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Author Topic: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?  (Read 40576 times)

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Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #50 on: January 03, 2020, 08:08:12 AM »
Hector..here is another good reason NOTto go the Fiance or Marriage Visa route

and try to see how it goes with her applying for.a tourist visa independently of you..

http://www.planet-love.com/index.php?topic=8744.msg138191;topicseen#new

Offline braziliangirl

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #51 on: January 03, 2020, 03:48:19 PM »
Sounds like they are very chismoso and envidioso in the part of Brazil you come from..and in your social and work circle


Yeah... That behavior is indeed chismoso/fofoqueiro, but I wouldn't say envidioso/invejoso or particular to my part of the country or my circle.


It is not the best idea to compare Brazil to Colombia in that or other aspects of culture. Yes, there might similarities, but there are too many differences to just assume...


Please don't take it personally.

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #52 on: January 03, 2020, 05:17:22 PM »
I think there is a good chance your concern is misplaced.  Especially if it is concerning the hell out of you.   Young women are always going to get a lot of attention, so what you might focus on is how your woman is reacting to attention.  Is she soliciting attention, or lapping it up or conversely is she trying to downplay her looks, and discourage male interest? 


Your age gap is very large,  but must be totally ok with her otherwise she would have forgotten about you a long long time ago. Perhaps you might look at what types of things you think would captivate her.  Hopefully you have some overlapping interests.  That,  coupled with a mutual child should give you a very good chance for loyalty from her.    If interests and goals don't mesh very well, and you are looking for a long term marriage, then you might consider choosing someone else. 

Fathertime!

Yeah, I am exaggerating my concerns bit. Strange at it may seem I like to prepare for the worst, even if my gut is telling me differently (i.e., I think we have a decent shot of making it work long-term).

If her number one goal in life was to get to the USA she could have landed a gringo a long time ago and I would be ancient history at this point.

Also, our first ever contact was a chance meeting in person at a mall in Managua. I've met a lot of fakes or gold diggers online who start calling you "amor" before you ever meet them in person. This girl was never like that....unless she has put in an academy award performance five years running now. Jajaja. 
« Last Edit: January 03, 2020, 05:35:58 PM by Hector_Lavoe »

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #52 on: January 03, 2020, 05:17:22 PM »

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #53 on: January 03, 2020, 05:40:25 PM »
A good gringo friend. Different perspective.


Actually, not a gringo. 

The good friend I referenced was born in Mexico and (legally) immigrated to the USA in his mid-20's (and in his late 40's now). He is actually a bit of a skeptic of the overseas marriage deal.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2020, 09:39:06 PM by Hector_Lavoe »

Offline Elexpatriado

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #54 on: January 04, 2020, 11:51:18 AM »
Actually, not a gringo. 

The good friend I referenced was born in Mexico and (legally) immigrated to the USA in his mid-20's (and in his late 40's now). He is actually a bit of a skeptic of the overseas marriage deal.

A Mexicano or even a Colombiano who has been.living in the US for over 10.years will have the same mentality as a Gringo.and drop their standards due to desperation and feminist brainwashing. Seen it happen many times
« Last Edit: January 04, 2020, 11:55:04 AM by Elexpatriado »

Offline Calipro

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #55 on: January 04, 2020, 12:53:12 PM »
A Mexicano or even a Colombiano who has been.living in the US for over 10.years will have the same mentality as a Gringo.and drop their standards due to desperation and feminist brainwashing. Seen it happen many times


Sometimes and sometimes not.


I worked with a Mexican guy that had a hot Mexican wife. He started complaining that she was going out at night with her girlfriends.


The other Mexican guys that worked with us told him he should beat her when she goes out....that she should be at home when he is at work....and that he should only speak Spanish to her....no English at all.
But the guy said he couldn't beat his wife.


Well after she left him....all the other Mexican guys made fun of him for not having the balls to kick her ass.

Offline benjio

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #56 on: January 05, 2020, 09:31:22 AM »
A Mexicano or even a Colombiano who has been.living in the US for over 10.years will have the same mentality as a Gringo.and drop their standards due to desperation and feminist brainwashing. Seen it happen many times

You haven’t spent enough time in South Texas. Definitely not.

