Another one abandons fiancée

[papi]

Amazingly she knew what I was trying to say.  We couldn't be overly specific...but we knew what each other was saying.

pretty boy: hola
novia: hola mi cielo, como estas?
pretty boy: Be en, kom you es stas?
novia: bien mi vida, te amo y te estrano mucho
pretty boy: grunt, grunt, I amo you
novia: q bien mi vida, tambien
pretty boy: grunt, grunt, Kasar Mi? Come America? Visa?
novia: si mi amor, ricoooo, te amo muchooo, besos mi vida

[sean126]

Papi,

LOLOLOLOLOL....yeah, something like that.

[Fuzzyone]

Papi,

LOLOLOLOLOL....yeah, something like that.

   I hate to say this but I think jealously is rearing its ugly head here. Could it be the full head of hair? The lean mean body? or maybe what you are around 35 or maybe because you are married to one hot girl from Barranquilla. I would be jealous too but I am married to a hot girl from Barranquilla too, is life not grand? Go away haters!

[blockbuster]

Damnit! Smells like someone left another flaming bag of shit in the forum air ducts again.

Never mind. I see what's giving off the foulness:

"Asian" isn't a culture, of course. Korea, alone, proves this. According to one article, they have the third highest divorce rate in the world. (Strangely enough, blame is placed with the wicked mother-in-law.)

And what lurks behind the curtain that's luring the "Asian" woman--any woman, in fact--to divorce her man? (Look around. Most of these divorces seem to be initiated by women 70% of the time. Just like here in the good 'ol USA.)

One writer calls it the "crisis of modernity."

Another fills in the details:

"Invariably, when countries with very different cultures experienced significant economic growth, women's education increased greatly, and the number of children in a typical family plummeted from three or more to often much less than two. Divorce rates often exploded, men and women married later, and living together without marriage became more common.

[...]

"Similar changes have also occurred in very different cultures. Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and other Asian countries had rapid declines in birth rates from very high to very low levels as they experienced extraordinary economic growth during the second half of the twentieth century. Married children are much less likely to live with parents than before their economic development, divorce rates are rising, and married women have become active in the labor force."

http://www.becker-posner-blog.com/archives/2006/04/on_the_economic.html

I was just kidding about the flaming-shite thing. Don't take it personally.

  Doombug,

 By Asian I meant Filipinas who are generally Catholics and don't believe in divorce. I apologize for not being clear.

[utopiacowboy]

Good post, Sean. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I wasn't trying to put you on the spot or anything, I was just curious. I agree with you that with some women, even though you may not share a language (at first), you can communicate anyway. I always had a pretty good idea what my wife was saying even when my Spanish was bad. We rarely have misunderstandings. My ex-wife and I shared a language and we were never on the same page! In fact I used to joke that relationships worked better if you didn't share a common language.

[Calipro]

 
   Most people married for 5 years + will tell you the sex usually isn't so hot anyome.

Exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

I don't want to have to cheat on my wife to get some sexual excitement in my life. hehehe !!

[valleydude]

I know what you guys are talking about. My Spanish is ok now, but she doesn't speak any English. We do have that connection where we just understand each other. It's like naturally being in sync. It's kind of nice.

Most people married for 5 years + will tell you the sex usually isn't so hot anyome.

I'm more of shoot from the hip sort of guy, but this reminds me of one of the few jokes I have laughed at in my life. My brother told me this one:

What's the difference between being married for 5 years, and being at the same job for 5 years? The job still sucks!

VD

[Ray]

 Asian girls are generally very different. Though they may not be happy, they will stay married because they value the honor of their families.Divorce is also forbidden in their culture.

   There are Filipina woman with huge age differences I agree. But ask yourself this? Why are Filipinas in the U.S. never interested in marrying men who are so much older? It is not the culture. But the simple fact the girls are very poor and they learn to sacrifice for their families if need be. The reason most Filipinas look at foreign men in the first place is to help family out. 99% will want to get a job here ASAP and send money back home. Or they will marry a man with a lot of money even if he is 80,to help provide.

