fiance and spousal visa processing delays

[thekfc]

We had a bit of an argument

Again? 

[jm21-2]

Again? 

Two stubborn, easily angered people with no EQ....once we get started it's all downhill.

This one was about 90% my fault.

I don't think any relationship I have will be without major arguments now and then. I'm just too argumentative and stubborn. But on the other hand I'd probably be a bit bored with a perfectly contentious relationship.

But am wondering a bit about this one lately. Don't know whether it's pre-wedding jitters or not but we seem to be arguing much more in the last month or so. We had an argument maybe once every few months before and they didn't last as long. We're both pretty damn nervous about getting married. She's giving up Australia and I'm going to have to support her for a good long time probably. I know what happens to the husbands of dependent spouses when their wife divorces them quite well....

[Ray]

jm,

I’ve been known be a tiny bit stubborn and argumentative myself, but I NEVER argue with my wife. We are both aware that having a big argument will only cause unnecessary pain and waste a lot of energy, so we both bite our tongues and wait until everything is calmed down and then calmly discuss any differences in an adult manner.

Now being a lawyer, I’m sure that you hate to pass up a good argument, so for the sake of your relationship, zulu and I will always be available here to argue with you if you really feel the need. OK?

 

Ray

[thekfc]

Now being a lawyer, I’m sure that you hate to pass up a good argument, so for the sake of your relationship, zulu and I will always be available here to argue with you if you really feel the need. OK?

And I will be on the sideline & throw jabs 

[jm21-2]

Well, pretty much all our arguments before the last month or so were triggered by me pushing the limits to see what sort of bad behavior she could handle. I know my EQ is jack [snip] and I've been a bachelor a long time so I wanted a girl who wasn't going to freak out if a guy said or did something "guy-ish" or politically incorrect around her. She handled it all amazingly well. An AW probably would have shot me, lol.


But the last month or so we've both been pretty freaked out about marriage. We talk in the evening a bit, I say something that makes her a little worried, she broods about it while I'm sleeping, then calls me in the morning after getting worked up for 6 hours. I'm heading off to work, tired, and get short with her now and then. Just a bad cycle. And mostly over mis-communications or something very small. I'm inclined to think of it as too much stress on both of us about getting married, but does have me worried whether I'm making the right choice now and then.

Absolutely no way I could have a relationship without an argument now and then. Just not in my blood. The last couple weeks it's been a bit much though.

[Tanuki]

Your not trying to subconsciously torpedo this relationship, some kind of manifest destiny type deal?

Some times people try to create a bad situation just so that can say; "I knew that girl wouldn't hang in for the long haul."

[robert angel]

I wonder if there are 'Chinatowns' in Colombia?

[jm21-2]

Your not trying to subconsciously torpedo this relationship, some kind of manifest destiny type deal?

Some times people try to create a bad situation just so that can say; "I knew that girl wouldn't hang in for the long haul."

Nah. The only thing that worries me about marrying her is having to support her. But she is trying really hard to learn how to be a good house-wife and will help me with my practice so that's not too bad.

When she gets worried/anxious/freaked-out about getting married I just need to learn to be more gentle/assuring/comforting/etc. She is worried about getting married a lot and I've done a pretty horrible job at making her feel secure.

[piglett]

Well, pretty much all our arguments before the last month or so were triggered by me pushing the limits to see what sort of bad behavior she could handle. I know my EQ is jack [snip] and I've been a bachelor a long time so I wanted a girl who wasn't going to freak out if a guy said or did something "guy-ish" or politically incorrect around her. She handled it all amazingly well. An AW probably would have shot me, lol.

hey Jm speaking of being guyish, do you intend to test any limits when your soon to be wife arrives?
I have a 351 Windsor that came out of my friends correct craft ski boat & even though it's is sitting in my shop rite now i fully intend to have it sitting on a stand in the corner of my KITCHEN the day my wife arrives here  
Why you may ask WHY would i want a motor in the kitchen (hey it is clean & free of grease) I intend to prove a point. the point is this there are times that you just have to do what you have to do. for example lay a sheet of 6 mil. plastic on the kitchen table so that you can rebuild the carb to your plow truck in the middle of the winter when it's well below freezing & your shop is unheated.