Offline John W

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #57 on: January 06, 2020, 12:04:16 PM »
I am late to this thread and did not have time to read all the posts.  I will say you’re going to need to make this decision on your own.  People telling you that the age gap doesn’t matter or that you should not bring her to the US isn’t going to do you any good.  Every person and circumstance are different.  One thing I will share with you is that I am two years older than you and my wife (from Colombia and 17 years my junior) and I just had our second child.  The biggest regret that I have in life so far is that I did not have children earlier in life.  I’ll be age 70 and 73 when my two children graduate from high school, and of course at this age the odds go up that I might not be around at their graduations. Not to mention that I would like to be around and healthy far beyond their high school years.  Having kids is without a doubt the most satisfying and rewarding thing I have ever done.  My post-marriage life is far better and more satisfying than my pre-marriage life.  Being married to anyone, let alone someone who is much younger, speaks a different native language, comes from a different culture, and had to leave behind all her friends and family, is very difficult.  I could write several pages about the things about my wife and her family that drive me crazy.  I am sure my wife could easily do the same about me.   Like most things in life that are worthwhile, being married and having kids is a lot of hard work, but also a lot of fun.  I would recommend a lot of self-evaluation and spending as much time as possible with your girlfriend.  Then go from there. 
« Last Edit: January 06, 2020, 12:10:01 PM by John W »

Offline Calipro

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #58 on: January 06, 2020, 12:38:00 PM »
Great post....can't stress the importance of marry a Colombiana that want to have your children.


It is no guarantee of a great marriage....but it eliminates so many negative possibilities. 


And having kids is a blast.

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #59 on: January 06, 2020, 11:15:59 PM »
John W & CaliPro:  Thanks for the posts. Glad you are both enjoying being fathers relatively late in life...I might be on the same path myself. 


John W: No doubt I wish I was a good 10 years younger at this juncture. But it is what it is.

Offline robert angel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #60 on: January 07, 2020, 07:16:41 PM »
John W & CaliPro:  Thanks for the posts. Glad you are both enjoying being fathers relatively late in life...I might be on the same path myself. 


John W: No doubt I wish I was a good 10 years younger at this juncture. But it is what it is.

I sometimes have joked that "Having children isn't like fish, where you can/have to throw them back if they're not big enough" (and there were times I wanted to) but I thoroughly enjoyed being a father in my thirties and onwards.

It was a many different emotions this past weekend, as we helped move my youngest son into Buckhead, Atlanta, shopping furniture and seeing his sense of style and taste emerging in refinement. Feathering his nest. The kid's got class. Both of my sons do. They're kind, funny and successful gents. Lady killers. Happy fellas.

Good raising, along with good schools, tons of travel and more activities--sports, scouts, music, sleep overs etc--more than I can remember, were super satisfying. No, driving them to thousands of events seemed like a pain many times, but I wish I could do it all again. Turn the page....

I'll always be sad that my kids had to live thru a divorce and the repercussions from that never go away, but I'll never regret having them.

Again I regret not being able to do it all again with my wonderful 2nd wife while I was still in my 40s and 50s. She deserves kids --the full experience and it would be sooo wonderful.

Even though I've said that there's drawbacks to having kids as you get closer to age 60, I suppose it's a selfish part of me that contributes to that mindset. I make excuses about it possibly holding my wife and I back from even more freedom to travel and have our own fun, but damn, if you can't have the best fun of your life watching your kid/s grow up, you're really missing out on an incredibly undescribably wonderful experience.

You don't realize why parents act insane when it comes to their children until you have your own.

Having children is a total mindset mind blower.  It redefines the very concept of 'love' and commitment in our lives.

I highly recommend it.

Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline robert angel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #61 on: January 14, 2020, 07:16:11 PM »
Had some major formatting issues with that initial post. Trying again:

I have posted about this girl in the past. We first met nearly 5 years ago in Nicaragua (time flies). She subsequently moved to Panama following her sisters for better job opportunities, etc. We hit it off from the start. But I broke it off with her about 2.5 years ago. She is now 28 (almost 29) and I am 52. I broke it off in part thinking I could find a girl a bit older than her.

After that initial break we kept in close contact for about 5 months. She was trying to get me to change my mind. Finally, she said to me, "Are you really sure you are never coming back to visit me in Panama."  I answered affirmatively and told her yes it is over. 