  I don't think the 20-30 year olds married to the 60,70,80 year olds are really happy. The guy may be. But how fun is it really to hang out with geriatric folks, let alone marry one? Especially for a young girl.

Block,

You make some good points but I disagree with some of your assumptions.

It's inaccurate to state that Filipinas in the U.S. are "never" interested in marrying men who are much older. I happen to know quite a few Filipinas, mostly divorced, who would definitely prefer to marry a much older man. It's mostly a personal preference thing, but I would guess that overall, maybe something like 20% of Filipina women would prefer an older mate. Before I remarried, I actually had several Filipina ladies and one Thai, all here in the U.S. and substantially younger than me, ask me to marry them. One was a "hottie" 30 years younger. If I were only interested in a young chick and hot sex I would have married her...

Some women just prefer the stability and security of a marriage with a more-mature partner. To say that a much younger woman could never be happy with an older mate, or truly love him, is a dangerous generalization to make because I personally know of many exceptions to that theory.

Divorce is virtually illegal in the Philippines and 80% of the country is Catholic. However, there are a LOT of separated couples. There is always the possibility for a legal annulment, but it's an expensive and lengthy procedure. A lot of Filipino men won't marry because of the fact that there is no legal divorce, so quite a few couples simply live together as man and wife and raise a family. I've known a lot of Filipino men who have multiple families at the same time, if they can afford it. Believe me, if divorce was legal and not too expensive, there would be a lot of Filipino divorces, though probably not as many as we have here.

On the topic of age differences, I think it is inaccurate to attempt to place a limit based solely on the number of years separating a couple. A twenty-year difference may be a huge impediment to overcome if he is 38 and she is 18, but if he is 80 and she is 60 it becomes much less of an issue because they are in similar stages in their lives. I prefer to use the "Half Your Age + 7" formula as a general guideline for a minimum age to be dating. I would also include a stipulation that she be no younger than your oldest child, if applicable. I don't see this as a hard and fast rule, and I am not bothered by those men who go for much younger girls, but it can be used a good guide when screening potential mates. Going under the cut-off age will simply increases your odds of serious complications in the relationship IMO.

Ray

[Calipro]

CP

I 100% dissagree with you and guys with your mentality are the problem, I cannot remember one post of yours in the past year that did not mention having hot sex with a chica. You must be obsessed with sex, yeh ? Hot sex is not what makes a relationship , it is only one part and and we all go south looking for a more attractive woman, but to find the hotties  and make her purr and then beat your chest like some Tarzan is perverted.
KB

KB

I like to mention hot sex with hot women in my posts as much as possible, just to see who gets pissed off. hehehe !!!

[Ray]

Take it easy CP...don't injure yourself!

     

[Jeff S]

Though they may not be happy, they will stay married because they value the honor of their families ....... 99% will want to get a job here ASAP and send money back home. Or they will marry a man with a lot of money even if he is 80,to help provide.

So you're saying younger Asian wives don't love their husbands but are only prostituting themselves for money? Have any statistics to back up that 99% number? I know four Fil/Am couples and only one out of four fit that statistic of sending money back home - that's 25% and that girl gives the outward impression she loves her husband intensely. I suppose you're convinced it's all an act? It's intuitively obvious to the casual observer that you don't have a clue what you're talking about.

Also as Doom said, Asian isn't a culture. I know Japanese, Thai, and Chinese / American couples with wide age differences. (and two Mexican / American couples BTW) Yes, they feel an obligation to stay together through the happy times and the rocky times. And? Isn't that what marriage vows are all about? Would you marry a woman that wouldn't stick it out through the not so happy times? BTW in those cases, in only one does the wife work - in the husband's business and none of them are sending money back home, so there goes your 99% of Asian women, and much younger Latinas are whores theory.

I don't think the 20-30 year olds married to the 60,70,80 year olds are really happy.

