Bit of a Dilema

[govig1]

I think you're doing the right thing ending it sooner rather than later. You have some serious doubts about that girl, and I learnt the hard way from my 1st marriage that if u have doubts just walk away. Never hope that things will get better or that you can change her. Bit of a shame though; she sounds like a really nice personality judging that she's reliable and you have enough in common to chat all those hours. How old is she? In the first 2 photos she looks much younger (and very pretty) than in the last one. I found that with internet dating most foreign girls don't have much to say, have little in common, will only communicate with you if you're online at the same time (hard between the UK and S America). My Peruvian wife and I used to email each other daily so I knew she was genuinely interested and reliable. I quickly knew when I met her online that she was definitely worth the effort of going to meet her, and by the end of that 1st visit I knew she was the one. 5 years later we are still happily together and I wouldn't change a thing about her. Very attractive too: late 30s and flat stomach and no cellulite on the back of her legs, still with muscle definition like a 16 year old. So don't rush into things, you'll know when you've met someone perfect.
            You say you like petite girls. What age range are u thinking of? I remember from dating sites that there are loads of pretty and slim girls from SA under the age of 30, but once past 30 there is a cliff edge reduction in the proportion of such attractive girls. So be aware, if u meet a slim 25 year old she probably won't be that slim once past 30 or after pregnancy. Look at her mother, look at her older sisters if they are mothers. IMO the best ones to go for are the few attractive ones that are in their mid 30s. If they're still slim then, then they'll probably stay that way. You occasionally see these types on dating sites. They are much more mature then too.
              If you do go to Lima and it doesn't work out with your girl, there is a café/bar by Parque Kennedy (it's on the left if your back is to the sea) and it's full of pretty and slim waitresses wearing sexy mini skirts. I don't know how good your Spanish is, but just talk to them and some of them will quickly be interested in you once they know you can communicate. They will hang around you when you are in, they will smile at you when you walk by. Happened to me on a couple of trips! When they saw me with my partner they looked really hacked off! There will be places like this in Colombia too.

[Gavan]

              If you do go to Lima and it doesn't work out with your girl, there is a café/bar by Parque Kennedy (it's on the left if your back is to the sea) and it's full of pretty and slim waitresses wearing sexy mini skirts. I don't know how good your Spanish is, but just talk to them and some of them will quickly be interested in you once they know you can communicate. They will hang around you when you are in, they will smile at you when you walk by. Happened to me on a couple of trips! When they saw me with my partner they looked really hacked off! There will be places like this in Colombia too.

Parque Kennedy/Calle de las Pizzas has a lot of prostitutes (many Colombian)  and bricheras (gold diggers/scammers who hunt gringos). It is not exactly the best place to look for a good girl.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5wrMKwN87A

[cdr1974]

Elexpatriado.......


Yes, i means clubs like that, just for some entertainment when I am not dating and to clear my mind............


Govig.........


The age range I am looking for is 25-33 ideally without children although not totally ruling this out. This girl from Peru is 28 and has a son at 7 years old, she also did say to me early on when we was chatting she had lots of stretch marks on her stomach and does not wear a Bikini to the beach because of this, not seen it for myself so cannot comment on that other then her telling me. (not something I am keen on to be honest, but no one is perfect and I am not seeking that)
A slim woman is definitely a priority for me though and I could never get passed the extra weight although I did try to see past this but it kept coming back in my mind.
I do not consider myself picky, but the weight thing is a must for me, more so then looks, butt and breasts again not important to me, so hence why I do not feel I am being picky................. others may think otherwise...........


Since I told her I did not want to take things any further, I have not really thought of her and certainly no regrets, yes, she had a great personality, was reliable and did appear very interested and genuine, all things that are to come by when chatting to these woman, this was why I started this post in the first place. I thought I could see past the weight issue but simply could not despite her being a lovely woman..................


I am sure there are going to be some slim woman in the 2 agencies I am visiting, will they be genuine and honest like she was? who knows and only then I may regretting ending things with this girl from Peru.........

[mambocowboy]

Elexpatriado.......


Yes, i means clubs like that, just for some entertainment when I am not dating and to clear my mind............


Govig.........