Soon after that she was in a serious relationship with a local Latin American guy around her age. Saw a few photos of the guy and he is a ripped Latin stud. I wasn't totally surprised because she is an attractive girl. She broke off contact with me after that as the her new novio was your stereotypical possessive/jealous Latin lover. Though I get it. People also need to move on.

I was pretty convinced I'd never hear from her or see her again. I thought for sure he'd knock her up and that would the end of it. She did occasionally text me to say hello but it was always very quick and brief.

As I have stated before on this forum, I have had a few moments when I have cringed thinking: Why the hell did I let that girl go?  Been on numerous trips to Latin America and she was the one that knocked me out the most. Since I broke it off with her in May 2017 I have made a few trips:

-Cali, Colombia for a week (no dice);
-A One Woman Trip to Medellin (Major Failure);
-A trip to Costa Rica (a major bust);
-A few weekend trips to Tijuana but no major connections;

I've also dated a few local Latinas in the USA during that time but NOTHING to write home about.

About two weeks ago I get a text from her. I thought for sure it was another hello and goodbye text. But THIS time was different. She made it clear that the other guy was no longer in the picture. She also invited me to come visit her in Panama. Moreover, she has invited me to go join her in Nicaragua in February when she will go for an extended trip to visit family (Mom, Dad, etc.). I've met her mother once before and she "approves" of me. Of course, any Nicaraguan mother will approve of her daughter dating a guy from the USA unless he is a total douche.

So I have purchased a ticket to go see her in January in Panama.

I know that many on this board will call my plan to bring her back to the U.S.A. crazy! By all means, I want to hear ALL perspectives. I even think it is crazy until I look at the alternatives.

Some of my key thoughts:
1. Big age gap, lots of risk: But we both agree that we want ONE child and if you knock a girl up in the USA you have a better chance of keeping her around;

2. Why NOT go Ex-Pat, Stay Single and Move to Latin America?  The Ex-Pat strategy is GREAT until you look into the details: like trying to find a good paying job, etc. At peak of my career now. Could risk it and just move and network there. But my "conversational Spanish" is NOT the same as fluent business Spanish, NOT even close!  Also, my aging father's memory is going fast. Not many good years left. So reluctant to relocate when he still has his marbles and remembers who his children are, etc.

3. Is She Moving for an Upgrade in Lifestyle/Opportunities? Yes, only a fool would think otherwise. But time is ripping by. Ten years ago I was rarely if ever called sir. Now I get it all the time. Might as well roll the dice. If it crashes and burns so be it.

I will say this: Benjio's recent thread on his buddy in Brazil makes think any guy would be nuts to bring a girl back to the USA without FIRST hiring a private investigator (just in case).

Here are a few photos of the lady:








^The two of us the last time we were together (2.5 years ago)

A whole buncha posts later.... I think Hector's got some seriously cold feet....
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline robert angel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #62 on: January 15, 2020, 10:31:28 AM »
A whole buncha posts later.... I think Hector's got some seriously cold feet....

So nobody's got the nads to call it or give their take on this one?
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #62 on: January 15, 2020, 10:31:28 AM »

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #63 on: January 16, 2020, 07:27:50 AM »
So nobody's got the nads to call it or give their take on this one?

What are you talking about? Remember what they say about assuming things.

Leaving today to go visit her.....
« Last Edit: January 16, 2020, 07:34:34 AM by Hector_Lavoe »

Offline benjio

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #64 on: January 16, 2020, 09:32:27 AM »
So nobody's got the nads to call it or give their take on this one?

HA HA!!!! Robert you know as well as anyone that if a guy’s asking for advice about a big decision on this board, he’s already made the decision. He’s just trying to gauge how justified his apprehension is.

Like I said Hector, if I were you, with that storyline, I’d go for it!!

Offline robert angel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #65 on: January 16, 2020, 11:33:45 AM »
What are you talking about? Remember what they say about assuming things.

Leaving today to go visit her.....

Godspeed!! :)
Whether you think you can or think you can't--you're right!

Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #66 on: January 19, 2020, 10:24:41 AM »

Still Acne, unless it.is a permanent thing is small potatoes which can be easily overcome.


In her case Acne scars may well be permanent and fairly severe! Believe me, photos can obscure a lot. It is actually a bit more severe than I remembered. Treatment options exist but I am not enough of an expert to know how effective they are. 