Do you know any? Have you ever asked one if she was happy? You were talking 25 years before now you're talking 60. I know several early 30s / mid 50 couples that if you said to the woman, "Hey mamma, you're hot, are you hanging around this wrinkly geriatric fart just to suck off his money, right?" You'd likely get hit, or just laughed at.

[blockbuster]

Jeff, I know many Filipinas married to Kanos. As I said, by Asian meant Filipinas. I don't know one Filipina not sending money back home who married an AM. It's very common.25%? That's a low number. Even the Filipinas on dofferent forums will tell guys that it is common and expected to do so!

 Do I think all are unhappy? Of course not. But I do know a lot of the wives are not as happy as you imagine. A lot of them are very competitive with each other, and as some people have adviced, new Filipina women coming to the U.S. are usually not too nice to each other as many have the crab mentality.

  I was responsing to people who claim 20 and 30 year old Filipinas married to 60 and 70 year old men are happily married. I like old folks too. But just being around my parents ,relatives and their friends that age is not too much fun. Maybe it's me. But not only do they smell funny ,Mot are boring as they talk about old times. Aside from wrinkly skin and weird bodies(Most not all old folks have) their health is failing. They have hemerroid problems,high blood pressure,heart issues and all of the medication the old folks have to take really cannot be seen as sexually attractive . I mean I thought elmn oved curves and women loved men who are physically strong enough to protect them if need be.

  I can actually see an  18 year old girl or even a guy being attracted to a 40 something person who is fit. But guy's in their 60 or 70's? Sexually attractive to a young Filipina girl? If these young Filipina girls are swooning over old men back home and have pics of grandpa's on their wall I'd say maybe. But these young Filipinas are usually swooning after the same type of actors and singers  young American girls swoon over. I think the marriages may be more father/daughter at that age differnce than Love,lust and romance on her part.

  A woman  in her 60's or 70's would make me throw up seeing her naked. But everyone is different. I guess an old guy can be sexually attractive to a young Filipina. But odd that young Filipinas back in the Filipines rarely marry a poor old man from their culture. Only the old kanos.

[Ray]

But odd that young Filipinas back in the Filipines rarely marry a poor old man from their culture. Only the old kanos.

Wrong again Block! I know quite a few Filipinas married to poor, older Filipino men (and Chinese men). Like I said, some just prefer older guys, whether we can understand that or not. My wife works with a good-looking 22-year-old Filipina married to an 84-year-old Filipino guy. They have been married for several years now and have a 2-year-old child. And yes, they seem very happy together.

I like old folks too. But just being around my parents ,relatives and their friends that age is not too much fun. Maybe it's me. But not only do they smell funny ,Mot are boring as they talk about old times. Aside from wrinkly skin their health is failing. They have hemerroid problems,high blood pressure,heart issues...

Speak for yourself, you young whippersnapper!

1. I only smell "funny" when I fart.

2. Old times aren't boring, unless you're a Democrat.

3. My skin isn't wrinkly...yet.

4. I've had hemorrhoids since I was 20.

5. BP = 115/78

6. Heart is still ticking just fine...

7. And I still have all my own teeth...well, except for the wisdom teeth my dentist pulled out.

 

[Jeff S]

What you're saying may be true in generalities. To judge who teenaged girls swoon over has nothing to do with who they choose to marry. I bet plenty of guys on this board swoon over actresses, models and playboy centerfolds, but who would actually marry one of they had the chance.

It can work out in individual cases. There was a regular on the Asian board a few years back who was something like 70 and married a 22 year old. He has a serious heart condition, so much that he couldn't travel to meet her and had that requirement waived to issue her K1. They're still very much in-love after 6 years. No he's not rich, but retired in a modest semi-rural area, while she has a job. I hear from them occasionally by e-mail, and they're going strong and loving life.

I'm certainly not recommending that 70something guys rush out and find 20 year olds, I'm just saying it is possible. I'm one of the few guys on this board who married someone older than I.