The age range I am looking for is 25-33 ideally without children although not totally ruling this out. This girl from Peru is 28 and has a son at 7 years old, she also did say to me early on when we was chatting she had lots of stretch marks on her stomach and does not wear a Bikini to the beach because of this, not seen it for myself so cannot comment on that other then her telling me. (not something I am keen on to be honest, but no one is perfect and I am not seeking that)
A slim woman is definitely a priority for me though and I could never get passed the extra weight although I did try to see past this but it kept coming back in my mind.
I do not consider myself picky, but the weight thing is a must for me, more so then looks, butt and breasts again not important to me, so hence why I do not feel I am being picky................. others may think otherwise...........


Since I told her I did not want to take things any further, I have not really thought of her and certainly no regrets, yes, she had a great personality, was reliable and did appear very interested and genuine, all things that are to come by when chatting to these woman, this was why I started this post in the first place. I thought I could see past the weight issue but simply could not despite her being a lovely woman..................


I am sure there are going to be some slim woman in the 2 agencies I am visiting, will they be genuine and honest like she was? who knows and only then I may regretting ending things with this girl from Peru.........

Craig,
sounds like you made a good choice. Her shape wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me but working in a disco is definitely a bad sign and the kid would be a deal breaker for me. I suggest you strongly think about whether or not to get involved with a woman with kids. Based on what I've seen,it's a really bad deal for the guys who do it...

[cdr1974]

Craig,
sounds like you made a good choice. Her shape wouldn't have been a deal breaker for me but working in a disco is definitely a bad sign and the kid would be a deal breaker for me. I suggest you strongly think about whether or not to get involved with a woman with kids. Based on what I've seen,it's a really bad deal for the guys who do it...

Mambocowboy


I have to agree, I am about 80-20% in favour of meeting a woman without children although I do have 2 myself, but mine are older 17 & 18, my daughter lives away in Uni and my son now works away all week so I do not really have kids living at home now.
I think it is hard enough to keep a relationship going strong without the added pressure of a young child, its 2 people who then have to settle in our country. i have also heard some guys having issues with the child, so unless she is a 10/10 I doubt i will be dating anyone with a child, I am all for having our own child, I am only 39 so that should stand me in good favour with some of the woman, this girl from Peru was talking about her son living with us for 6 months a year and his father 6 months a year should we ever get serious.......................


Everyone has there own dealbreaker, mine is for sure her figure then child........................

[gyounger]

Hmm..you heart-breaker Craig you.. sounds like you been takin lessons from G. Younger,. Or maybe shes been  talking tothat Charles guy. Heck maybe she IS that Charles guy. (cross dressing) maybe that explains why she is "Chubby"...after all,they both live in Lima, don't they?

Ooops Busted!! 

[gyounger]

Elexpatriado.......


Yes, i means clubs like that, just for some entertainment when I am not dating and to clear my mind............


Govig.........


The age range I am looking for is 25-33 ideally without children although not totally ruling this out. This girl from Peru is 28 and has a son at 7 years old, she also did say to me early on when we was chatting she had lots of stretch marks on her stomach and does not wear a Bikini to the beach because of this, not seen it for myself so cannot comment on that other then her telling me. (not something I am keen on to be honest, but no one is perfect and I am not seeking that)
A slim woman is definitely a priority for me though and I could never get passed the extra weight although I did try to see past this but it kept coming back in my mind.
I do not consider myself picky, but the weight thing is a must for me, more so then looks, butt and breasts again not important to me, so hence why I do not feel I am being picky................. others may think otherwise...........


Since I told her I did not want to take things any further, I have not really thought of her and certainly no regrets, yes, she had a great personality, was reliable and did appear very interested and genuine, all things that are to come by when chatting to these woman, this was why I started this post in the first place. I thought I could see past the weight issue but simply could not despite her being a lovely woman..................


I am sure there are going to be some slim woman in the 2 agencies I am visiting, will they be genuine and honest like she was? who knows and only then I may regretting ending things with this girl from Peru.........

If she was telling you about her stretch marks early on then obviously you two were talking about her body.
Sounds to me that she was self conscious about herself and her appearance and wanted to let you know beforehand.
Was that when you began to have doubts?

[robert angel]

Elexpatriado.......


Yes, i means clubs like that, just for some entertainment when I am not dating and to clear my mind............


Govig.........


The age range I am looking for is 25-33 ideally without children although not totally ruling this out. This girl from Peru is 28 and has a son at 7 years old, she also did say to me early on when we was chatting she had lots of stretch marks on her stomach and does not wear a Bikini to the beach because of this, not seen it for myself so cannot comment on that other then her telling me. (not something I am keen on to be honest, but no one is perfect and I am not seeking that)
A slim woman is definitely a priority for me though and I could never get passed the extra weight although I did try to see past this but it kept coming back in my mind.
I do not consider myself picky, but the weight thing is a must for me, more so then looks, butt and breasts again not important to me, so hence why I do not feel I am being picky................. others may think otherwise...........