One thing I've noted is I think a P.I. would NOT be necessary. Call me a naïve Gringo but I really think she is sincere.

I am visiting her now and she asked about engagement rings. To paraphrase she said, "In my country it is typical for the man to get two rings: one for himself and one for the woman. As a promise to each other to be faithful and a sign of commitment."

She is not looking for anything expensive just the gesture/commitment. 

I give her massive credit for all that she has done with limited resources. She works 6 days a week in a retail outlet in a mall and sends money home every month to her Mother. She has a small business venture on the side selling shoes to friends and friends of friends. She does it to help pay for things for her little dog.

A few weeks ago she told me she works hard for her mother and family and as a result often neglects her own needs (like Doctor appointments, personal care/items, etc.). So I offered to help her. She resisted at first. But I pressed her and asked what she wanted most. She said a basic medical check up and a visit to a dermatologist. So I sent her some money.

She went to a dermatologist a week ago for an initial appointment. They prescribed her some pills. They also offered her more extensive treatments (microdermabrasion, etc.) but she balked at those. I think she fears they might be painful. 

Anyway, regardless of my shallow concerns on acne, she appears to be all in for us being together and I am NOT about to tell her what treatments to get or not to get. The reality is a girl like her in the states would have tons of options and very likely not give me the time of day.

The only question is will my proverbial cold feet make me run the other way....

 

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #67 on: January 19, 2020, 11:07:46 AM »
In her case Acne scars may well be permanent and fairly severe! Believe me, photos can obscure a lot. It is actually a bit more severe than I remembered. Treatment options exist but I am not enough of an expert to know how effective they are. 

One thing I've noted is I think a P.I. would NOT be necessary. Call me a naïve Gringo but I really think she is sincere.

I am visiting her now and she asked about engagement rings. To paraphrase she said, "In my country it is typical for the man to get two rings: one for himself and one for the woman. As a promise to each other to be faithful and a sign of commitment."

She is not looking for anything expensive just the gesture/commitment. 

I give her massive credit for all that she has done with limited resources. She works 6 days a week in a retail outlet in a mall and sends money home every month to her Mother. She has a small business venture on the side selling shoes to friends and friends of friends. She does it to help pay for things for her little dog.

A few weeks ago she told me she works hard for her mother and family and as a result often neglects her own needs (like Doctor appointments, personal care/items, etc.). So I offered to help her. She resisted at first. But I pressed her and asked what she wanted most. She said a basic medical check up and a visit to a dermatologist. So I sent her some money.

She went to a dermatologist a week ago for an initial appointment. They prescribed her some pills. They also offered her more extensive treatments (microdermabrasion, etc.) but she balked at those. I think she fears they might be painful. 

Anyway, regardless of my shallow concerns on acne, she appears to be all in for us being together and I am NOT about to tell her what treatments to get or not to get. The reality is a girl like her in the states would have tons of options and very likely not give me the time of day.

The only question is will my proverbial cold feet make me run the other way....

 
I'm pretty sure if she comes to the States she won't be doing "girls' night out" lol. Women like her are really hard to get in the States..re: engagement,  like you said it's all about the significance not the bling.. so far so good Hector!

Offline robert angel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #68 on: January 19, 2020, 01:35:32 PM »
In her case Acne scars may well be permanent and fairly severe! Believe me, photos can obscure a lot. It is actually a bit more severe than I remembered. Treatment options exist but I am not enough of an expert to know how effective they are. 

One thing I've noted is I think a P.I. would NOT be necessary. Call me a naïve Gringo but I really think she is sincere.

I am visiting her now and she asked about engagement rings. To paraphrase she said, "In my country it is typical for the man to get two rings: one for himself and one for the woman. As a promise to each other to be faithful and a sign of commitment."

She is not looking for anything expensive just the gesture/commitment. 

I give her massive credit for all that she has done with limited resources. She works 6 days a week in a retail outlet in a mall and sends money home every month to her Mother. She has a small business venture on the side selling shoes to friends and friends of friends. She does it to help pay for things for her little dog.

A few weeks ago she told me she works hard for her mother and family and as a result often neglects her own needs (like Doctor appointments, personal care/items, etc.). So I offered to help her. She resisted at first. But I pressed her and asked what she wanted most. She said a basic medical check up and a visit to a dermatologist. So I sent her some money.