I know some chicks would file for divorce if there husband pulled that kind of stunt. even if the guy had thousands of dollars of work lined up & the house payment was past due. they are unable to use their brain for even 1 second & do someting practical for even a short period of time  

wish me luck boys , the fur mite be flying  


p i g

[michaelb]

Rebuild the carburetor? How old is this truck? Anyway, time to invest in a heater for your shop .

[AndyLee]

I wonder if there are 'Chinatowns' in Colombia?

Not that i know of and that's a darn shame.....I haven't had good Chinese food since I left the US, or Mexican, or French, or Italian. On the plus side, I've lost 10k since I've lived here

[euforia51]

Not that i know of and that's a darn shame.....I haven't had good Chinese food since I left the US, or Mexican, or French, or Italian. On the plus side, I've lost 10k since I've lived here

...and look at all the good chica you've been having instead ... sometimes ya gotta make sacrifices! 

[jm21-2]

hey Jm speaking of being guyish, do you intend to test any limits when your soon to be wife arrives?
I have a 351 Windsor that came out of my friends correct craft ski boat & even though it's is sitting in my shop rite now i fully intend to have it sitting on a stand in the corner of my KITCHEN the day my wife arrives here  
Why you may ask WHY would i want a motor in the kitchen (hey it is clean & free of grease) I intend to prove a point. the point is this there are times that you just have to do what you have to do. for example lay a sheet of 6 mil. plastic on the kitchen table so that you can rebuild the carb to your plow truck in the middle of the winter when it's well below freezing & your shop is unheated.

I know some chicks would file for divorce if there husband pulled that kind of stunt. even if the guy had thousands of dollars of work lined up & the house payment was past due. they are unable to use their brain for even 1 second & do someting practical for even a short period of time  

wish me luck boys , the fur mite be flying  


p i g

I don't think she'd have any problem with rebuilding a carb inside. Probably would be perplexed about the engine in the kitchen though, and my kitchen is small enough I don't really think it's possible. I already clamped a pasta maker onto my very nice dining table to make pasta (drove my mom nuts when she saw it...counters are too thick for the clamp). My fiance didn't care at all...I guess that's comparable to doing some auto work on the table in some ways?

I figure I've pushed her enough, I've got a pretty good idea that she can take quite a bit, as long as it doesn't cost much money. Time to slack off a bit on that. I will refrain from citing examples because they probably venture well into the territory of dickishness.

[thekfc]

What is the use of having to "prove a point" or test your lady? 

If you married the right woman then you wouldn't have to.

You guys are building a campfire, pouring fuel on it, lighting a match and then throwing the match on it to see if it ignite.

 

[jm21-2]

What is the use of having to "prove a point" or test your lady? 

If you married the right woman then you wouldn't have to.

You guys are building a campfire, pouring fuel on it, lighting a match and then throwing the match on it to see if it ignite.

 

Wasn't trying to prove a point. Just know that I want/need a girl with an extremely high tolerance for masculine BS. Sadly, many women lack that tolerance.

Hm....when I was camping in Texas I took a big jug of camp stove fuel (WARNING LABEL: DO NOT USE TO START FIRES) poured it over a bunch of wood, and then crouched down and used a lighter to light it. Didn't have eyebrows for months. Fun stuff!

[Jedironin]

You should not use camp stove fuel EVER to light a fire!  

That's what extra moonshine is for!   

(But save some of that, too, in case your car runs out of gas on the way home... )

[jm21-2]

So for the last month or so my fiance's been in absolute panic-mode. Been a little tough to deal with but I've gotten used to it a bit and I'm getting better at calming her down instead of winding up in some stupid argument.

We've encountered a new problem (possibly) though. She sent in the ds-230, 156, and 156k that were asked for, but neither of us noticed that towards the end of the checklist of the stuff she was supposed to gather for the interview there was a section that is supposed to signed by her certifying that she's gathered all necessary documents (medical exam, police records, birth certificates, and so on) and then she's supposed to send the checklist in. The language on it says that she's collected all the information and requests the earliest possible interview date.