Since I told her I did not want to take things any further, I have not really thought of her and certainly no regrets, yes, she had a great personality, was reliable and did appear very interested and genuine, all things that are to come by when chatting to these woman, this was why I started this post in the first place. I thought I could see past the weight issue but simply could not despite her being a lovely woman..................


I am sure there are going to be some slim woman in the 2 agencies I am visiting, will they be genuine and honest like she was? who knows and only then I may regretting ending things with this girl from Peru.........

Hey man--a lot of women think gay guys make the best friends--they'll confide in a favorite gay hair stylist more than they will with a lot a people. They're a non threat going both ways--they're not likely to 'hit on her' and they're not 'one of the girls' who might possibly take their straight guy away from them .

Maybe for somewhat similar dynamics, reasons---whatever, for guys, fat chicks sometimes make the best friends!

[Gavan]

If she was telling you about her stretch marks early on then obviously you two were talking about her body.
Sounds to me that she was self conscious about herself and her appearance and wanted to let you know beforehand.
Was that when you began to have doubts?

I am starting to feel bad for this woman TBH...

[robert angel]

If you married this woman, it wouldn't be long before you weren't just watching her weight overall, you'd be watching her take every bite of every meal she ate. It'd increasingly 'eat at' you. Eventually, 'discussions; would escalate to snipey arguments and looks, which often stresses the woman out, so she'd probably eat even more.

In all fairness, some people who are over weight are genetically predisposed to it--look at their closest family members. They could eat salads with no dressing, maybe lose a few pounds, but it'd come back. Human health is like that--some people could eat vegetables and nothing with salt and still have high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

[cdr1974]

If she was telling you about her stretch marks early on then obviously you two were talking about her body.
Sounds to me that she was self conscious about herself and her appearance and wanted to let you know beforehand.
Was that when you began to have doubts?

Yeah, she did explain about her stretch marks and the fact her breasts had gone a bit south since having her sun and that when she went to the beach she would only wear a one piece swim suit and not a bikini so she was obviously self concious about it, she also mentioned how she found it difficult to buy jeans because she has big hips, up until then, i had never really thought about it, but once she told me, i was having major doubts and did not appeal to me, yes we all know woman do not always keep there shape, but to be honest, it does not appeal to me dating someone with big hips, stretch makrs on her stomach and her breast have gone south................. maybe you guys disagree and would settle for this when dating a woman down there in SA.................... what do you say about that guys..... agree, disagree???

[Elexpatriado]

Hmm..maybe its better I  not to tell the girls about my saggy balls and leaky ass, plus the stretch marks on my butt from sittin at a desk for 30 years..
Actuasllly, This whole thread has gotten freakin bizzare..no wonder western women get pissed off if they hear you talkin like this in the office,

Yeah, she did explain about her stretch marks and the fact her breasts had gone a bit south since having her sun and that when she went to the beach she would only wear a one piece swim suit and not a bikini so she was obviously self concious about it, she also mentioned how she found it difficult to buy jeans because she has big hips, up until then, i had never really thought about it, but once she told me, i was having major doubts and did not appeal to me, yes we all know woman do not always keep there shape, but to be honest, it does not appeal to me dating someone with big hips, stretch makrs on her stomach and her breast have gone south................. maybe you guys disagree and would settle for this when dating a woman down there in SA.................... what do you say about that guys..... agree, disagree???

[cdr1974]

Hmm..maybe its better I  not to tell the girls about my saggy balls and leaky ass, plus the stretch marks on my butt from sittin at a desk for 30 years..
Actuasllly, This whole thread has gotten freakin bizzare..no wonder western women get pissed off if they hear you talkin like this in the office,

Do you EVER stop moaning and criticising other peoples posts Elex? If you do not have anything constructive to say, then probably better to keep your opinions to yourself,
Sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but all you appear to do is write sarcastic comments on everyones posts...................

[Gato4Astrid]

If you do not like girls who are "chubby", you can always buy a mannequin.    They will never added kg !!!  She won't have any children, like you wish?