She went to a dermatologist a week ago for an initial appointment. They prescribed her some pills. They also offered her more extensive treatments (microdermabrasion, etc.) but she balked at those. I think she fears they might be painful. 

Anyway, regardless of my shallow concerns on acne, she appears to be all in for us being together and I am NOT about to tell her what treatments to get or not to get. The reality is a girl like her in the states would have tons of options and very likely not give me the time of day.

The only question is will my proverbial cold feet make me run the other way....

 


That was fast! (But hey, not your first contact by a long shot) You can watch Miss Universe all day--or just surf the internet all day and see women (99% with face and hair 'professionally' done, then photoshopped etc) and see prettier babes.


Hell, if you sit outside in a ritzy metro cafe, you might even spot some 'out in the wild' that give you quicker 'insta boner' (I still do! Oh all the flavors...) but if you want a babe who you think waking up next to every morning sounds about right, one who probably raise your children right whilst still allowing you to be 'boss' is a catch--this babe might be the ticket.


Try to find THAT around here!


I imagine you've kind of wrapped your head around the fact that as such, she's probably going to stay the same person she is now and send money home. Boy, that comes with the women in the territories we hunt and somebody who's loyal to her loved ones is showing a good sign IMO, (in moderation) She doesn't sound like she's gonna be expecting a Louis Vuitton purse anytime soon.


If you have kids, her working, childcare costs and your income will be variables that should considered ahead of time, but in reality they should not stop your lives from being happy, unless you're very low wage.



I knew my wife from when she was a teenager. Literally. Now as she's a good bit past her mid 30's, the pounds she's gained aren't much at all. I actually dig her curves more now, and we know how you Latina chasin dogs are all into that curve and booty stuff anyhow---LOL--so it's all good there!


But my point is (it's in here somewhere) is if that babe is pushing 29 and is half as cute as she was in the last pics, what you see now is probably quite similar to what she was at 19, is now at 29 and will likely be at age 39. Even AFTER she has a couple kids.


I don't see her flying down Park Ave as a blimp in the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade anytime soon.


Once my wife hit mid 30's she moved from the 99% of the time she left her lovely naked morena facial skin alone, to using the better skin care products. She's always been the most bodily clean lady head to toe on earth, but skin serum, maybe a little toner and lip stuff a bit --all have helped her a bit. So does some hot red lipstick on a weekend. She's never ever looked as hot as she does now when she 'dolls herself up' a bit for weekends and date nights. I mean like 'dayum!!'--she's taking tissue, dabbing her face the whole ride to her destination, toning it down to avoid starting a ten alarm fire!!!


She's always used body moisturizer after every (frequent) shower.

The little laugh lines  around her eyes--and she ALWAYS seems to be smiling--have left the tiniest of crinkles when she shines--and in her fractured English, she laments them --calling them "crawfish" (not the proper "crow's feet" LOL) the barest of lines that basically only she notices when she smiles big.

But she used to have really big facial skin pores, where white heads formed--she was always cleaning them, leaving the large pores. That---namely her skin--has changed since she got into her 30's and began addressing her skin, as well as our fitness and diet routines.

Hell, she's got ME on a great, 3 step five minute skin regimen and its REALLY helped MY skin, That's regrettably belatedly, and I encourage guys late 20's and up--but critically, ESPECIALLY for age 50 and above, to try it.


Doing yoga, pilates, and again an improvement in diet and routine will help her a lot also. I think my wife puts collagen in my water AND food when I'm not looking. LOL.


With dermatology--with over the counter, in office, quasi surgery and with varying degrees and expense, with plastic surgery techniques, NO skin condition is unchangeable.


While I protested (really) my wife insisted on THIS being my birthday present next month:


A "HYDRAFACIAL MD"


(and I thought she was gonna waterboard me!--"">I just need socks and underwear<""-- I tried to explain...


Using Alpha Arbuti, Vitamin C and Bearberry extract w/ LED light treatment, proceed to lymphatic C drainage and hydra dermabrasion trearment.