The biggest issue a mature guy has with a younger girl is the children thing. If you're OK with it, like Bear on the Asian Board, now well into his second family, it's fine, but if you're like most guys who have raised kids and become successful so that now you want to travel and pursue adventures you never had the time, money, or experience to do in your younger years, you better think long and hard about denying a woman children, even though she may say she's OK with it. For that reason, I think it's far wiser to look for 40 something women with grown kids.

- Jeff

[blockbuster]

 The age-gap couples may love each other. But I still think the women have more of a father love for her husband rather than see him as a lover. I'm sure she was'nt fantasizing about Barnaby Jones before he showed up.. Anna Nicole Smith who called that old guy the "Love of her life" admitted she let him touch her breast, but did not have sex with him because she thought that would be gross and never looked at him that way. He was a man she loved because of his kindness and generosity to her. He was a father figure. Even though she was drugged out of her skull,she still could put a rational spin on that.

 Sure most guys here fantasize about Playboy models and beautiful actresses. They don't marry them, but guys on this board look for women with similar qualities. No guy here is looking for Zsa Zsa Gabor or "Miss Daisy"  or marry or women older than their grandmother.

   Well, unless he lives in a trailer park or is in need of money like Zsa Zsa's husband who is 30+ years younger, or that women who wrote the movie "How Stella got her groove back" who married a foreign guy 20+ years younger. 10 years after the marriage, he admits he never loved her and he's gay. I'm sure those guys had a huge supply of viagra, because unlike women, they can't fake it with moans and groans. They have to actually have evidence.


 ray,

  I guess you are right.  Some young Filipina women get wet for men old enough to be their grandpa and money or being very poor has nothing to do with  the reason they marry him. It's a sexual fetish prefering the  old. I wonder what she is thinking when she is having sex with him?

   Personally,I have yet to meet a girl  who had family money and a great career who prefered a geriatric man with little money, but stranger things have happened. Perhaps you have seen different. Being from NY I went to High school with a lot of Filipinas in the U.S. and have yet to see any of them married to geriatric guys. Most married American guys  all mostly close to their age.

 Are you saying you see Filipinas from rich families or already in the U.S. making a good living and still marrying old men when they have choices?  Because for some the old men are more physically attractive?

 

 

[mudd]

boy, did this post go in a different dirrection. after talking to a friend of mine, found out, he had a roomate living in the house with them, so i am sure she knew about it before, but wasnt down with it after, you cannot start a serious relationship with someone with another person living in the house" HELLO?"

did he get off easy?  who knows, but to me, she sounded a little lazy, once she got there, turned into a couch potato, and the house was pretty big and fairley new, so it wasnt like they were living in a dump in BFE. to me, sounds like both are to blame, but i am sure somebody was talkig in her ear, telling her what to do. " oh, you dont need that old gringo, you can find a younger man here, dump his ass"

[blockbuster]

 If a woman is really in love. There is noone who can talk in her ear and convince her to leave. How many of us know women married to real losers who never take advice when someone advices them to RUN!! There are parents bewildered and begging their daughters to lose the dead weight. But love does strange things.

 If I love a women, nothing on earth anyone says  about her physical appearance or age will make me leave,unless I really did'nt love her after all.

[Jeff S]

See how far you had to go to make your point. A twentysomething girl with a 90something man. I think it was Kiltboy who said anyone contemplating a 20-25 year age difference should be bitch slapped. I guess that means couples like Pete & Beatrice, who had an over 25 year difference relationship, should have been given that treatment.

The truth is that some of us 50 something guys don't look like Barnaby Jones, and can hobble about without a walker and oxygen hose, and believe it or not, can actually get it up without chemical assistance. And to imply that somehow we have nothing to offer to a 30something babe besides cash is pure crap and demonstrates little understanding of what makes women tick.

I'll go back to my main point - If you can't negotiate a stairs without worrying about breaking a hip, you should probably stay away from teenage hardbodies. If they do acquesce to your advances, they probably have an ulterior motive. On the other hand, if you're a successful, mature man, don't worry too much about the age of possible partners, especially if they've been jerked around a few times by a younger, immature, studly looking dudes, more interested in getting laid than settling down to a fulfilling family life. You do have the goods to be sexy to women, even if your hair is thinning and your waist isn't as small as when you were playing football.