Over the time, all the girls are bounded to get little bigger so are you going to divorce her when she adds 1 kg

[cdr1974]

If you do not like girls who are "chubby", you can always buy a mannequin.    They will never added kg !!!  She won't have any children, like you wish?


Over the time, all the girls are bounded to get little bigger so are you going to divorce her when she adds 1 kg

No GATO, I wouldn't, obviously we all put a little weight on over the years, but if you have it at the time, then that is totally different........................

[Elexpatriado]

Particularaly yours...
 

Do you EVER stop moaning and criticising other peoples posts Elex? If you do not have anything constructive to say, then probably better to keep your opinions to yourself,
Sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but all you appear to do is write sarcastic comments on everyones posts...................

[fathertime]

Yeah, she did explain about her stretch marks and the fact her breasts had gone a bit south since having her sun and that when she went to the beach she would only wear a one piece swim suit and not a bikini so she was obviously self concious about it, she also mentioned how she found it difficult to buy jeans because she has big hips, up until then, i had never really thought about it, but once she told me, i was having major doubts and did not appeal to me, yes we all know woman do not always keep there shape, but to be honest, it does not appeal to me dating someone with big hips, stretch makrs on her stomach and her breast have gone south................. maybe you guys disagree and would settle for this when dating a woman down there in SA.................... what do you say about that guys..... agree, disagree???

Hey Craig,


It is one thing to be the guy who is responsible for a woman being pregnant and gaining weight/strechmarks, etc etc...it is a different story for the guy who then chooses the lady that somebody else did this to!  Of course both men are entitled to do what they want, but I've always related better with the first guy.  That said, I didn't completely rule out a woman with a child, but like you mentioned upthread, she would have had to been exceptional in other areas, for me to have gone that route.  I think some men have found those rare women so that is great for them. 


   You are still quite young (relatively speaking), you don't need to settle for a lady that you don't find very attractive, heck even the old guys seem to find women they find nice looking.  That doesn't mean that you will only accept 10/10's, but I believe you should find your future wife to be 'very attractive' whatever that means to you!  So if you like petite/thin ladies, then that is what you should be hunting for...IMO


Good luck,


Fathertime!   

[cdr1974]

Hey Craig,


It is one thing to be the guy who is responsible for a woman being pregnant and gaining weight/strechmarks, etc etc...it is a different story for the guy who then chooses the lady that somebody else did this to!  Of course both men are entitled to do what they want, but I've always related better with the first guy.  That said, I didn't completely rule out a woman with a child, but like you mentioned upthread, she would have had to been exceptional in other areas, for me to have gone that route.  I think some men have found those rare women so that is great for them. 


   You are still quite young (relatively speaking), you don't need to settle for a lady that you don't find very attractive, heck even the old guys seem to find women they find nice looking.  That doesn't mean that you will only accept 10/10's, but I believe you should find your future wife to be 'very attractive' whatever that means to you!  So if you like petite/thin ladies, then that is what you should be hunting for...IMO


Good luck,


Fathertime!

Hi Fathertime


Your words above are so so true, if I was to get a woman pregnant ans she ends up with stretch marls etc etc that's my doing and I have no issue with it, but having to settle for someone else's doing, no thanks, not for me....


As I said in early replies on here, I am not looking for a 10/10, I am realsitic in what I can expect considering my age, looks etc etc but I cannot settle for a chubby woman, not being disrespectful in anyway, I just would never feel comfortable or attracted to her even if she had a beautiful face, if i meet someone and she later puts on weight when i am married to her, that is a different story and all part of life, does not mean i am going to divorce her for putting on weight lol, but a the first hurdle of dating, there has to be some attraction from both parties..............

[Elexpatriado]