Cleanse, peel exfoliate
Extract debris & Hydrate, Intensive quenching moisturization techniques
Fuse and Protect with anti oxidants and peptides
Baby Botox

And all that's non prescription[size=78%].[/size]



In markets like San Diego, LA & S. Florida, competition is soooo fierce, that you can find reputable spas running specials real easy.[size=78%]


But even IF there wasn't a huge amount of skin change--and again--I bet there's more likely to be tangible room for improvement with all the options here in the 'land of milk honey and vanity'--this gal sounds pretty dang good to me already. There's potentially more upside than down it sounds like. Not just physically, but especially comparitively to other women's maturity, mindset


Never, ever marry someone because of your ages, or because you feel 'now's the time'. Or largely because of your family, friends or social media response. Are THEY gonna have to look and listen to her every day??


Marry them because after you put the time in, there were a whole lot more long term reasons to do so rather than not to, and because you can't figure doing much better now or down the road. Even if you ARE a doubtful, yet hopeful mix of pessimist - optimist.


And most importantly, only go for it because you think you might make each other's lives happier.


You're probably right that a P.I. isn't necessary. Or a psychiatrist.


GTG, she's nagging me that she's done cooking and cleaning and soon I might hear that I'm procrastinating, making her wait to give me My massage, manicure and pedicure. The banana bread, amaretti, BBQ lamb & veggie kabobs, chicken adobo and pork belly that she made today can wait--I'll be eatin off that most of the next week anyhow....


Well, as long as I can watch the NFL playoffs, guess I'll oblige. It is most literally the LEAST I can do![/size]
« Last Edit: January 19, 2020, 03:50:23 PM by robert angel »
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Offline Hector_Lavoe

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #69 on: January 19, 2020, 04:23:12 PM »

Never, ever marry someone because of your ages, or because you feel 'now's the time'. Or largely because of your family, friends or social media response. Are THEY gonna have to look and listen to her every day??

Marry them because after you put the time in, there were a whole lot more long term reasons to do so rather than not to, and because you can't figure doing much better now or down the road. Even if you ARE a doubtful, yet hopeful mix of pessimist - optimist.

And most importantly, only go for it because you think you might make each other's lives happier.

You're probably right that a P.I. isn't necessary. Or a psychiatrist.


Yeah, good points.

No P.I. but the shrink might be necessary for me since I am still on the fence...jajaja.

If I break this off with her again, she is going to be hurt and disappointed (again). And I don't want to see her hurt. 


Offline robert angel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #70 on: January 19, 2020, 10:26:03 PM »
Yeah, good points.

No P.I. but the shrink might be necessary for me since I am still on the fence...jajaja.

If I break this off with her again, she is going to be hurt and disappointed (again). And I don't want to see her hurt.

Not saying this is the case here (This gal sounds like she's making it OK-- and will continue to do so with or without you) but never marry anyone because in large measure you feel sorry for them.

I felt sorry for my ex wife's sh!tty childhood. So much that in fact I couldn't see the proverbial "forest for the trees" -- I didn't see the devil in the details waiting ahead. I didn't think clearly enough to realize that I was looking at damaged goods until it was too late.

We're no more supposed to be "Knights in Shining Armor" in long term relationships than are we supposed to believe in fairy tales.

We should be looking at entering relationships because the 1+1 equals more than the normal 2.

And if we're overly valuing the money either party has into the equation, that's not good.

Some sympathy is OK--it's human nature. But it can cloud objectivity. Pity parties should not be a significant part of the equation necessary to  finally determine a suitable long term partner.

There were some women I invested a lot of time, travel and money into pursuing, but ultimately I broke it off. Although I loved them then, I saw serious personality issues--issues that I was quite concerned about possibly becoming more problematic later on. It hurt bad for both of us, but it probably would've hurt a lot more later on.

While I created issues in my head about my current wife's age and beauty early on, as I went thru the motions with those other women--dealing their inconsistency, jealousy, their wanting more and more material things, etc., I realized that my now wife didn't have those flaws.
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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #71 on: January 20, 2020, 06:11:50 AM »
^Well said Robert.

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #72 on: January 20, 2020, 06:26:43 AM »
Yeah, good points.

No P.I. but the shrink might be necessary for me since I am still on the fence...jajaja.

If I break this off with her again, she is going to be hurt and disappointed (again). And I don't want to see her hurt.

