl

This is good advice!  I would not travel to meet just one lady.  Before I went on my trip I was very interested in the few that I wrote to and even a couple others.  After getting to know them in person it was a negative on all!!!  Maybe it has something to do with pickyness.  To me the beauty of traveling is to have options!  The more options the better.  I dont care to have an online "fantasy" relationship with someone before I even get there.  To me that just confuses my selection process.  Call me unromantic!  To me the romance comes after I have selected the one I want to pursue.  I do not want to get all my thoughts wrapped up in one or a few thats all.  Photos and letters do not tell all I need to know.  Stay open minded gringos! 

[Alabamaboy!]

My ability to read and write Spanish improved exponentially after writing and chatting in Spanish for over a year.  And you can really get a good feel for some of the cultural things....the slang....the difference in attitudes and customs. It was good for that.  But nothing takes the place of 5 minutes alone with the girl to see how is the "chemistry".  So just be careful or you will not be able to get rid of them if you change your mind after writing them so long!!!!  And you never know who you might run into at Buenavista Mall or Exito when you are with the new chica.

[the_ace33]

haha yeah... Buena Vista, Exito and Archies baby!! jaja

[Ramgoat]

I agree with both Soltero and Single Father.  I'm a newbie at this.  I have currently just been browsing through a few agency photos and finalizing which one I plan on using for my first trip based all  your opinions.  I plan on visiting atleast a couple different cities over the next few years (if that's how long it takes).  So maybe I'll use one tour for Cali, another for Barranquilla (if I haven't found mi novia by then).  I plan on using an agency, as well as chatting with a few ladies on a specific website that I already have in mind (Colombian cupid).  I'm not one for months of chatting and building my hopes up, then for their not to be any chemistry that will be a disappointment on both ends.  So I simply plan on establishing some friendly conversation, maybe no more than 2 months prior to my trip, then wing it when I arrive but at the same time using the agency as the default means of meeting serious women.