So, has anyone had experience with that? I don't know whether the interview will be set up by sending in the forms we sent in, and if we send in this checklist it will expedite the process, or if we have to send in the checklist before they will set up an interview. She still needs to do her medical exam and doesn't want to send in a form saying she's done it and then have a medical exam date after the date that letter was signed...but at the same time we'd like to get the interview date set up. We sent in the forms a bit less than a week ago and nothing from AIT yet.

[jm21-2]

And does anyone have any recommendations about whether to include my house/mortgage/savings on the affidavit of support? I had read somewhere that I shouldn't include that because if you meet the income requirements they may reject your affidavit by being very picky about the evidence you have filed in support of your assets.

Also, I downloaded the I-134 that was revised on 5/21/2010 and it has no place as far as I can tell for a notary to sign off on...just a place for my signature....is there no longer a notarization requirement?

EDIT:

Should note that the Chinese instructions and English instructions she got actually had different directions, and at least one different item on their checklist of stuff to bring to the interview (household registry was listed on Chinese version but not on English version). So be sure to check both if you get two versions....

[Capstone]

My wife sent in the checklist/form which states that you have all of the required documentation ready to go for the interview before she actually did have everything ready to go - pretty much everyone in China does that since you can only get the medical exam done in a few designated hospitals around the country. In our case, my wife didn't actually get her medical exam done until the day before her interview. Guangzhou won't set up an interview until you actually return the checklist - not sure about AIT though. But Guangzhou does things differently than AIT does it seems since my wife was not required to send back in the DS-156 & DS-156K forms as those were submitted at the interview. GUZ just requires that DS-230 part 1 and the checklist be sent in prior to the interview.

As far as the I-134 goes, the need for notarization was discontinued several years ago - so no worries there.

BTW - there were differences in the Chinese & English versions of the instructions that Guangzhou sent out to us as well. We just made sure that we had everything that was listed on each of the 2 versions.

[jm21-2]

It was pretty confusing trying to figure out which forms to sign, which to not, how many copies to send in...as far as I can tell they wanted two unsigned copies of the 156, one unsigned of the 156k and one signed of the ds-230....

You just need to send in one copy of your tax returns with the I-134 right? One of the instruction pages I looked at made it seem like you needed two copies.

[Capstone]

You just need to send in one copy of your tax returns with the I-134 right? One of the instruction pages I looked at made it seem like you needed two copies.

The embassies/consulates have a lot of leeway as to what their requirements are for proof of support - so the number of tax returns required may very well be 2 for AIT. I had to provide 3 copies to Guangzhou for my wife's interview.  I would definitely send her 2 copies just to be certain if some of the instructions from AIT seem to indicate that is what they may want.

EDIT For Clarification: When I said that I had to provide 3 copies of tax returns to Guangzhou, I meant that I had to provide one copy of each tax return for the previous 3 years - or 3 years worth of tax returns.

[jm21-2]

The embassies/consulates have a lot of leeway as to what their requirements are for proof of support - so the number of tax returns required may very well be 2 for AIT. I had to provide 3 copies to Guangzhou for my wife's interview.  I would definitely send her 2 copies just to be certain if some of the instructions from AIT seem to indicate that is what they may want.

EDIT For Clarification: When I said that I had to provide 3 copies of tax returns to Guangzhou, I meant that I had to provide one copy of each tax return for the previous 3 years - or 3 years worth of tax returns.

No, I meant two copies of each return. Didn't really make sense to me. They seem to only require the last year's returns at AIT.

[jm21-2]

We hadn't heard back from AIT for a while so I gave the DoS a call. It's been impossible to get hold of anyone at the AIT who could answer our questions. Turns out we have an interview scheduled for the 23rd her time which is coming up here pretty damn fast. I think she's still waiting on a copy of her birth certificate....

[Capstone]

We hadn't heard back from AIT for a while so I gave the DoS a call. It's been impossible to get hold of anyone at the AIT who could answer our questions. Turns out we have an interview scheduled for the 23rd her time which is coming up here pretty damn fast. I think she's still waiting on a copy of her birth certificate....

I would tell her to get over to her Household Registration Office first thing in the morning and explain to them that she needs a copy of her birth certificate pronto. Why didn't she take of this during the long wait for your NOA2?

[thekfc]

I have been saying to be proactive & have everything ready.

Piggy are you reading this?