I’m personally starting to think your apprehension has hardly anything to do with an age gap and much more to do with the fact you’re not 100% sure this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s not cold feet...that’s just a good ol’ fashioned gut feeling. My advice would be to listen to it.

Most of my friends are married. I’ve even been the best man at three weddings in the last 15 years. One thing I never saw any of them do is hesitate. Even with all the cliché “don’t do it” BS that guys fill the groom’s ears with. Only that type of invincible confidence would have me walking down the aisle at this point in my life. I had that once at a much younger age with a Colombiana but luckily I dodged a bullet. In the long run I would’ve been miserable with her.

Even the pimple thing kinda seems like you’re nitpicking. That’s not the type of stuff a man that’s completely in love brings up about his girlfriend. Almost like you’re looking for a reason why you won’t be completely happy with her. After re-reading your posts I’d say to either wait and take your time, or play the field a bit more. Just judging from your pictures, I can assure you that you have options in LA.

One thing about a lot of single, younger guys who’ve spent a significant amount of time in Latin America...they get REALLY picky about the women they choose to commit themselves to. The simple truth is you start to realize there’s always another one. I think it’s almost a required state of mind to be able to make a sound decision there without being influenced by all the noise. Beauty, great sex, them being great homemakers, women that are culturally more submissive...all these things can cloud your mind into thinking you’ve found “the one,” when in actuality there are a dozen more just like her that you’d have better chemistry with.

It doesn’t sound like she’s in a terrible rush to get married, and if she is that’s a red flag within itself. Take your time. She’s not going anywhere if she really loves you. Don’t think so much about how hurt she’d be now. Think about how hurt your bank/investment accounts will be if for any reason this thing doesn’t work out after a few years.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2020, 02:02:39 PM by benjio »

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #72 on: January 20, 2020, 06:26:43 AM »

Offline mambocowboy

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #73 on: January 20, 2020, 02:44:22 PM »
I’m personally starting to think your apprehension has hardly anything to do with an age gap and much more to do with the fact you’re not 100% sure this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s not cold feet...that’s just a good ol’ fashioned gut feeling. My advice would be to listen to it.

Most of my friends are married. I’ve even been the best man at three weddings in the last 15 years. One thing I never saw any of them do is hesitate. Even with all the cliché “don’t do it” BS that guys fill the groom’s ears with. Only that type of invincible confidence would have me walking down the aisle at this point in my life. I had that once at a much younger age with a Colombiana but luckily I dodged a bullet. In the long run I would’ve been miserable with her.

Even the pimple thing kinda seems like you’re nitpicking. That’s not the type of stuff a man that’s completely in love brings up about his girlfriend. Almost like you’re looking for a reason why you won’t be completely happy with her. After re-reading your posts I’d say to either wait and take your time, or play the field a bit more. Just judging from your pictures, I can assure you that you have options in LA.

One thing about a lot of single, younger guys who’ve spent a significant amount of time in Latin America...they get REALLY picky about the women they choose to commit themselves to. The simple truth is you start to realize there’s always another one. I think it’s almost a required state of mind to be able to make a sound decision there without being influenced by all the noise. Beauty, great sex, them being great homemakers, women that are culturally more submissive...all these things can cloud your mind into thinking you’ve found “the one,” when in actuality there are a dozen more just like her that you’d have better chemistry with.

It doesn’t sound like she’s in a terrible rush to get married, and if she is that’s a red flag within itself. Take your time. She’s not going anywhere if she really loves you. Don’t think so much about how hurt she’d be now. Think about how hurt your bank/investment accounts will be if for any reason this thing doesn’t work out after a few years.
Good points. But I don't think guys being certain about marriage is a good indicator.  Most guys when they marry have no intention of getting divorced,  but it happens at least half the time! I took a massive leap of faith , married a woman I'd never even lived with, yet my marriage has lasted longer than many...the reality is, people change and grow and a couple needs to adapt to survive. Being uncertain about marriage is normal,  in my experience.  It's a lifetime commitment that is tested daily, is probably an accurate way to describe it...yes, I could have taken more time, but there is no " the one,"; there are many women in Colombia I could have married but if I was going to do it, I knew eventually I could pick only one...