[P Daddy]

See how far you had to go to make your point. A twentysomething girl with a 90something man. I think it was Kiltboy who said anyone contemplating a 20-25 year age difference should be bitch slapped. I guess that means couples like Pete & Beatrice, who had an over 25 year difference relationship, should have been given that treatment.

Could the same also be said for someone who marries a foreign woman after only ONE trip to meet her??  I've read it on these forums MANY times...so its to each his own when it comes to WHO needs to be bitch slapped.  My girl is over 20 years younger than me...I would rather romance her and spend 2 to 3 years getting to know her, than marry a woman more close to my age, and marry her after only 1 SHORT trip...(and to leave my job and family no less to live with her)...

Who has the best chance of success in these 2 scenarios??

[Jeff S]

I coundn't agree more. I spent three trips over a year and a half, spending something like 13 weeks together with my foreign girlfriend and 100 letters and phone calls before making it permanent, and I consider myself lucky.

[blockbuster]

Ok,

 PDaddy, one more time. You are not the average older guy looking for a girl 20 years younger in a foreign country. You can get that girl anywhere as you are in shape, good looking,financially successful and have a full head of hair!!!!!!!

  I am not the one making a stretch of 20 year old wanting geriatrics. Just noting the folks who say I know a 20 year old married to 70 and they are happy! I'm just saying her happiness and his happiness may be a bit different. She may not be lustingly in love, but more or less feel affection as she ould a father. I agreed a woman in her early 20's can be attracted to a man 20 years older. that's quite common. I know a few guys here in the U.S. who are pretty good looking guys and they all date women much younger on US. soil. I rarely see a girl of 22 married to a 70+ year old man in the U.S. who is happy unless the old guy is loaded and hopefully has a bad heart so viagra does'nt work.

  The reality is marriage does include sex. Meaning the sexual attraction has got to be on both sides./ It does'nt matter if you have a close age difference. If she is not attracted to you phisically, the marriage will not br what she dreamed. She will still miss being sexually attracted to the man she shares a life and bed with.

  The age of a much older man usually guarentees she will not be attracted to his body physically unless she is the rare type who likes much older men . We are talking physical attraction here. The marriage may be good in other aspects. But sex is a very important part of a relationship and it should be very mutually satisfying to both.

  Perhaps it's me. but the thought of having sex  with a 70 year old gal turns me off. and I'm way past 20. She may get turned on ,but she'll be the only one having a good time. I would be praying for it to be over or to die!

[Kiltboy1]

I think Beatrice was 40-41 and Pete like 60, but at that age, it can work then say a 20 year old with a 45-50 year old.

KB

[colombia]

Question -- Has anyone out there heard of the opposite of the girl "going wrong" -- that is, the American guy turning out to be other than advertised, say not interested in marriage but in something nefarious, like being his girl's pimp?

Just wondering....

[sean126]

Colombia,

I AM just wondering if you are on the right website?

[blockbuster]

 Sean,

 I know what he is talking about. I once met a girl years ago while in my 20's working a strip club. The guy had visited her a few times and her mother thought he was God's gift.
He brought her to the U.S. from Malaysia. Hid her passport had her start cocktail waitressing in a nightclub, then eventually had her stripping. He would pick her up every night at closing. He was trying to get her to hook, but she would'nt do it. She eventually broke down and told someone at work about it who eventually was able to get a hold of the American Embassy. She was even lent money for her plane ticket back home as he would have her strip down every night and make sure she was'nt hiding anything. I don't know what happened to the guy, but that was near slavery what he did.

 In another strip club I went to  This American guy would take his Russian wife to a few clubs and have her dance nude. He would stay in there all night till her shift was done. the club was huge and high class so most guys did'nt even know the husband was there.

   I consider a guy really low to try to get a foreign women here and unable to support her in the lifestyle he promised or wants gets her involved in that sort of lifestyle.