No your not too harsh- its OK I have a thick skin- whatever you say-Ok ..you want something constructive? Stop going off on tangents.. learn to focus..you had the girl in Ecuador .. it was dead..you  said you were going to Bogota to the two agencies.. we all advised you to concentrate on that, start talking to the girls in Bogota.. find their  Bogota chat sites.. What do you do? You go off and spend 3 hours a dayfor God knows how long talking to a girl in Peru you aren't even interested in. Learn to focus man. How much time did you waste doing that? If the girl was in Bogota , you could have seen her on a coffee date with  6 others the same day and got rid of her on the spot- 1 hour instead of ..how many 20? Plus how many hours on this computer talking?
I have to admit, I have been rough on you, and maybe , being a bit of a bully,  and maybe I have been listening to gossip and unfounded rumours about your past endeavours.. yes I have been a bit satirical, but why can't you suck it up like everyone else and have a thick skin?
And I don't know you personally, and don't know your past history, but I will say one thing, if you find a nice girl, you better treat her nicely and with respect, because , like it or not, the group of women interested in Foreigners is pretty small in Colombia, especially through the agencies and chat sites, and a lot of these women have had foreign boyfriends or acquaintances before, or have relatives or friends who know foreigners. Somebody mistreats someone  or does something that is out of the social norm, it gets around pretty quickly. What happens in Colombia doesn't necessarily stay in Colombia.
Not saying that you ever did or would do something disrespectful or weird with one of your "Nice Girl: dates, just making a general statement for everyone here. This isn't ISG. Guys are supposed to be on here to help find a serious relationship.
Now I'll probably take the advice I was given and not give you any  advice (which you may or may not appreciate anyway) and  ignore your posts. I have to admit, I am being like a 13 year old wasting time on this forum. Problem is I hurt my Knee climbing in Canada, couldn't go climbing for a week, and I have lots of down time, and this stupid site is addictive.
Well Craig, hope you aren't offended by my comments-and best of luck- remember-when you find her , treat her Nico.
Adios.
 

[Elexpatriado]

+100,000,000

If you do not like girls who are "chubby", you can always buy a mannequin.    They will never added kg !!!  She won't have any children, like you wish?


Over the time, all the girls are bounded to get little bigger so are you going to divorce her when she adds 1 kg

[gyounger]

Hey man--a lot of women think gay guys make the best friends--they'll confide in a favorite gay hair stylist more than they will with a lot a people. They're a non threat going both ways--they're not likely to 'hit on her' and they're not 'one of the girls' who might possibly take their straight guy away from them .

Maybe for somewhat similar dynamics, reasons---whatever, for guys, fat chicks sometimes make the best friends!

I've noticed fat chicks gravitate around gay guys and vice versa.
Maybe the fat chicks are so desperate for men that they think they can straightened them out and have a relationship other than simply platonic.

[mambocowboy]

I've noticed fat chicks gravitate around gay guys and vice versa.
Maybe the fat chicks are so desperate for men that they think they can straightened them out and have a relationship other than simply platonic.

definitely wouldn't classify the Peruana in Craig's pics as fat. Thick yes...

[Calipro]

This is a pretty long thread just to figure out what we all know deep down inside.


Anybody can marry a fat chick in their home country....guys go over seas to get hotter women and that is all there is to it.

[Gavan]

This is a pretty long thread just to figure out what we all know deep down inside.


Anybody can marry a fat chick in their home country....guys go over seas to get hotter women and that is all there is to it.

I guess that is true for many guys here... You do have to wonder why it is that they can't get hot women at home, but they can get them in SA... Can you call that love or is it always just "por interés" ($$$)?

[Ray]

I woke this morning and realised I cannot get passed the fact about her weight, I have tried to look at it differently but I keep coming back to her weight. I am not looking for a stunner, I am realistic, but probably my number 1 thing I look for in a girl is her body shape, I only like slim petite girls, not a boob or ass man, these are not important to me as her frame is and in all my years of dating, I have only ever dating slim petite girls.
I feel things could never work out with this girl simply based on the above no matter how sweet of a girl she is or how good of a woman she is, I am never going to be satisfied with her body, never and this would only end in the long run.


She is a good woman and I do not want to hold her back from meeting a good guy who would adore her figure, but that man is simply not me, I cannot change in my mind what is attractive to me in a woman and it is always her figure to me, her build, again, not really fussed if she only looks like a 6 in her facial features, I could handle this far far more then if she has a few extra pounds.

Hi Craig,
　
I have to tell you that I cringe whenever someone puts a physical trait above all others when looking for a wife. If her waist size is truly more important to you than her character, then I think you are headed for trouble.
　
There is nothing wrong with having defined personal tastes in what you find physically attractive, but if you put physical preferences above all else, I think you understand that there will come a day in your married life when the wife seems a little more chubby or her boobs start to sag a little, or she has those stretch marks as a result of bearing your children.
　
When that day comes, you will discover that her character traits become her primary assets. If there are some serious character flaws when her physical assets begin to fade, then you won’t have anything left to keep the romance alive.
　
My advice is to marry a true friend, a woman who will always be attractive in your mind even if your eyes try to tell you otherwise.
　
Just some things to think about…
　
Anyway, I wish you luck and hope you find what you are looking for.
　
Ray