Offline robert angel

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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For - Roll the Dice Despite a 20+ Yr Age Gap?
« Reply #74 on: January 20, 2020, 07:02:54 PM »
Good points. But I don't think guys being certain about marriage is a good indicator.  Most guys when they marry have no intention of getting divorced,  but it happens at least half the time! I took a massive leap of faith , married a woman I'd never even lived with, yet my marriage has lasted longer than many...the reality is, people change and grow and a couple needs to adapt to survive. Being uncertain about marriage is normal,  in my experience.  It's a lifetime commitment that is tested daily, is probably an accurate way to describe it...yes, I could have taken more time, but there is no " the one,"; there are many women in Colombia I could have married but if I was going to do it, I knew eventually I could pick only one...


Your's and Benjio's takes below:

>>""I’m personally starting to think your apprehension has hardly anything to do with an age gap and much more to do with the fact you’re not 100% sure this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s not cold feet...that’s just a good ol’ fashioned gut feeling. My advice would be to listen to it.Most of my friends are married. I’ve even been the best man at three weddings in the last 15 years. One thing I never saw any of them do is hesitate. Even with all the cliché “don’t do it” BS that guys fill the groom’s ears with. Only that type of invincible confidence would have me walking down the aisle at this point in my life. I had that once at a much younger age with a Colombiana but luckily I dodged a bullet. In the long run I would’ve been miserable with her.Even the pimple thing kinda seems like you’re nitpicking. That’s not the type of stuff a man that’s completely in love brings up about his girlfriend. Almost like you’re looking for a reason why you won’t be completely happy with her. After re-reading your posts I’d say to either wait and take your time, or play the field a bit more. Just judging from your pictures, I can assure you that you have options in LA.One thing about a lot of single, younger guys who’ve spent a significant amount of time in Latin America...they get REALLY picky about the women they choose to commit themselves to. The simple truth is you start to realize there’s always another one. I think it’s almost a required state of mind to be able to make a sound decision there without being influenced by all the noise. Beauty, great sex, them being great homemakers, women that are culturally more submissive...all these things can cloud your mind into thinking you’ve found “the one,” when in actuality there are a dozen more just like her that you’d have better chemistry with.It doesn’t sound like she’s in a terrible rush to get married, and if she is that’s a red flag within itself. Take your time. She’s not going anywhere if she really loves you. Don’t think so much about how hurt she’d be now. Think about how hurt your bank/investment accounts will be if for any reason this thing doesn’t work out after a few years.<<""

They differ a bit. But I think regardless of the variables in a guy's head--be the guy a 'Doubting Thomas' a "Nervous Nelly"--perhaps border line OCD and /or prone to giving one's self 'mental complexes'--or just what ever a 'regular easy going guy' (not saying that any of the described represent the OP here) but no matter how any such guys might be like individually:

STILL GO with your GUT INSTINCT. God gave us free will and IMHO, this is a very good time to use it wisely.

Now, I can make something as simple as A, B, C, & D into a labyrinth of complexity, but I think I can still sense pretty well when I'm in even a bit of a danger zone.

No, I don't think I was ever 100% certain that any relationship was (or is) a 100% 'sure bet'--even heading into my engagement and now into a pretty good, longish marriage, very little has been 100%. I still have insecurities, vulnerabilities. most humans do.

I am grateful for a whole lotta good days, and ecstatic  for those 100% GREAT days, like in Sept 2019, asking her to marry me again atop the Eiffel Tower whilst touring Europe. In more mundane moments--we have nonetheless enjoyed times that would be hard not to call great--even 'perfect'--'magic' etc.. Odd stuff too--like being lost in big city subways as they were shutting down for the night, while low on funds--having to use our wits together, w/o panicking and triumphing together.

But again, I'm just really happy that most of our days are better off for us being together. We've got a pretty good batting average I think on 'the better off together than apart' scale.

However, I was nervous, a little uncertain (not to the point of pissing my shorts) right up to the point
when the Judge made it legal, but I went with MY GUT INSTINCT. And that fateful step made ALL the difference.


I could have kept cutting bait or fished. I fished a LOT and finally decided that one particular lady I'd had online off and on for a long time was THE one, so I set the hook, reeled her in--a keeper as it turned out.

Trusted my gut and lucked out. But I could've stayed in bed.(Alone)

"BE TRUE TO YOURSELF"

« Last Edit: January 20, 2020, 08:28:41 PM by robert angel »
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